Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Type: Oneshot, challenge fic, OC POV
Summary: Roy and Ed make out at the park, only to have someone knock on the car window and interrupt them.
A/N: This came about from a conversation between myself and amelia_seyroon a few months ago. It was sort of a joke about how if Roy and Ed lived in the U.S. Roy would totally be arrested for statutory rape. I found the idea of Roy being arrested for statutory rape amusing (maybe I have something wrong with me?), so I decided to write the idea out (it still takes place in Amestris). And so, here it is, for anyone of a mind to read it.
In the Park
Officer John Clayton drove idly down the street, the smell of coffee filling the inside of the car. It was almost one in the morning and there was nothing of any particular interest going on in the small, quiet section that he patrolled, and that was how he liked it. His partner, Eric Shaw, sat in the passenger seat, shuffling though a few papers.
He hummed quietly to himself as he turned the corner to head toward the small park the residents often frequented in this area. During the day there were always kids running around, and mothers bouncing little ones on their knees while talking to other mothers. In the evening, there were more men, often heading up barbeques or playing some sort of sport.
Of course, that was usually during the summer. It was late autumn now and the children were back in school, and the air was a little too nippy for barbeques or picnics. Teenagers often stopped by the park late at night now just to hang out or to make out in a car. Most of the time it was harmless, but there was a curfew on the park and so he often had to send the kids on their way.
And so, it was of no surprise to see a vehicle parked in the parking lot, the windows fogged up, and a bit of rocking going on. He shook his head as he parked his own car, knowing that the kids inside there were probably going to be more than a little embarrassed to be found together. But the park had rules, and it was his job to enforce them.
Eric finally glanced up as the car was turned off, then shook his head. “Damned teenagers,” he muttered, then asked, “You got this John?”
“Yup,” John drawled, knowing that Eric didn’t really care for interrupting intimate activities. Stepping out of his car, he walked easily over to the car. He could see the figures of the people inside through the steamy windows, though the fogginess wasn’t enough to keep him from seeing that at least one of them had their pants down and was showing him a very fine, but also very naked, rear.
Feeling a little embarrassed himself now, John tapped on the window. There was a muffled squawk from inside, then some rustling around before the window was rolled down and a man looked at him a little chagrinned. John sniffed, smelling for alcohol on the air, but the only thing he smelled was the hot odor of sex, confirming what he already know about what had been going on in the car.
“Yes?” the man asked, a little breathless.
John quickly took note of the man’s appearance; tousled black hair, lips slightly swollen from kissing, a white button up shirt that had the first two buttons undone. There was a dark lovebite where the neck and shoulder met. A black jacket was laid over the man’s lap to hide the nakedness there. The man was older than the normal teenage stock that usually used this spot for a make-out point. Probably some poor sap trying to relive his wild teenage years.
“Hi there,” John said easily. “You know this park is closed until morning, right?”
The man swallowed and cleared his throat. “Uh... no actually... I didn’t realize...”
“You know that all parks in Central close at the same time, right?” John asked.
“No, sir...” the man said, sounding extremely embarrassed. “We’ll go.”
There was movement on the passenger’s side, but the interior of the car was dark enough that John couldn’t make out the second person very clearly. On a hunch, John pulled out his flashlight, turned it on, and shone it into the car.
Sitting in the passenger seat, with head turned and a long red coat wrapped around her body, was a young girl with long blond hair. Or at least, he thought it was a girl at first, but then he realized it was a young man. The young man turned his head and stared at John with embarrassed defiance. Yes, he was definitely male, though short and almost pretty for an adult male, almost too pretty for a teenage boy. John sighed heavily and looked at the dark-haired man in the driver’s seat. So this was one of those types of men...
Glancing back at the boy, John said, “How old are you, son?”
“I’m not your son,” the kid snapped back rudely.
“Ed...” the dark-haired man said warningly.
“Well, I’m not.”
The man glanced at the boy and something seemed to pass between them, because the boy—Ed—huffed once, then looked back at John with a muttered, “Sixteen.” John eyed the boy again, feeling a little skeptical. There was no way the kid was sixteen.
“Can I see some ID? I’m sure you have some,” John asked.
“Uh...” Ed said, looking less sure now. He glanced at the man, who was looking even more uncomfortable than he had a moment before. “Well...”
“ID; now please,” John said firmly, sure he had just caught onto something.
With a miserable look, the boy started pawing at the clothes at his feet, causing the red coat to slip off his shoulders and pool in his lap, exposing his naked chest and shoulders. John felt instant pity when he saw that one of the boy’s limbs was automail, but then his attention was drawn back to the situation at hand when the kid held out a card. John took it and looked it over, then made a small ‘hmmm’ noise before glancing back at the kid, whose name, according to the state ID was Edward Elric.
“How old did you say you were again?” John asked. “I thought I heard you say sixteen, but according to the birth date on this card... you’re only fifteen.”
“Yeah...” Ed muttered, looking down at his hands. Then he looked up and snapped, “But I’m in the military! I’m considered an adult!”
“It’s true,” the man interjected. “He is legally responsible for himself.”
“Military? You mean the same way that you’re sixteen?” John asked, not buying this. “And even if that’s true, I don’t know if that covers the restrictions on underage sex.” There was a long moment of silence before John looked at the man in the driver’s seat and said, “Can I see your ID?”
With a frustrated and weary look, the man pulled out his wallet and quickly produced his driver’s license. John looked it over, then glanced back at Mr. Roy Mustang, currently age twenty-nine. Far too old for this kind of behavior.
“I’m going to ask you to step out of the car, Mr. Mustang,” John said, stepping back to allow the door to be opened.
