Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Type: Humor, General, Yaoi
Summary: Ed decides he wants Roy Mustang, and when Edward Elric wants something, he’ll stop at nothing to get it.
Chapter Listing Here
Ed yawned widely and glanced around the empty neighborhood. At this early hour no one was out and about; in fact, the sun hadn’t even crested over the horizon yet. He smiled a little as he walked. Mustang was lucky it was still August. In another month it would be dark this time of the morning.
Pulling a piece of paper from his pocket, Ed compared it to the place he was close to, then nodded to himself before stuffing it back in his pocket. Ed pulled out the copy of Mustang’s house key that he’d made—without Mustang’s knowledge or consent—the day before. He’d mentioned to Mustang that he was going to come by in the mornings and that he’d drop by here and there, he just hadn’t mentioned that he’d be letting himself in. Without hesitation, Ed slipped the key into the lock until it clicked, then let himself inside.
Ed looked around the dim living room with interest. He’d never been to the colonel’s place before and he hadn’t been exactly sure what to expect. To Ed, it seemed that Mustang kept his place in good order for a male bachelor. It wasn’t spotless, but it wasn’t dirty either. ‘Lived in’ would probably be the best way to describe it. Nothing was new, but all the furniture was well kept and looked comfortable.
With a shrug, Ed stuffed the key back into his pocket and headed to where he figured Mustang’s bedroom would be. When he got there, Ed again looked around the dim room curiously. It was smaller than he’d imagined it would be and very decorated. For some reason he’d thought that a playboy like Roy Mustang would have a real pimped out place to take the ladies.
A mental image came to his mind of Mustang dressed in a slick, white suit with women all around him on a huge bed in a brightly lit room that shined and sparkled. It was an effort to keep in the laugh that wanted to come out since he wasn’t quite ready to wake Mustang up yet, and instead he ended up snorting softly.
Ed grinned as he thought about his plan. It had taken a little persuasion on his part, but Mustang had finally agreed to let Ed be in control of his new ‘fitness and weight loss’ plan. Ed couldn’t train someone who wasn’t committed, and he’d drilled that fact into the man as often as he could over the remainder of the day.
It had been obvious that Mustang had been less than pleased with giving Ed a little bit of authority over him, but Ed had insisted and promised that he would be just as professional as his own teacher. What he’d failed to mention was that his teacher was one tough-ass bitch. He didn’t dislike Izumi, on the contrary he respected her a lot, but he hadn’t exactly thought highly of her those first months of training.
Ed walked a little into the bedroom and took note of the articles of clothing—dirty, he presumed—that dotted the floor here and there. None of the clothes were military issue though. Those he could see hanging neatly in the closet.
Moving close to the bed—which was neither a king nor a queen size as he’d supposed Mustang would own, but a full—Ed looked down at the sleeping man and thought of the day before when Mustang had been asleep on the couch. For some reason the sight of the colonel sleeping really drew him in. Mustang looked relaxed in his sleep. Ed had never seen Mustang look so relaxed while awake. He seemed kind of vulnerable and Ed liked that—liked it a lot.
Ed grinned widely, suddenly imagining himself in that bed with Mustang. They could have a whole hell of a lot of fun in that bed, or on the floor, or on the couch... Hell, Ed wasn’t picky; they could do it wherever Mustang wanted to do it. He just needed to convince the colonel that he wanted it just as much as Ed did.
Reaching down, Ed rubbed at his cock through his sweatpants. The thought of fucking with Mustang made him so hard that he was tempted to use the man’s bathroom to jerk off before waking him. He was tempted, but he wouldn’t. He had things to do right now, but hopefully it would all pay off and he’d have Mustang where he wanted him soon enough. Moving his hand away from his groin, Ed walked to the light switch and flipped it on.
“Good morning, Colonel!” Ed shouted brightly and watched in amusement as the man sat up quickly in surprise. Amusement turned to interest and curiosity as the man quickly raised one bare hand, ready to snap, and was looking around wildly even before his eyes had adjusted to the light.
