a tad bit wilde. wilde_'s Journal
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[09 Mar 2006|05:07am]
We packed up a few days of clothes and haphazardly laid around morning. We had yet to "make-up" completely but I was content with just laying in her arms and talking or watching tv. We didn't have to utter a word to one another and it was pure bliss.

Throwing my bags out onto the porch, I take a seat on the stairs. I pull a cigarette from my pocket and light it up quickly. She hated my habit, this I knew, but it was an addiction. Just like she was.

"Baby let's go!" I yell back into the house, squinting against the sunlight. My head scorching from the heat, the dark hair attracting more sun than I was used to. "Michelle!"
* 18 Get Wilde *

Wednesday Night - The house. [07 Jan 2006|02:48am]
I moved on from beer to liquor today, I needed something stronger after my visit with Michelle. It was only a Wednesday night, but I wanted to party or something. I had gotten dressed up in nice jeans and a tank top that showed off my better features. I put up my hair and did my make-up flawlessly, even made sure I smelled fantastic. But instead of leaving the house, I sat here on the couch, the music blasting and several open bottles in front of me on the coffee table.

How I was going to deal with this had yet to be determined and like the hypocrite I was, I drank my problems with Michelle away. Sara and Em were busy for the night, so I was being pathetic and drowning my sorrows on my own.
* 50 Get Wilde *

[01 Jan 2006|03:13pm]
I didn't want things to be weird between Sara & I, or obvious either. So I invited her and Emmanuelle over for a New Year's get-together. I called Rosario, but I only got her machine, so I left her a message. And I hadn't heard from JB so I wasn't sure if she was back or not. I called her cell phone and if she got it she'd answer.

I'd ordered Chinese, got lots of alcohol - liquor and beer - and I planned to get completly smashed in order to forgot how bad the last year had actually been. I had already started my own little party before the guests were even set to arrive.
* 53 Get Wilde *

monday evening - my place [31 Dec 2005|01:57pm]
I had ordered the pizzas, picked up some beer and grabbed a few DVDs from the shop. I thought about what Sara had said, I needed to live instead of moping around and waiting for Michelle to be well again. So tonight I planned to get trashed and watch silly movies. It'd be nice to have drama free company.

I still wasn't wearing Michelle's ring. I put it in a drawer next to our bed. I'd get it back on when I knew for sure she was coming home. But while she was gone and shit was so fucked up, it just didnt seem right.
* 63 Get Wilde *

Sunday - Evening - The Ocean [31 Dec 2005|01:11am]
I knew exactly where she'd be. At the beach, where we had our first date. I didn't know if I should be afraid, but I was a little. She really wailed on Em back at the house. I wouldn't be surprised if there was something broken.

I didn't think that Emmanuelle deserved the punch, but she did taunt Michelle. I just didn't understand after everything that had transpired between myself and Em, that she'd defend me like she did. I kinda felt responsible for the anger that was directed at her from Michelle, for the disdain that everyone threw at her. I didn't know what to think of her anymore.

But then there was my fiancee, my soulmate. I barely recognized her when she threw that punch, and for moments I felt as though I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. But still here I am, chasing after her. She's crouched in the sand, Zeus circling her as puppies do. She looked like a lost little girl. Alone.
* 36 Get Wilde *

Friday Night - Michelle & Olivia's. [21 Dec 2005|07:04pm]
It had taken a lot of nagging, but I finally got Michelle to start helping me with Christmas decorations. I had trusted her to get up on that cursed ladder again and hang the lights, and now it was night time and she should be just finishing.

With Christmas shopping, Michelle being home, family feuds with Jordana and a huge sale down at the store, I was lucky if I had time to breathe. It was getting a little chilly out, being December, so while Michelle was finishing I had started a fire in the yard.

Christmas was my favorite holiday so inside the house it looked like a mall display. There were decorations and lights everywhere, we hadn't gotten a tree yet, but all the ornaments were in tins & boxes on our living room floor. We were too busy to go tree shopping. I was little-kid excited about Christmas normally, but spending it with Michelle made it seem so much better.

