Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Hughes/Roy, Roy/Ed hints
Type: One shot, Breakup fic
Word Count: 4,170
Summary: Their secret affair had become a way of life for Maes, but now Roy is saying this time together will be their last.
A/N: I started this oneshot forever ago and recently ran across it again, so I decided to finish it up and put it here in case anyone was interested in reading.
Maes stopped at the door and looked at it silently. This was his destination, but he had mixed feelings about his reasons for being here. He looked both ways down the hallway of the apartment complex, feeling an unexplainable feeling of paranoia. No one was there; and even if someone had been around, no one would be paying him any attention. Everyone here minded their own business.
Looking back at the door, Maes raised his hand to knock, but hesitated. His stomach clenched and a wave of guilt washed through him, engulfing him in that familiar feeling of misery and pain. He shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be doing what he was doing. It was wrong on so many levels, for so many reasons; yet he was here, come of his own free will. There were no delusions of the consequences to be had if he were found out, but he didn’t quite have the self-control to say no, to resist, to pull away and just let the situation end.
Sighing heavily, Maes finally let go of his restraint and knocked. It didn’t take long for the door to open; he was expected, after all. The man who opened the door was shorter than him, with black hair and eyes. He wore a white button up shirt and the uniform pants of a soldier.
Maes took that all in with one glance, then said, “You didn’t just get home from work did you?”
There was a slight sheepish look. “I had some things to take care of.”
Maes shook his head. “Roy, you’re going to work yourself to death one of these days.” Roy gave a shrug, as if the thought of death by work was of little consequence, then opened the door wider for Maes to come inside.
“I made it back in time, didn’t I?”
That wasn’t the point, and Maes knew that Roy knew it, but he hadn’t come here to argue. He knew Roy’s workaholic habits all too well by now and, truthfully, nothing he said was going to change him at this point.
Maes walked inside, letting Roy shut the door behind him, and glanced around. Roy’s boots had been placed neatly near the front door, and a stack of folders had been set on one of the small end tables near the couch. His military jacket was lying over the top of one chair, a stack of books sloppily decorating the same chair. There were books piled up in the corners of the room as well as papers, pens, and the random liquor bottle, cast off piece of clothing, or dirty plate. It was obvious Roy lived the life of a bachelor. The man really needed a wife; or someone who, at the very least, would clean up after him.
“Want something to drink?”
The question was mere polite formality. Maes always had a drink—or two, or three—when he came to visit Roy like this. It stoked the constantly smoldering fire in his loins, and helped with the hesitation he always felt despite his desire.
“Yes, please,” Maes said, following Roy to the kitchen. There was idle chitchat—mostly about work—as Roy poured their drinks; hard liquor for them both—on the rocks for Roy, neat for Maes. Roy handed Maes his drink, then took a sip of his own. His eyes were focused on Maes, studying him almost casually, but with an intent and desire Maes could read easily. Maes took a drink, paused, then took another. It would be easier with the alcohol. A slight, uncomfortable, silence rested on the air like a heavy blanket before Roy smiled at him.
“It’s good to see you. It’s been a while.”
Maes almost quipped something about how they saw each other almost every day, but he knew his humor would not be appreciated right now, so he merely nodded and said, “I’ve been a little busy lately.”
“With work or home?” It was asked casually, but there was a slight strain in Roy’s voice, so slight that Maes would have missed it if he didn’t know what to look for.
“Both,” Maes lied, then instantly amended, “Home... mostly.” Lying to Roy would be no good. He knew too much about Maes’s work life. Yet it would be so much easier if he could lie, and if Roy would believe him. Maes rubbed his thumb along the glass he held, knowing he was getting into a bad habit of lying far too often, and to the ones he cared about most.
“I see,” Roy murmured, looking a little unhappy.
Maes opened his mouth to say something about how he was married, how he had a kid, how those were the most important obligations in his life and how they kept him busy, but he stopped himself. Bringing up that subject would most likely start an argument, and that wasn’t why he’d come.