Ed liked that Mustang had the ability to be quick and act on reflex. He tried to imagine reflexes like that being used in bed, and he liked what he imagined; liked it enough that it made his penis throb. Normally, he considered the colonel to be on the slow side—not mentally, but more considering, more calculating, not as swift to act. Ed tended to be quick, acting on impulse. Of course, that had served to bring him trouble on several occasions, but he still preferred his methods to that of the colonel’s.
When he realized who had turned on the lights, Mustang growled, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m here to whip your ass into shape,” Ed said brightly. “Excited?”
The colonel stared at him uncomprehending for a moment, then closed his eyes and sighed as he remembered his deal with Ed and Davis. Slowly, Mustang turned his head and glanced at the alarm clock by his bed before flopping back onto the mattress.
“You’re joking, right?”
Ed shook his head. “Nope! Now get your ass out of bed before I have to come pull you out.”
“You know that coming into my house without permission is paramount to breaking and entering, don’t you?” Mustang growled.
“You can call the police after your workout,” Ed said. “Now are you getting up, or am I going to help you out of bed?”
“I still have ‘nothr couple of hours before I have t’be up,” the colonel half growled, half whined, then pulled the pillow over his head and laid still.
Ed grinned widely as he walked over to the bed. He was really going to enjoy this. Reaching down, Ed grabbed the pillow and tossed it on the floor before grabbing a hold of the sheet and blanket and tugging on them. Apparently Mustang had anticipated this move and had grabbed a hold of them because Ed found that they weren’t moving. Okay... that was fine. Ed kicked his sneakers off and slid under the covers, since Mustang was only holding the tops of the sheet and blanket.
“What are you doing?!” Mustang choked; letting go of the blankets in his surprise. In that moment, Ed kicked them back off of them, then looked at Mustang.
“What’s more important? Another couple hours of sleep or keeping your job?” Ed asked, trying to keep his eyes locked on Mustang’s instead of checking out his body.
Mustang stared back at him for a long moment, then growled, “Okay, fine. Get out of my bed.”
“Not until you do,” Ed returned.
Mumbling to himself, the colonel slipped out the bed. Ed eyed him, glad to finally have the chance to study the man’s body. Mustang was naked except for some tan boxers. Ed shook his head. Really, where the hell did this man get his underwear? But the ugly boxers only kept his attention long enough for him to check out where the fabric tented out from the man’s morning wood.
Ed grinned to himself. I’ll be seeing you later... he thought, promising both himself and Mustang’s cock before moving on. He wanted to get a good look at Mustang’s chest, now that he was getting the opportunity. Like his legs, thin black hairs lightly covered Mustang’s chest. That wasn’t bad at all. Ed liked a little bit of hair on a man, but he didn’t like those guys who were covered thickly in it.
Ed watched as Mustang slowly plodded over to his workout bag, thrown carelessly against one wall, and pulled out his gym clothes. He eyed Mustang’s ass for a moment, then sighed and got out of the man’s bed. Pulling on his sneakers, Ed said, “Hurry up! We don’t have all day! Don’t tell me you were this lazy in basic training.”
“This isn’t basic training,” Mustang growled irritably.
Ed hadn’t gone through basic training because he’d come into the military through passing the state alchemy exam, but he’d heard that Mustang had joined the regular army first before becoming a state alchemist. He’d also heard what basic training was like and thought that the training he received under Izumi’s hand had been much more difficult.
“You’re right, this isn’t basic training,” Ed said, resisting the urge to give Mustang’s rear a slap. “I don’t work like those pansies in the military. They’re way too nice to you in basic.”
At this, Mustang stopped in the middle of pulling on his shirt and stared at him in disbelief. Ed flashed him the most charming smile he could come up with and felt amused at the sudden look of nervousness that was spreading over the man’s face. Ed couldn’t help laughing when he saw that look, then shook his head, deciding he’d poked fun at Mustang enough for now. Time to get down to business.
