Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rated for: Sexual Situations, Mild Violence, Language
Type: Gen, Suspense, Psychological, Dark, Divergence (story ignores series ending and movie), slight AU.
Pairings: Focus on Roy and Ed, but no actual “pairings” (see A/N in first chapter).
Warnings: Yaoi and Het sexual situations
Summary: When Ed shows up unexpectedly after a two year disappearance, Roy tries to help him and learns that there is a darker meaning to the words 'equivalent exchange'.
Chapter Listing Here
A/N: Without question, this is my favorite chapter in the whole story.
Ed moaned slightly and tried to block out whoever was calling his name. It wasn’t important... The only thing that mattered was getting away from the pain. His body hurt and he was so hot that he wanted to scream, yet he was so cold that he curled tightly in on himself in an unconscious effort to stay warm.
His name was called again and this time he could feel a hand on his forehead, then on his cheek. The hand felt so wonderfully cool against his hot skin and he leaned into the touch, yet the movement increased his awareness of his surroundings and of the horrible, sick feeling coursing though him.
“Edward, come on, wake up,” the voice whispered urgently, and he felt the hand pat his face gently.
Moaning, Ed opened his eyes slightly, then shut them tightly at the light. He groaned and tried to turn away from the voice, but hands held him and the voice became more insistent. Opening his eyes again, Ed saw a light-tan colored blob that had black on top. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again and this time his vision was clearer.
A man was leaning over him, his face the light-tan color, and his hair and eyes the deep black. Concern filled the man’s features, and he whispered, “I need to get you inside.”
I know you... Ed thought, but he couldn’t quite come up with the name. He desperately searched his mind for the answer. He knew that he knew this man, and he knew that whoever he was, this man was important, but still the information remained hidden. Ed wanted to ask the man who he was, but opening his mouth and speaking took far too much effort, and he couldn’t seem to make himself do it.
The man looked at him kindly for a moment, then said, “I’m going to try picking you up, okay?” He waited as if expecting an answer, but when he got none, the man leaned in and wrapped his arms around him.
At the contact, Ed suddenly felt more comfortable. He felt okay—safe. The man stopped and moved his arms so that one was under Ed’s back, and the other was under his legs. Again, Ed felt the man try to lift him, and this time he could hear grunts of exertion. Finally, the man moved back and wiped his brow.
“You’re a lot heavier than you look...” he said ruefully. “You’re going to have to walk. I’ll help support you, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to carry you.” He paused, and looked Ed up and down. “Must be the muscle and that damn automail...” he muttered so quietly that Ed almost didn’t hear him.
Moving in again, the man hoisted Ed up to his feet, and this time Ed groaned along with the man. He didn’t want to have to walk. He’d rather stay here and go back to sleep. His head spun as he stood up and he nearly doubled over with the waves of nausea that were spreading through him.
“Come on... Inside we go...” the man murmured as he guided Ed toward a door. Ed wasn’t sure where the door led, but he supposed that if the man was taking him there, then it must be okay—must be safe.
When the man reached out to open the door, he positioned Ed so that he was leaning heavily against him and Ed almost wanted to wrap his arms around the man and beg him not to leave him. This man was safe. He was sure of it. Safe and important... he knew it, yet he didn’t know why.
Holding the door open, the man started inching him forward, and Ed’s head began to spin. He felt so sick and so dizzy... surely they were almost to their destination... He just needed to lie down...
Glancing through the doorway, Ed saw a long hall with doors on either side and he hoped desperately that they were going into one of the closest of them. Ed stepped through the doorway, then suddenly he lurched and the colors all blended together, then there was darkness. He groaned and lifted his head as he realized that the arms that had been holding him were gone. Looking around, Ed swallowed the bile that had risen to his throat.
Everything was dark.
The floor, the walls, even the ceiling, seemed to have disappeared into the inky blackness that surrounded him. The air was musty and had an unnaturally cold dampness that lay thickly on his skin. He breathed in deeply, trying to give his lungs more air.
Where am I? he thought fearfully.
“Are you ready?” someone asked behind him.
Ed turned to see a large, silverish-gray suit of armor standing with its arms folded. There were small circles with lines inside them on the metal and they seemed to give off a faint bluish glow.
He blinked, but the armor remained.
“Are you ready?” he heard again.