So, instead, Maes smiled and said, “I’ve been wanting to come see you, though.” That, at least, wasn’t a lie. It had been quite a while since they’d been together, and time was enough to let the desire build in him enough to follow through with what the more base part of him wanted.
“Right...” Roy said in a half disbelieving, half pleased murmur. “I’ve been too busy at work to meet with you anyway, so it’s not an issue.” Roy almost sounded convincing, but they’d been doing this long enough that Maes knew Roy would drop his work for an hour or two to meet up any time Maes deemed to make himself available.
It was almost pathetic, truthfully. Roy was a man who was handsome, charming, intelligent, and successful—someone who could easily land himself a comparable mate—yet he settled for an affair with his married best friend. Maes downed the liquid in his glass and handed it to Roy with a gesture for a refill.
It was wrong. This whole situation was wrong. Maes had known it would be wrong going into it, but he’d allowed himself to be drawn in anyway. He blamed his libido and his curiosity. Maes had known for a long time that he’d been the object of Roy’s unrequited affections, but he’d been able to successfully maintain a platonic relationship with him for a number of years.
And then there had been that one night... They’d both been drunk, and Roy had kissed him... had touched him and murmured things in his ear. And, like the drunken fool he’d been, Maes had given in. There was no mistaking the fact that it had been good, but the guilt he felt the next morning was enough to keep him from being alone with Roy for several months.
The guilt hadn’t been enough to stop him from fantasizing about doing it again. Roy had invaded his thoughts and dreams like some sort of disease that ate away at his self-control and wove convincing reasons why just one more time wouldn’t hurt. Roy, for his part, never made another move. He kept his distance just as much as Maes. And, in the end, it had been Maes who had pushed for them to meet alone. Had made it sound work related, had lied to get what he wanted because he didn’t know how else he could make it happen.
“Do you want to sit down?” Roy asked.
“I’m not really here to talk.”
It was the cover story he’d given, but saying that he wanted to come over and talk about some things had become more of a passphrase than anything else. They both knew the only thing behind the words was desire and deceit.
Maes downed his second drink and set the glass aside. He was already starting to feel the alcohol working in his system like a cheap anesthetic for his painful conscience, and he was ready to get what he’d come for. Roy shook his glass slightly, making the ice clink against the sides, then drank the rest in one swift motion.
“Where do you want to do it?”
“Doesn’t matter. The bed, the floor, the couch, I don’t really care.”
“How long are you staying?”
Maes hesitated, then said truthfully, “Not long.”
“An hour? Two?” Roy pushed.
“Maybe an hour.”
Roy folded his arms, looking disgruntled. “Only an hour.” His body language was offended, but his tone said that he hadn’t expected any less.
“What do you want from me? It takes less time than that to get off.”
“We never actually hang out anymore, you know that right?” Roy said resentfully. “We used to actually do things together. Now we just fuck.”
“You started it,” Maes threw back at him.
“I was drunk. You kept it going. You’re the one who keeps coming back.”
“You’re the one who keeps letting me.” It was easier to blame it on Roy. It kept his guilty conscience appeased by the idea that he wasn’t the problem.
“Stop blaming me.”
Maes blew out his breath in frustration. “Have another drink, Roy.”
As if to punctuate how he felt, Roy took the lid and slammed it down on the bottle. “Don’t get me wrong, Maes, I’m going to give you what you want. I want it just as much as you do, but this really isn’t doing it for me anymore.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Maes asked, surprised and suddenly hesitant. He’d never felt anything but eagerness from Roy to be with him.
“It means...” Roy hesitated. “It means, this is the last time. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“You’re dumping me?”
“You’re not my boyfriend. You’re my fuck buddy,” Roy snapped. “No, you’re not even my buddy anymore. You’re just some guy looking for a good time away from his wife.”
