Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Type: Yaoi with a small dash of het, Smut with a side order of plot, AUish—Ed is 17 and Al has his body back.
Warnings: Smut, Language, Various Kinks
Summary: Roy finds Ed having some ‘fun’ with himself, and decides to include himself in the entertainment without letting Ed know it’s him.
Chapter Listing Here
Ed listened to the doctor explain about chemical eye injuries and about how, over a period of years, some of his patients had regained a small amount of sight. A few had even gained fifty to eighty percent of their previous amount of vision. He wondered briefly if the doctor was just trying to get his hopes up; but, by his tone, Ed believed the man was telling the truth as he knew it. Even with that, he still couldn’t help but feel hopeless and depressed about his situation.
He nodded in all the right places, all the while wishing he could just be left alone. Right now he wasn’t interested in the technical details of his injury or the fact that he would most likely be blind for the rest of his life. It was too soon to hear all this. It had only been a few hours since he’d been hauled away from the laboratory and he still felt stunned by all that had happened. Everything after the accident had happened so fast... They’d washed his eyes again and tried to do an analysis of the chemical—or chemicals—that he could have been splashed with.
It was only now that they’d let him sit without someone prodding at him. A wide bandage had been wrapped around his head and over his eyes, and the small amount of pressure on his eyes actually made the pain lessen somewhat. It didn’t hurt as badly as it had in the beginning, but he could still feel the pain and itchiness that made him want to rub hard at his eyes. He didn’t, as he’d been forbidden to do so, but he really wanted to and it took a lot of effort on his part to keep his hands down in his lap.
Hanging his head slightly, Ed began to pick at the hospital gown they’d dressed him in. It was the kind that tied in the back and if you bent the right way, everyone would get a shot of your rear end. Not that Ed had to worry about that right now; he had to stay in the fucking bed while the doctor continued to drone on.
At least not being able to see wasn’t completely foreign to him. His other senses were already beginning to sharpen in response to his blindness and the familiar transition comforted him somewhat. He was also used to being incapable of seeing in unfamiliar surroundings, though usually he was only with one other person when that happened.
“So that’s about it,” the doctor concluded unceremoniously. “We’ll keep you here for a couple of days and then after that we’ll have you come in for regular visits, but as far as being able to see goes—”
“I got it,” Ed interrupted irritably, not wanting the doctor to stay any longer than necessary. He was perfectly capable of understanding how this would affect his life. He would deal with it. Somehow he would cope. He’d lost an arm and a leg and he’d dealt with that. This would be no different. He’d find a way to live without his sight and hopefully he’d have a bit of it come back to him at some point.
“Well, if you don’t need anything else...” the doctor sounded a little offended that he’d been so rudely cut off, but Ed didn’t really care.
“There isn’t,” Ed muttered sullenly.
He felt the man—who had been sitting on his bed until that point—get up, then, “We’ve informed your commanding officer and he is making arrangements with the military to release your information to your family. Are you up for visitors when they come?”
If he comes... Ed thought dully. After that fight with Al, Ed wasn’t sure that his brother would come to see him. And, truthfully, Ed wasn’t sure if he wanted Al to visit him right now. It would just be so... awkward...
“Yeah, sure. If I get visitors, the nurses can send them in,” Ed mumbled.
After the doctor left the room, Ed laid back on his pillow and let his thoughts run free inside of his head. He knew this was real; but, at the same time, he expected everything to be fine when he took off the bandaging.
Finally, he dozed off for a time until a knock startled him into wakefulness. “Come in?” he mumbled questioningly, wondering how long he’d been asleep. He heard the door open, then close again. There was a moment of silence, then footsteps toward his bed. “Who’s there?” Ed asked, feeling slightly irritable that he had to ask.
A throat cleared, then, “I, uh...” It was Russell. “I wanted to thank you...”
