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I've Got So Far To Go

It's almost six in the morning and I've found myself crawling on the floor trying to find my glasses. After an almost successful attempt at falling asleep, and one attempt that failed miserably for an hour, I've reached the point of no return. The point where I realize I have class in four and a half hours; I have an appointment to raid the grocery store for the sake of eating something besides the three-meal rotation of Taco Bell, Ramen and Hamburger Helper; and then I have to finish one more eight hour shift before the end of the week. I already skipped class once this week and this will be the first week in three that I haven't called in sick. I'm not sick....I'm just tired.

There's only five more days of class. I'm going to miss it. I've just started to learn names and already it's over. I'm registered for next semester although between a new Xbox and an HDTV splurge, Christmas presents, vacation, and the regular expenses, I don't know how I'll be paying for tuition. And to think I was doing so good at saving money. For a whole month.

I'm angry at Justin for trying to kiss me right after I finally fell asleep. I was in fact, so out of it, I had to struggle to remember whether I dreamed the whole thing or not. Between turning my back on his various attempts to cuddle while I'm trying to sleep, and Mark being upset with me for not cleaning the house ever, I basically haven't had time to do anything but piss people off. I suppose since I probably won't be sleeping tonight (any form of sleep at this point will only make me more tired) the least I can do is clean the house.

There's a torn poster from the Halloween party I haven't mended yet. Faris' cage has been neglected for almost a month. The coffee table I moved for my slumber party on Thanksgiving is still on the other side of the living room, useless. But at least it isn't cluttered with dirty dishes from a week ago. Those sit by the couch at my feet.

It's true. I haven't cleaned anything since October. It's basically been a challenge to clean myself. Even with 5 hours of sleep and 19 other hours to do everything I can, I never seem to stick to a reasonable schedule. Something always comes up. Maybe I'll plan to do homework all night but I come home from work and there's a living room full of people in my house jamming on Rock Band. Sometimes I think about doing homework on my days off, but half the time I try to plan my evening so that I won't even have to get dressed. My addiction to Heroes has done absolutely nothing to help the situation.

I've been scampering around the Pioneer Home trying to find the latest newspaper articles about the Hale family, or the machete murderer....people I have barely the slightest relation to. Sometimes it feels like the only free time I have is the precious half hour I might get at work if everything gets done early. I put off coming home because I'll have to do homework, I put of going to bed because I'll have to roll around, exhausted. I press the snooze alarm until the last possible minute. There was one time I got to work in three minutes....I haven't done it again but I keep trying.

I do like class. I like being there. I like getting out of class early and figuring out how long it will take me to fall asleep on the couch. I like knowing I have the best marks in class, even though I'm taking classes meant for high school freshman. I like telling people I stayed up really late and it had nothing to do with alcohol. I like re-writing my math homework until it's perfect even though it takes me until four am. I like driving for more than four and a half minutes at a time. I like listening to more than one song before arriving at my destination. I like having a planner. I like working on the holidays. I like taking my breaks so I can get some work done without having to answer calls. I like hiding at work until two am so I can finally finish my homework. I like making sweet and sour sauce out of not-completely-random ingredients I can find at work because I got to the store too late to buy some.

I like cleaning the house. Unfortunately there's no due date, or test score, or specific time I have to arrive home. I usually tell myself I don't have enough time to actually make that much of a mess around here. But I do. During the week I tell myself I can clean on the weekend, and during the weekend I pretend I'd rather do it during the week. Someone has to watch the shows on the tivo before they're deleted. Someone has to watch the netflix movies so we can send them back for more.

What I really want to do is make a Christmas tree out of Mountain Dew cans. God knows we have enough. I've been wanting to make one since about August or something. Justin has done his part. I just have to find myself in the right moment, with the perfect amount of homework that I need to put off and a serious lack of onlookers. For some reason I cook, clean, and craft things best in the middle of the night. Not because it's nighttime, but because nobody is around to watch me.

