Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Type: Yaoi, Humor
Pairings: Eventual Roy/Ed
Summary: Roy and Ed are sleeping together, and everyone knows it! Everyone… except for Roy and Ed.
Chapter Listing Here
“It’s about time you got home.”
Ed shut the door, then glanced over to where Alphonse was sitting and pouring over some alchemy texts.
“It’s only like...” Ed looked at his watch. “10:43,” he said. “I left pretty soon after you called.”
Al grunted and Ed sighed. He’d tried before to explain that Mustang and him weren’t dating, but his brother just seemed to think he was lying. He wanted to make him understand that what was going on this week was nothing more than a plan to get people off their backs, but he hated hearing that tone in Al’s voice—the one that said he didn’t believe a word Ed was saying.
Walking over to his bed, Ed sat heavily and set the book he’d been holding in his lap. “Alphonse, nothing is going on with me and the colonel.”
“Right now we’re just going to pretend we’re dating so that we can pretend to break up in a week,” Ed explained. “We just want people to leave us alone.” He sat there, staring at Al, willing him to just believe him, but when there was no answer, Ed frowned in disappointment. “Fine,” Ed finally muttered. “Don’t believe me.”
“I don’t,” Al grunted, then stood up. “You should sleep. I’m going to go for a walk.”
Ed watched him go, knowing that Al probably wouldn’t be back for several hours at least. His brother liked to go for long walks sometimes while Ed slept. Not being able to sleep had been hard on Alphonse, but he’d made the most of it by studying the night life of different towns and cities, and by studying the stars.
Annoyed at not being believed, Ed stood, stripped down to his boxers, and turned on the lamp by his bed before turning off the overhead light. Sitting down on his bed again, Ed eyed the book he’d borrowed from Mustang. It wasn’t exactly the kind of book he’d want to read around his brother... and it wasn’t as if Al was here right now... and Ed wasn’t exactly tired...
He looked nervously at the door, then got up and looked out the window to see if Alphonse was anywhere near by. There was no sign of him and Ed retreated back to his bed, feeling a little eager now. Opening up the book, Ed re-read the parts he’d read at Mustang’s place, re-read them again, then leafed through the book, idly skimming a part here and a part there. He stopped and paid more attention to the erotic scenes, sometimes reading them several times before moving on.
After about thirty minutes, Ed stuffed the book between his bed and the wall where Al wouldn’t see it, turned off the lamp and lay there, thinking about what he’d just read. The scenes had been well written, brining much to the imagination in a way that Ed could almost see everything in his mind, and the heat gathered at Ed’s groin was enough to tell him that the book’s intended purpose had been served.
Slapping a hand over his face, Ed gave a small moan, thinking about when Al had accused him of being gay. Just because he’d gotten hard reading about men having sex together did not mean he was gay! Of course, if Alphonse ever found out there would be no convincing him otherwise.
‘And what’s wrong with being gay?’ his mind asked him.
Ed immediately shook his had, trying to fend off the thoughts. Nothing was wrong with being gay, but that just wasn’t him! He’d never fantasized about men before, just as he’d never fantasized about women. The closest he’d ever come to being interested in someone was after he’d read Mustang’s notebook in the park. The man had seemed to become a little more attractive after that. Even after tonight, Ed found himself enjoying Mustang’s company more than he had in the past.
But none of that meant he was gay! It just meant that he was drawn to Mustang’s intelligence. Besides, Mustang was a fucking bastard who seemed to think that teasing Ed was one of the most entertaining past times available to him.
Annoyed at his current line of thought, Ed rolled over, determined to sleep, but knowing it wasn’t going to happen if he didn’t take care of a certain personal problem. Shoving a hand low beneath the blanket, Ed went at it with a purpose in mind—that being the need to find release so that he could sleep.
But as he continued, Ed’s mind pulled up the memories of what he’d read, bringing up every detail, and finding a place for him in the mix. Ed’s hand slowed as he replayed the scenes, no longer anxious to finish. Somewhere along the way, Mustang was substituted for the other character Ed only knew by name. His brain seemed to twist the scenes so that they fit his life.