“For what?” Ed asked the armor, he could only presume it was the armor talking to him because there was nothing else to be seen. Was it okay to have armor talking to him, or was this wrong? It seemed alright. In fact, it seemed almost natural, though why that could be, Ed didn’t know...
The intimidating metal suit unfolded its arms and pointed down. Ed let his eyes follow the invisible line from the armor’s finger down to... well, not the floor, because there was no floor... just... down. Where the floor should have been there was another circle, this one much bigger and giving off a deep red glow.
Was that there before? he wondered. Surely he would have seen it...
Another light caught his eyes and he looked down at his body. His coat and shirt were gone, and he was wearing tight, black leather pants with a wide brown belt and heavy black boots. The clothing wasn’t what had attracted his attention though. Bringing his hand up, Ed lightly touched his fingers to his chest. He also had circles, with lines inside, drawn on him; but, though these circles gave off a blue light, Ed was close enough to them to see that behind the glow they were actually red. He touched a finger to the circle on his chest and pulled it away to see red on his finger. Whatever they’d used to paint the circles on their bodies was red...
Transmutation circles... The thought flitted through his head, but like dust carried on the wind, it soon vanished and left Ed with a slightly gritty feeling in the back of his mind. He dropped his hand and sighed regretfully. It had been something important, and he hadn’t been able to hold onto it...
With tired eyes, Ed brought his gaze back up to the armor and said, “I’m ready.” He didn’t know if he was or not, since he wasn’t sure what they were doing, but it seemed the right thing to say.
The armor nodded and stepped onto the ominous circle. Ed took a step forward, then another, and stopped when he got to the exterior line of the circle. A cold, numb feeling spread through his body as he thought that he’d done this before.
He’d done this, or at least something close to this.
I have to do this for Al. Another thought that came quickly and dissipated into the darkness.
He looked over at the armor as it silently waited for him to continue and Ed couldn’t help being slightly mesmerized by the way the red glow reflected off the smooth metal. Reluctantly, Ed tore his eyes way from the wavering gleam and took an unwilling step across the shining, curved line. When his foot connected with the array, a sharp stab of fear pierced his chest, making him gasp softly.
I must! his mind thought again. Ed took another step and felt a dreadful terror fill him. He shivered and took another hesitant step, then another. He felt as if he were walking through water with how difficult it was to continue forward. Finally, feeling almost out of breath, he stood facing the armor in the center of the circle.
“Are you ready?” Ed asked, though why he asked it, he didn’t know. The question reverberated loudly around them as if they were in a cave or a tunnel and he swallowed hard, trying to fight off the panic that threatened to overwhelm him.
In answer, the armor held up its hands, palms facing out, and Ed could see that each one had a circle there as well. He looked down at his own hands and saw the same, though unlike the metal hands extended toward him, Ed’s hands were shaking violently in restrained terror.
Slowly, Ed lifted his hands, palms toward the armor, and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see whatever was about to happen, he was just too scared.
For Al... another thought from the dark recesses of his mind.
“Al?” Ed asked, wondering who that was.
“Yes?” came the reply, then suddenly hands pressed against his and fingers in twined themselves between his fingers.
Not the thick metal fingers of the armor...
Ed’s eyes popped open in surprise and instead of a suit of armor, he saw a teenager of about sixteen or seventeen looking back at him. The other had liquid brown eyes, sandy brownish-blond hair and was slightly taller than him.
He blinked and let his eyes flit this way and that. The darkness was gone, and around him was... he was in a house... in a bedroom... His gaze returned to the teen in front of him and the other’s lips turned up into a small smile.
“Brother?” the sandy-haired teen asked quietly.
Ed’s forehead crinkled in confusion. Brother?
“You said my name.”
Ed frowned in thought. Maybe he had said something, but... now it was gone.
“Don’t worry,” the other teen whispered. “None of that matters. All that matters is now.” The brown-eyed teen leaned in close and pressed his lips against Ed’s. “I know you know who I am...”
Ed nodded. He did know who this was; really, he did... just... not right now. He couldn’t quite place who was in front of him, touching him, kissing him... The other teen’s lips pressed softly against his and he felt... need... course through his body.
Not just sexual need, but the most powerful craving to just be with someone else. To be held by them, to have his skin touching theirs, to become one with them. He just felt so empty... Something was missing... Something within him was gone. He could feel it and though being with someone else was a poor substitute for whatever it was, it was still a substitute and he’d take what he could get.