“No really,” Ed said a little more serious now. “I’m going to push you hard, and I expect you to work hard, but I’m not going to try to kill you and I won’t push you more than I think you can handle. I want you to succeed.” Mustang’s success would mean better eye candy for Ed. Besides, if he didn’t get Mustang into shape, it would make Ed look like a bad trainer. He gave Mustang his best ‘concerned’ look to accompany what he’d just said. He wanted to get on the colonel’s good side; it was the first step to winning his prize, but that would be slow in coming and it would take little ‘mature inserts’ in their normal bitching routine to get that ball rolling.
Mustang stared at Ed for a moment in consideration, then sighed—which turned into a yawn. “Fine... fine...” the colonel grumbled, then pulled on his workout pants before sitting on the bed and starting to put on his shoes.
The yawn was contagious and Ed yawned widely. He’d stayed out far later than he should have. He’d ended up going to the club with Kain and they’d talked quite a bit. There had even been a little under the table touching of Kain’s leg. Ed had a feeling he’d be able to get Kain’s ass before the month was over now that he was stationed in Central permanently.
Mustang stood and Ed pulled his mind away from last night and to the present. “Let’s sit down for a minute,” Ed said, walking over to Mustang’s bed and sitting down. “You don’t mind that I sit here, right?” he asked with a ‘not that it matters because I’m going to do it anyway’ grin. The colonel scowled, but he said nothing and sat down next to Ed on the bed.
“I’m going to write all this up for you, but I just wanted to tell you what to expect before we get started,” Ed said. “I’m gonna be over here every morning at this time. Expect it. If you’re not ready to go when I get here, you’ll get extra of whatever I decide to dish out at you.” Ed paused to see if Mustang would say anything, but when he didn’t, Ed continued, “We’re also going to exercise after work.”
“What?!” Mustang protested. “We’re already working out in the morning.”
“Cry me a river,” Ed said, rolling his eyes. “We’ll be using the military facilities, so be sure to meet me down there at five-thirty. In the mornings we’ll jog there, work out, then we’ll jog back here so that you can get ready for the day, eat, and all that shit.”
Ed reached over and grabbed at Mustang’s side, to which the man jumped a little and scooted away. “Exercise alone isn’t going to help you lose that,” Ed said, reaching over to poke at Mustang’s side again. “You have to change your eating habits too.” Ed smirked and thought of something he’d like the colonel to put in his mouth.
“Now wait a minute,” Mustang said in an offended tone. “There’s nothing wrong with my eating habits.”
Ed stared at Mustang, then raised an eyebrow. “You’re joking, right? From what I’ve seen you’re lucky you’re not morbidly obese.”
“I’m not that bad,” Mustang said irritably. “Besides, you eat a lot more than me.”
“Uh… yeah, but I’m a lot more active and I don’t usually eat the kind of crap you do,” Ed said. “You got to lose the sweets and the packaged food.” When Mustang just gave him a blank look, Ed had the urge to drop his face into his hands. Did Mustang not even realize all the shit he ate every day?”
“Like what?” the colonel finally asked.
“For starters, forget the doughnuts. Breda has a gut like he does for a reason. Also, cut down on what you add in your coffee. Hell, limit how much coffee you drink, period. It will help you sleep better. Same with soda and liquor. Those you should probably just stop drinking completely. Empty calories and all that.”
“No alcohol...” Mustang didn’t seem pleased with that one.
“Drink water,” Ed said flatly, then said at the disbelieving expression on Mustang’s face, “It’s not like you can’t go out for a drink or two on the weekend, but limit it, jeez...”
There was a long moment of silence, then Mustang said petulantly, “I buy packaged food because I can’t cook.”
