Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Type: Humor, Angst, General, Yaoi, AU
Spoilers: None—it’s AU…
Summary: Ed decides he wants Roy Mustang, and when Edward Elric wants something, he’ll stop at nothing to get it.
A/N: Yes, you saw right. This is an Ed/Roy story, and by that I mean that Ed will be pursuing Roy.
Chapter listing here
Roy opened his eyes when he felt himself being shaken and found himself staring up into Edward Elric’s large golden eyes.
“Hey,” Fullmetal said with a small smirk. “Naptime’s over, grandpa.”
Roy glared and tried to move, but he realized Ed’s hand, which was holding onto his arm, was also holding him in place. He glanced up and said blandly, “You can let go of me now, I’m awake.”
Ed stared into his eyes for a moment, not moving his hand, then squeezed a little bit and said, “When was the last time you worked out, colonel? Is this really your arm or do you just have extra padding in your jacket to keep you warm? I’ve heard old people get cold easily...”
Ed probably would have said more if Roy hadn’t pushed him away and sat up. The teen laughed and said, “Hawkeye told me to wake you up for some physical assessment.” Roy groaned involuntarily and scrubbed a hand through his hair. Ed smirked. “Hawkeye and the rest already went a while ago.” Turning, Ed raised a hand. “Well, I guess I’ll go find something to do. Later!”
“Wait,” Roy barked. Ed turned back and gave him a questioning look. Roy grinned. If he had to suffer, then what better thing to make him feel better than to make Ed suffer too... “You’re under my command now so you’ll be taking the assessment like everyone else.”
“What?” Ed crowed unhappily. “That’s not fair! I just got transferred today.”
Roy shrugged, then stood up. “Not my problem, Fullmetal.”
The teen folded his arms stubbornly. “I don’t have my gym clothes with me.”
“I’m sure Kain Fuery has an extra set,” Roy countered, walking over to where he’d set his gym bag.
“We’re not the same size,” he heard Ed say.
“Hardly...” Ed muttered.
Roy glanced at the teen. “Fine, go naked,” he challenged smartly. Instead of balking like Roy thought he would, Ed simply smirked at him before turning around and heading toward the door.
“Sounds good to me,” Ed said lightly, then waved a hand and let himself out of the room.
Roy blinked, not sure what to think about that. Surely Ed wouldn’t really... After a moment of thought about how troublesome Ed could be, Roy decided that Ed probably would, which definitely would not do. Scrambling out of the office, Roy hurried after Ed, determined not to let the kid make an ass out of them both.
Rounding the corner, Roy saw Ed sitting hunched over by Kain Fuery’s locker. When he saw Roy coming, the teen sat up straight and gave him a questioning look. In response, Roy tossed the key to Ed and said, “He says it’s fine if you use his extra set, but you’ll need to wash them before returning them.”
Ed caught the key deftly and made an exasperated sound before turning and unlocking the locker. Roy frowned as he remembered the scowl he’d gotten from the sergeant in charge of the testing. The man would have to stay late to get both his and Ed’s test results since they were late in coming. Of course, he wouldn’t say anything to them directly, but most likely the man would make a note of it on their results for Hakuro to see.
Taking the extra clothes out of the locker, Ed quickly pulled off his long, red coat, and black, silver-lined jacket, letting them flop to the floor before yanking off his black tanktop. The teen swore several times when the fabric got caught in one of the shoulder joints of the automail before finally getting it off.
Roy, still standing where he’d been when he tossed Ed the key, let his eyes move over the teen’s body. Though Ed was short, he was well built and muscular in a way that made him almost jealous. Well... it did make him jealous; he just didn’t want to admit it to himself.
Ed bent over and grabbed the clothing from the floor. He started stuffing them into his own locker, but in the normal ‘Ed’ style, he was having a hard time of it. Roy watched, entranced, as the teen’s lithe body moved and he had the urge to go over and run his hands over Ed’s skin.
Not that he would. It was out of the question. You just didn’t walk up to someone—your subordinate, someone of the same gender, and someone so much younger than you—and just touch them. Besides, Ed might think it was something other than what it was... it wasn’t that he meant anything by it, he’d just always had an interest in the male body; the way it worked and how it looked. He didn’t know why he did, he simply did, but it wasn’t as if it meant anything other than that.
Ed smirked to himself. He could feel Mustang’s eyes on him. This was good. Not that it meant anything, but looking was a good start. He took his time stuffing his clothes in his locker. In fact, he pretended he was having a difficult time to give the man more time to stare at him.
Finally, Ed undid his belt and started taking off his pants. It was then that he heard the colonel walk over to his own locker and open it. Ed frowned. He’d kind of hoped Mustang would watch him undress completely, but that was probably too much to hope for.
