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thehangedman_
thehangedman_
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Amazing the calming effects of Tchaikovsky...

i feel: happyhappy
my tunes: The Nutcracker, Act II: XII. Divertissement: Trepak (Russian Dance)-John Lanchbery & Philharmonia Orchestra-Tchaikovsky: The Nutcracker

Semester ends this week and my grades are surprisingly good.

Joseph has been in town for the holiday. It was nice to have family around. Especially since I’ve been feeling a bit insecure about things lately.

The biggest thing I’ve been feeling insecure about is college. I was accepted to the University of Washington which is beyond great and fantastic. But then came the thought of paying for it. It’s twenty thousand dollars. Twenty thousand times four. Money I don’t have. True there is grants and pell grants and all the scholarships I’ve won. But all that added together still won’t get me a year at school. Anyways. I think I’m holding out for the Gates scholarship. It’s full ride so I’ll just have to wait until Spring, when I find out if I won.

So I found out about the Horatio Alger scholarship, and I’m going to D.C. during the first week in April. I’ll be missing the traditional Senior trip to disneyland, but I hardly like the people that are going...There is going to be this formal ball where the guys wear tuxedos and the ladies where evening gowns and dance the waltz in some grand ballroom. I am very excited. Now those years of dance class I was required to take in middle school will pay off. My dad wants to go to Honduras after I get back. This should make for an interesting second semester. The week before I go to D.C. I’m going to Washington to visit U Dub, the following week I’m flying in the opposite direction to the East Coast. Then the next week I’m heading to the tropics in Honduras.


I lost my cell somewhere. I got it last Wednesday and I lost it by Thursday. Of course my dad doesn’t know because he would give me a lecture on the meaning of responsibility. But before he does can I say this the longest I’ve gone without losing something expensive in six months. Actually, more like a month. I lost my Ti-89 in December. Damn... I thought I was doing better. But maybe it’s in my genetic code or something. Maybe I inherited the gene for losing stuff from my great uncle Bill on my Dad’s side twice removed or something. It could be possible. I mean some people are more susceptible to sunburns so why not to losing things too?

So I was thinking about where I wanted to go to college, and I know one thing. Not here. Utah is so dull and monotonous. I’m not saying I’m the most alive and entertaining person in the world. Although I do have my moments, but I just have to get away from the Mormon Mecca and see something different. Maybe meet people that aren’t corrupted by sex, drugs, and marriage. Seriously. So I think Washington is the place. I know it won’t be easy because I hate moving. And knowing my dad he’ll make me mastermind the whole U-haul move outta here by myself, but I’m sort of an adult. So I hope I can handle it. It can’t be harder than figuring out the rate at which the volume of a balloon is expanding when 8 ft cubed of sand per minute are being poured in it when the radius of 4 of the balloon is increasing at a rate of .5 ft per minute. If not then I think I’m safe...

i feel: confusedconfused
my tunes: Escapade-Janet Jackson-Design Of A Decade: 1986-1996

I don’t know who these guys are or why they did, but I do know that I find it highly, highly entertaining.

The blonde guy’s expressions are classic

i feel: cheerfulcheerful
my tunes: The Impression That I Get-The Mighty Mighty Bosstones-The Mighty Mighty Bosstones Live from the Middle East

As one of the nation’s largest college financial aid programs in the country, the Horatio Alger National Scholarship Program is the only major scholarship effort that specifically assists high school students who have faced and overcome great obstacles in their young lives. While many aid programs are directed primarily to recognizing academic achievement or leadership potential, the Horatio Alger program also seeks students who have a commitment to use their college degrees in service to others.


Funded through the generosity of the Members of the Association, the National Scholarship Program awards 100 college scholarships of $10,000 to eligible students in all fifty states, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico. National Scholars receive an all expenses paid trip to Washington D.C. during the Spring of their senior year to participate in the National Scholars Conference.

And guess who’s going to D.C. Who would have know that all the crap I complain about would have won me a scholarship...

As I like to say... WAAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAAA!.

Scroll Down to the M’s and there’s my name

i feel: ecstaticecstatic
my tunes: Somewhere I Belong-Linkin Park-Meteora

fuckity fuck fuck.

After weeks of avoiding this blasted livejournal. Here I am. I can’t think of anything to write for my crime and punishment essay. Only that it should be a crime and it is a punishment to have to read the aforementioned book during christmas break. And yes it is called “christmas break” not winter break or holiday break. CHRISTMAS break. and what’s up with those virgin mobile commercials that bastardizing the words christmas Hanukkah and kwanzaa, and meshing them together like a big fruit cobbler? Do they think that all these people that celebrate these various holidays will suddenly come together and celebrate christmahankwanzakuh. I doubt it. if the middle east can’t make peace, then christians, jews, and whatever people who celebrate kwanzaa are called won’t gather together on a holiday a wanna be donald trump set up.

