Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Eventual Roy/Ed
Rating: R – NC17
Warnings: Language, torture, some sexual scenes later in the story,
Type: Yaoi, angst, psychological, slightly AUish but still in the FMA 'world' (note: there are no homunculi in this)
Summary: When an opportunity arises for Ed to get the information he needs to get Al his body back, will he take it even if it means submitting to Roy?
Please keep in mind that there is a ‘master/slave’ theme to the story, but it is not about causing and/or receiving pain for sexual pleasure.
Chapter Listing Here
“Good morning, master,” Ed said groggily, feeling tired and a little irritable. He wasn’t ready to wake up yet, but for the last week Mustang had decided that when he woke up in the morning, Ed would wake up; and that when he went to sleep at night, Ed would go to sleep. The synchronized schedule was more than a little annoying, because he often couldn’t actually fall asleep at the designated time, but he sure as hell had to wake up at that time. At least it didn’t apply to naps, and Ed was already planning an after breakfast nap.
“Good morning, Eddie,” Mustang said with a yawn, and stretched his hands up to the ceiling with a groan.
According to Mustang, they’d been in this room for almost a month now; and every day seemed almost the same, except that they weren’t. Ed knew they weren’t. There were small changes each day that were only really noticeable when he compared his life now to how it had been at first, or at the second week, or even the third.
Ed pulled himself up to a standing position using one of the bars and waited expectantly for his master to take him to the bathroom.
Mustang had his back to him and, as if he knew instinctively what Ed was doing, waved a hand and said, “Just say it. I can hear you.”
Rolling his eyes, Ed recited the litany without thinking, then said, “I really gotta pee.” He shifted on his leg, then bounced a little in impatience. When Mustang didn’t come over immediately, Ed repressed a small growl and said politely, “Master, I’m ready for you to let me out whenever you’re ready.” With a nod, Mustang walked over, unlocked the cage door. Ed felt relieved to have been acknowledged, but annoyed at the same time because he’d been ignored in the first place. Never mind that it had been his own fault for not being polite...
Mustang handed him the crutch, and Ed took it without comment, making his way to the bathroom. Ed wondered if having to go by himself was some sort of punishment for how he’d just acted. Though he hated to admit it to himself, Ed actually preferred being accompanied by Mustang. Ed knew that it wasn’t natural to feel that way, knew that he’d hated having to be with Mustang all the time when this first started, but he just felt kind of sad and lonely when he was by himself. Luckily this was a rare thing, and Ed was grateful for that.
When he was washing his hand, Ed wondered how much longer they would have to stay in this room. He was starting to get a little antsy at being stuck in the room, but he didn’t bother saying anything about it. There was no point. They would leave the room, when they left the room. Nothing he did would change that. Well, perhaps that wasn’t true. If he was really good, and did what Mustang wanted him to without any problems, then they might leave eventually.
Ed leaned on the crutch and headed back to the bedroom, where he hobbled over to the cage and waited patiently to be let back inside. Mustang was now leaning forward to stretch his back. His hands reached toward the floor and Ed couldn’t but help feel a little uneasy. He had too many bad memories of what it felt like when Mustang put his hands to the floor and sent an electric current through his body.
With a small groan, Mustang stood up straight and Ed waited expectantly for the man to come and unlock the cage, but he didn’t. Instead, he flopped backward onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
Glancing at the cage, then back at Mustang, Ed wracked his brain to figure out what he was supposed to do. He could just stand here and wait for Mustang to let him back in the cage, but maybe Mustang didn’t want to get back up and let him inside. In which case, Ed could get the keys and let himself in, except that Mustang never allowed him to touch the keys.
A nagging sense of panic started to tug at him and he really wanted to just demand to know what the hell Mustang wanted him to do so that he could do it. And then the panic dissipated as Ed remembered he didn’t have to guess.
“Would you like me to just stand here and wait for you to let me in the cage, or would you like me to let myself in?” Ed asked as meekly as he could, then felt pleased with himself. He’d remembered to ask since he didn’t know.
“Neither,” Mustang said, and Ed instantly frowned. Neither? What did he mean by that? Luckily for him, Ed didn’t have to wonder long. “You can sit or lay on the bed with me while we wait for breakfast.” To accompany that, Mustang patted his hand a little against the mattress.