When the other teen pulled away, Ed felt the emptiness grow and was acutely aware that their lips were no longer touching. “Don’t leave me...” Ed said urgently, and made a needy grabbing gesture.
The teen tightened his hold on his hands and started at him with a level gaze. Ed swallowed nervously at how different that look was to what had been there only seconds before. “Don’t leave you?” the teen asked flatly. “It was you who left me!” Ed cringed at the anger coming from the teen who had only moments before been so caring and loving toward him.
“Al...” Ed whimpered as he backed up a couple of steps. Who is Al? This is Al. This isn’t Al... Yes it is! His mind was assaulted with so many conflicting thoughts that Ed instinctively pulled his hands out of the teen’s grasp and pressed them to his ears, yet this was no defense against the internal voices.
“Shut up, Ed!” the teen snarled, and after one more step backwards, Ed’s leg connected with something and he sat heavily on a bed. The sandy-haired teen advanced on him and snapped, “You left me there all that time! I hate you! You deserve to be left in here by yourself!”
Ed’s eyes widened at the prospect of being left alone in this place. “No... please...” he cried tearfully. “I don’t want to be alone. I... please... I don’t even know where I am...” And then the thought occurred to him that he really didn’t even know who he was either... Desperately he tried to find the information, but all he was able to drudge up was that his name was ‘Ed’ before the other teen spoke again.
“Maybe if you’re good, I’ll come back later,” the teen said as he walked toward the door. Quickly, Ed got up and made a dash for the door, but it was too late. It slammed shut and Ed was left alone in the room.
“NOO!!” Ed screamed and crumpled to the floor. He doubled over and rested his forehead on the wooden floor as he sobbed heavily. His tears dropped heavily onto the floor and all Ed could do was stare at them until the wood became a brown blur in his vision. He didn’t want to be alone. He was so afraid of the emptiness...
There was a creaking sound as the door beside him opened, and he heard a deep voice say, “What is this crying, Edward my son?”
Ed looked up and his eyes rested on a man with a sandy-colored beard and hair. “Daddy...” Ed whimpered, his voice so small and young in his ears. The man bent over and picked him up, and Ed felt so tiny as he was held up in those large hands.
“Such a loud voice for such a little boy,” his daddy said kindly, then hugged him close and called out, “Trisha! Our little mouse found a way out of his cage again!” Ed quieted and wrapped his little arms around his daddy’s neck, and he could feel a large hand rubbing his back comfortingly. He felt so safe and secure in those hands, and so very protected.
“Daddy...” Ed cried, tightening his grip. He didn’t want to be left alone ever again.
“He’ll come back...” a tearful female voice whispered in his ear. Pulling back a little, Ed stared into the face of his mother, but she wasn’t looking at him; she was looking past him. Turning, Ed saw that she was looking at a door that was slightly ajar and suddenly Ed needed to go see what was beyond the door. He needed to know if his daddy had really gone because he just couldn’t believe that his daddy would leave him...
Wiggling out of his mother’s grip, Ed hurried over to the door as quickly as he could and pulled it open. As he stepped though the door, Ed fell to his knees and stared down at the carpet beneath him as he worked hard to not begin dry heaving.
“Ed, we need to get you out of those wet clothes and lying down,” a male voice said, though it sounded distant, and then his shoulders were grabbed and he was hoisted up by strong hands.
Looking up from where he was held, Ed snarled as Cornello pulled his pocket watch away from his belt, snapping the chain in the process.
“I think you’ll be quite harmless now,” the priest said, and Ed only had a minute to blink before the man began to change into someone—something—else. This isn’t how it happened... a voice said in the back of his mind, but he only barely acknowledged it before forgetting about it completely.
The figure that stood before him was thin, with long, black-green hair, and wearing a black halter top and miniskirt with tight shorts beneath.
“Envy,” Ed snarled angrily and tried to free himself from those who held him, but it was of no use.
“Well, hullo short stuff,” Envy purred before lifting his leg and kicking him hard in the face. Ed’s arms were released and he fell heavily to the floor. Another kick landed in his side, and he barely kept himself from collapsing.
Envy knelt before him and, putting a hand under his chin, lifted Ed’s head up to look at him. “That’s what I like to see. Cower before me like the worthless being you are.”