It always seems like the more tired I am, the more productive I can be.
  • Current Music
    Someone To Die For ~ Brian May
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This Is Theraputic

So next time Danielle starts doing that and gets on the radio saying "Rae, what's your location? I have to tell you something, honey" I'm going to be like (get ready for this) "Yessa Massa, I'ma comin massa. I try to find you massa, so I can do as you say!"

Or something to that effect.

The other big deal over there for quite a few weeks has been my stocking idea. Without getting too specific, people need to stock, nobody does it and I devised a fair schedule for everyone to use. The entire day shift took it completely wrong and got pissed off so I just figured out a new way to do all the stocking by myself, which I have been doing for a month now. I finally let the nurse four know how my 'progress' was coming along since I didn't bother telling anyone what I was doing at that point and she spent a good portion of the team meeting totally standing up for me and making me sound awesome.

Plus, I've been asked to join the Safety Committee as the new CNA rep and I might be taking minutes.

If that isn't all decent news, I have As in both of my classes. I think this 37.5 hours of work + 6 credits of school is a good, balanced combination. I have more than enough money for everything PLUS tuition and I'm not so overloaded that I'm getting awful grades. Unfortunately, having nothing to do with work or school, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Well, I guess work and school, but mostly because I get home and I want to eat, watch TV and sit on the computer way too late.

The Halloween Party went pretty well. We're having another one on real Halloween so I'm going to try to get all of my homework done ahead of schedule. Olin even showed up. That was cool. Things with Justin are going pretty well besides not really having a lot of time to do anything. We went out to Evangelo's Saturday night and that was really nice. We even got all dressed up and took pictures.

So here's the bad news, as I've already stated breifly and awkwardly....my grandpa had a stroke and then died 5 days later. I went down to Portland to see everyone. I can see thestrals now (I hope you understand that). It really hasn't sunk in a lot because I -just- talked to him on the phone not even a month ago. He just had a flue shot at the time. Which is probably one more reason why I'll never get one. By the way, don't take flue shots. Unless you have been for a while. It's really not necessary unless you're 60+ years old. I'm so grateful I was allergic to eggs and could never have them as a kid because they're not a good idea when you're young. And now I still claim to be allergic to eggs because it just seems better to take my chaces with the real flue than an artificial one in shot form....older people respond differently to flue shots and it's not as 'strong' to them. They're giving flue shots away at work to staff now and I'm doing my best to not-encourage it. Well. Whatever.

Anyweighs. My grandpa had a pretty ideal death I suppose. I see people fade, lose mobility, lose cognitivity, and lose independance for YEARS before they die. The more settling deaths happen when people are talking and putting on their make-up and stuff and then die less thana week later. It could be a stroke, a broken hip or any number of 'fast-accidents' that cause the "accidental death" but it's much more humane than a "natural death", especially with people who have Alzheimer's. There are so many residents we use lifts on to get them in their wheelchair, take them to dinner, shove them full of food despite their protests (some move away from the spoon or spit food out), put them in bed, roll them around to change them, and so on. For years. They don't say anything, they sleep 90% of the time and some have intense pain for the last few months of their life. MONTHS. If they're lucky enough that their Doctors actually allow Hospice (some are in denial of the resident's condition because most doctors fear Hospice will 'take over' and they won't have a say in the patient's care) they have less pain for less often before they die. Still, it's awful.

My grandpa got to live in his house up until his stroke. He was independant, or at least he was easy enough for Grandma to take care of, and then he died. From what Dad and Grandma told me (they were the only ones who stayed to watch him die) he suffered quite a bit at the very end, even on morphine. But the worst part only lasted a few minutes. I guess that's as far as I've been able to think about it.