That didn’t surprise Ed at all; in fact, he was counting on it. “Fine. I’ll come over in the evenings and teach you how to cook,” he offered, making his tone sound put out. He didn’t want the colonel to know that he wanted to come over to his house every night. Mustang made a face, and Ed said, “What? You got a problem with that?” It almost seemed like Mustang was going to say something, but then he shook his head. “Good,” Ed continued. “But you know, if I’m going to teach you how to cook, then you’ve got to let me eat at your place.” He smirked when Mustang just glowered at him.
“Alright, fine,” Mustang said, sounding a little displeased.
“It’s just for six months,” Ed said, standing and looking down at Mustang. He felt confident that he’d be able to bed Mustang by then. Hopefully by the time Mustang passed his fitness test—and he would, Ed would make sure of it—he’d be able to start traveling again.
“Okay!” Ed said, rubbing his hands together in eager anticipation. “Ready to start?” The disgusted glare Mustang gave him was enough to make him laugh. This was going to be really fun.
Roy rested his head on his desk and closed his eyes. He was so tired and the day wasn’t even half over yet. The morning workout had been more of a morning teaching session than anything else, which Roy was completely fine with since it meant he didn’t have to do as much.
They had jogged and walked at intervals to the military gym. One minute at a slow jog, three minutes at a moderate walk. According to Ed, each week they would pick it up bit by bit. When they got to the gym, Ed took Roy around to each machine and showed him how to ‘properly’ use them and had Roy use each one once just to check it out. Ed ‘introduced’ him to the free weights and talked a little about correct form and using the right weights, and how they’d be going over more of that later. He also talked about stretching, heart rate, being properly hydrated, and why it was important to eat or not eat specific foods when trying to gain muscle and lose fat.
Some of what Ed had said Roy already knew, but a lot he didn’t, and he’d actually been impressed with Ed’s knowledge in that area. Not only that, but he’d been impressed with the way Ed handled himself. There were times when they both snapped at each other, but on the whole, Ed was taking this very seriously.
That was something Roy had worried about. Ed’s idea of ‘professional’ generally left something to be desired, and he’d been concerned that this would just be some sort of game to the teen. He didn’t need to be subjected to someone who was just going to torment and make fun of him. But for the most part, Ed was taking on the role of ‘fitness teacher’ very well thus far.
“Yeah, kiss your night life goodbye for the next week or two at least,” he heard Ed say. “You’re going to be way tired until you get used to the routine.” Roy forced his eyes open and slowly lifted his head to where Ed was sitting on one of the two couches, pouring over some books.
“Right...” he mumbled. This wasn’t working. He was too exhausted and he needed something to give him a boost. With a yawn, Roy pushed himself out of his chair.
“Where are you going?” Ed asked suspiciously.
“Bathroom,” Roy lied.
In truth, he planned on heading down to the break room to get some coffee and a doughnut. Ed had insisted on a ‘balanced’ breakfast of proteins and carbohydrates, and so they’d stopped at the cafeteria for scrambled eggs, toast, and an apple. Breakfast had been good, but Roy was used to having a couple of doughnuts every morning and at least two or three cups of coffee before lunch. He wasn’t sure if he was craving them because he usually had them or because he was tired and needed a ‘pick-me-up’, but either way he didn’t care. He was going to have a doughnut and a cup of coffee the way he liked it, no matter what Ed said.
Poking his head in the break room, Roy saw the box that Breda brought in every day and headed toward it. It was when he was lifting the lid of the box that he heard the sound of a throat clearing behind him. Turning, Roy saw Ed standing there with arms folded and looking a little irritated. For his part, Roy suddenly felt like a little boy who had been caught raiding the cookie jar.
“Bathroom, huh?” Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, well, I was on my way there,” Roy said, feeling a little embarrassed that he was trying to explain himself to Ed.
“Really? And all this time I thought the restrooms were on the other side of this floor. Did they move them recently?” Ed asked in a smartassed tone.
“Alright, fine,” Roy responded irritably. “I wanted a doughnut. No big deal.”
“It is a big deal,” Ed said, stepping forward and scooting the box away.
“I’m tired and I need a boost,” Roy explained, grabbing the box and sliding it back to him.