Maes couldn’t stop the derisive laugh that came out. “I thought you wanted me.” He wanted to pretend he didn’t care, wanted to blow this off, or maybe even be relieved, but that wasn’t the case, and it was almost appalling to him how possessive he suddenly felt of Roy.
“I did. I do. But not like this. I’m only fooling myself, and—”
“And what?” Maes asked when Roy suddenly cut off.
“And... I might be getting into a real relationship soon. I don’t know. It’s just a possibility.”
For some reason it had never actually occurred to Maes that Roy might someday get into a real relationship. How many years had he joked with Roy that he should get a wife, knowing full well Roy had a preference for men?
“Anyone I know?” Maes asked with a forced casualness that he hoped Roy couldn’t detect.
“Maybe. It’s none of your business.”
It was hard for Maes to adequately describe how he was suddenly feeling. He’d never actually taken this thing with Roy seriously. Had never nurtured the relationship or pretended he felt anything outside of lust for his friend. But now that it was being taken away, now that he was being replaced, Maes realized he’d come to depend on Roy to be there whenever he’d felt the urge to come by. He’d taken his relationship with Roy for granted, and now he was going to lose it.
“You’re not even going to let me give my approval?” Maes joked.
“I don’t need your approval, and I don’t think you’d give it anyway if you knew.”
Maes walked out of the kitchen and plopped down on the couch. “You have lousy timing, you know that right?” he said loudly.
“Your hour is ticking away,” Roy said, coming around to sit down beside him. Maes pressed his lips together, staring at Roy, thinking hard; or at least trying to. The liquor was doing its job and his mind wasn’t quite as sharp as normal.
“I thought you loved me,” Maes said.
“I do, but you belong to someone else. I’m only kidding myself if I think I’m going to have more.”
“I thought you didn’t want a relationship.”
“I don’t want a wife,” Roy grunted. “Are we going to do this or what?”
“I don’t want to let you go...” The words sounded pathetic and needy even to Maes’s ears.
“You don’t have a choice,” Roy returned, then moved in and slid a hand up Maes’s leg to his groin. “Let’s make this good, okay?”
Maes reached over and started unbuttoning Roy’s pants. “Tell me who it is.”
“No.” Roy leaned in and started kissing Maes’s neck, trailing kisses wetly down his collar bone as he undid Maes’s shirt.
Unable to keep the alcohol-flamed lust at bay any longer, Maes pushed Roy back, pulling on his shirt and undoing the clasps on the military pants. He wanted in. He wanted it to be him Roy felt and him who Roy thought about as they fucked tonight. Just the idea that someone else would be having what Maes had unknowingly marked as his own filled him with burning jealousy and possessiveness.
By the time Roy had unbuttoned Maes’s shirt and pulled it off, Maes was pushing down on Roy’s pants, awkwardly trying to strip them off as Roy licked up Maes’s neck and sucked on his earlobe.
Maes moaned at the sensation, then pulled away just enough to free Roy’s mouth, then moved in to kiss him. It was deep and hard, just the way he wanted to take Roy tonight. He wanted to make Roy cry out in pleasure, wanted to make him whimper and cry out for more, wanted to show him exactly what he’d be leaving behind if he walked away.
There was one last frantic struggle before Maes was able to free Roy from his pants completely, then he slid a hand up Roy’s leg, almost smiling because he was probably the only one who knew that Roy Mustang rarely bothered wearing anything underneath his pants.
But that thought faded into the place where all real conscious thoughts went in the middle of sex, replaced only with the desire to lick and suck and touch and fuck. Sweat was beading their bodies now, as they roughing grabbed at each other.
Roy was undoing Maes’s pants as Maes held Roy’s erection in hand, moving it at an agonizingly slow pace compared to their other frantic, needy movements. Roy broke the kiss, gasping for air as he moaned out, “Faster... faster...”
