hold on

It's been quite some time since this thing has had an update..

Lets see whats new with me?

Other than the fact that I'm becoming completley sick of my life and myself? Nothing.

I just turned 20 a few weeks ago.. as some one say the big 2-0.. and I feel as if I don't have much to show for myslef. Most of the people I gre up with and graduated school with are in their 3rd year of college.. thinking about where they want to take their lives. I feel lost in translation... I've tried out alot of different things but still haven't seemed to find my niche. But I mean... does anyone really know? Does anyone really truly find that one comfort zone as to where they want to be for the rest of their life?

I think that there are many lost souls wandering around. Alot of us pretend like we know where our lives are headed... but in all reality were just as scared as the next person.

Thats what I'm trying to figure out myself. I mean I really could care less about alot of things right now. It's a little scary... But I think in some ways I've just really matured as a person and I'm ready to break out of this little box I call my life. I don't mean to sound cliche... but I want to do something big with my life. I feel as if I was put on this earth with a purpose... I want to make a difference somehow... I want to matter. I have so much passion and no where to use it and make it matter.

My goal is to get through school, declare a final major and stick with it so I at least have a bachelors under my belt and then try and see where life takes me. I want to travel and see the world... have fun doing it and change for the better... not just for myself but to benefit others as well.

I want to be able to look back on my life when I'm old and married and looking at my own kids and be able to say "Wow.. I made the best possible use out of my time when I was young while I could." I don't want to be one of those people that sits back and dreams of the time when they were young.. carefree and thinking about all the things that they could have done. Nope... not going to be me.

I guess I have changed quite a bit in the past year or so... maybe I'm not really on the right path right now.. but I really believe that I will be soon.. and I'm going to be such a happier better person when I figure all of this out.

Wow talk about self-revealing... until next time.
  • Current Music
    The Starting Line

there's beauty in the breakdown

It's warm summer days like this when I miss her the most. My favorite thing to do would be to sit out on the patio.. under the umbrella sipping on some iced tea.. with my nose in a good book. My grandmom would show me how to appriciate life. With her long gone, I sometimes forget how.
  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy

Oh life

definitley has a way of turning itself around. I mean.. I'm not going to jynx anything but I can say I have a good feeling about him. About this one.. theres a connection there that I've never felt before. : )

My friend Nicole came over today with her daughter Nakia and they went swimming in my pool. Nakia was soooo cute... it was her very first time swimming! She didn't like the water at first but then warmed up to it later.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot with KODAK Z760 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA at 2007-07-24

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot with KODAK Z760 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA at 2007-07-24

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot with KODAK Z760 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA at 2007-07-24

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot with KODAK Z760 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA at 2007-07-24

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot with KODAK Z760 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA at 2007-07-24

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot with KODAK Z760 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA at 2007-07-24
  • Current Mood
    jubilant jubilant

Lets see...

Jacqui has inspired me to make an update in this thing.

Lets see... life as of latley has been crazy. Time is flying by and the days all blur together. I keep myself really busy.. either working or going out.. and spending time with mah friendss.

Summer oh seven has begun.. and it's been so fun already! I feel so free to do whatever the hell I want... the world is mine for the taking! I'm single and carefree and I want it stay that way. This past spring, my grandmom passed away (the one that moved in with my family in september) and things just got really hard for me. I didn't do well in school and my parents have decided to stop paying my tuition. So, I got a full time job as a nanny lined up in the fall.. I'm planning on saving up as much as I can so my student loans won't be as bad. I'm probably not even going to go to school in the fall... I'm going to wait til the spring. I know so many people are going to judge me for that.. and tell me I'm never going back. But I know myself... and I do believe school is very important and is something that I am definitley going to have in my future. I'm changing my major to pediatric nursing.. and maybe if I can get my grades up I can get some scholarship money.

Onto other things... my family aka my mom has been stressing me out latley. Today we had such a huge blow up I found myself screaming and running out the door into the rain... with a bag of my belongings..... getting in my car and driving to the Pennyslvania border. I was just so angry.. but it was a different feeling.. like one I've never had before. I just don't even know where to begin with this whole thing because it's so much to even think about right now. My parents need to learn how to treat me like an adult... and living at home under their roof isn't helping the whole situation. Alot of my friends don't understand, because they experienced getting to move out and live on their own. Latley, I've just realized that I have really truly missed out on that entire experience... and it's so hard for me to deal with. I need to make some sort of a change because things are just falling apart. It's really complicated and hard to understand... so I'm just going to move on.