Ed sighed heavily, wishing Russell would just go away. “Sure, whatever. How is he?” He wasn’t interested in Russell’s gratitude, but he did want to know how Fletcher was doing.
There was a small scraping sound and Ed assumed Russell was pulling a chair close to the bed. “He’s going to be okay. He’ll have to stay here tonight, and maybe tomorrow night, but he’ll be fine. They said he was really lucky. They said a few more minutes up there would have killed him. I... If you hadn’t gone...” His voice choked up, preventing him from speaking.
“Well, I did,” Ed couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. It wasn’t that he regretted saving Fletcher, it was just that he felt a little bit jilted. Weren’t good deeds supposed to come back to a person? A whole fat lot of good it was for him not to be able to see anymore...
“I said ‘you’re welcome’ so you don’t have to stay here and get all weepy on me,” Ed snapped impatiently.
Silence filled the room for a moment before Russell spoke again. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry about that night. I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting...”
That took Ed by surprise and for a moment he couldn’t think of anything to say, but finally came up with, “You don’t have to apologize just because you feel sorry for me. I’m a big boy you know. I can handle people treating me like shit.”
There was more silence until Ed wondered if he’d missed Russell leaving the room, then, “No... I... It’s not that... It’s just... You didn’t have to, but you saved my brother, even after I was... how I was... with you and I told you to stay away from him, I—”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Ed said, feeling embarrassed. “I didn’t do it for you. I did it for Fletcher. If it had been you up there, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
There was a small chuckle, then he heard Russell get up and move away from the bed. “Somehow, knowing you, I don’t really believe that...” Ed knew Russell was right, but there was no way he was going to admit it.
Within an hour of the ‘Laboratory Two Tragedy’, as it was now being called by the media, the area had been blocked off by the military and the chemical flames extinguished. Eleven people were confirmed dead, while two had been hospitalized—though their identities were being kept confidential for now. Reporters, both from newspapers and from local radio stations, were abuzz with the story, trying to get information out of those guarding the lab and also by badgering the hospital staff. A ban on the media at the hospital was set, and the floor that the wounded were staying was being guarded heavily. No one was allowed in or out without permission.
Of course, all stories told to the public from the media were carefully reviewed by the military before being released, so any blame the militant government had for the accident was quickly covered up. There was no mention about how the project had been unsafe for some time, nor about the many accidents that had already occurred.
Two hours after the first explosion, the fuhrer made a public statement, expressing deep regret for those who had died and sorrow for the families left behind. It was a terrible tragedy and the military would properly compensate those left behind and the wounded. It sounded great, but those whose business it was to know knew that such compensations would be minimal, if anything.
And through it all, Roy Mustang was forced to deal with the logistics of the problems despite the fact that he was ready to burst with frustration over the fact that he couldn’t go to the hospital to check on Ed. The only thing he’d been told was that both Ed and the younger Tringham boy had been seriously hurt, and his imagination was making up all sorts of dire scenarios.
He’d had to return to his office to deal with a few minor problems, and luckily within that time a doctor from the hospital had called and given him news on Ed’s condition. He was alive and mostly well—except for his eyes.
Even now, after the phone call, Roy felt himself filled with disbelief and worry. Ed... blind. There was no automail replacement for eyes. It wasn’t something technology or even alchemy could fix for him. Roy dreaded making the report to Hakuro. Of course, there was always a chance that this wouldn’t affect Ed’s employment with the military, but... it wasn’t likely...
Roy closed his eyes and let his head fall against the chair backing. And what would he do now? All the plans he’d laid to discontinue his secret relationship would come to nothing. And how cruel it would be to just disappear at this difficult time in Ed’s life... Yet, Ed knew him... knew him by touch, by feel, and maybe even by smell... Ed didn’t realize it was Roy, that he knew, but...
Roy opened his eyes and glanced over at the door. Lieutenant Hawkeye was poking her head into the office, a look of deep concern written on her face.