“Fuck you!” Ed cried and let out a yell as he was backhanded. Blood trickled from the corner of his lip and from his nose, and when he looked back at Envy, the homunculi was grinning manically at him.
“You’re so pathetic, you know that?” Envy said, moving closer and reaching under the skirt to pull down the tight shorts that were beneath. “It’s time for you to take on your pathetic role in this life, you disgusting slut,” he said smoothly while holding onto his now visible erection.
Ed wanted to pull away, but he didn’t. The desire to be connected with someone, to be whole, was still with him and he felt sickened that he would allow himself to be used this way by Envy...
“Open wide, you worthless mongrel,” Envy spat, then squeezed hard on Ed’s cheeks until his mouth opened. Holding tightly onto Ed’s head with his other hand, Envy forced himself into Ed’s mouth, then brought his other hand up and gripped his head with both hands.
“I’d rather do this to him, but since you carry his blood it is almost as satisfying,” Envy snarled and bucked his hips quickly. His cock thrust hard into the back of Ed’s throat and he gagged, trying to get his breath.
When he almost felt as though he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, Envy pulled back a bit and Ed felt hot cum spurting into his mouth. He coughed and choked as the thick liquid trickled down his throat and dribbled from his mouth to his chin, mixing in with the blood from his nose. Swallowing twice, Ed spat onto the ground.
When he saw what he spat out onto the ground, Ed recoiled in horror. Deep red was splattered on the floor. Not blood, no... not blood... liquid Philosopher’s Stone... He groaned and curled into himself as his stomach clenched and a wave of nausea washed over him.
Putting one hand out in front of him to steady himself, Ed began to retch violently, and suddenly a small bucket was placed on the floor beneath his face. Again and again he heaved, and was only vaguely aware of a hand rubbing his back and a voice murmuring softly to him. The voice sounded so much like Colonel Mustang’s, but there was no way that bastard would be so nice. When he was done, Ed rolled over onto his side and moaned miserably.
“Get up!” Izumi’s voice commanded, and when Ed opened his eyes, he saw that he was lying on the lawn in front of his teacher’s house. “You can worry about the pain later. Right now you’ll get back up and do it again.”
Ed nodded and rubbed his stomach one last time, the pain from the blow already beginning to subside, then got to his feet. Pushing himself off the ground, Ed looked up and saw Colonel Mustang at the other side of the arena.
Soldiers from all over Eastern Headquarters had come to see the battle assessment. Some were calling out insults directed at him and some were yelling for the colonel to give back their girlfriends.
He blinked and wondered where Al was. Wasn’t Al supposed to be by his side? Ed glanced at Mustang who was now walking purposefully toward him. Ed wanted to look away, but he felt transfixed. There was a slight breeze and it ruffled the man’s fine, black hair, and blew back the side skirts on his uniform. Ed felt as though the colonel should have a smug look on his face, but he didn’t. His black eyes held a somberness that didn’t seem to belong there.
“How long are you going to run?” Mustang asked softly; and, despite the noise of the crowd, Ed heard what he said perfectly.
“As long as I have to,” Ed returned steadily. He wasn’t sure why he would be running from Mustang, or why he’d even said what he had, but it just seemed right.
“We had a contract, Edward Elric,” Mustang whispered flatly, and his voice seemed to echo in the empty stillness of the courtyard.
“You never fully delivered on our first one, so why should I?” Ed snapped angrily, in a moment of pure clarity, and then it was gone and he was left in bewildered confusion. Mustang smirked as if he knew what had just happened in Ed’s mind and closed the distance between them. Ed put up his fists and growled, “Stay away...” but Mustang simply grabbed onto his wrists and pulled him close.
The smirk vanished and Mustang said, “Calm down, Ed. I’m trying to help you...”
The light of the day began to fade into a muted and artificial light. Ed felt himself weaken and he sagged into Mustang’s arms, unable to hold himself up any further. His body felt hot, yet he was shivering uncontrollably.
“That’s more like it...” Mustang murmured as he guided Ed’s arms around his neck. “Come on; get back on your feet. We need to get you back to the couch.”
Ed shakily put his weight on his legs and stood with a lot of help. He buried his face into Mustang’s shoulder, but lifted his head when the man tried to get him to walk. He studied Mustang for a moment, taking in the black eyes and the tired look they held, the pale face, and the black hair streaked with too much white for a man of his age.