“You’re going through sugar withdrawals,” Ed explained, and pushed the box away. “And caffeine withdrawals too, probably. Just tough it out this week and you’ll be glad you did.” Roy rolled his eyes, grabbed the box, and pulled a doughnut out, then held it up out of Ed’s reach when he tried to snatch it away.
“You’re making me sound like a drug addict.”
“Caffeine is a drug, and sugar is about as addictive as one,” Ed explained, then jumped and grabbed onto Roy’s arm to pull it down. “Now give me the damned doughnut!”
“No!” Roy snapped, struggling with how much weight Ed was putting on his arm. “One doughnut isn’t going to kill me!”
“That’s not the point,” Ed growled. “The point is that you’re in a habit of eating this crap and I’m trying to break you of it. After you’re not in the habit, if you want to have one every once in a while, then fine. But you’ve got to break that habit first.”
And, with that, Ed lifted his feet so that his whole body weight was on Roy’s arm. When Roy stumbled forward, Ed put his feet back on the floor, then swiped one behind one of Roy’s knees and brought him down to the floor. There was a lot of twisting and a bit of grappling, but in the end Ed managed to get a hold of the pastry, now smashed and unappetizing. The frosting covered the palm of Ed’s real hand and spread down some of his fingers as well.
He tossed the doughnut toward the garbage can, then looked down at Roy, who was now lying with his back pressed to the floor as Ed knelt over him. They were both breathing hard and staring at each other in determination.
“It’s gone now,” Ed said, then glanced at his frosting-covered hand before wiggling it in front of Roy’s face. “This is all that’s left. You still want it?” he asked teasingly and smirked when Roy scowled at him.
Feeling annoyed and frustrated, Roy grabbed Ed’s hand and licked it. At this point it wasn’t about the doughnut anymore, it was about getting his way. He knew it was probably childish, but the more Ed said he couldn’t have it, the more he wanted it, even though he knew Ed was probably right.
Only on the second lick did Roy bother to look up at Ed’s face. Ed was staring down at him with a thoughtful look, not teasing or mocking, and it hit Roy that there they were, alone in the break room, him lying on his back, and Ed leaning over him as he licked Ed’s hand... He felt a familiar tingle in his groin that alerted him to the fact that his body considered this to be arousal worthy. Feeling mortified and a little confused at his base reaction to this situation, Roy pushed Ed away and stood up quickly.
“Fine, no doughnut,” Roy muttered, and quickly left the break room. He felt a shudder move through his body as he hurried down the hallway. He’d just licked another guy’s hand. True, he’d done it because he’d been caught up in the moment, but still... he’d just licked another guy’s hand...
He grimaced at that, then reached the elevator and pushed the button, completely ignoring Ed’s admonitions earlier that he should start taking the stairs all the time.
Roy felt more than a little confused as well. Why had his body reacted like that? Ed was just a kid, and a male kid at that. Only... as Roy remembered looking up at Ed, he hadn’t quite seemed so young as he knelt over him. In fact... thinking back on it, Roy suddenly realized that Ed had looked pretty mature. When had Ed gotten older? How had he missed that? And when had Ed gotten to be so good looking?
He stepped on the elevator and pressed the button for the first floor. What did it matter how old or young Ed looked, or whether he was handsome? It wasn’t like Roy was gay or anything, so why was this such a big deal? It wasn’t a big deal, Roy decided. He felt completely secure in his interest in women, and Roy felt that it was probably because he felt so felt so secure that he could admit to himself that he thought Ed was attractive. Not attractive to him, but in general...
Leaving the elevator, Roy decided to take a quick walk outside to clear his head. By the time he returned to his office, he’d decided that his body’s reaction to what had happened in the break room had been a complete fluke brought on by the fact that he was now thirty and hadn’t found himself someone to settle down with yet. There was nothing wrong with him at all, and he had won by getting some of the frosting from the doughnut, no matter that he’d had to lick it off of Ed’s hand.