“Yes, Lieutenant?” Roy asked wearily. It was already hours past the time they normally went home, and he was exhausted.
“Would you like me to drive you to the hospital...?”
Roy gave her a wan smile. She was so perceptive... “Yes, I think so.” There was no way he could go home and sleep without checking on Ed.
She gave a curt nod, then said, “I’ll be waiting in front of headquarters in five minutes.” She left as silently as she’d come, leaving Roy alone again.
Reluctantly, Roy reached for the phone. He’d been given permission to inform Alphonse, but when he’d phoned Al’s work, they’d said he’d gone home early and that they couldn’t disclose the reason. Frustrated, Roy had called their apartment several times, but with no success. Quickly dialing the number, Roy tried one more time to get a hold of Alphonse; but, again, no one answered.
Slowly, Roy hung up the phone. He’d try again later, but for now... Standing up, he straightened his uniform, rolled back his tense shoulders, and headed out the door. As he was shutting it behind him, Roy heard the phone ring. He paused, looked back, then decided not to answer it. He didn’t want to chance being dragged in to anything else tonight.
Five hours after the accident at the lab, Roy walked past the large crowd of reporters camping out in front of the hospital and to the front doors. The weary military police checked his identification and let him pass, but not without a strict warning that right now the information about those involved in the accident was strictly confidential until such time as the fuhrer saw fit to release the information.
Waving a hand to indicate that he understood, Roy walked through the hall and inquired about Ed’s room at the front desk. Even if he wanted to tell someone what he knew, the information would probably be released by morning. Deciding he needed more time to think, Roy bypassed the elevator and took the stairs.
When they’d seen the mass of people in front of the hospital, Roy had told Hawkeye that he’d go by himself and walk home. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be there, and it was already nearing eleven, so she was free to drop the car back at the military garage and head home for the night. She’d tried to protest, but it was clear that she was worn out and so he’d insisted on her going.
When he reached Ed’s floor, Roy slowly walked toward the nurses’ station. The hall lights had been dimmed to save power and all that could be heard were the low voices of two female nurses at the station.
He stopped halfway there and saw Russell Tringham sprawled out and fast asleep on one of the benches that lined the hall. One arm hung limply off the bench and a small line of drool had made its way down his face from the corner of his lips. With a small shake of his head, Roy continued on, making a mental note to ask about the younger Tringham boy later.
When he reached the nurses’ station, the two women stopped talking and looked at him expectantly. “My name is Roy Mustang,” Roy said quietly. He pulled out his State Alchemist’s watch and showed it to them. “I’m here to see Edward Elric. He’s my subordinate.”
The nurse nearest to him shook her head. “I gave him some pain killers a couple hours ago. They have a mild sedative in them, so I doubt he’ll be awake to talk.”
“I’d still like to see him,” Roy pressed.
She looked reluctant. “Well...” Her eyes wandered over his uniform. The hospital was run by the military. This nurse would know what rank he was just by looking at him, and they both knew that he had more authority than her at the moment. Standing up, she walked out into the hallway and waved for him to follow. “Just be sure not to wake him. He needs his rest.”
“I thought you said he’d been drugged,” Roy pointed out, keeping pace with her.
She looked back at him and pressed her lips together, not pleased by his flippancy. “I said it was a light sedative. He’s been out for a couple of hours, so it’s possible that he could wake up.”
“Well, I’ll try my best not to wake him,” Roy said as they stopped by a door. She gestured to the room, gave him a small scowl, and walked away. Roy stared at the door, suddenly feeling slightly hesitant. There was definitely no way he wanted to wake Ed up right now, but the few times he’d seen Ed take naps, he seemed to sleep rather deeply, so Roy wasn’t too worried.
Letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, Roy opened the door, let himself inside, and shut the door. The room was dark, though a small nightlight bit into the blackness. It took a moment for Roy’s eyes to adjust; but, when they did, he moved forward toward the bed and stared down into Ed’s sleeping face.