The funeral was incredibly positive. We found posibly the best pastor ever for the job. He even sang and played the guitar. We stayed up all night telling him stories about grandpa so he would have a good speech. My favorite part was remembering all of his little quotes. The 'theme' of the evening was 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' which was as everyone said, "Grandpa and Rae Jean's song". The sad thing is of the 8 grandchildren in the family, 4 haven't been around for years. The other four are me, Robert, Jeff and Andy, and we were all there minus Robert. I guess I didn't realize how much our family has fallen apart over the years.

My dad was weird the entire time. He cried a lot at the funeral. Like almost convulsing. It was so awkward. But I got to bunk up with Grandma and I think she's doing OK. I'm going back down to see everyone in January....as planned. The night I bought the tickets to see them, Grandpa had his stroke. The last thing he heard of me was that I had tickets to see them in January, and I hear he smiled. He couldn't say anything. The stroke hit his left side of the brain, which is the side that affects speech. Also, with his paralysis on his right side and his bad arm on the left side, I don't think he would have had a very good life. I think we could've kept him alive....but not by his standards. But at least now it's over with..

Jeff and Andy's parents flew from Sacramento to see Grandpa. They got there a few hours before he died. I think he held on to see Aunt Dawn and then died with all of his children there. Uncle Rob's dad had been in a coma for about a week when Grandpa had his stroke. He died while they were on the plane to see Grandpa. Jeff and Andy lost both of their grandpas on the same day.

Well. Besides that everything is oddly normal. The strangest part is it doesn't feel like I left, it doesn't seem like I was there, and I'm not even convinced that it happened. I'm afraid it will hit me hard later on. Robert says it takes four months. I'm not sure if it will happen at all. I hope not. But it was all so fast and weird and automatic. I didn't even have to think about going down there. I just did it. I didn't really consider taking that extra day off. I just did it. I came home, and everything has been normal ever since.

I fixed my car so that my blinkers work now. I also got my dashlights fixed. It's the first time I've ever owned a car with functional dash lights. It blows my mind every night.

I saw Erika last night for the first time since she got married a year ago. She's pregnant now. I wonder how long she'll keep making plans to see me.

I'm trying to figure out a way to move to South Carolina just to vote for Steven Colbert. OR alternatively, I will NOT vote, discourage everyone else from voting UNLESS they live in South Carolina so that Steven Colbert will actually WIN. Although I'm pretty sure it's just an elaborate joke, it's still the best news I've heard on the TV.

Well. It's the best news I've heard.
  • Current Music
    Destination Anywhere ~ Sugarcult
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None

I guess I can't put this off any longer...

Grandpa died on Tuesday. I'll be in Portland for the weekend.
  • Current Music
    Theory of Revolution ~ AFI
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Can I Borrow Your Lederhosen?

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Tomorrow is going to be not fantastic. We're having our Oktoberfest Festive Meal and so it's sure to be chaotic and busy, but I just found out I'll be working with Joci and Paula and that's it. I'm not looking forward to it. Neither of them work there often, and at least Paula does Meds and works, but she likes to snoop a lot too. Joci however, is still looking on the schedule to find out where people even are. It's absolutely ridiculous. They've been floating her over since MAY and she still doesn't know who everyone is.

I slept in today and missed class, but I have a really good reason. I was beating the boys at poker last night. The best part is I was doing my homework and messing around online the first 3 hours of the game and I was still winning. However, I still have yet to see any money and I think I get $20. Hmm.

I'm pretty sure Tilly and I and possibly some other people are going to learn the 'Thriller' dance for Halloween. And by Halloween I mean the 26th. I managed to find someone who has a DVD of the music video so now it's just a matter of time and patience.

Well I should clean house while I still can. I don't know how much homework I'll get slammed with this weekend, but I have a paper I have to do tomorrow night so tonight is all I have left for cleaning before the weekend. I'm so exited. The next few weeks are going to be so much fun. And I almost have everything for my Halloween costume. Sweet.
  • Current Music
    Cruise Control ~ AFI
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Chris Crocker is a Pole-Smokin' Phanny Bandit

I've been watching a lot of youtube....and as a result we've all (as in Mark, Justin, and I) decided to go as youtube characters for Halloween. I'm not going to spoil it, but it'll be a good time.