He looks so sad... so lonely... Ed thought vaguely. Just like me...
“Ed?” Mustang asked, seeing that he was being examined.
So lonely... Ed thought; and, yes, he did feel lonely... lonely and empty, but there was something that always helped to fill the void—if only for a short time. Tightening his grip around Mustang’s neck, Ed pulled him closer and pushed himself forward. In less than a second, Ed saw the man’s eyes go from sad to shocked as their lips pressed together.
Mustang’s hands gripped him tighter in a way that Ed was very familiar with, and Ed instinctively knew that Mustang wanted him... Pulling away from the kiss, Ed murmured, “Please... I need—”
“Don’t do this to me, Ed,” Mustang interrupted weakly. “I’m not a strong man...”
“But...” Ed said, a pleading note to his voice.
“I don’t want to hurt you, and this isn’t what you want. Not really...” Mustang said in a low tone. Ed swallowed hard because, deep inside of him, he knew that Mustang was right. But he needed it! He was tired of feeling lonely, tired of feeling empty... Ed shook his head, making himself dizzy. He felt so confused... What was wrong with him...?
Wanting to forget all of the confusion, and all of the pain, Ed moved forward again to get another kiss, but Mustang held him back. “Please,” the man begged. “I don’t think we should do this.”
“I don’t think we should do this,” Al begged at the same time, and Ed looked beyond Mustang to where he and his brother were kneeling beside a large transmutation circle where a pile of ingredients lay in a circular pan in the middle of the array.
Ed felt a flash of horror when he realized what was about to happen and was about to stop them when he heard, “Edward...”
Mother... Ed thought. Letting go of whoever it was he was holding onto, Ed turned around then felt his heart stop as he saw a steaming mass of flesh and bones, and in the center were eyes—the eyes of his mother—staring back at him. His breathing quickened and his heat beat erratically in his chest.
“Edward...” he heard his mother’s voice say again. “What have you done?!”
A scream clawed its way from his stomach, to his throat, then out of his mouth as he scrambled backward away from the monstrosity they’d created. Random exclamations of denial and horror bounced around inside of his skull.
It’s not real... We did nothing wrong... It’s alive... You’re not my mother! Alphonse... What have we done?! The equations... I just wanted her back...
“It’s all your fault,” Ed heard Alphonse’s flat voice say from behind him. Turning, Ed saw his brother—somewhere in his late teen years—looking down at him. “I tried to stop you, but you were too stubborn.” Alphonse’s voice was hard, and his eyes held a coldness to them that made Ed shiver.
Pushing himself to his feet, Ed swallowed hard and said quietly, “I’m sorry...” He’d said the apology a thousand times, and he’d say it a thousand more if he had to... With a sigh, he bent down and picked up the suitcase he’d packed and said, “I’m still going.”
“You can’t leave!” Al exclaimed and moved in front of the door, holding his arms wide to bar Ed’s way. “Do you even know why you’re leaving?”
“Yes...” Ed murmured, tightening his grip on the suitcase handle. “I need to find something.”
“What do you need to find?” his brother asked skeptically.
“Something... Something I’ve lost... Something important...” Ed said in a whisper.
“But, brother, you don’t know what it is!” Al was no longer angry. Instead of yelling, he was pleading in almost a whine. “What about when you forget that you’re even looking for something, or you forget who you are? It’s not safe for you to go wandering off on your own!”
“You could come with me,” Ed said simply, then glanced quickly to where Winry was standing half hidden in the hallway, an unreadable look in her eyes. Al wouldn’t come, he knew that...
“Ed,” Alphonse said firmly, no longer in the pleading tone. “When you remember what it is that you’ve lost, then we can go look for it. For now, you have to stay here. It’s safer.”
Swallowing, Ed nodded slowly. It made sense, but he also knew that his brother wasn’t telling the whole truth. Al was trying to keep him here... Whatever it was that he’d lost, his brother didn’t want him to find it...
Al let out a sigh of relief and, putting an arm around Ed, began leading him away from the front door. “I’ll take care of you, brother. You’ll see,” Al said in a relaxed tone. Ed glanced again to the hallway and saw that Winry was still standing there, a guarded look in her eyes.
Something was wrong...