I guess my holidays weren’t as spectacular as I thought.

I used to like this season. Everyone is so happy, gay and jovial. Yes I know I said the same thing three times, but I got to get in a SAT word or two into my everyday english language usage. Or else all that studying would have just been in vain. But according to some people it wasn’t. While I still can get into a selective school. I can’t get into a highly selective school based on my test score alone...
Back to my holiday season rant. My point is people become so happy that they suck the happiness out of sane people. It’s all really disturbing. I got the same feeling when I walked into a hello kitty store, everything was so bright and pink and happy. it was supposed to make you feel like you entered the wonderful world of the plush stuffed animal of hello kitty and her friends, his friends? its friends. but instead the opposite happened to me i became annoyed and pissed off as hell as to why in the name of my God that people would market such a thing.

So today I got detention. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL.(throughout this entry I will use british words and phrases because I am more fascinated with the motherland than ever, and have more of a determination than ever to spend a year there while I’m in college). I got caught in the hall sweep. This is where it went bad. I’m one of those kids that you would say never gets in trouble. EVER. My record of not doing bad things may even rival mother Teresa’s record of not doing bad things in high school. I am that good of a goody goody. When I was caught in the hall sweep, some hall monitor that I really dislike gave me a detention slip and told me to wait in in some room by the gym. I went smiled at the dude holding the door open for the bad bad students who got caught and to my surprise ashley was there. she immediately began talking my ear off about how stupid and lame this was and i just agreed with her. Then the principal, her esteemed DOCTOR Robyn Roberts comes waddling in the room with all her roundness and tells me I have to call my parents and tell them that “I am tardy for class.” I go to her office dial the number talk to my dad, he gets pissed because he can’t understand how his son could have possibly done something wrong. Her roundness, curtly tells me to cut it sort and put the phone on hold, then she picks up the receiver and starts saying “Mr Martinez, this is Doocteeer Robyn Roberts...” She just has to emphasize that she has her doctorates in who the hell knows what. She spoke to my dad as if they go back decades, and we’re old high school buddies. She gets off the phone and as if I were some criminal convicted of murder says. “

“You already have two detentions and have been tardy to classes before. If you don’t make them up you will not be able to walk during graduation.”

Wench


Then the thought occurred to me that maybe this detention thing wasn’t so bad after all. But my dad would be furious if i didn’t walk. He’s been waiting for this moment since i was born. I say okay in my most suck upppy, innocent voice( because after all she’s the principal and I have never ever had an adult not marvel at my character). Then she looks up my transcript information, why? i don’t know and says, based on your grades your a really smart person. It’s just your tardy problem that we have to fix.
Have I said I highly dislike this woman. Not only did she treat me like i was just caught smoking a pack of weed behind the bleachers in the gym, but because of that talk she had with my dad, the half hour i waited for her in that little room and the 5 minutes i waited to use the phone the period was half way over. All I have to say is I can’t wait to graduate.

i feel: discontentdiscontent
my tunes: Somewhere I Belong-Linkin Park-Meteora

Turning people down to dances really hurts. I feel like a shitcase. Brit asked me to her winter prom, and I just don’t want to go. Joseph said i should go and mingle with people. But the only problem is I don’t like these people I would have to mingle with. Add that to me not liking weird social traditions like dances then why should I go. But Brittany really was hurt when I turned her down. I could tell because I do the same thing when I get disappointed. Her voice got quiet and she lost her distinctive cheery sound to her voice. Then she hung up without saying goodbye. Her mom probably hates me now. Before she thought I was just the perfect gentleman. Now I’m the spawn of Satan and she’ll never let her daughter talk to me again. whatever I can’t please myself, let alone the rest of the world.

Other than the drama mentioned above I had a really good week. The highlights were:

Meeting Patrick Fugit, The star of Almost Famous, Saved, and White Oleander. I got his autograph, and it’s taped to my closet door. I won’t say any more because I don’t want to sound like a bigger dork than I already am.

I got promoted at work. This is odd because I was thinking of quitting.

I got a thousand dollar scholarship for outstanding academic performance, leadership, and merit. In the letter I was congratulated on being such a great person, and told I have a bright future ahead of me. Why can’t I believe it.

I have a physics test tomorrow. GHWAHHHHH. I hate that class. Theres a whole bunch of sophomores and freshmen who piss me off just because. Mature, I know but I hate that class. Maybe if I learned something I wouldn’t fathom it. What’s my luck that the powers that be suddenly decide physics is a pointless science and some chemist finally figures out the equation that answers all questions and all the theorems and laws of physics are found to be a lie......I guess I’m just destined for disappointment.

i feel: crappy/awesomely shitty

Today was a great day. Praise and Hallelujah to that!

i feel: pleasedpleased
my tunes: Hallelujah Chorus-Cathedral Choir & Orchestra-Handel's Messiah

For the first time in my life I’m considering NOT going to school tomorrow. I’m not sick or anything I just don’t want to go. What a scandalous thought...