I got up at 8 am today. Jamie was in my house, as I requested. She got off work at 6, took a nap until I woke her up and we took the guys to Dairy Queen about 2 hours before they opened. It was a good time. I was the first ever to use the bathroom and the first ever to get a MooLatte.

School has been OK. It's getting a little harder so I actually have to make an effort now. But with all the youtube, Netflix, and DVR stuff we have to watch, I don't have a lot of time to do anything 'constructive' or 'useful'. Oh well.

Justin and I got our leave approved. We're off in January from the 4th to the 13th, which means I won't work my birthday this year. School starts up again on the 14th so I won't have to miss any classes but I imagine I'll be a tired puppy. We do, after all, fly into Anchorage at 10:33 pm.

That's right. I'm finally going to Portland to see my grandparents. We bought our tickets last night. We fly into Seattle (because it's cheaper) and we'll see Justin's family first. His grandparents live outside Olympia and I imagine we'll be there for a couple of nights before driving down to Portland. It would be nice if I could see Audra and whoever else from my mom's side that isn't in jail. They live in Vancouver which is like a hop and a skip from Portland. When I stayed in Vancouver, I worked in Portland, so I can pretty much be flexible after that point and see whoever I can.

Grandma and Grandpa have been hinting that they want me to fly down to see them since I went on my cruise. I felt sort of guilty, but I only got approved to go on leave then because the cruise was already planned. Since then it's taken all this time just to save up enough leave to....leave. Well naturally I couldn't wait to tell them, but it took forever to finally get ahold of anyone today.

I was falling asleep all over the place from waking up so early, went to work TWICE on my day off, got an oil change and my studded tires put on, made an appointment to get my blinkers "fixed", and watched almost a week's worth of Price Is Right and Deal Or No Deal. I went to work before the Dairy Queen thing to drop off med keys and the second time was in the afternoon for the Team Meeting nobody showed up for. It would have been mildly disappointing if I was working today, but I wasn't so it was actually really frustrating. I talked to the administrator for the first time in over a year that I've worked there and she seemed less than sympathetic. Oh well.

So after my third attempt at calling my grandparents, Andrea (my Dad's girlfriend, awkward) answered the phone. I don't quite know what she sounds like so I asked where my grandma was and she was like "Oh, hang on."

"Bruce....phone....I think it's Rae Jean."
"What? How does she know? Hang on....Dawn? Yeah, I'll call you back. My daughter's on the other line."
"Hello? Snookums?"
"What's going on? I've been trying to ca-"
"How did you hear?"
"Hear what?"
"Grandpa had a stroke last night at 3am.."
"...."
"He's OK. He's at the hospital."
"OK."
"Your grandma is there and she won't come home, but she's all right..."
"I bought plane tickets."
"What?"
"I called to tell them I'll be there in January."
"Oh snooks, that's great. They'll be so glad. It'll be so nice to see you. Hang on....yeah, Rae's coming down. In January. You said you got the tickets already?"
"Yeah. Last night."
"Well I'll tell them....listen, I wasn't going to tell you guys until we knew what was going to happen. I didn't want to worry you, but you should probably call your brother."
"OK."
"He'll be OK I think, but the clot is in his neck. They don't want to operate."
"How are they going to get it out?"
"Well they're going to raise his blood pressure and it might move little by little."
"How long will that take?"
"48 hours. You know when he had his triple bypass....well, they weren't sure how long....I mean it's been nine years. He's had a long time."
"Can I talk to Grandma?"
"I don't think so. You can only call out on the phone in there. It doesn't ring."
"Does she have a cell phone?"
"They don't allow cell phones."
"OK. Well tell her I'm coming."
"I will. What day are you coming down? Should I pick you up? Do you guys need any money or anything?"
"No. We're fine. Can Grandpa talk?"
"Not yet. It will take a while. He's just been sleeping most of today."
"Is he paralyzed?"
"On one side....yes."
"Will that....get better?"
"Honey, he's almost 80....we don't know what will happen. I'll call you when we find anything out."
"OK."

