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Dec. 13th, 2015 | 03:27 pm

This journal is 90% public 10% friendlock.
Comment, and if I find you interesting I will add you back.
If I don't, please don't take it offensively.
It just means I'm not opening my inner thoughts to you.

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Good bye livejournal.

Sep. 29th, 2010 | 01:19 pm

moved to a new blog


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The girl with balloons

Jul. 14th, 2010 | 12:11 am

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Bitter ends

Jun. 7th, 2010 | 09:12 pm

Lately I've been experiencing bouts of depressing feelings. And I find it hard to blog about it. It feels like I've lost a large part of my life and former interests away, while trying to aimlessly grasp a new set of interests that don't seem to quite gel with me.

I missed school. I missed working like a dog on a set as we rush to shoot scenes after scenes, project after projects. I missed hiding in the editing labs to stay back after closing just so I can continue editing my film. I missed sleeping 3-4 hours each day as I travel down to school for morning classes.

I would also spend hours at night with isaac, talking about a lot of things. Our dreams, our future and what we should and should not do with our lives. Supper was always hokkien mee and teh pengs. And after we bought our electrical bikes, riding them through the night was the best form of freedom I ever experienced.

I'm be honest and say that I also missed my old life, when I was heavily involved in the anime community. Watching animes, blogging on my aniblog, receiving tonns of comments and interacting with my readers, buying figurines, going on cosplay photoshoots, etc etc.

As I grew busier, I started doing less of that. And something in my head told me I should have lesser dealings with all this "otaku" stuff, and I started throwing those roots behind. Today I went back to my old aniblog and read all the entries and comments and it made me missed the old times.

Now, what do I do each day? I spend hours and all my energy on my recruits, pushing them to their limits, disciplining and scolding them, guiding and advising them. I talk, shout, joke and motivate my guys. I don't have to do all of this, but I still do. Even when I'm getting closer to my ORD date I still put in the same amount of energy I put when I took my first batch of recruits.

But is this what I really want to do? Before I enlisted I told myself I would spend my free time writing and working on building up a pool of scripts that I would then shoot after I ORD. But what do I have? Nothing. I keep squandering my free time around doing nothing. I play games, marathon dramas and spend an obscene amount of time on the internet. Because I'm broke as shit from paying for my macbookpro and 7D, I hardly go out to so as to save more money.

Even with those new toys, the lack of money just prevents me for doing anything I want to really do. I keep thinking of shooting music videos, short films but they all get cock-blocked in the end.

And as such, I'm really starting to feel very left out and tired. My social circle outside my army life is dwindling. It's pathetic. I haven't met anyone new in ages, talked about something I loved in ages or do anything I loved in ages. Everything's in a shamble now and I'm starting to lose the meaning of my existence.

It's so scary to think about what I'm going to do after I ORD. I've been doing the same thing for the last 1 plus year and to suddenly stop it all... it's going to be a huge system shock.

Help me, I'm really at a loss.

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Avant Premiere

Jun. 7th, 2010 | 08:51 pm

Last week, I went down to Lasalle 2010 graduating degree class screening at The Cathay. It was a great feeling to be back with the familiar faces. There were a couple of people from the industry and it's nice to know that I'm still not forgotten. Always nice to hear offers of future collaboration.

This year's screening is the biggest so far- the school booked a hall in the Cathay. A real cinema hall. I could say that I was a little jealous. To be able to watch your film on the big screen with proper sound design and all is a really big thing. But I'm glad they got this treatment. We on the other hand, were shafted with a screening in school only.

5 films were screened, and I thought they were all very good in their own ways. Visually, the shots were well composed, though a couple of the films had grain issues with their night scenes. Which is odd because I thought the Varicam wouldn't have such a problem. My 7D shoot better in the night, lol.

Watching their shorts made me very sad, because it reminded me how much I loved film making and how little I've done during my army stint. Even though I'm finally coming closer to ORDing (93 more days!), I feel inadequate to work on another film. I just can't seem to write anymore, and all I think about is the look and angles of random scenes I want to shoot in my head.

Guess I'm better off doing a music video instead.

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True Story.

May. 30th, 2010 | 07:52 am

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May. 30th, 2010 | 07:37 am

If only my i lived my life in polaroid pictures, how easy life would be. Capturing a fleeting smile that would translate into happiness for eternal.

I'm feeling really lousy these days. Work is exhausting, and I just want to get out for good. As much as I like this place, I just want to ORD. I want to dive back into filmmaking again, feeling the rush of making a film from scratch and watching it in its completed form.

I know I keep talking about the same thing all the time. But that's because it's all I ever think about. There's so many people I want to collaborate and shoot with. Sometimes I'll randomly surf around on facebook and see people that I want to cast them. Sometimes I'll listen to music that makes me want to shoot my own music video. Sometimes I read or hear stories that I want shoot a short.

And then there is sometime where I want to meet someone special, and share my love for film making. Someone to speak my language, understand why it excites me. Even though I have very close friends, they aren't into what really drives me. It's like I'm always alone in my journey to become a recognized film maker.

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Emotions are a baggage I cannot carry

May. 29th, 2010 | 02:21 pm

O' trusty livejournal. Even though I've been spending so much time updating my life on facebook, most of them are pretty superficial. This is probably the closest comfortable place I have on the interweb.

I'm pretty stretched at work. My platoon has a shortage of manpower and it's only me and another specialist rotating platoon duties back and forth. It's exhausting especially since I always put in my 100% for the platoon.

There's a growing bitterness that we are experiencing probably due to the prolong period that we are staying in. Confinement period is the worst because there's just so much things to teach, do and watch out for. It's hell. Contrary to popular beliefs, being a specialist in Tekong isn't a walk in the park. We play the role of a commander, instructor, teacher, mentor, babysitter, friend, parent and role model to our recruits. And being in a company that has constantly strive on high standards plus winning best company 4 batches in a row just makes it even harder.

It's that I don't enjoy this. I really do like what I'm doing, I just need to get out of camp and have a good weekend.

Another thing that has been seeping into me slowly like poison is longing for a close companionship. I've stayed alone far too long already. I've always thought I'll be fine being like this, but my heart doesn't quite agree with my mind anymore. It's an uncomfortable feeling, I hate this stupid feeling.

I don't know what to write anymore.

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Commander Bio

May. 19th, 2010 | 11:05 pm

We were told to make our own bio to be pasted on our recruit's bunk door; each commander would do one for his own section. Since we were given free reign to come up with anything we wanted, I decided to stick to my minimalistic design roots and came out with this:

Left | Right

Excuse the fine prints, the beauty about the army is that i get to be the biggest asshole and get away with it.


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Arp daye.

May. 18th, 2010 | 12:58 pm

Past few days I've been holed up at home, sick like a dog. I refuse to take any medicines and I believe in my own immune system. I'll just rest and drink lot of water.

Of course occasionally I slip out when the masters are not looking. But it only made the coughing worst. Hah, who cares.

My new batch of recruits are coming this thursday. My first PES BP batch, the infamous fat boys intake. Time to slim them down.

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