Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Type: Yaoi, AUish, Humor
Warnings: Language, AUness
Pairings: Eventual Roy/Ed
Summary: Roy and Ed are sleeping together, and everyone knows it! Everyone... except for Roy and Ed.
Chapter Listing Here
Object of Gossip
Truth is not exciting enough to those who depend on the characters and lives of their neighbors for all their amusement. –George Bancroft-
Ed shifted the stack of books in his arms as he moved toward the back corner of the library. There was a table behind a large partition that hardly anyone knew about, and he loved using it because he was usually able to research in peace. As he moved around the partition, Ed blinked when he saw a dark-haired man sitting at the table, head resting on an open book.
Roy Mustang was fast asleep at his table.
He pressed his lips, feeling a little put out. He could always go sit at one of the other tables. It wasn’t as if the library wasn’t a quiet place anyway. But... this was his spot! Chewing a little on his lower lip, Ed shifted his weight to hold the books better, and thought about his options.
Choice one would mean looking for another table. Not an attractive option.
Choice two would entail waking Mustang up and telling him to go be lazy somewhere else. But that meant he actually had to talk to Mustang voluntarily, something he tried to avoid when possible.
The last choice was to simply share the table with Mustang. It wasn’t as if he was very noisy when he researched and there was plenty of room for them both... This meant actually sharing the same air willingly, but it was better than other types of interaction.
Ed set the books quietly on the table and settled into the chair. He glanced over at Mustang one more time, before turning his attention to his research.
He sat there studying for hours, but after a while, he couldn’t say how long, his eyes began to burn and his eyelids felt heavy. He yawned widely and rested his head down on his own book. Just a little nap, then he’d be ready to continue.
When Sheska put the last book away, she wheeled the cart toward the back of the library. There wouldn’t be any other loads of books today. Leaving it in it’s designated spot, she turned to head back up to the front of the library when two people at the backmost table caught her eye.
She recognized each of them, for they were both regulars here at the library, but she’d never seen them both at the same table before. Walking slowly and quietly to the table, she studied them before a grin split her face.
How cute! Colonel Roy Mustang and Major Edward Elric both sleeping on their books was just the most darling thing she’d ever seen. Two good looking men with books could not be beat, but to have them all snuggled up to those precious books was just so...
If only she could get a picture of this!
And then it dawned on her. She could get a picture. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes always had a camera on him, and since she had done some work for him, they were on fairly good terms. He wasn’t too far from here, and she was sure he’d love to get a picture of this.
Taking one last look, Sheska hurried back to the front desk where she picked up the phone and began to dial.
“What are you doing?” a fellow librarian asked.
“Calling Colonel Hughes,” she answered.
Sheska glanced at her co-worker—an older, dark-skinned woman—and said, “I just saw the cutest thing. Colonel Mustang and Ed Elric were sleeping at a table together on some books.” She knew she was practically squealing now, but it really had been very cute...
“Uh huh...” the other librarian said, not sounding very impressed, then looked over and saw someone at the counter needing to be helped.
Heymans Breda ran his tongue over his teeth. He was supposed to be meeting up with Havoc for a late lunch and he was starving. He could almost taste the food... He impatiently watched the two librarians, a pale girl with glasses and a taller dark-skinned woman, talking. The pale girl was dialing on the phone, looking very happy about something, though the older one didn’t seem to share her enthusiasm. He waved, hoping to catch one of their attentions. The older woman saw him and walked over.
“What can I do for you?” she asked pleasantly.
“Yeah, I had a book on hold,” he said, then added, ‘Board Games of the East.”
She nodded and moved away to look for the book. Heymans glanced back at the geeky-looking librarian and saw that she was talking animatedly into the phone now.
“What’s with her?” he asked, when the woman returned with his book.
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Something about Colonel Mustang and Edward Elric sleeping together.”
Heymans stared at her for a moment, then said slowly, “The colonel and Ed sleeping together?”
“That’s what she said,” the librarian said as she checked the book out.
“Holy shit...” he breathed, feeling stunned at the news. He had no idea the two of them were that close... They always seemed to be so unfriendly with each other. Taking the book and thanking the librarian, Heymans walked out of the library and considered what he’d just learned, then nodded to himself.
It all made sense. They were probably just acting like they hated each other to hide the truth. He grinned and quickened his pace, eager now to meet up with Havoc and to tell him what he’d just seen.
Robin Hawkins sipped at her soda as she tapped her pencil on her notepad. She glanced around the half filled patio of the diner in interest. She liked coming to this eatery because there was an option to sit outside. She felt more inspired that way.
As a young girl, she’d always wanted to go into writing and at the time she thought that she would be writing books when she grew up; but she discovered journalism when she attended the university and he life had never been the same.
Robin had worked for a few newspapers in her time, but her current position was with The Daily Gossip, Amestris’s most popular tabloid. She’d been with The Daily Gossip—referred to by some as The Gossip—for almost ten years now. The work was good and she loved getting the dirt on people—sometimes what she wrote was a little... embellished... but that’s what it took in her line of work.
The nice thing about working for a tabloid was that it wasn’t quite as censored as the official mediums of print. They were allowed plenty of leeway by the government as long as they printed a good number of lies along with the truth.
Most people thought of The Gossip, and other tabloids like it, to be a bunch of rubbish, but the sales spoke volumes—that being that most people wanted to read the dirt and they didn’t care if it was true or not. They wanted something to talk about over dinner or chat about on the phone. Robin had even started a couple of sensational scandals in her career. Neither of them had turned out to be true, but it had been fabulous for sales.
Her eyes settled on a tall man—a soldier—with dark brown hair with light brown bangs. He was smoking a cigarette and looking around, then he stopped when a short, portly soldier with red hair came hurrying out to his table. They were close enough to her table that she could hear their conversation—she could always hear people’s conversations, that’s why she came here every day.