His breathing was even and deep, and his features were relaxed. The only thing out of the ordinary was the bandaging wrapped around Ed’s head to cover his eyes. It seemed odd to Roy that Ed’s eyes would be covered by something that wasn’t the sleek, black blindfold he’d given him all those months ago.
Slowly, Roy sat down on the bed beside Ed and let himself drink in the sight of him. How he was going to miss their secret meetings... the forbidden pleasure, the unexpected bond...
Suddenly angry with himself, Roy put his hands against his face and let them slide back through his hair before he set them in his lap. How had he gotten himself in this situation and how the hell was he supposed to get out of it now...?
He yawned widely, rubbed at his eyes, then rested his hands on the mattress so that he could lean back a little. There really was no reason for him to be here at this point in time. He’d need to consult with the doctor about Ed’s condition to make his report to Hakuro, but with the doctor gone for the night, that wasn’t exactly possible. No, there was no reason for him to be here. He should go...
As he made to get up, he felt a touch on one of his hands. He looked down and saw that Ed’s hand had moved the small distance to his. Glancing over to look at Ed’s face, he noticed the teen’s lips were slightly pressed together and his breathing was no longer deep and regular, but more shallow—the breathing of one who is awake...
“Don’t go...” Ed whispered, letting his fingers brush lightly against the back of Roy’s hand. His chest tightened and it suddenly became more difficult to breathe. All he wanted was to run, to leave before it all went wrong, but the longing and sadness in the words Ed breathed next held him there as surely as if he were chained to the bed. “It’s you...”
Ed didn’t instantly register that someone had just sat down beside him on the bed, but his mind had woken him at that movement as if it was important that he recognize this person’s presence. He was about to let himself fall back asleep, when he caught the light scent of something familiar...
The person suddenly seemed to be getting ready to go. Panicked, Ed moved his hand away from his own body and quickly found that of the person’s. “Don’t go...” Ed whispered, gently touching the person’s hand. He knew this hand... He knew every fine hair, every pore, every crease... “It’s you...” Ed breathed, half not believing it could be so, half desperately needing it to be true.
“But how...” he wondered out loud. He’d been told of the media frenzy over the incident and about the security. Only someone with authorization would have been able to get past security...
When there was no answer—and Ed hadn’t really expected one—he moved his fingers toward the man’s wrist and found the cuff of two sleeves—the inner one made of a lighter material, perhaps a button up shirt; the other much thicker. As Ed fingered the material, he realized the design on the outer cuff was very familiar...
“You’re a soldier,” Ed said as he realized it. Of course, he should have known. Who else would have been near the military’s warehouses the night they’d first met? Ed turned his head away from the man, feeling suddenly exposed. Whoever this man was, he knew who Ed was... The anonymity was gone and he felt instantly sick. How long had the man known? Since the beginning? Or had he learned along the way?
He felt the man begin to move away, but Ed gripped tightly to the sleeve cuff and turned his head back toward him. With a feeling of grim determination, Ed sat up stiffly and scooted closer to the man. He could feel the man stiffen beneath his touch and again he tried to move away, but Ed pulled on his sleeve.
“You...” Ed whispered.
Roy desperately wanted to get away from Ed and his probing fingers. It was as if Ed could see him through the dark, the bandaging, and his own blindness, and Roy felt like a wild animal that had been stupid enough to fall for an obvious trap.
Ed’s mouth set into a firm line of determination as he sat up and scooted closer. “You...” Ed whispered, and Roy could hear the fear in his voice. There was a slight quiver as Ed continued. “You know who I am.” It was almost an accusation. “How long have you known?”
Roy glanced down into Ed’s face, suddenly glad that he couldn’t see his eyes. Ed’s emotions showed most clearly in those large, golden orbs, and Roy could barely handle what was being thrown his way as it was.