I know I sounded silly, but at work people that have had a stroke move in all the time and it sucks for like 2 months and then they get better....slowly. Most of the time. So I don't know. It really depends on your health. You eventually learn to talk again in most cases. The only time it doesn't work out so well is when you already have some form of dementia. I guess the main thing is if that clot moves. And we'll know that in a couple days.

Somehow, I'm under the impression that me flying down there in three months is going to sustain my grandpa. But I guess that's really all I can do.
  • Current Music
    3.14 Apple Pie ~ Bo Burnham
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I'm A Quitter

You know what fucking rules?!? I spent the whole weekend NOT doing my homework and I'm STILL ahead of the game. So there, college. Suck it!

I freaking LOVE having two days to do whatever the Hell I want to do. It's awesome. I don't really remember what happened. I think we watched TV or something. I'm pretty sure 50% of Friday was spent paying bills and things. 50% of Saturday was spent going on a drive and re-learning how to digest solid foods.

I drove out to Willow and we took Willow Fishhook all the way to Hatcher's Pass, peed in the snow, went down the mountain and took Palmer Fishhook home. It was fun but it took three hours.

Chantalle came over Friday night and neither of us were feeling very good. Tim, Chuck, Ryan, Mark and Justin finally talked us into quitting our cleanse. It just wasn't working out for us very well. I felt fine until the fifth day and then everything I swallowed hurt my insides. I wasn't really feeling very cleansed either. But we made it six days. I guess thats...fine?

Jamie came over to watch Death Proof (it's still awesome) and I'm going to have to buy it I think. We also used one of our free pay-per-view things watching Disturbia and I'm probably going to have to buy that too. It was the BEST scary/thriller/whatever movie I've seen in ages. I was totally into it the whole time.

What does a laptop, a Zen, a bookbag, a shit-ton of clothes, a CD-ROM, a plant lamp, a diet book, a set of speakers, a calculator, a calculator cover, a CD, a TV show, a Math book and an English book have in common? I bought them all online in less than two months! Guess what I'm doing with my PFD....paying off my credit cards! And buying some Halloween accessories and a costume and stuff....

So as my punishment for not going through with my cleanse I've decided to alter my eating habits. I call it The Rae Diet and it's a hybrid of some previously failed diets, Justin's eating habits, and the way French people eat (I hear). It's not actually anything in particular, but the main idea is to have like six meals a day. Six tiny meals a day. I'm going to try to have half a grapefruit for breakfast, celery and peanut butter for brunch, soup for lunch, something simple and relatively healthy for linner, a light helping for dinner, and a brief snack for dinfast? Something like that. So far, I lost three pounds.

I bet myself $5 that Danielle would call in today. Yesterday we had four CNAs and only 2 baths so she suggested giving one of our Monday baths last night in case we have three tonight. Well they refused, but I wasn't going to give it anyways because we ARE scheduled for four CNAs today. The only reason we wouldn't have four is if Danielle called in. And usually when she thinks ahead like that it's because she's planning on calling in. For no reason. And doing an extra bath would only make her feel better about doing so and I don't think she needs the encouragement.

All she does is bitch when we have 3 CNAs, but we only have 3 if someone calls in and it's usually her. And it's usually for no reason. Either that or we do have four and she doesn't do anything anyways. I'd rather do half her job and NOT listen to her complain.

On the upside Tilly works today. We had a Math test this morning and it actually took us longer than usual so we didn't have a lot of time for hang outs this afternoon. Which is fine, because you can't do that much in two hours anyways.