Ed hesitated only briefly. He’d only been on the bed a few times since he’d come here, and this was the first time Mustang had invited him to be on the bed in this manner. Feeling a little cautious, Ed moved to the bed and sat down. The mattress was soft beneath him and a small smile touched his lips involuntarily. It had been quite a while since he’d sat on anything soft and it felt great.
Deciding to take Mustang at his word, Ed lay back on the bed and gave a small, contented groan. After sleeping on the hard metal floor of his cage for the last month, this was like lying on a cloud. Ed started to close his eyes, then stopped and glanced over when Mustang reached to the night stand and grabbed that writing book of his. Mustang scooted to the head of the bed and sat with his back against the headboard as he wrote.
Ed watched him for a moment, wondering what Mustang wrote in the book. Was it a journal? Ed couldn’t really think so since he couldn’t imagine anything happening here worth writing about. Maybe he kept notes in there for when he had to report to the director? Maybe. Ed shrugged mentally, dismissing the book as not really all that important, then rested a hand on his stomach as it gave a hungry rumble. Breakfast sounded really good right now. Even those nasty rations that Mustang kept him alive with sounded pretty decent—not good, but he’d sort of gotten used to them. But, he wouldn’t get fed until Mustang got breakfast, so he’d just have to wait.
Today I’m going to see how far along Eddie really is. I want to see if he’s ready to move on. I also think it’s time he understood a few things. Whether I tell him or not depends on how he responds to today’s test. I hope for both our sakes that he passes.
A familiar knock sounded on the door and Ed didn’t even bother to look up when it opened. He knew it would either be a man or a woman, dressed in white, with black on the sleeves, or on the cuffs, or in other places. The style varied, but the colors remained the same. It was sort of like the clothes his master wore, only Mustang’s were black with red. Ed mentally shrugged. He hadn’t figured out the significance of the colors yet, but he was sure he would.
He heard the tray table being set up and the tray being placed on it. He’d seen it plenty of times, and he knew the routine well. With a small yawn, Ed rolled over onto his side and looked at the attendant—a man this time—then watched curiously as Mustang gave the attendant a piece of folded paper. The attendant glanced at it, nodded, then left the room after giving Mustang a small bow.
The urge to ask what that was about was strong, but Ed kept his mouth shut with an effort. If Mustang had wanted him to know, he probably would have said something. Feeling a little disappointed that his time on the bed was over so soon, Ed started to get off.
“I didn’t tell you to go anywhere,” Mustang said as he took a sip of one of the juices. Ed stopped, feeling unsure, but moving back to his previous position nonetheless. “I think I’ll have you feed me this morning,” Mustang said.
Ed blinked, not sure if he’d heard right, but he knew that he had, so he scooted over to the other side of the bed and sat between Mustang and the food. It all looked and smelled so good... His stomach growled and his mouth began to salivate heavily.
“What do you want first?” Ed asked, hearing his own hunger radiating in his tone.
“Just feed me whatever. I don’t have a preference.”
Reaching out for the fork, Ed chose the eggs first. It had some sort of sauce on it, so he had to wait until it didn’t drip to move the fork to Mustang’s mouth. Ed swallowed once, then again as he watched Mustang eat, then swallowed a third time, knowing that if he didn’t then he’d start drooling.
Only half the food was gone by the time Mustang said he’d had enough. Ed stared longingly at the leftover breakfast, knowing that there was a high chance that it would just be thrown away. The temptation to sneak a bite was strong; Mustang wasn’t really paying attention anyway. When Ed put the fork down, he could snatch one of the berries and pop it in his mouth when he had the chance.
Licking his lips, Ed slowly extended his hand toward the tray and gently set the fork down. His hand trembled lightly as he stared at the uneaten berries. They were right there by his hand... so close... He wanted them more than he could ever remember wanting anything.
But... his master hadn’t told him that he could have one... Ed bit lightly on his lower lip. His time was running out. It would seem suspicious if he kept his hand there too long. With a deep breath, Ed pulled his hand away and gripped the bedding tightly. His frown was so deep that he could feel it, could feel his eyebrows and forehead crinkling.
Turning away from the food, Ed stared hard at Mustang, waiting for the man to feed him, but Mustang wasn’t doing anything except for reading that other book of his, the one he’d had on the train. Ed shifted his weight and continued to stare. It was his turn! Mustang had been fed. It was his turn now!
The minutes passed, and Ed’s breathing became heavier. Mustang hadn’t forgotten about him, had he? He was right here! How could he forget?! Ed shifted his weight again and cleared his throat, hoping that would get Mustang’s attention. Surely he wouldn’t forget to feed him... Or maybe he was doing this on purpose? He could be. Ed wouldn’t put it past him, but he hadn’t done anything wrong! He had even resisted stealing the berry!