And I wasn't going to let a fight with my cousin ruin my favorite time of the year.

I put water on to make hot chocolate, checking one last time on the fire before walking to the front porch to check on Michelle's progress. "Aren't you done yet?"
* 31 Get Wilde *

outside of the shop [19 Jul 2005|06:35pm]
After waking up to an empty house, let alone an empty bed, I had planned to sit myself in front of the tv in OUR house to watch some movies until Michelle came back to cuddle with. But after realizing what day it was, and that my oh-so-loved cousin was coming into town, I panicked. I rushed to the shower, threw on a pair of short jean shorts that I was SURE were Emmanuelles ( causing me to grimace ) and a tank top and ran to the shop.

In the haste of trying to open that pesky door, I had spilled the contents of my purse. Swearing under my breath, I bend down, heaving for breath, to pick them up.

After coughing several times, I mumble to myself. "Must. Quit. Smoking." I used to be able to run four miles without blinking an eye. I reach for the scatttered contents, shaking my head.
* 66 Get Wilde *

Saturday Morning - Record Shop [07 Jul 2005|12:59am]
I had tried to stay in the shop, to get some sleep. It was unsuccessful, so I re-alphabatized the ska section and switched Rock and rap around. I moved some shelves and made a makeshift bed in the middle of the shop.

I couldnt sleep on that futon, her presence was still there.


Her presence was everywhere.

I had seen Em, walking down the street. But she didn't dare to come in, or even stop to look. She kept her head down and briefly made eye contact with me. I was glad. I was liable to rip her throat out.

And I hadn't seen Michelle's car at all on the streets of Athena today, not once did it drive by. I got to thinking about her enough without having to see her... She was beautiful. Ignorant at times, stubborn and rough. But she was beautiful. Not just looks, though she was. She wasn't the 'Stop on the street and stare' beautiful. She was the kind that if you just caught her eye in passing, it'd be hard to look away. Something about her had me hooked, and even with what she had done, all I wanted was for her to come and hold me while I laid on the cold floor of the record shop.

So I waas content on switching between blaring Dashboard Confessional and crying myself into stupor. I was sure that if I had any customers today, they'd be so terrified of my appearance they'd bolt.

So here I sat, mirror leaning against the counter and me plopped on the floor in front of it, attempting to correct my shaken appearance.
* 6 Get Wilde *

Friday - Early Afternoon - Michelle's [09 Jun 2005|11:46pm]
Stretching like a cat, my long body reached the end of the bed I roll over. Confusedly, I open my eyes to see what's restricting my waist. Remembering last night, a slow smile creeps across my face. I kiss her lips softly, running my fingers up her bare side.

"Chelle." I let my fingers frame her face, memorizing the features the best that I could. Her lightly closed eyes, her perfectly formed cheekbones that I ran my finger across, her full lips. I place another kiss to them before continuing. "Baby, wake up. Do you have to work?"

Because I sure as hell didn't. I was the owner of that record shop now, and it would open whenever I got around to it. But she sure as hell was difficult to wake up.
* 47 Get Wilde *

another day [22 Mar 2005|12:03am]
so i'm pulling through okay, i guess.
got a call from home today, they said they miss me.
they never were good bullshitters.

i think i'll take another walk around town tomorrow, get a feel of my surroundings. i always seem to have to have my exit strategy planned. just in case i have to bail. i've seen some of the townies around, but haven't really spoken to anyone.

God, this is such a lifestyle change for me. Athena's such a small town, miniscule in proportion to New York. It's something I'll have to adjust to. I needed to remove myself from that city, it was polluted. Not just the air, the atmosphere. I was sick of all the exes and the drama that surrounded my life there. My uncle told me he'd get me a job in Athena so I could settle my life down.

That's a whole 'nother story. They think I've thrown away my life, on booze and babes nonetheless. God what do they know. I've been stable and independant since I turned 17. I don't need their help. Oh, who am I kidding... I've never had my own two feet on the ground in my life. They rub it in my face too... Sorry... ranting... I'm just bitter.

Maybe Athena will be just what I need to feel happy again.
* Get Wilde *

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