I still work at American Eagle in columbia mall... things are different.. not to mention the fact that the store is being remodeled so we had to relocate to a tiny spot upstairs. I don't think I'm going to get used to it during the next TWO MONTHS. Anyway.. I'm excited because in a couple weeks I will be heading to Ocean City with some of the girls I work with for a girls weekend.. and it sounds fabbbulous! ♥

I quit Starbucks... honestly I miss the people.. I don't miss the labor involved. That shit was hard... seriously.. and they changed managment right when I left and apparently everything has gone to all hell. Hmmmm oh well. Alsooooo... I've been wanting to get my nose pierced! and Starbucks doesn't allow it... so Monday night I went with Dana to get it done! It hurt like a motherfuckerrrr but it was worth it because it's so so so cute and it makes me so happy! I just have to clean it alot because I don't want it to get infected.

Hmmm what else.. I'm excited for this weekend because I'm going to OC with my best friends Dana and Alleen.. and we're going to party all night and beach it all day. I plan on meeting plenty of hot hot sexxxxyy boys. And working on my tannn : P

Until next time ♥

  • Current Music
    ATL goes acoustic


Getting high with my fellow starbucks employees... priceless!!!!!!!!!! ; )
  • Current Music
    V. Carolton - White Houses


Life has been such a rollercoaster lately. I feel like I'm becoming this totally different person.

It suprises me how much people take life for granted, with how selfish they all are. I mean it's not even a good world out there anymore. As I grow older, I feel shocked by the reality of it all. I know I need to find the good in things but it's really hard for me these days. I feel sad all the time, and I just feel like something is missing from my life. That part of my heart that will ultimatley make me happy. But is there actually such a thing as being completley happy with your life?

  • Current Music
    Don't I Hold You - Wheat

I feel like such a mess.

Why are guys so horrible? Ever since I've been single and dating agian.. it's just been one asshole after another. Their so immature and they can't get over themselves! I want to have my bad memories erased completley (pretty much anything to do with any guy i've dated) then move to an island somewhere and live alone.

Will things ever get better?
  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted

Baby Baby Baby; If you really want me

Hmm so I guess this thing deserves some kind of an update. Not too much going on as of latley. I've been sick all weekend.. I caught the flu ever so convienently on Thursday night, so my entire weekend has been pretty much el sucko, I have been really hitting up redbox though... I'm ashamed to name some of the movies I've rented : /. But I did get Little Miss Sunshine.. it was pretty good, I thought it did it's reviews justice. Work sucks. I only work at American Eagle twice a week now.. just for the awesome discount... otherwise it's such an evil corporation to work for. I feel like my body has been used like a slave. I got a new job at Starbucks and actually love it... the people there are awesome... and the customers for the most part are really nice. We do get a couple psychos every now and then. But it's entertaining. School starts soon, however I'm contemplating taking a semester off to just clear my head. I know everyone says not to do it, but I feel like it's something I need to do. I know for a fact I will go back in the fall.

Fergalicious is on replay on itunes right now. Pathetic but I just can't get enough of this song right now.

I guess thats alllll ♥

(no subject)

Every once in awhile a song comes along that just touches your soul. This is one of those songs.

Would you please meet me by the water, baby
Cause I can't get you off of my mind

I've been thinking everyday about you
Don't fit anywhere into my life, but that's okay
Cause I think I might be right for you
And because of that, I'm not scared at all
And everyone says I'm crazy
And everyone says I'm a fool
Would you meet me by the water tonight
Cause I'm ready to break all the rules

Please don't leave me standing
With my heart in my hand
I can't last here
I'm breaking down,
And no on understands why I got here
But I knew from the very first moment
That I met you
You'd be the one

It's called Meet me By the Water - Rachel Yamagata. She is so amazing.

Anyway, I've been stressing out latley.. big changes are going on in my life and I'm just trying to adjust to it all. But my motto is to just "go with the flow" of things.. you can't change everything. Whatever happens is going to happen and usually happens for a reason. I need to stop freaking out.

In other news... my birthday is Friday. How exciting : / For some reason this year I'm just kind of blah... I don't know. It seems like everyone else is having their problems/things and I dunno... maybe I'm just rambling now. I think I am. Time to go do my math hw. ♥
  • Current Mood
    tired tired