No, his master had just... he was just... preoccupied... Except, that explanation didn’t really make sense to Ed, and so he fell back on the only theories he had. Either Mustang had forgotten that Ed needed to be fed too, or he was punishing him for something Ed didn’t know he’d done wrong, or... or Mustang simply did not want him to have any food...
The last thought both angered and hurt Ed. How could someone not feed someone else just because it pleased them not to?! What an asshole! And yet... over the last couple of weeks, Ed had thought that he and Mustang were developing some sort of bond. He’d thought that Mustang might care about his wellbeing. If that was true, then why wouldn’t he feed him?
Ed studied Mustang’s face. Maybe his master was sick? It was strange enough that he hadn’t been put back in his cage, but Mustang never forgot to feed him. Ed decided that he’d ask to see if Mustang was feeling well. Perhaps that would remind his master that Ed needed to be fed, but he was interrupted even before he could get the words out.
“I don’t think I got enough sleep last night,” Mustang said. “I think I’ll take a small nap.” He lay down and tucked the two small books near his body before resting his head on one of the pillows and closing his eyes. At that, all thoughts of asking Mustang anything flew from his mind.
He’s really not going to feed me! Ed thought in dismay. His stomach growled loudly as if to echo Ed’s offended thoughts. Ed looked again at the tray, then back at Mustang. If Mustang was asleep, he wouldn’t know if some of the food was taken or not, but Ed wasn’t really sure how deep of a sleep Mustang’s nap would be since it was only midmorning.
Feeling hurt, angry, offended, and hungry, Ed scooted to an empty spot on the bed, turned his back to Mustang and tried to take a nap of his own. If he wasn’t getting any breakfast, then he could try to sleep as much of the morning away as possible. Maybe lunch would come early.
But, try as he might, Ed couldn’t fall asleep. All he could think of was the food on the tray and how hungry he was. Opening his eyes, Ed glanced around at everything in his line of sight. Part of his cage, the wall, the door, the—Ed’s attention jumped back to the door.
The door! The mother fucking door! It hadn’t been closed all the way. The attendant hadn’t shut it tightly and the lock hadn’t latched. He could leave. He was out of his cage and the door to the room was open! That realization struck him so hard that for the moment he forgot about the gnawing hunger eating at his belly. He could sneak out of the room, maybe out of the compound, and get away.
His throat, which had recently been so well wetted, now felt dry and his heart pounded nervously in his chest. Sitting up, Ed looked at Mustang, who now seemed to be asleep. As quietly as he could, Ed began to move off the bed, then he stopped, remembering that Mustang hadn’t wanted him to get off the bed. He hadn’t said specifically that Ed couldn’t get off the bed, but he’d made it pretty clear that he didn’t want Ed to leave the bed.
Ed breathed deeply through his nose and let the air out slowly. So what if Mustang had said that? He was going to leave. He was going to grab the crutch, go out that door, find his automail, and get the fuck out of this hell. Except that he wasn’t allowed to use the crutch without Mustang’s permission...
So WHAT! Ed thought in frustration. That didn’t matter if he was leaving! But... he didn’t even know where his automail was... Mustang most likely knew where it was. Mustang was his master. Mustang would take care of him. He’d give his automail back when it pleased him to give it back.
Ed put his hand to his forehead as he tried to work out the conflicting feelings he felt. He should want to go, to escape. After all the shit Mustang had put him through, this was his chance. He’d eat some of the leftover food, take the crutch, and leave. He’d find someone and steal... borrow... their clothes, and he’d leave this place.
Except... all that stuff that Mustang had done to him had been for his own good. It had been because Ed was being a shit head. It was because Mustang had been displeased with him. But Mustang wasn’t like that now. Life had become a lot better the last couple of weeks. Mustang cared for him, and when Ed wasn’t in the same room with Mustang he felt kinda lonely, and...
Besides, if he left now, then he might not reach his goal.
Ed felt a little ashamed that his goal of becoming a C5 so that he could get more information had been the last thing to come to his mind. But that was all for later. It wasn’t really important right now, was it? No... it wasn’t really important right now because he hadn’t reached that goal yet.
Glancing at Mustang, part of the litany came back to him and seemed to reverberate through his brain.
Without my master, my life is nothing, so I will serve him loyally.