Ah.. I have to go. Sterling Scholar Scholarship interview.

And here I was looking forward to being a rebel.

i feel: guiltyguilty
my tunes: Next Year Baby-Jamie Cullum-Twentysomething

I sent my application to Seattle U and Washington U yesterday. Hopefully both of those schools will be sending big fat acceptance letters soon. I think I have finally bought my ticket out of this lousy state. If I’m not accepted then some technical error happened, like they sent the wrong denial letter to the wrong address. I would not understand why I wasn’t accepted. I wrote a killer essay, I’m an officer of a billion clubs, I got an awesome score on the ACT AND I’m a minority to boot. I’m the perfect applicant. But knowing my luck I’ll be washed up at the U with all the other debris.

I learned a new word today.

etard: (N) Person who ingests ecstasy pills, behind the bleachers at the local high school or wherever is suitable. Characteristics of etards include, crankiness after a night of “rolling”, abnormally dilated eyes, that resemble the eyes of “The Powerpuff Girls,” and exuberant amounts of pacifiers in ones possession.

Stephanie has gotten out of hand. I’m beginning to worry. Not only is she doing e, she’s doing acid and will probably do meth. I’m really starting to worry. Not only is this going on but she all of a sudden went bi. Just out of the blue, and has a girlfriend. And her girlfriend isn’t even hot. Not that that’s relevant. I don’t know what to do about her. Sarah of course is oblivious to the whole situation. She spends her days at the half pipe at Snowbird. I need to do something about Steph, She’s getting out of control.

When I was at my Dad’s work party and being shown off to all his coworkers they all asked me if I had a girlfriend. They didn’t ask what colleges I applied to, or what High school I went to or, how old I was. They all asked if I had a girlfriend! Who asks that? Isn’t that sort of personal. I don’t even know you and before I utter nice to meet yo you ask that. Since I was never expecting to be asked this time and time again I always just smiled and shyly said no. That usually ended the conversation, but not with this one particular woman. I think she had too much of the bubbly and was a bit tipsy. So I told her no. And she seemed just appalled, as if some injustice has been done to the human race because I don’t have a girlfriend. In between her martini sips she said, “But your smile, any girl would just swoon when you flashed her (that is so open to interpretation), and your so tall and handsome, and I bet your smart, because your brother is a doctor, and, my God Ray look at his smile it is so adorable...” I assumed Ray was her husband even though he was no where in sight. So I’ve learned my lesson, when asked again if I have a girlfriend say yes.

My back is killing me. I think I’m out of shape. I always require a nap when I come home from school and before when I was being a jock and captain of the track team I didn’t require mid day slumbers. Oh well it’s just not in my genes to be athletic. I love being able to be the fastest sprinter at school yet not have to work to attain the title, and be able to not do any exercise for months on end and still be skinny. Girls hate me for this, and guys wish they could run as fast as I. hmm that sounded sort of cliche. Like “girls want me and guys wish they could be me” Anyways my metabolism will catch up to me soon. those freshman 15 are less than a year away...

i feel: soresore

Do you ever wonder why the hell it is your doing the things your doing in your life right now? Or where you’ll end up 5, 10, or 15 years from now?

I guess those are questions I’ll leave up to fate. I asked my dad about what he thinks is going to happen to me in 5 years. He said I would have found myself someone nice to settle down with and have some kids. I told him I’ll only be 23 and I wasn’t going to have kids until I was at least in my late or early thirties. Sarah thinks I’ll become a college professor. I’m to lazy to do that. I’m much too lazy get my doctorate, then publish research and grade midterms. I also have this fear of speaking to groups of people larger than 3. would rather pee my pants on national television. No joke.

I haven’t been going to bed at an appropriate time. Consequently I’ve been falling asleep in class. My teachers are noticing my “slacker” behavior and are beginning to worry. I just don’t care anymore. School can kiss my ass. I never in my life thought I would hate school. I love learning, that’s not the problem. I just don’t enjoy the environment in which I’m learning.

I think I complain too much. I was thinking maybe if I go to church like I used to I would be happy. Because when I was little I was happy and I went to church, so there much be a correlation. My logic is sort of weird. Anyways, I am going to church but not until December the 24, christmas eve. I’m taking my dad to the cathedral for midnight mass. Hopefully it will be by candlelight. The christmas eve midnight masses were always one of the best parts of christmas when I was little.

I was reading this New York Times article about Natalie Portman. She graduated from Harvard last year and she’s the hottest galactic senator to grace the silver screen. If it were physically possible I would have her babies. But then there’s the whole jewish thing. Her faith isn’t all into Jesus, but mine thinks he was this great messiah, and son of God and all. So how would we raise the kids? Hmm.

i feel: contemplativecontemplative
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