As he finished stripping off his clothes and started dressing himself in Kain Fuery’s clothes, he could hear Mustang pulling his gym clothes out of the bag and muttering to himself; something about ‘lots of dust’ and ‘stupid evaluation’ and ‘birthday’, making Ed smile to himself.
After pulling on Fuery’s pants, which were actually not a bad fit, Ed looked behind him in time to see Mustang pulling off his white dress shirt and hanging it neatly on one of the hooks in the locker.
He cocked his head as he inspected the man from behind. Roy Mustang didn’t have a bad looking body, and, in fact, the man had a pretty good natural build on him. It was obvious that Mustang wasn’t very physically active though. He was rather fleshy and soft looking; not fat, no, not even chubby, not really, but one could definitely tell by looking at him that he’d spent too many long hours in his chair with his ‘coffee flavored milk’, doughnut-breakfasts, and the unhealthy convenience meals that made up the dietary intake of the average bachelor population.
Ed hurriedly pulled on Fuery’s shirt, and frowned when he realized that his shoulders were a little too broad for the shirt. He glanced again at Mustang who was now putting on his own gym tee-shirt. It was fascinating, actually. This was the first time he’d seen Mustang out of uniform at all. Of course, now that he’d decided to go after the colonel, he expected to see him out of uniform more often.
Sitting down, Ed watched interestedly as Mustang continued to change. Next the man pulled off his military pants and folded them neatly before putting them into the locker. That didn’t interest him as much as staring at the colonel’s rear and legs did. Mustang was wearing tan, plaid boxer shorts. Ed shook his head. Too boring. He’d need to be sure to get Mustang into something sexier once he won him.
His eyes traveled down Mustang’s legs which were lightly covered with thin, black hairs. Ed smirked, wondering about the colonel’s other hair. He also kind of wished Mustang would have been facing him with his shirt off. It would have been nice to see how much hair covered his chest...
Ed watched in disappointment as the colonel pulled on the gray, military-issue workout sweats. It was then, that Ed got an idea of how he was going to spend more time with the man. With a grin, Ed said, “You don’t use those much, do you?”
“What?” the man asked irritably and turned to give Ed a flat stare.
“Your workout clothes; you don’t use them much, do you?” he repeated.
Instead of answering, Mustang closed the locker, sat down, and pulled on his gym shoes. When he was done, the colonel stood and said, “Hurry up, Fullmetal.”
Ed grinned, stood, and followed after Mustang. “I’m only taking my time to accommodate you, old man.”
As they headed out to the track, Roy could see that most of the people were already finished, or barely finishing up. Looking around, Roy could see his office staff standing around chatting and stretching out.
“Roy Mustang,” a voice said behind him, and Roy turned to see the sergeant in charge of the fitness evaluations. He looked to be about Roy’s age, but Roy knew that the sergeant was actually a couple years older. He’d held this position for many years, and once Roy had asked him why he didn’t try to get promoted and look for something that would pay better. It turned out that the man liked his job and that advancing in the ranks didn’t interest him in the slightest.
“Sergeant Davis,” Roy said in greeting. “I apologize for being late.” Roy might be higher in rank, but it was Davis’s report that went to Hakuro at the end of the day and it was simply more beneficial to be courteous and friendly, than try to throw his rank around.
Davis shook his head, making one lock of his wavy, brown hair fall almost into his eye. “You can buy me a drink later to make up for me having to stay to evaluate you and...” He looked at his clipboard. “Major Elric.”
“That would be me,” Ed spoke up behind the sergeant.
Davis turned and Roy saw his eyebrows shoot up in surprise before saying, “Well, they were right. You really do look like a grade scho—” The sergeant suddenly cut off when he saw how deeply Ed was scowling at him and how red his face was becoming.
Clearing his throat, the sergeant said, “Why don’t we come over here?” Turning, he beckoned them to follow him close to the track. When he got there, Davis said, “Alright, we’ll start with the push-ups. You need thirty-five in one minute.”
“Is that it?” Ed asked with a smirk as he settled into position.
Roy grumbled under his breath. Was that it? Thirty-five in one minute was plenty for him... It used to be twenty...
When they were both in position, Davis said, “Ready... begin.”
One, two, three, four... Roy counted in his head. It didn’t take long for his arms to begin burning, and by fifteen he was ready to quit. As he forced himself on, Roy glanced over at Ed who was grinning manically at him and was doing his pushups with one arm. Roy growled deep in his throat when he realized that the arm Ed was using was his automail arm.
“Time!” Davis barked, then began scribbling on his notepad. “Major Elric... fifty-seven. Colonel Mustang...” The sergeant stopped and glanced at Roy with a look that Roy knew well. “Twenty-seven...” Roy’s shoulders sagged a little. Every year he was getting further away from what he was supposed to be able to do...