My master is my only joy. He will care for me as long as I am loyal.
Ed pondered that as he sat there. He felt sad when he wasn’t with Mustang, but it wasn’t like he was happy when he was with him either. He didn’t feel joyful at all, but maybe the right word was... content. Yes, that was it. He felt sort of content when he was with Mustang. And Mustang had cared for him quite well since Ed had stopped causing so much trouble.
He looked at the door again, knowing that it would be disloyal of him to leave, and if he wasn’t loyal, then Mustang wouldn’t take care of him. If he was caught, then Mustang would be displeased. No, not if he was caught. Ed would be caught. He would be caught because he had no idea where he was and before he even got out of the building someone would see him. It wouldn’t be hard to ignore someone who was naked and missing a couple of limbs. They’d capture him, and Ed wouldn’t be able to do anything about it because he had no way to defend himself with his limbs gone and his alchemic ability taken away. He’d be caught and given back to Mustang, and his master would be angry... He’d be angry... and there would be pain and misery—a lot of it.
Feeling a little unhappy, slightly confused, and completely resigned, Ed lay back down on the bed, his back now to both the food and the door. He curled his body up as much as possible and tried to block the hunger and doubts out of his mind, but it was hard. He wasn’t sure if he could trust his judgment. This seemed to be the right decision, but there was a nagging part of him that was appalled at this choice.
Would he have decided this a month ago? Maybe... and maybe not. It was possible that a month ago he would have fled from this room as fast as possible—no matter the chance of punishment or that he wouldn’t be able to achieve C5 status; although it was he might have stayed for that reason alone. He wondered if he was wiser now than he had been when he’d first come, or if he just wasn’t thinking clearly.
Sliding his hands onto his head, Ed groaned softly with a pain that wasn’t physical. Everything had always seemed so black and white to him before, but now there was only gray. He not only doubted the decisions he made, but also the reasons behind them. Could he even trust himself to make the right choices? It was enough to make him want to lash out at something, or just sit down and cry, but he wouldn’t do either of those things. Instead, he simply lay there, feeling unhappy, confused, and hungry.
“I’m very proud of you.”
The quiet voice startled Ed and he looked up quickly to see Mustang looking back at him with a small smile.
“Proud of me?” Ed asked in confusion.
Mustang nodded slowly. “You didn’t leave the room, didn’t leave the bed, and you didn’t sneak any of the food on the tray. Even though you had the opportunity to do all of those things, you didn’t. You made the right choices.”
Did I? Ed wondered. He felt pleased at the praise, but that didn’t dispel the cloud of confusion that was still on him.
“Come here,” Mustang said with a small smile. He patted the bed beside him and looked at Ed expectantly. Ed awkwardly moved up to lay beside Mustang and waited, not sure what would happen next. Would he be praised more? Would he be in trouble for even considering doing any of that stuff? His master seemed to know that he’d been thinking of doing all of that. Had it been so obvious? Ed felt suddenly nervous, wondering if he deserved to be punished for his intentions. He hadn’t actually done it, but he’d thought about doing it... But no, that wouldn’t make any sense. He’d thought all kinds of things before and had never been punished for any of them.
Mustang brought his hand forward and Ed cringed and shrank back a little. His muscles tensed and he closed his eyes as he waited for the painful shock that he knew was bound to come. But no shock came. Instead, Ed felt Mustang gently slide his hand over his head. Opening his eyes, Ed looked at Mustang in surprise, but when the soft stroking didn’t stop, Ed let his body start to relax.
The petting felt good despite his mind telling him that such a thing was humiliating and degrading. For a moment, Ed wondered if he should pull away, maybe object to being treated so blatantly like a child or an animal. He still had a shred of self-pride, didn’t he? There was a moment of consideration, then he decided to ignore the negative feelings. Ed couldn’t think of any time that he’d acted on those thoughts without ending up miserable afterwards. Ignoring his inner objections, Ed leaned into the petting, letting himself enjoy the physical contact.
“I think you deserve a reward for such good behavior and loyalty,” Mustang murmured, and lightly massaged the back of Ed’s neck with the hand that had been petting his head. Ed brightened immediately; he’d thought that the petting was his reward. It might be ridiculous, and his mind told him that it was, but Ed was suddenly eager and excited. It was rare that he got any more than verbal praise, a kind touch, or a small bite of Mustang’s food as a reward.
“Do you suppose you can finish off the rest of my breakfast?” Mustang asked with a small grin.