Was she jealous that he had such a close relationship with his brother? Maybe she wanted more time with Al... But then, Winry wasn’t the jealous type, so why...
“Let me take that for you,” Al said, taking the suitcase from Ed’s hand as he guided him into his bedroom. Ed gave over the suitcase easily and frowned. Why had he been holding a suitcase? Was he going somewhere? Or maybe he’d just come back from someplace... Feeling a little awkward, Ed tried to find out in a roundabout way; though, unfortunately being indirect had never been his strong suit.
“I think I’m a bit tired...” he said, though truthfully he wasn’t tired at all. “You know from...” he trailed off and waved a hand in the general direction of the suitcase.
His brother eyed him up and down with a considering gaze, then nodded. “From your trip. Yeah, I bet you’re tired.” Ah... so he’d been on a trip... He must be tired if he couldn’t remember that.
Alphonse walked over to him, took his wrist, and guided him toward the bed. “You must have been very lonely while you were gone...” he murmured, wrapping his arms around Ed and pulling him close. Ed nodded and returned the embrace with a fierce one of his own. He was always lonely... It was if he was missing something, but he couldn’t remember what it was...
Sitting on the bed, Alphonse looked up at him with a hard gaze and said, “Ed... I’ve been lonely too...” then moved his hand to his crotch and fondled himself lightly. “I don’t want to be lonely anymore... do you?”
Ed shook his head slowly. No... He hated being alone...
Alphonse stretched himself out over the bed, and Ed crawled on the bed in between his legs. He knew what his brother wanted, and he wanted it too... Was it wrong that he wanted this? Was it wrong that he wanted to fill this empty hole inside of him, even if it was with his own brother? Slowly, Ed ran his tongue along the underside of his brother’s cock. Was it wrong if they both wanted it? Reaching out his hands, Ed moved them along the inside of Al’s thighs as he took as much of Al’s cock into his mouth as he could. His turn would come, but for now he would help Alphonse first. That’s what older brothers were for—to help their younger siblings...
“Ed...” Hands touched his head, and at the contact, Ed felt compelled to try taking more into his mouth. “Ed! Stop it!” The hands grabbed onto his head and the cock slid wetly from his mouth. Ed looked up and through the darkness he could see a wild-eyed and lust-filled look from a man he didn’t know. He should know him, Ed was sure of it. Those obsidian eyes felt so familiar, yet he couldn’t place them...
“Ed...” the man pleaded in a breathless and strained tone. “Go back to the couch. Please!”
He swallowed hard, then crawled up to the head of the bed and looked down at the man with a hurt and bewildered look. “Do I know you...?” Ed asked quietly, then groaned. He felt sick... like he had a fever or something... and the nausea... it almost overwhelmed him.
The man stared at him in disbelief, then shook his head. “Yes, you know me. I’ve been taking care of you.”
“Oh...” Ed murmured wanting to lay down, but not sure if this man would be okay with him doing so. “What’s you’re name?” Maybe if he had a name he could remember...
“Damn...” the man muttered, then said in a patient and slow voice, “My name is Roy.”
“Roy...” Ed let the name roll of his tongue. It was so familiar, yet actually saying the name felt foreign as if there was another name he should use. He tried hard to figure it out, but when he couldn’t, Ed whispered, “I don’t want to be alone, Roy.”
The man—Roy—ran his fingers through his white-streaked, black hair, then sighed heavily. “Look, Ed... I can’t deal with this right now. The last thing I need is people knowing—or even thinking—that I’ve had sex with you. Not that they would find out if I did or believe me if I said I didn’t; but, nonetheless, I’d rather not add more complications to my life.”
Rubbing his eyes tiredly, the man laid back down on the bed, letting his head sink wearily into his pillow. “I’ll be honest. I am curious about having sex with another man, but...” He paused as if trying to figure out what he wanted to say. “You can’t be that man. I just... I wouldn’t feel right about it...”
Ed thought about this for a moment, unsure of what it meant, then murmured dejectedly, “I can leave...” He felt as though he would cry. Why didn’t this man want him? Was there something wrong with him? Maybe he wasn’t worth being with... So alone... So empty... Tears pricked at his eyes and he made to get out of the bed, but Roy grabbed his arm.