Instead of kicking up the pace, Maes let go and leaned back, almost laying down, letting Roy have full access to his body. Roy took advantage of the moment to more easily strip Maes of the rest of his clothes, then ran his eyes up and down Maes’s body, eagerness shining in his eyes, but there was something else as well. It was as if he was memorizing every inch of Maes’s body for later use.
That’s right, Maes thought smugly. This is what you’ll be saying goodbye to. Of course, Maes was not unaware of the fact that Roy would also be denying Maes access to his own finely built body, but that line of thought was more threatening.
Reaching up, Maes slipped a hand behind Roy’s neck and pulled him down for another kiss, then rolled them both off the couch and onto the floor. He ground his erection against Roy’s, wrapping a hand partially around them both. It was good, for that moment it was good, as he nipped at each of Roy’s nipples, but then it was over and he was sitting back on his haunches.
Maes reached over to one of the end tables, knowing Roy kept a few useful items there ‘just in case’. Ignoring the condoms—something Roy had expressed that he preferred being used, but never actually enforced—Maes snatched the small bottle of lube and flipped open the lid.
The preparation was definitely Maes’s least favorite part to doing it this way, but the rewards were worth a little trouble and the gooey lube that got all over his fingers. At least there was the enjoyment of hearing Roy’s sounds of pleasure, the moans and groans as Maes slipped a finger inside of him.
Sometimes, like now, Maes would wiggle that one first finger around just to see Roy grip at the carpet and push back, his body demanding not to be teased, and the just barely audible whimpers letting Maes know that it felt so damn good. And, of course, Roy would be sure to give him the same treatment when it was his turn to be in this position.
Maes frowned as he remembered that there would be no next time where Roy would hold him down, take him and make Maes beg for it...
Slightly annoyed that he’d let himself get distracted from what he was doing, Maes slipped another finger in, and moved up so that he could kiss Roy’s mouth. The angle was awkward, one hand down at Roy’s ass, but it was worth it to have Roy kiss him with such need and to feel Roy’s hands touch him as if trying to take him all in.
“More,” Roy panted. “Too slow. More.”
And who was Maes to argue? ‘More’ was just one step closer to being inside, to getting the ultimate prize, so he added another finger. Maes kissed down Roy’s shoulder, to his back as he got to his knees, getting ready for what was to come. Roy was far too experienced in this for the preparation to take very long, and Maes was ready to dominate.
Pulling his fingers out, Maes wiped them on some article of clothing nearby—something Roy had worn a week ago, no doubt, and had forgotten to throw in the dirty clothes hamper—then held tight to Roy’s hips and slowly pushed himself inside.
The rest was a blur to Maes. He remembered taking Roy’s erection in his hand, and the frantic moving of their bodies, the driving need to reach climax. Truthfully, he’d wanted this to last longer, especially since there would be no more times like this, but his body dominated his mind like he dominated Roy, and then it was over.
Roy had come first, he always came first when he was on the bottom, but Maes hadn’t been that far behind. And now he sat languidly on Roy’s couch, cleaning himself off with some tissues, while Roy cleaned up in the bathroom.
It had been good. Sex was always good with Roy. But now that it was over, Maes felt mildly depressed at having to face the fact that this was the last time. The sound of the shower met Maes’s ears and he shook his head with a sigh at how meticulous Roy kept himself. It would be a good ten or fifteen minutes until he came out.
Unwilling to wait that long, Maes got up, pulled on his pants, then let himself into the bathroom. He wanted to settle this, wanted to convince Roy to reconsider, though Maes didn’t have any real hopes of changing Roy’s mind. Roy wouldn’t have brought it up if he wasn’t serious.
“I didn’t say you could come in,” Roy said in annoyance.
“I didn’t ask.” Maes closed the seat on the toilet and sat down. “I don’t want this to be the end.”
There were a few moments where neither of them spoke, then Roy stuck his head outside the shower curtain, hair wet and dripping onto the floor.
“Is there a point to this discussion, or is our hour not up yet?”
