Word Count: 1235
Notes: This took me a month, and I'm still horribly unsatisfied. I can't think up a proper name for this, either. I'm sorry for my writers block. This was the best I could do at the moment.
It was that brilliant feeling of floating through a life filled with love, happy and perfect, and even the feeling of the world crashing down on you, tragic but still beautiful, that he lived for.
His love for Eeteuk was innocent and bright, like cotton candy on a bright sunny day. It was the quiet love that he kept locked in his heart, but shone though his smile whenever their eyes happened to meet. It was as fleeting as those beautiful day, and attraction was quickly changed to a platonic love and he respected Eeteuk most of all.
The love he had for Hankyung was foreign and bright, like the accent that tinted his words as he spoke. His hair stood on end when their arms brushed and he found himself trying to find more reasons to be close by and he got the Chinese boy to try and teach him how to wrap his tongue around the sharper sounds of Mandarin. But as his lips fumbled the sounds and phrases, his love stuttered and faltered like his tongue, and turns to admiration of the older boys endurance.
With Ryeowook, everything was soft and comforting in the way hot chocolate slides down your throat and pools warm in your stomach on wintry days. Soft giggled melded into soft touches and soft touches into feather-light kisses, as silky pads of fingers ran like rain along bodies. But winter always melted into spring, and the two mutually found that they didn’t need anything other than friendship to be close to one another.
Kangin radiate likes the sun: bright, and warm, and full of life, and he feels like he could bask in that glow forever. The older boy smiles shine, and while not the loudest of their group, anyone close can feel the warmth and affection that seemed to pour out of him. He drinks that power in, and lets it fill him to the brim with that sunshine. But anyone in his presence could tell that Kangin only truly shone for one person, and just as easily see that the other only had eyes for him as well; he didn’t have a chance against the calming balance that Kangin craved, but it was nice to get lost in that brilliant warmth from time to time.
Heechul was demanding and fickle and it reminded him of fireworks. The older man had suddenly taken a liking to him, and he had little choice in the matter, not that he minded. It was exciting and new and it was nice to be the one who was coveted opposed to him being the one pining, to be the one being lead and touched and loved. But after the initial bang of it setting off, the bright explosions of colour and light, it was inevitable that it would fizzle before disappearing. He knew that Heechul would tire of him and move on, so he didn’t mind basking in the memory of bright flashes behind his closed eyes.
His time with Shindong was like fresh from the oven pumpkin pie; he was sweet and warm and the feeling filled and warmed him head to toe; lips were decadent against his own, sugar coated lips spilling kisses and promises. But there’s a reason gluttony is a sin; over indulgence never did anyone any good and it’s best to stop before you begin to feel sick. While their time together was over, there was always that lingering taste of sugar when their eyes met, bringing a smile to both friends faces at the memories.
Siwon always made him think of a brilliant movie star, painfully gorgeous and lovely, but even more unattainable. He always looks beautiful, even if he had just rolled out of bed and it was hard to stop the fluttering of his heart as he flashed a bright smile and looked straight into your eyes. His voice was silky smooth and words slipped sweetly from his lips, enchanting all who listened, which he found himself seeking out like a lovesick teenager. Even if he didn’t want to, everyone grows out of crushes on movie stars, because there was never really real love; you can only idolize someone for so long.
Donghae and Eunhyuk had sought him out and coaxed him like a snake to a charmer with seductive words and offers of something new and tantalizingly exotic; the two were passionate and surrounded him like a second set of skin, and he couldn’t help but let himself stop thinking as he let the two carry him away. But there was never another test to see if the unknown would be just as sweet and exciting the second time: wedged between the two was not a place he truly wanted to be, lest it caused rifts in their friendships, ties severed like threads of silk pulled taunt before they snap.
Kibum was quiet and soft, reminding him of the chair his father kept in his home office, all worn leather and familiar comfort; it was as though the younger boy slowly let his body be conformed to fit, letting him curl into the curve of his chest, the dip of his shoulder, arms coming around to hold him as if they were made to do just that. His voice was steady and smooth, covering him in the warmth of their words, letting lips sooth away worries like a balm for his soul. But despite the honest lull of whispered promises, none ever rang true in his eyes; Kibum’s eyes would only burn for curving smirks and proud movements of another and he thinks that the younger boy was the only one to ever truly break his heart.
With Yesung, he feels like he’s fallen down the rabbit hole, the world changing and swirling before his eyes, reality lost in a blur of colour and sensation; he’s distraught and drunk, heart still freshly shattered, and the older boy was far too willing to help him forget for a night. But when he woke the next morning, head swimming and pain radiating through his body, he feels startling even more lost than he had before.
He can’t help himself when Kyuhyun comes to try and pick up the pieces that are left behind, the feeling of someone holding you tight too sweet to resist. He lets the youngest leave a trail of fluttering kisses on exposed skin, lets the apologies spill off Kyuhyun’s lips, heating deep down to the marrow of his bones. He lets hands ghost across skin, everything so gentle and so very soft, exactly the opposite he wanted himself to be treated (rough and hard and raw, the way his heart seemed to feel), as if he meant the world to the youngest. He lets his tears fall as he sees stars behind his eyelids and presses his hand tight against his mouth to muffle out the name he knows he shouldn’t be screaming. It’s slow, drawn out, far too sweet, and by the end of the night he can hardly remember himself and Kyuhyun falls from his lips like a prayer. Waking up the next day, Kyuhyun still fast asleep beside him, arms slung tightly around Sungmin’s waist and mumbling out half formed sentences that end up promising him the world and more, he realized that perhaps he needed all of his past experiences to lead him to this point.