“Right, then,” the sergeant said. “Sit-ups. Thirty in one minute.” He waited until they were in position, then gave them the ‘go’.
As Roy huffed and puffed, trying to ignore the pain in his middle, Ed called out, “This is the easiest thing ever!”
“Shut. Up. Ed,” Roy huffed irritably, and tried to come up with excuses as to why Ed would be able to do more than him. The kid was younger, and smaller... Though that didn’t account for the extra weight of the automail arm, his mind reasoned, and Ed was a fighter so he would obviously be more...
“Time!” Davis called. Roy flopped down to the ground and rubbed his stomach with a groan. “Major Elric... fifty-one. Colonel Mustang... twenty-eight.”
“By my count, I had thirty,” Roy lied.
Davis looked at him blandly, and Roy was pretty sure the man knew he was lying, but instead of calling him on it, he erased what he’d written and jotted something else down instead.
“Thirty it is,” the sergeant said, then added, “I think you owe me two drinks.” He looked up at Roy. “For staying after, of course...”
“Of course,” Roy said easily, then said, “Though I think you deserve three actually,” then began rubbing one of his upper arms.
Davis nodded, erased something and rewrote something else. “Three it is.”
Roy stood up and grunted in satisfaction. Another reason he really liked Davis... If it hadn’t been for him, Roy would have already had problems. Roy glanced over and saw Ed scowling darkly at him, then at Davis, then back at Roy before rolling his eyes and walking over to the track.
“Alright, we just have the mile and a half run left. Major, you need to be around the course between nine minutes, forty-one seconds and ten minutes, forty-eight seconds. Colonel,” Davis said turning to look at Roy. “Ten minutes, forty-six seconds and twelve minutes flat.”
“Hey... why does he get more time?” Ed complained. “Not that I need more time, but that seems a bit like favoritism to me.”
Davis smiled and said, “Actually, it depends on age. You probably never realized it before since we generally split the units that come into age groups, but that’s how it is. Once you hit twenty you’ll be in the same age group as the colonel. It’s between twenty and twenty-nine. Now, if you—”
“Wait,” Roy said in a pathetically eager tone. “I’m thirty now. I get more time.” The sergeant gave him a disbelieving look, and Roy said, “No, really. Today’s my birthday.” He turned to Ed. “Right?”
“Yep,” Ed said. “We had cake and black streamers for him this morning.” The teen stopped then said with a grin, “The only thing that was missing was the birthday spankings.” Roy shook his head feeling a little embarrassed. That was a little more information than he’d rather have shared...
“Alright...” Davis conceded and scribbled something on the paper. “They probably just didn’t have it updated with that information.” A little more scribbling, then, “You have between eleven minutes, one second and twelve minutes, thirty seconds.”
“Like that little bit of time is going to help,” Ed scoffed and walked out onto the track.
Stoically ignoring the teen, Roy followed him onto the track and waited for Davis to give the signal.
“Ready... GO!” Davis called, and Roy took off as fast as he could.
Ed easily kept pace with him and said, “You’re not going to be able to keep that up.”
Roy glared at him, but Ed was right. Already he was starting to slow and his breathing was too heavy. His heart was beating quickly and he knew that he’d have to slow down soon. As he slowed, Ed slowed with him.
“At this pace you won’t make it,” Ed said smartly. “Come on, lazy ass. The great Flame having a hard time? Is that because you’re getting old or because you’ve always sucked?”
“Just go do your assessment, Fullmetal,” Roy barked angrily as he slowed to a walk. The last thing he needed was for this brat to be taunting him like this. He was fully aware of how out of shape he was, but it wasn’t as if he needed to be in shape. Even out in the field, Roy worked at long distance, and the only real effort he needed to put into things was to snap his fingers and work the alchemy—none of which required him to be physically outstanding.
“Yes, sir,” Ed cried mockingly, and began to make exaggerated running motions.
With wounded pride, Roy growled deep in his throat and took off running again, and when he caught up with Ed, Roy pushed the kid hard, knocking him down before leaving him behind.
That felt really good, and it put him in a much better mood despite the fact that he soon had to return to a quick walk. Suddenly, Roy felt himself pushed forward from behind and landed hard on his hands and knees.
“Fucker!” Ed snarled. Roy groaned as he pushed himself back to his feet and saw that the skin on his hands had been somewhat pealed off and in some places he was starting to bleed. His knees also hurt and he could feel something warm and wet trickling down his shin. Roy turned and saw that Ed’s arm was also skinned and that it was also beginning to bleed a little.
“You do know that attacking your superior officer is a punishable offense, don’t you,” Roy asked flatly as he started walking again.
“Fuck you,” Ed said. “You pushed me first.”
“You deserved it...” Roy muttered under his breath.
“Jeez, and you call me immature,” Ed continued on.