“You’re late,” the tall soldier complained.
“You are not going to believe what I just found out,” the red-headed soldier said, sitting down and glancing over the menu before waving to a server. They ordered their food, and as soon as the waiter was gone, the red head continued. “You are seriously not going to believe this...”
“Are you going to tell me or just keep telling me how much I’m not going to believe you,” the tall soldier said, pulling another cigarette and lighting it.
The colonel and Ed are sleeping together,” the red head said in a rush.
The tall soldier stared silently at him for a moment, then smirked. “You lie.”
“No, I’m serious!” the red head said. “Look, Havoc, I just came back from the library and the chick there was saying that the other chick was talking about it!”
“The library chicks?” the tall man—Havoc—said.
“Yes! The library chicks! You know them, they wouldn’t lie,” the redheaded soldier pressed.
Havoc seemed to think about that for a moment, then took a long drag off the cigarette before slowly blowing out the smoke. “Well... I’ll be damned... I knew the boss was a pervert, but... damn... The chief is pretty young.”
“Jealous?” the red head asked with a smirk.
“That the colonel can keep up with someone like Ed. I mean, you’ve seen how much spunk and stamina that kid has. He must be wild in the sack.”
Robin scribbled down ‘Havoc’, ‘Colonel’, and ‘Ed’, then silently willed them to give her more information. She could probably find out who they were talking about by just this to go on, but more was better.
As if reading her thoughts, the red head said in disbelief, “Man... I just can’t believe it. Colonel Mustang and Ed Elric doing the nasty together. I didn’t know the colonel had it in him.”
Her eyebrows rose at that, and she quickly scribbled ‘Flame Alchemist’ and ‘Fullmetal Alchemist’. Robin grinned as she circled what she’d just written. Now this was going to be golden. She could already see the headline in her mind... She wrote it quickly, not wanting to forget.
“Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang, ‘Hero of Ishbal Rebellion’ and one of Central’s most eligible bachelors has affair with young Edward Elric—Fullmetal Alchemist, ‘Hero of the People.’”
A little long, but it was only a rough version anyway. She’d shorten it down. But the idea was there. She listened to the two soldiers as the continued to talk animatedly and scribbled notes on her note pad.
Oh yes... this was going to be one fine story indeed.
A bright flash of light, slightly muted by his eyelids, caused Roy to be dragged back into reality from his deliciously wonderful dreams of not having to work, but being able to go on vacation to somewhere warm and sandy with water and...
Another flash of light, followed by a high pitched, “Awww... it’s just too cute...”
“Isn’t it!” a deeper voice said, and
“Good morning, sunshine!” Hughes said brightly.
“What the fuck...” another voice said as groggily as
There was another flash as Hughes took another picture. Stars danced in his vision from the flash for a moment, then he regained his sight and saw a small photo coming out of the camera.
“It’s one of those new instant cameras!” Hughes exclaimed with delight, then handed the picture to a mousy girl. He recognized her as one of the librarians. She grinned widely at the photo, then looked at the other ones she had in her hand.
“What the hell is going on...” he asked, becoming more aware by the moment. Hughes scooted the table back, then pulled on Ed’s chair so that he was close to
“You’re no fun,” his long time friend said with a slight pout.
“Ugh!” Ed exclaimed from where he sat next to him.
“I feel the same way, Fullmetal,”
“Can I see?” the librarian asked excitedly.
“Yeah, what he said!” Ed said, still sounding slightly groggy.
“I...” Ed paused, then pressed his lips together and looked away in irritation.
Sheska punched the button and began to make the copies when she was tapped on the shoulder. She turned around to see a well dressed woman with short curly brown hair smiling at her. The woman was about her own height and seemed to be in her mid-forties.
“Excuse me,” the woman said. “My name is Robin Hawkins. I’m with The Daily Gossip. I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of questions.”
Sheska gawked in surprise, then squealed, “I always read The Gossip! Of course you can ask me some questions! What can I help you with Mrs. Hawkins?”
“Oh please,” the other woman said with a smile. “Call me Robin.”
Sheska blushed. “I couldn’t!” she said, but had every intention to do so. Imagine, her talking with Robin Hawkins!”
Robin glanced down at the copies, then raised an eyebrow. Her smile widened and she said, “May I ask what you have there?”
Delighted to share what she had just been squealing over with a well known journalist, Sheska, pulled the pictures out and related the story.
Robin listened to the librarian carefully. The story wasn’t quite as juicy as Robin had imagined, but that was okay. The details could be fudged over. In fact... making it out to be more of a rumor, rather than actual fact seemed to be the best idea. People talked more when they didn’t know everything.
She studied the pictures and her eyes were instantly drawn to the last photo of the two very handsome alchemists next to each other looking as if they’d been sleeping, or... perhaps something else... She knew the truth, but others would make what they wanted out of it. As the librarian turned to grab the copies she’d made, Robin slipped the picture into her notepad, then handed the other pictures back.
“Can I quote you on any of this?” she asked. She always asked.
“Sure, though I don’t know why it would matter. It’s just a silly little thing,” the librarian said, then looked at the photos with starry eyes, then added with a sigh, “I think all men should sleep with books...” Robin smiled and nodded, though inside she thought this girl was nuts. Who cared if they slept with books or not...?
“I’m sorry, what were you going to ask me,” the girl said, suddenly remembering that Robin had asked if she could ask some questions.
“Oh! That was all. Thank you, my dear,” Robin said, then hurried away before the girl could say anything else. He smiled brilliantly at everyone she passed as she hurried to her office. Today was Friday. If she worked fast, she just might be able to have this ready for Monday’s edition.