They were at Mustang’s house, then at his office, then at the park, then at the library. His breathing quickened as each scene morphed into something new and different with each moment, and then it ended in a moment of hard pleasure, leaving his heart racing in his chest and his mouth open, gasping for air.
It had been amazing. So much better than any other time he’d done this to himself. Ed rested there bonlessly for a moment, then realized his hand and the top sheet were all wet. Annoyed that he hadn’t thought ahead, Ed pulled off the blanket, pulled off the top sheet, and used it to clean himself off before tossing it in the laundry basket. He washed his hands, then came back to bed feeling tired and oh so good.
Pulling the blanket back over himself, Ed closed his eyes, deciding that he might actually read the whole book tomorrow instead of skimming for the ‘interesting’ parts.
Roy yawned widely as he walked into the breakroom, then stopped as the room quieted. Several of his subordinates were sitting around before their shift, tabloid in hand. Roy didn’t even have to look to know which one it was.
“Mornin’, boss,” Havoc said with a grin. “You have a good night last night?”
Roy eyed him warily. “Maybe... why?” he asked, then poured himself a cup of coffee.
“Says here that Ed spent quite a bit of time at your place last night,” Denny Brosh said, then held out the tabloid.
Roy took it and scanned the article. “Damn, that bitch works fast,” he muttered, wondering which one of his neighbors had called The Gossip to tell their supposedly juicy tale. Of course it could have been someone outside of his building, or it was possible that Ed had been followed and whoever it was had waited outside until he came out. But that was pretty ridiculous thinking. Surely people had more to do than to follow his and Ed’s ‘relationship’ that closely.
Glancing up from the tabloid, Roy eyed the people sitting around the breakroom, then handed the paper back to Brosh and shook his head.
Or... maybe not...
“I’ll be in my office,” he said with a small smirk.
“You’re not going to tell us what happened?” Breda asked.
Roy glanced back, thoroughly amused. “I don’t want to bore you with the details.”
“We wouldn’t be bored,” Maria Ross said, her voice respectful, but eagerness tinged her voice.
Oh yes you would be, Roy thought, thinking about how Ed and he had passed the evening away talking about alchemic theories and mathematical formulas.
Roy had actually enjoyed the evening more than he’d expected to. It wasn’t often he could ramble on about his views and ideas about alchemy and have someone listen with such rapt attention. It was actually very flattering. Not only had Ed been extremely interested in every idea Roy had talked about, but he’d added his own insight. He’d also not been shy about challenging Roy’s theories, making Roy have to really think about the answers before he gave them.
If he was honest with himself, and he generally was, last night as they sat around that table was probably the first time he’d really seen Ed completely as an equal. Not a subordinate, not someone younger than him, not as a brat or an annoyance or as someone he could amuse himself with by teasing, but as someone he could talk with about serious matters and have intelligent conversation with. There were, of course, points where Ed’s youth and naivety shone through, but it hadn’t taken anything away from the experience; in fact, in some ways, it had even added to it.
Roy’s original plan had been to get dinner, and have a bit of fun teasing Ed over the course of the evening, maybe even pull some moves on Ed—half for curiosity’s sake, half for laughs—and sure they’d get some discussing done, but it wouldn’t be anything serious. Strange how things didn’t turn out the way you thought they would at times...
Before Roy could answer, a voice said, “What’s going on here?”
Glancing to the door, Roy saw Ed walk in and look around. When he saw Roy, Ed’s cheeks went pink and he looked away quickly. Roy frowned. What was that about?
“Hey Ed!” Havoc said. “Have a good time last night?”
“I... yeah, I did,” Ed said, sounding a little unsure.
“Was Mustang as good as you thought he’d be?” Breda asked.
Ed looks a little confused for a moment, then shrugged. “Yeah. He was great. A lot better than I thought he’d be. I didn’t really realize how deep he could get, but I was surprised in a good way. I’m really looking forward to going back tonight.”
At that, Roy nearly choked on his coffee. Apparently Ed’s mind was not in the same place as everyone else’s, and he seemed genuinely confused at why Breda and Havoc were laughing or why Ross and Hawkeye were looking at each other with raised eyebrows.
Clearing his throat, Roy filled another cup of coffee, walked to Ed and handed it to him, then glanced back at everyone else.