I went to the team meeting Friday and scored some major points. I guess the nurses like my idea about stocking and the day shift CNAs (there was only one there) don't. And Anna's only reason for it not working is that people just won't do it. Well I can't see why we can't just try it. So now I'm trying to come up with a way to stock EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY all by myself so I don't have to hear the bitching. The only complication is I have two days off and I just can't depend on anyone else to do it besides Tilly. But I don't want her to do extra work nobody else is going to do just because she's the only one willing to do it. That's not fair.

Oh shit. We have to take vital signs today. $10 says Tilly and I do them ALL.
  • Current Music
    Responsibility ~ Good Charlotte
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Day 5 and I've Lost 2 Pounds

Hooray for not doing terrible in my classes! My Summary came back with 49/50 points and then Dr. Fox read it to the class because she said it was totally awesome. So much for sucking at English. Although I still say Math is going way better. Mostly because homework doesn't require a lot of concentration. For once. I could really do without the stress of coming up with stuff to write. Although my next assignment is a response, so that's pretty exact right there. I don't have to think up anymore bizarre stories from my childhood.

I'm not dead yet. I guess it's Day 5 now. It's going by really fast. I'm almost halfway done with the minimum. Mark started the diet on Tuesday and quit last night. I'm not entirely sure what will happen to his body, but he seems to be OK. It was only a day and a half. But when Justin and I get off the diet we're going to have to gradually adjust to solid foods, as opposed to mowing down on a turkey sandwich.

I've had plenty of energy. It's not the superhuman experience Robert made it sound like yet but my energy level is fine. It's your basic three-meals-a-day-coffee-in-the-morning-eight-hours-of-sleep energy. Even though I'm not getting any of those things right now. The worst part is the laxitive tea right now because it has senna in it and from what I've noticed after giving residents senna, it's pretty effective. Yesterday I had horrible stomach cramps all through Math class but I did another saline wash and that helped a lot.

I'm getting kind of tired of drinking that lemonade. I'm having less and less every day, which isn't good, but it just never sounds appetizing. It doesn't taste that bad. I just think I'm sick of it. Maybe that will go away eventually. And hopefully today I'll drink more than I have been. Then again, the less I drink, the less I have to make, and sometimes 60 ounces feels like plenty.

I got paid yesterday and put $550 in savings, spent $370 on Victoria's Secret clothes and some new bras, made my loan payment of $80 for this month, and I have about $100 left to spend on not food. Of course most of the $550 will go to bills and things so I guess I'm more broke than I feel. It doesn't matter how much money I make, I just spent it that much more. I don't think I'll ever be able to actually save anything. Even now that I'm getting my permanent fund, I'm using that to pay off my Discover card that I used to buy my laptop and my Zen and my speakers and stuff. But for some reason paying my tuition with my debit card really didn't set me back at all. I guess the trick is putting money in savings for bills and then using the rest to pay things off as soon as I get paid. If $100 isn't enough to fool around with for a few weeks then I'm spending too much money on crap.

Well I should put Faris away and get to work. My weekend starts in 8 hours and I can't wait to just chill out for a few days. Maybe I'll have time to play Guitar Hero or watch some Price Is Right. No Hacienda's this weekend....oh well. I'll survive. It's necessary to do this just to make up for all the Hacienda's I eat. Let alone all the Taco Bell and Ramen and Hamburger Helper I eat on a regular basis. Moderation, control, and balance. That's what I need to focus on. Later, gators.
  • Current Music
    21 and Invincible ~ Something Corporate
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Day 2

Well I haven't eaten anything since Saturday night and I'm still alive. This is a lot more like a fast instead of a cleanse. But you can't really do a cleanse without the fasting part. That's pretty much the whole point. I feel fine. I don't feel any different anyways. I am a bit cold, but I guess that makes sense. The stuff I have to drink all day isn't too bad, but it wouldn't be my first choice.

I haven't really been hungry yet, and I'm already past the worst part, so that's good. I guess I get hungry every now and then but not really because I need food. It's just because it sounds good. I think I usually eat because I'm bored or it's something I can go do after class even if I'm full. And normally I eat at work because they give me food even though I just ate, so I eat that too. Basically, unless it's in my face, I don't really want food.