“Well?” Ed demanded, his hands gripping more tightly at his sleeve. “Answer me, dammit!” Ed’s voice caught and Roy saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, then hung his head. “You owe me an answer...” he said, his voice so soft that Roy barely caught it.
Roy opened his mouth, but no words came out. The muscles in his throat squeezed his voice box and his mouth was suddenly parched. Finally, he pressed his lips together and simply watched as Ed lifted his head again and began to move his hands up to Roy’s shoulder where the stars and strips of his rank were raised. Ed’s mouth tightened, then the corner of his lips twitched slightly before pulling down into a deep frown.
Ed cocked his head as if thinking, then fingered Roy’s rank slowly and deliberately. There was a small, almost imperceptible, shake of the head before his lips parted slightly as if in disbelief. Roy’s heart sank into his stomach and he thought he might be sick.
“You owe me an answer...” Ed said softly, his heart filled with pain and a touch of anger. He’d never wanted the man to speak to him so much as he did right now; but, like always, no verbal answer came. He wasn’t even graced with a non-verbal answer.
It wasn’t fair! This man knew about him, knew who he was, but Ed knew nothing! It was hard to know what he should think, what he should feel. He’d always taken comfort in the anonymity of what they’d had, but now it felt like a lie. He felt like he’d been deceived, and he wanted answers.
Raising his head, Ed was determined to put his mind to trying to figure out who it was who was sitting next to him. Of course there was a great possibility that Ed didn’t know this person, but if he could find out his rank, that might help. And of course, he would be able to ask the nurses on duty who it was who had come to see him.
Sliding his hands up the sleeve of the military jacket, Ed felt around until he reached the spot on the man’s shoulder where the rank would be. He pressed his lips together, thinking about how many stars and stripes he’d felt, then frowned deeply.
One, two, three... four stripes and... three stars... The man was a high ranking officer. That had taken Ed by surprise. For some reason he’d expected someone of lower rank, but then thought that someone with such a commanding nature like this man had would naturally be an officer. It made sense in that way.
He cocked his head, thinking about what he’d counted. Four stripes and three stars meant this man was a colonel. Ed rubbed his fingers against the stars and stripes again, considering the men he knew that were colonels. He knew of many, but only knew a few really well. He thought of the man’s build, the length and texture of his hair, and of his smell...
Then suddenly Ed felt like he’d been punched viciously in the stomach and for a moment he couldn’t get his breath. He shook his head slightly, not believing the mental image that had flitted through his mind. It wasn’t possible... But of all the colonels he knew, it was only he that fit what Ed knew…
In stunned silence, Ed lifted his hand to the man’s face and gently touched his chin, then his cheek, followed by his eyes, nose, and finally the man’s lips. Lips he’d kissed so many times. Were those the same lips he’d seen smirking at him? Was this the same face he’d come to hate? He brought his hand up and touched the man’s eyes, now closed. Were these the eyes that had always shone with amusement at his embarrassment?
He fingered the locks of hair that fell over the man’s forehead. This wasn’t the most common hairstyle, and it wasn’t found among any of the other colonels Ed knew. He leaned forward and breathed in the man’s scent. He’d taken his word at face value that this scent of cologne was common because it just didn’t seem possible that those two could be the same person...
His breath was coming in ragged gasps now as he tried to supply his lungs with enough oxygen so that they, in turn, could keep his broken heart beating. His eyes stung, not with the pain from the chemicals that had destroyed them, but from the feeling of devastating loss and utter betrayal. His lips quivered as he worked to form the words he wanted to say.
“I... I trusted you...” Ed breathed, his hand lowering back to the man’s face. “How could you...?” Again no answer came and the pain was drowned in a wave of rage. Pulling his hand back, Ed balled up his fist and struck forward, but his punch hit nothing and he bent forward with the momentum, nearly losing his balance and falling off the bed.
Hands caught and steadied him, but Ed pulled away. “Say something!” he demanded, his tone voicing the tears that remained unshed. “You... you... you...” He couldn’t gather his thoughts. It was all a horrible jumble in his mind and he couldn’t grasp onto one train of thought long enough to make sense of his feelings.