“Wait...” came a weary growl. “You can sleep here if you want to...” Roy didn’t want Ed to wander off like last time. The kid was sick and, really, it just wasn’t safe for him to be out on his own...
Ed crawled under the covers and snuggled up to the man. He rested his head in the crook of Roy’s arm and rested his arm across his chest, pressing their bodies close together. Roy sighed heavily. He could push Ed way, but it was obvious that the kid needed some kind of physical closeness; and, truthfully, so did he... so he allowed it.
Closing his eyes, Roy tried to sleep, but it was difficult given the hard on he still had. Suddenly he felt a hand on his groin and his eyes popped open. Ed was fondling him and looking up at him with half lidded eyes.
“Ed...” Roy choked and reached down to push the hand away, but Ed grabbed his hand and quickly climbed on top of him—straddling his hips.
“I know you want this, and I want it... We both need this...” Ed whispered, then rose up a little and scooted back so that he was over Roy’s cock.
“Ed, no,” Roy protested weakly, and began to sit up when Ed lowered himself onto his erection. Roy moaned and let his head flop back onto the bed. It was so warm and tight... He whimpered, not wanting this to happen, yet needing it at the same time. He grabbed onto Ed’s legs and opened his mouth to beg Ed to get off, when the teen began to ride him.
Roy panted heavily as Ed bent over and began rubbing his hands along Roy’s chest as he continued to move. “Ed... I... dammit...” he breathed as he felt himself getting oh so close...
“This is what you want, isn’t it?” Ed murmured and pinched one of Roy’s nipples.
“No!” Roy gasped, but made no move to stop what was happening. His mind wanted to stop this, but his body was in control and it desperately wanted release. He hated himself for being so weak and not in control of himself and his desires.
Ed continued riding him as he bent close. His golden eyes seemed to shine in the darkness and Roy felt terror grip him at the sight of them. He grabbed onto Ed’s hips as if that would stop him from leaning closer or perhaps it was an involuntary move on his part because he was so close to release. He felt as though he was losing himself in those eyes and he shook his head back and forth even as he felt his body begin to enter the point of no return.
“Edward Elric is mine...” Ed hissed, then raised his automail hand, which was no longer a hand, but the blade that Ed favored so much when fighting. The metallic weapon gleamed dully in the dim room from an unknown light source.
Roy gasped as his body climaxed and also at the fact that the sharp blade was descending down toward him. The pleasure exploding at his groin made him see stars, which hid the oncoming blade from view, and at the same moment it seemed as if he was swallowed up in the yellow of Ed’s eyes before the world turned black.
With a jolt, Roy’s eyes popped open and he reflexively began to sit up, but something was lying on his arm and keeping him down. With heavy breaths, Roy glanced over and saw that Ed was curled up next to him, fast asleep, and laying on his shoulder. One of the boy’s arms was draped over Roy’s chest and nowhere near his groin.
Confusion filled him as he took in everything at once. Ed was lying next to him, not riding him or trying to kill him, and he’d just cum in his boxers from a wet dream that had been anything but pleasant. Ignoring the wetness at his groin, Roy turned on his side a little and pulled Ed close. His whole body was sweating and shaking, and he felt desperate for the comfort another person could bring; even if the other person didn’t know they were providing comfort.
It was just a dream, he tried to tell himself, but his irrational fear urged him to hold Ed tightly as if the teen would be able to protect him from his dark memories. Yet, he knew that if it came down to it, Ed wouldn’t even be able to protect himself. He would be the one protecting Ed, not the other way around.
The dream swirled in his thoughts, and welcomed in a host of other unpleasant thoughts and memories; yet, through all of it, the question of who Ed belonged to wouldn’t leave him. Who was it that wanted Ed, and why?
Roy tightened his grip on Ed and in a fiercely protective thought, decided that he would protect Ed from whomever it was that wanted him. He’d helped Ed all those years, and he would continue to help him now. Besides, it wasn’t as if he had anything to lose, not really. His career was going down the drain, his life was a mess, and he felt as though he was losing his mind.
He slowly rubbed his hand over Ed’s back and thought wryly that if he lost his sanity, at least he wouldn’t be alone in that. With a yawn, Roy tried to push all of the thoughts out of his mind so that he could sleep, but it was a long time before he was able to doze off; and even then, it was a fitful sleep filled with all of his frustrations at the present, and the horrible mistakes he’d made in the past.