Without a word, Mustang opened the door, glanced up at John with a disgruntled expression, then stepped out, awkwardly trying to hold onto the jacket in his lap and pull his pants up at the same time. When he’d gotten his pants pulled up, John made a motion with his hand and asked Mustang to turn around to face the car.
“Hey! What’s going on!” the kid shouted from inside the car. John could hear rustling inside the car as he motioned for Eric to join him, then quickly patted the man down for weapons. He heard the car door open as Ed got out.
John ignored the ensuing argument between Eric and the boy about whether Ed should stay in the car or not and focused on his charge. Upon finding no weapons, John pulled his handcuffs out and put them around Mustang’s wrists.
“You’re under arrest for unlawful sexual conduct with a minor,” John said, reciting in a bored tone what was required by Amestris law for him to say. When he stopped, John waited for a moment to see if the man would say anything. When nothing was said, John guided him to the patrol car. After Mustang was in the back seat, John walked over to the kid—Ed—and put a hand up to stop the angry rant coming from him.
“I know you’re upset, but the law is the law. If you don’t calm down, we’ll put you under arrest too.”
“Fine! Arrest me! I don’t give a flying fuck,” Ed snapped. “I already told you I’m considered an adult by the military!”
John and Eric glanced at each other. The threat had been made to get the kid to calm down. John hadn’t had any real intention to arrest Ed, nor was there any real reason to unless the kid became physically violent.
“Look... son...” John began.
Ed pointed a finger at him and said, “You call me ‘son’ one more time, and you’ll get a fist to the face.”
“Alright,” John said calmly. “Ed.” He paused, thinking about the best way to go about this. Walking over to the teen, John said quietly, “Why are you with this guy anyway? I mean...” He glanced at where Mustang was looking out the car window at them. “He’s what? Fourteen years your senior? You can find better than that, right?”
When Ed didn’t answer, John continued. “You say you’re in the military, right?”
“That’s right. So I’m legal. You can’t arrest him for being with someone the military considers and adult,” Ed stubbornly said, then held up a watch. “Look at this. Look!”
John glanced at the watch, recognized it for what it was, and looked back at Ed. “Could be stolen.”
Ed rolled his eyes and stuffed the watch back in his pocket. “This is ridiculous.”
“Alright... so if you are in the military...” Something John doubted. “Surely you have more options than some twenty-nine year old who takes advantage of teenagers.”
“He’s not just some guy,” Ed growled. “Are you going to let him go, or not?”
John shook his head. This kid wasn’t going to give up on this. “Alright. Tell you what. You give me the name and phone number of your commanding officer, and if I can get a confirmation from him that you’re actually in the military, then I’ll let PedoBear over there go.”
Ed stared at John, then looked at the patrol car, then to Eric who was simply watching what was going on, then back at John again.
“Well?” John asked, a little more smugly than was probably necessary. This was going to be the kid’s undoing.
“Well...” Ed said slowly, then glanced away again.
“What’s the matter? Have a lapse of memory loss?”
“No, I... well...” Ed glanced again at the patrol car, then down at the ground and mumbled something.
Ed sighed and said more loudly, “Colonel...” A pause, then, “Colonel Roy Mustang. 36.4126.542. It’s an
John ran his tongue over his teeth, and turned to look back at the car where Mustang—a colonel no less, if Ed could be believed—was watching them. The man was fucking with his own subordinate. Surely there had to be regulations against that... John rubbed at his eyes. Even if it was, it wouldn’t be his issue to deal with.
“Radio the station,” John said to Eric. “See if they can get information on a Colonel Roy Mustang from
“Major,” Ed grunted, then added, “I’m a State Alchemist.”
“See if they can find anything out about a Major Edward Elric.”
Eric headed to the car, and they waited in silence for him to return. John’s belief that this whole ‘military’ thing was a sham began to wilt when he saw Mustang start to smirk and Eric begin to look a little panicked through the car windows. In another minute, Eric was out and motioning to John to come to him.
“John...” Eric said nervously. “Seems the kid was right. He is military.” He motioned back toward Mustang. “And so is he. Everything checked out, John. We can’t take him in. The kid’s completely legal.”
“Damn...” John muttered. He looked at Ed, then back at Mustang. There was no way he could get out of this without looking like a fool. Walking back to the car, John opened the door and motioned for Mustang to get out.
“You check out,” John said while taking the cuffs off. “Both of you.” Mustang nodded silently, rubbing at his wrists. John looked him up and down, then asked, “Why didn’t you just say who you were in the car?”
Mustang glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “Would you have believed me if I had? I didn’t want to make a scene.” John had to admit, the man had a point there. He probably wouldn’t have believed Mr. Roy Mustang was a colonel in the military at that point.
“What are you doin’ with someone that young anyway? And he’s your subordinate. You look like the type of man who’d have no problems finding a nice girl to settle down with, why go after that kid?”
Mustang glanced at Ed, then back at John with an amused look. “Who said I was the one who went after him?” John blinked, surprised and not exactly sure what to say to that. Mustang chuckled and shook his head. “Good night, Officer,” Mustang said, then walked away toward Ed.
John could hear them talking as they got back into the car. Could hear Ed demanding to know why Mustang had let them take him so easily, and why he hadn’t said anything. There was also an accusation that Mustang had known all along when the parks closed and that he’d been trying to get back at Ed for something, but by that point in the conversation they’d closed the doors and John could hear no more.
As they drove off, Eric said, “What do you make of that, John?”
John shook his head. He didn’t know, didn’t want to know. All he knew was that this could have been extremely embarrassing if he’d taken that man in, and he wanted to forget this incident had ever happened.