Roy saw the attack and dodged it quickly—knowing the power Ed could put behind a punch and not wanting to be on the receiving end. When Ed’s body overcompensated and nearly fell from the bed, Roy hurriedly grabbed onto him and steadied him, but Ed instantly pulled away.
“Say something!” Ed demanded painfully, and Roy wondered if there were tears behind the bandage. “You... you... you...” Ed clenched his fists in his lap and let his head drop as if looking down at them. Roy wanted to run, but he knew that would only show him for the coward that he was. This mess was his own fault and he owed it to Ed to stay.
“Ed...” he finally whispered.
“You used me,” Ed stated flatly. “You... you used me. I trusted you and you... you used that against me.”
“I didn’t mean—” Roy began, feebly trying to defend himself. Ed lifted his head, making it easy for Roy to see the teen’s nostrils flare and his jaw set as he clenched his teeth.
“I...” Ed choked. “You...” Roy lowered his eyes in shame, despite the fact that Ed couldn’t see him. He’d underestimated how much of a shock it would be to Ed and also how much it would hurt to see the reaction. “Get out...” Ed choked. Roy looked up and saw the teen’s body trembling; whether with rage or with pain, or even both, Roy didn’t know. “Get out of my room. Get out of my life!”
Roy nodded, feeling a slight stinging pain in his eyes. Even if he wanted to say something, he doubted he could have. Taking one last look at the mix of wrath, pain, and devastation on Ed’s face, Roy turned toward the door, opened it slowly, and let himself out of the room.
He’d known he was right, but to hear the man speak with that voice...
“You used me,” Ed ground out. Of course he’d used him; that was his way. He used people and threw them aside when he was finished with them—whether it was for his career or for sex. Everyone knew of his playboy reputation, and his ruthless desire to get to the top was one Ed had experienced himself.
“You... you used me. I trusted you and you...” He thought of all the things he’d told the man. Thought of all the marks on his body and how he’d been made fun of because of them—and by the very person who had put them there! “You used that against me,” he finished, feeling angry and deeply wounded by how he’d been treated.
“I didn’t mean—” The attempt at defense was feeble and Ed lifted his head and quickly cut him off.
“I... You...” The words came out strangled as he tried to control his emotions. He was so angry, but that emotion danced in a delicate balance with the hurt raining down on him. His body felt chilled, both inside and out. His heart seemed to shrivel up within him and it was an effort not to clutch at his chest to try stopping the pain he felt.
“Get out...” he finally said. He couldn’t think straight and he just wanted him to go away. “Get out of my room. Get out of my life!”
He was going to cry; no, he was already crying... but he was holding as much in as he could. His body shook with the effort to stop the emotions from pouring out of him. He didn’t want this bastard to see him in such a state. He didn’t want anyone to see him...
There was a long moment of silence, then he heard boots clicking against the linoleum floor, then the door open before it closed with a click. Now that he was finally alone, Ed let a sob burst from him. This was it... This was all he could handle. Having it all end like this was like reaching the climax of his misery and finding there was nothing left for him.
Laying down in the fetal position, Ed sobbed into his hands. Where was Al? Al had always been there for him... always... But now, Al wasn’t here. Ed had pushed him away, and for what? He’d been so blindly obsessed with his secret affair... He’d foolishly spurned Al’s attempts to talk and to be with him in some belief that he was becoming independent. But what good was his independence now? He’d had a good time with that man, but Al had always been his rock... his concrete foundation in an ever changing world.
He’d wanted to be left alone, but now he was finding the solitude to be a weight around his neck—slowly dragging him down into the cold depths of an ocean of bitter pain. In desperation for something—anything—to hold onto, Ed grabbed his pillow, hugging it to his chest, and burying his face into its soft depths to muffle his weeping.