I don't feel weak or anything but I guess I'm probably getting more nutrients than I normally would if I was eating things I normally eat. I tried to explain to Danielle yesterday that if you sustain yourself with fast food and hot pockets you need to clean your system out somewhere down the line. She basically said that she didn't think it sounded like very much fun.

Last night while Justin and I were making some more lemonade stuff Mark was making hash browns and they sounded pretty yummy. I miss salty greasy stuff already. And then he made some brownies while we were watching some X-Files and those smelled pretty good too. I asked Justin what he would eat if he could eat anything.

"Anything."
"What if you could have hash browns or brownies?"
"Hash browns."

Mark started laughing really hard and I guess he felt like a total ass. He said he might try it with us though. We'll see. Already I'm thinking it's going to be pretty expensive. You go through so many lemons and syrup.

So at 3:30 in the morning, Mark was knocking on the bedroom door asking Justin if he could tell the cops he actually lives here. I guess he was moving his dirt bike to the front yard so he could keep it out of the rain and a cop was driving by, thought he was stealing it, and came back with two other cop cars. When he saw the other address on Mark's ID he was asking him to prove he lives here so he did. I guess it kinda went without saying when Mark actually came inside the house though.

Well if only if I can keep up with homework this week should go pretty well. I guess I'll start working on some now.
  • Current Music
    I Saw It on Your Keyboard ~ Hellogoodbye
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Dedicated to Girls I Don't Hate

So tomorrow is the first day of the cleanse. As a result I've only had tea so far today and if I do eat solid food it won't be a lot. It isn't necessary but Robert advised is for a smoother transition. I had the idea to bring up moral by having a drinking game night, only with the lemonade stuff we have to drink.

We're going to a Palmer Arts Council play tonight. It's call The Complete Works of Shakespeare and we've heard excellent things from the first weekend. They were going to do it just two weekends but it's such a hit that they're having a third weekend in Talkeetna and the crew is actually splitting the proceeds. Sometimes I wonder why they can't do that at VPA for just one show. It would be nice to just get like $20 for doing a play. Why not?

We ushered for Nunsense at VPA last night so we could see the show for free. It would've been a better idea if we didn't get like the worst seats ever. The show was really good though and Jamie was there so that was kind of neat. She's a good kid. Thursday night when we got off work she came over to drop some chairs off that her friend was giving away. It was Darrick's 21st birthday party and we were all going to hit the bars but he cancelled at the last minute. It made me upset for a little while until I decided to just have people over and play some poker instead.

It was nice to have Jamie here so I wasn't the only girl. And even though she's single and all she wasn't making out with Tim, Mark and Ryan either. It's nice to know another girl that doesn't have to make out with everyone everytime they get drunk. That usually seems to be the case when you have guy/girl ratios like that. But in the case of Mark, Tim, Chuck, Ryan and Justin I've only made out with the one I'm currently dating. I suppose I feel good about having Tilly over for the same reasons. She can handle herself very well.

As an example that I'm not just talking shit about women, there was an Anne girl that would come over here and before dating Tim for however long she had to make out with Ryan a couple times first. I believe she tried to make out with Chuck but he had a girlfriend and stuff. The point is when you make out with more than one guy you just met in one evening, you probably shouldn't be allowed to hang out with more than one guy at a time. Obviously, anyone in that category is not allowed in my house.

We've had Tim over here a lot to make sushi. The original idea was to actually teach other people to make it but he ends up doing a lot of the work himself. Wednesday after class I picked him up and we made about three rolls each so I could take them to work for the potluck. But besides that, we basically have our own personal sushi chef and we even went as far as to invite Annie and Dave over yesterday to eat it. Except it wasn't that weird because Dave and Annie know Tim somehow. I guess with 6 people in the kitchen at one time, making sushi it would get a little crowded so I only made one roll, and I showed Dave how to do it, expecting him to try one but nobody ever did. They did bring sake over and we had a nice visit and I think I probably converted a 7th person into eventually trying the cleanse.