“No, Maes, listen...” Roy looked at him seriously, then pulled back behind the curtain. “You have someone who means something to you. You have Gracia, and she’s who you’ve chosen to spend your life with, so spend your life with her.”
Maes listened, his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach. It was true. If he had to pick, there would be no contest. His family was first in his life. This fling with Roy was just that—a fling. It had always been a fling, or had it? Were the feelings of loss and jealousy normal for ending a fling? Frustration and confusion floated not so subtly behind the light haze of alcohol in his mind.
“Okay,” Maes finally said, breaking out of his thoughts. “So what happens to us?”
There was no answer for a long time and Maes could tell by the sound that Roy was just standing under the spray. He could almost see that thoughtful, brooding expression Roy sometimes got when he was considering something serious.
Finally, Maes heard movement behind the curtain, then, “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Maes. I never want you out of my life. I’d be... devastated... to not have you in my life...” It was said softly, the words wrapped with heartfelt intent. And then the solemn note was gone and Roy was all business. “I want your friendship like before, but not this. Is that something you can do?”
“Can you?” Maes shot back without thinking.
Roy shut off the water and pulled back the curtain; that ‘all business’ tone he’d been using painted all over his face.
“You come to me. Except for that first time—which was stupid on my part, I might add—you come to me. You are why this has gone on so long. So I ask you again, Hughes, can you do it? Because I don’t want to have to say no.”
Roy stopped there, but the unsaid words of not wanting to be faced with the temptation to say yes were clear. Maes also didn’t miss the switch to the less familiar usage of his last name or the emphasis on it. He let out a deep sigh. This was really it. Roy wasn’t going to be talked out of it.
“Yeah, I can do it, Roy.”
Roy seemed about to say something, as if to demand not to be addressed so casually, then shook his head as he grabbed a towel and started to dry off.
Maes watched as Roy pulled on a pair of dark black slacks and a blue button up—the clothes just a little nicer than normal—then frowned curiously.
“Is it just me or are you getting dressed up?”
“I’m dressing up.”
Roy grabbed a comb and began doing his hair. “None of your business.”
Maes opened his mouth, then closed it. Standing up, Maes said, “You’re right. I’d better get going.” He wanted to say more, but nothing seemed appropriate.
“Alright.” Roy was looking at him via the mirror now as he finished doing his hair. “See you later.”
And that was it. It wasn’t the good bye of a lover or even of a fling, but of a close friend or even a brother, though in the face of their previous relationship, that might be a little too much to say. There was no last longing gaze or a kiss goodbye. It was a short farewell, almost temporary.
Maes knew his way out; and so, without fanfare, he said his goodbyes. As he walked through the living room, Maes eyed the couch and floor where they’d just had their last intimate time together and wondered again who would be taking his place. But that wasn’t any of his business. Not anymore.
As he put his hand on the doorknob, the phone rang. Maes glanced back to see Roy rush to his bedroom. There was the sound of fumbling, then his usual phone greeting. “Mustang.” A pause. “Ed, hi, I’m going to be seeing you soon, what do you...? Oh, yeah. That’s fine. Just wear something nice.” Now amusement crept into his voice. “It’s not that complicated.”
Maes frowned. Ed? Roy was interested in Ed? As in... Edward Elric? It seemed completely ridiculous and unreasonable. They had absolutely nothing in common! Well, except that they were both brilliant alchemists, but besides that? Nothing. Maes didn’t even want to bring in the age difference or the fact that Roy was Ed’s commanding officer.
But... that wasn’t his business.
A sad smile touched his lips as he heard Roy tell Ed he’d pick him up in an hour. Maes had no right to be jealous, but he was. Roy was never really his in the first place. He could have been, but that would have meant giving up what he already had. No... Roy was right. This was for the best. Less sneaking around, less guilt, more honesty. He would be happier this way.
Turning the doorknob and pulling open the door, Maes let himself out and silently closed the door, not only to Roy’s apartment, but to that part of his life.