“Excuse us,” he said, then put his hand on Ed’s back and gently pushed him out into the hallway.
“What?” Ed asked, then frowned down at his coffee. “I don’t like it black.”
“I have cream and sugar in my office if you need it,” Roy said, still amused. He let his hand linger on Ed’s back for a moment longer before pulling it away.
They walked in silence for a moment before Ed said, “Did you tell them I came over last night?”
Roy looked down at Ed and raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t see what they were reading?”
“I... no...” Ed stopped and looked angrily up at Roy. “Wait... that’s really fast. How the hell did she know?”
Shrugging, Roy sipped at his coffee. “Someone probably saw you and called in.” When Ed’s face darkened even more, Roy said, “Don’t let it get to you. Remember, we want people to think we’re dating so that the breakup will be more real.”
“I know, but it still makes me mad. It’s like I have no privacy anymore! Don’t people have anything better to do with their time?”
“Apparently not.” Roy smiled a small smile and reached down and gently touched Ed’s cheek. He half expected Ed to bat his hand away and snarl something nasty at him—at which point, Roy intended to laugh and get Ed on a different subject—but, instead, Ed flushed darkly. Ed stepped away, but not before he hesitated as if unsure which action he wanted to take.
“I didn’t say you could touch me,” Ed muttered, sounding embarrassed.
“You don’t want me to touch you?” Roy asked, curious about Ed’s new attitude.
“Uh, no. I mean...” Ed glanced around. “Everyone is watching us!” he hissed.
Roy looked up and down the hall, and why yes, it was very true that people were watching them with interest. Grinning, Roy stepped away and started walking again. Looking back, he noticed Ed was still standing there, looking embarrassed.
Feeling a bit of pity for Ed, Roy did the only thing he could think of, and said loudly, “Hurry up. You’re not going to stand there all day, are you? Love Muffin?”
Ed looked up at him sharply, eyes wide. He mouthed the words ‘love muffin’ to himself, then anger flashed in his eyes as he stormed after Roy, looking ready for a fight. Nodding to himself, Roy began walking again. Ed might still be a little embarrassed, but he had a bit of irritated anger to kick him in the pants and get him going again.
Roy got to his office before Ed could catch up with him, and settled himself behind his desk before Ed stormed in, slammed the door shut, and snapped, “Love Muffin?!”
“You don’t like it? I thought it fit you pretty well.”
“In what way?” Ed growled, then looked around. “Cream and sugar?” he asked.
“You’re small, muffins are small. Perfect pet name.” Roy motioned to a small fridge in the corner of the room. “Cream is in there, and sugar is on top.”
Stalking to the little fridge, Ed loaded up on sugar, muttering darkly to himself, then held up one of the creamers. “This is the fake stuff, right?”
“Yes,” Roy said rolling his eyes. “The military is far too cheap to buy creamer made with real milk.”
Ed nodded in satisfaction, dumped some in, then took a sip of the coffee before glaring back at Roy. “I don’t need a pet name.”
“I could call you “Fullmuffin,” Roy suggested with a grin.
“Or you could shut your face!”
“How about cupcake?” Roy laughed out loud when Ed snarled at him. “Oh come on, Ed. At least it’s not tum-tums, or Shoogie Woogie, or Cudly-Wudly, or Shmoopsie Poo, or—”
“Call me any of those names and I won’t be held responsible for your death,” Ed snapped.
“So Love Muffin it is?”
“No! I don’t want a pet name for something small!”
“I can’t think of anything else.”
“Fine! I’m going to start calling you ‘Flame of my Heart’ cause you give me heartburn!” Ed snapped.
“That’s a little long, isn’t it? Not very catchy either.”
Ed seemed to consider this for a moment, then frowned. “I’ll come up with something.”
“You do that,” Roy said, not concerned. He didn’t really care what Ed called him.
Annoyed, Ed stomped over to the door and pulled it open. “Whatever. I’ll see you tonight. Don’t forget dinner!” And with that, Ed walked out and slammed the door shut.
That went well, Roy thought wryly, then chuckled to himself as he replayed the last ten minutes in his head. It was going to be one crazy week, but after that, he’d be free from all this insanity.