three blues, two greens and a beer (tryingtosay_) wrote,
three blues, two greens and a beer

[fic] Band Umma; Kangteuk

Title: Band Umma
Fandom: SuJu
Pairing: Kangteuk
Wordcount: 713
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Crack and mpreg. Born from a hilarious conversation with freefallskyline and for mirrorspy because I love me some Sarahpie ♥ she wanted happy. And crack can be happy.


“Sungmin, put that away for breakfast; Hyukjae, stop bothering Ryeowook; Yesung, don’t put that in Shindong’s coffee; Kangin, I’m pregnant.”

Eeteuk went about his usual morning leader routine in such a fluid, continuous sentence that everyone almost missed the final statement and it took a few seconds for it to sink in. Sungmin dropped his music player simultaneously as Eunhyuk paused mid-tug of Ryeowook’s bed hair. Yesung continued to mix baking soda into a steaming mug.

Kangin choked on his cereal. Eeteuk happily patted him on the head and went off to wake up Donghae.

“You’d think eleven kids were enough for our leader.” Sungmin mumble thoughtfully, chin resting on his hand as Kangin stumbled after the eldest, and Sungmin took that as an affirmative.

He catches up with Eeteuk in the hall and wants to grab him and shake him, but as his hands wrap around his arms, he remember the part where he’s pregnant and freezes. Not knowing exactly what to do, he stands still and holds him at arms length. Kangin manages to sputter out a few syllables, before Eeteuk shimmies out of his hold and turns to give him a chipper kiss on the tip of his nose.

“It’ll be alright, don’t worry.” he cocks his head to the side and his lips spring into a smile. “Seems fitting, don’t you think? Now I’m really the umma!” Kangin can’t even get in the part where Eeteuk is a boy and could not be knocked up.

But five months later, when Eeteuk is round and happy and glowing and buying small clothing, Kangin thinks this isn’t a bad idea. He thinks it’s the worst idea every to happen, which is saying something after the incident with Donghae and the sea monkey, even topping the flavored gelatin fiasco. Everyone was being overly helpful, making sure Eeteuk did nothing but delegate what everyone should be doing from a comfy seat. Kangin tried to ignore the situation completely, but it’s hard when your boyfriend is rubbing the swell of his tummy and telling him to touch it because the baby is squirming and kicking and restless (“just like appa!”). Even Heechul has gotten into it, crooning at Eeteuk’s belly and talking in a bubbling baby voice. It seems no one else is aware of how bizarre the situation and Kangin is sure that everyone has finally gone crazy, or perhaps he has.

It’s well into the eighth month and Kangin thinks he’s finally ready to snap. Eeteuk looks as though he’s swallowed a basket ball and is so hormonal, the other members feel like they were walking on glass. The dorm has gone from messy to sparkling. Eeteuk writes it off as a need to nest, but now everyone was too scared to do anything, ever since Eunhyuk spilt a drink. The small blotch of cold tea caused Eeteuk to break down, tears flowing, and declaring that no one appreciates him or his position in the band. No one dared to rat out any other member when a shoe or a shirt was misplaced, and even Shindong’s pile of laundry was neatly folded on fear of a hormonal leader.

When he found Eeteuk trying to iron a large pile of socks, Kangin could finally take it no longer and he has to pulls the other aside. Kangin tries, he really does, to tell him with half formed sentences and large hand gestures exactly how he feels about this all, but Eeteuk doesn’t seem to get it, and starts to weep copiously.

“You don’t love me because I’m fat!” he blubbers and Kangin again wishes he could literally shake some sense into the older boy. The baby decides that’s the moment to rupture its placenta and hyperventilation seems to be a logical thing for Kangin to do in a situation such as this.

Thankfully, Kangin’s subconscious decides not to torture him any longer, and he wakes up with a gasp. Bolting upright, his hands flail to the smaller man at his side, successfully startling Eeteuk awake and the pressing and prodding of his still very much flat midsection.

“Have we starting filming again?” Eeteuk managed to slur, still disoriented before Kangin kisses him, desperately relieved and muttering about never having unprotected sex ever again.

Tags: fic, kangteuk, suju
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