Roy glanced at him and said, “You are. Any mature person wouldn’t have been trying to taunt me like that.”
“Oh yeah? And any mature adult wouldn’t go around pushing kids over,” Ed countered.
“I thought you weren’t a kid,” Roy said smartly, and watched as Ed’s face took on an impressive shade of pink.
“I’m not a kid. I stopped being a kid a long time ago,” Ed growled. “You think you know me, but you don’t. You don’t know anything about me, not really, so don’t act as if you do.”
“Nor do I really want to know anything about you, Ed,” Roy returned. “I didn’t ask for you to be transferred to my unit. Why Hakuro gave you to me is beyond my knowledge. For all I know, it was his idea of a warped birthday gift. I don’t even have a job for you to do yet. Right now, you’re just a pain in my ass.”
Ed stared at him for a moment, then pressed his lips together in a tightly controlled smirk. Roy frowned in confusion, then tried to shake it off. Who knew what went on in the kid’s head...
“Okay, fine, whatever,” Ed finally said, then took off running at full speed. It was then, that Roy remembered that he was being evaluated and cursed out loud before starting to jog quickly. His knees burned as he switched from jogging to walking several times and when he reached Davis, he was out of breath and in desperate need of a drink of water.
“So the old man finally made it!” Ed exclaimed from where he was stretching on the grass. Ignoring him, Roy walked to the sergeant and looked down at his time, then winced.
“You did really bad this time,” Davis said quietly.
“Well, I had a few little problems,” he said irritably.
The sergeant nodded. “I saw...”
Roy sighed, “Look, just fudge it and I’ll pay you back.”
Davis dropped his arm holding the clipboard and tapped it against his side. His eyes held a considering look, then he said, “Colonel... I’ve been covering your ass for years now. The whole point of this is to be sure you’re at least in good shape incase you get called out.”
“Yes, but I don’t need—” Roy began but was cut off.
“I understand what you do,” Davis said somberly. “I was in Ishbal during the war. I know all too well, but colonel...” He trailed off, sighed, then said, “I think it would do you some good if something forced you to get into shape and I think that failing the test would do that for you.”
Roy felt dismay at that, but kept his face impassive. “If I fail twice I get discharged...”
“You’ll have a whole year to improve,” Davis said as if explaining it to a child.
“Yes, but it will still be on my record.”
The two men stared at each other for a few moments, and Roy realized that he wasn’t going to be able to talk his way out of this one. Suddenly, from behind them, a voice said, “I have an idea.”
They turned to see Ed standing there with his arms folded, and Roy scowled at the realization that the teen had been listening to the whole conversation.
“What?” Roy growled in displeasure.
Ed smiled smugly at him, then said to Davis, “What if you passed him on the condition that he be able to pass all of this with flying colors in six months.”
Davis frowned. “I don’t really see that happening.”
“What if I worked with him?” Ed offered. “I could be his personal trainer or something.”
Roy’s lips pulled down into an unhappy frown. He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that, but the alternative wasn’t any better... “I’m sure I could do it on my own...” Roy said, not really wanting anyone’s help with this, let alone Ed’s.
“Outside help is better,” Ed reasoned. “I can see problems that you can’t. Plus, I need something to do, right? I need some sort of job and unless you can think of something better...”
“What do I get out of this?” Davis asked with a raised eyebrow.
Ed grinned. “Whatever Mustang was going to pay you, and I’ll double that.”
Roy blinked in surprise, and Davis instantly nodded in agreement. “I think that’s acceptable.”
Ed looked at Roy with a raised eyebrow. “Well?” he asked. When Roy hesitated in answering, Ed said, “Look at me. I’m totally fit. I can get you there too. Come on! This is totally my thing!” It was almost as if Ed wanted Roy to say yes, which made him feel more than a little suspicious.
“I don’t know...” Roy murmured hesitantly.
Ed rolled his eyes and said, “Don’t be an idiot. This is a good opportunity. I’ll even teach you how to fight,” he added.
“Why would I need to know that?” Roy asked irritably. “I’m a long range weapon. I normally don’t go into the thick of battle.”
“Well, for one, it will totally whip your ass into shape, and, for another, you never know what could happen. You might need hand to hand combat skills one day.”
Ed’s points were all good, but...
“Take the offer or I’m failing you,” Davis spoke up. “It will be good for you.”
With a sigh of exasperation, Roy hesitantly agreed, and cringed inwardly when he saw the predatory grin Ed gave him. He had a bad feeling the next six months were going to be hell...
A/N: The jogging time limits given are actual assessment figures for cardiovascular fitness tests. It’s sort of the mid point. If a person is within that range their cardiovascular fitness is said to be ‘good’. There are six categories: Very Poor, Poor, Fair, Good, Excellent, and Superior. I chose ‘good’ for their fitness test because that seemed like a reasonable cut off area.