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xbroken_hearts_'s Journal

22nd February, 2005. 3:43 pm. I cant see the point in patient love when everyone just wants to get fucked.

yeah havent posted cuz i havent had anything to say....soooooooooo yeah ok this post was pointless sorry.

Current mood: aiwj;fab.

(2 honks | and waves)

13th February, 2005. 1:02 am. Yeah you still kiss me, but its just on the cheek.

So yeah i went to sweethearts didnt expect to have a good time but i did danced with alyssa. it was a good time i love her. i miss her right im hoping i can see her tommorow but i doubt it just cuz...yeah but i can hope and if not ill see her on monday which is valentines day so yeah either way...yeah idk tonight i feel i kinda got closer to alyssa idk maybe thats just me maybe she felt it i couldnt tell you im no inside her mind and yeah last night i told her how i was feeling about this whole corey thing and im glad i told her got it off my chest and either she told me what i wanted to hear or she was telling the truth i think its choice b. told me the truth......ahhh im happy right now cuz im missing alyssa so much i havent missed her in this good way in a while and i love her and im just happy im with her and that she's mine again you havent a clue how much she means to me i hope she knows how much she means to me but yeah...this bitch is done.

Current mood: haha nerdy.

(3 honks | and waves)

10th February, 2005. 7:19 pm. Please dont make this harder, No I wont Yet.

I dont know how it happened dont ask. it just did and im damn greatful and very happy.

Current mood: amused.

(4 honks | and waves)

6th February, 2005. 12:18 pm. What i want to say but dont seem to have the courage.

I want to say i love you i miss you im sorry if ive done you wrong but please just forgive me...i know she wont. i want to say hug me comfort me make me feel safe again. she did she made me feel safe and secure and...i loved that. i miss her so much i want to feel safe again i want to kiss her im going to miss her kisses god...her kisses.... why did i do what i did why did she have to leave i want to prove myself again but i feel like i dont know her anymore im so sad im soooo lost i know its a corny depressed cliche "im soo lost without you" but sometimes its true and in this case it is you have no idea how much i want her back im going to want that everyday for a while until i except its over and i dont even know if she meant that if i proved myself maybe we would get back together i dont think so... i think its over forever but then again theres this little inkling of hope in my heart that maybe just maybe i can do this maybe i can have her back but i dont act on that hope because i dont want my hopes getting up. god i miss her, everything about her her smell her kiss, her everything...but no one really cares not a god damn person not even my mom ha. god im miserable. im so pathetic if i do by some chance get her back i will treat her like a goddess i will treat her with respect i wont blow up on her i wont i just wont i cant promise any of this of course i am human and humans make mistakes but i can promise you as much as possible i would try my absolute hardest not to. reasons why i wont tell her these things.
1. she wouldnt believe me.
2. she'll just think i sound pathetic.
3. it wont do any good i dont think im getting her back but ill still sure as hell try.

i miss you so sos sososososososososo much. god even that reminds me of you cuz you used to do it all the time wow i am lost. enough whining 4 you 2 see 2 day....haha i had to god i love her.

Current mood: idk..

(3 honks | and waves)

6th February, 2005. 11:28 am. Little Things Mean A lot.

Yeah she didnt have to call to say goodnight but she did. it made me feel good if she believes me or not but it did it made me fall asleep with out crying myself to sleep so once again i thank you. it shows you still somewhat care.

Current mood: hopeful....lets just hope.

(and waves)

5th February, 2005. 10:47 pm. And your voice is like a prayer.

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so that you're not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time

So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up

Current mood: guess faggots..

(2 honks | and waves)

5th February, 2005. 8:06 pm. Ignoring every word whoa every word when you tell me whoa be still but oh god.

So today was probably one of THE worst days of my life it involved lots of crying (yeah i know what youre thinking stupid emo kid) but whatever i did i cried a lot today felt sick to my stomach thought a lot more than i shouldve and it just plain fucking sucked....school is going to suck major ass on monday i have to drive with my dad tommorow...i fucking hate this.

I'm so sorry.

Current mood: meh..

(and waves)

4th February, 2005. 11:00 pm. So we're left with broken hearts growing older and growing apart.

Sooo yeah saw boogie man with alyssa today what a gay movie it was scary and all but god the plot was fucking horrible i hated it. not worth my five fifty ugh. then me and her went to the basketball games with meghan. yeah yeah she's kool but soo annoying with her little thing that she does all the time 2 hott for you 2 handle 24/7 4 life. then yeah after the basketball game the plan was say we were going back to my house have jon pick us up and take us back to nicks house cuz theres no parents but that plan got FUCKED up the ass and i just realized how fucking generic boring and just like everyone elses entry this is whatever happened to me using a journal for personal thoughts and shit like with my xanga? hmmm idk maybe i just felt like you telling you guys about my day is that a sin? i dont think so well nicks bugging me to play Halo 2 alyssa's not talking to me cuz she's with meghan sooo yeah im gonna go play halo.


Current mood: hahah horny....

(2 honks | and waves)

4th February, 2005. 2:09 pm.

soo yeah i guess im starting a live journal cuz im soo kool. and emo. and scene.... but not really im just bored and xanga is boring me soo hopefully this will work out better i need to change my smiley faces and get an effing picture of me in here but idk how to do that yet and i dont have a digital camera cuz i wanna take like a kool picture? ok yeah a scene picture i know its a fad but i like it for some reason. ok im gonna go figure this out just cuz i wanted to see how this looks. later bitches.

Current mood: annoyed.

(1 honk | and waves)