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I had an awesome conversation with Fr. Yates last night about vocations; it was my favorite part of the day! He mentioned how he had given Mass at the Pink Sisters today, and I mentioned how I visited them when I was discerning the religious life, and I thought that was totally one of those throw-away comments, but he said, “I didn’t you know you had been discerning the religious life.” And then we got into an awesome discussion about discernment! And I just loved it cuz I haven’t gotten to see my spiritual director for awhile now (he had to cancel on me two weeks ago, and now I have to wait till he gets back from Greece), so I ended up getting to discuss things I’ve been wanting to discuss! I told him, with an extremely guilty tone and face, “I think I’m being called to married life. Sorry!”
“Why are you apologizing??” he asked.
“Well, cuz we really need religious vocations, and EVERYONE seems to be getting married!”
So then we talked about the beauty of marriage as a vocation and how badly we need that just as much as religious vocations. I confessed, “I just get jealous when a girl is going into a convent; I think it’d be so cool to have THAT vocation.” (I know this probably doesn’t make sense….it’s like, I want BOTH vocations, but you need to decide, and by deciding on marriage I’m turning down the religious life, and is it so strange that I just don’t want to reject either??)
“Then it sounds like what you need to pray for now is *acceptance*.” Fr. Yates said. Awww, so wise!! Man, just the perfect counsel, praise God. I’ve been given my vocation, and now I need to accept it.

I once had this vision….one of those scenes you see in your head while daydreaming, only I call it a vision cuz it’s much more random and loaded with meaning: I was walking down the aisle in a church in this beautiful, ornately decorated medieval dress, and Jesus was standing at the altar, and when I reached the altar, Jesus placed a crown on my head and said to me, “The gown is the graces I give you, and the crown is your vocation.”

That was a random tangent. While talking with Fr. Yates, I realized something—“Maybe what I’m longing for in the religious life is something I need to incorporate into my daily life!” Like, maybe one CAN have both vocations to some degree! I embrace marriage as my vocation, and then I pepper some religious vocation aspects amongst my life! Does that make sense? But as to what I should incorporate, I’m not sure…I’m going to have to go back and read my journal entries from when I was firmly decided on a religious vocation (back in 2006) and see what I did differently then, cuz at that time I felt so spiritual and confident and carefree, so I must’ve been doing something worth repeating then. If I find anything, I’ll fill you all in.



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June 2010
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