Ed’s eyes widened involuntarily. The rest of the breakfast? Not just a berry, or a few bites, but all of what was left? Glancing at the tray, his mouth instantly began to salivate heavily and his stomach growled loudly, giving him an unneeded reminder that he was hungry.
Looking back at Mustang, Ed said, “I’m sure I could finish it all.” When Mustang didn’t speak right away, but simply considered him thoughtfully, Ed had a sudden fear that this was also a test and that he might have failed it in some way. Either that, or this was some sort of cruel joke. In an effort to redeem himself somehow, Ed added, “If that’s what you want me to do, I can do it. I’ll do anything you tell me to do.”
“What I want you to do is to slowly eat the food on that tray until you are no longer hungry. Not full, just no longer hungry. At that point, I want you to stop. Understand?”
“Yes, master,” Ed said instantly, relieved and thrilled that this was the real thing.
And so he ate; slowly, but steadily, working his way through the leftovers. Ed wasn’t sure if he’d ever tasted anything so delicious in his life, and he thought in passing that he’d happily do whatever it took to be able to eat like this every day and to be treated so well by his master as he was right now. But it was a passing idea, one that resided mostly on a subliminal level and only skimmed the surface of his conscious thoughts long enough to have recognized it was there, but not long enough for him to dwell on its meaning or its significance.
Ed was only through half of the food when he realized that he was no longer hungry. He was disappointed, and longed to eat more, but instead he stopped and turned to look back to where Mustang was quietly watching him.
“I’m finished,” Ed said, feeling a sense of contentment. He wondered if he’d have to go back to his cage now. What he really wanted to do was lay down and bask in the satisfaction of being full and happy with what he’d just eaten, and while he’d rather do it on the soft bed, he’d settle for his cage if it meant he didn’t have to do anything else right now.
As if reading his mind, Mustang patted the bed beside him, and Ed instantly obeyed. With a satisfied sigh, Ed lay down and closed his eyes. He felt Mustang petting his head again, and this time Ed had no thoughts of protest at all. It felt good. He felt good. This was paradise.
“I want you to say the litany, Eddie,” Mustang murmured. Without protest, Ed recited.
When my master is happy, I am happy.
When my master is sad, I am sad.
Without my master, my life is nothing, so I will serve him loyally
My master is my only joy. He will care for me as long as I am loyal.
My master has the right to punish me if I ever disobey or displease him.
Whatever my master commands me to do, I will do.
If my master tells me to kill, I will kill, no matter who it is.
My master’s word is law, and I will obey him and only him.
There was a small moment of silence before Mustang said, “Are you happy, Eddie?”
“Yeeeeaaah...” he almost purred. Happy, full, comfortable, content... he was all of those.
“I am happy too,” Mustang said, stroking the skin behind Ed’s ear. “I’m very pleased with you right now. Your loyalty is very important to me. You must be completely loyal to me.”
“Yes, master,” Ed murmured, then yawned. He was feeling a little sleepy after having so much food, and he wondered if it would be okay to take a nap.
“No one will take care of you the way I will take care of you,” his master murmured. Ed smiled as he thought that he sort of liked the idea of Mustang taking care of him like this. This kind of treatment was definitely worth being loyal for.
“Tell me,” Mustang whispered in Ed’s ear. “Who are you?”
The smile faded from Ed’s face. I’m... I’m Edward Elric... he thought, though he knew that wasn’t the answer Mustang was looking for. He was supposed to say that he was ‘Eddie’, but he wasn’t. He was Edward Elric. He would always be Edward Elric. But, right now he was just going to pretend that he was Eddie. He’d just say what Mustang wanted him to say so that he could continue to enjoy this moment. There was nothing wrong with just saying it to say it. He didn’t have to mean it.
“I’m Eddie,” Ed whispered back. The words tasted a little bitter in his mouth and he couldn’t understand why he had a sudden sick feeling in his stomach. He hadn’t meant it. He’d just said it to say it. But now that he’d said it, Ed suddenly wished he could take it back. He wanted to un-say it, wanted to deny it.
Opening his eyes, Ed looked up at Mustang, who was smiling proudly down at him. His master was very pleased with him. He’d done all the right things and said all the right words. The protest that had been forming in his mind dissolved. Ed wouldn’t bother taking back what he’d said today. It would just undo all that he’d just done. But he’d have to be more careful in the future.
He wasn’t Eddie.
He would never be Eddie.