Well I have a bit of homework I could be working on right now. For some reason when I have to choose between Math and English I always work on Math first, leaving little time for English homework. It's a terrible method because so far Math has been really easy to do and English is getting tricky fast. Mostly just because I've had to come up with an idea for something to write and I'm already way behind schedule simply because I haven't thought of anything.

We have a list of maxims and we're supposed to choose one to use as our thesis for a personal narritive. It sounds easy enough but I can't think of a single true story where I learned 'The grass is always greener on the other side' that still fits all of the criteria. Our story needs dialogue, rising action and a climax. Sorry. I can't actually think of anything that happened to me that fits that description. It turns out with all the talking I do and all the stories I have, none of them have any sort of lesson or moral. Or at least none of them that I have to choose from.

Anyways, I just thought I'd get that out there before moving on to homework. I need to make better use of my days off, I think. But they're the only days I'm not required to do anything at all. Time to brainstorm.
  • Current Music
    Relax (Take It Easy) ~ Mika
eye

For The Money

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get Alzheimer's because I can't STAND natural deoderant. I bought some and I put it on every day but then quickly put Justin's on over it anyways because I know it doesn't effing work. The good news is when I have Alzheimer's I'm probably going to be rattling off random crap from Justin and Mark's video games.

"And a run scores!"
"Multi-kill!"
"Terrorists win."
"Not enough cash....stranger."

And it will be HI-larious.

Class is going well. I like only having class for a little over an hour but it makes me wish I could take two a day only twice a week as opposed to one a day four times a week because that makes for Rae with no sleep.

The most frustrating thing about school is just not having any spare time. I try to get home and get right to the homework but after I get home, I'm hungry and I need a shower and sometimes its already 11:30 when I start. Of course by that time Tim is over and we need to play Mario Party or Mark is watching X-Files and it's all very tempting when you're not allowed to partake. I haven't had much spare time at work to do studying, either. So that basically means I'm not sleeping these days.

I had this thing I went through for a few days where I got so frustrated I was always pissed off at Justin. We talked it over though and thing are OK but I don't have a lot of time for him and as a result I'm all sexually frustrated and sleep deprived. It makes for a really bitchy combo. I'm sure you could use it to power up in a video game. BITCH COMBO! X2 HP!

Since I'm taking English and they require so many written papers I decided to invest in a printer. The process was exhausting and costly. First, I thought to look in the garage to see if any of the remains left behind from previous roommates were in functionally printing form. Fortunately I found TWO entire printers.

One was an Epson and though it was small and cute it was ancient and it looked like you needed a screwdriver to attatch the 'USB' port. One cord was missing and with little time to examine the entire garage I quickly moved on to the Printer-Scanner-Copier. It was hefty and I re-organized my living space to accomadate for it. When I hooked it all up it kept sending me various error messages like "insert color cartridge" or "color cartridge unavailable". When I got off work I went to Wal-Mart and bought some printer ink for a little under $40. I went home and stayed up way past my bedtime freaking out and trying to get the damn thing to start working.

Now it was telling me to "remove and check color cartridge" or "haha...you just wasted $40" and after a while I gave up. During all the madness I snapped at Justin for not helping me and playing the Wii while I should be in bed or doing my homework. His retort was something along the lines of "Why don't you call Tim?" He was really snotty about it too and that only made me more upset but he eventually left and Mark decided to ask me about our relationship and that he and other people were starting to notice things.

I calmed down about it by the next day and blamed most of it on school. After discussing the whole, tragic evening with Chantalle she simply advised me to talk to Justin and then we went to Wal-Mart together - only twelve hours after going there the night before - and I bought a new printer. It cost me $40, the same amount I spent on ink I can't use now, but at least I'm not freaking out anymore. The Justin thing worked out too, which is good because I rather like having a place to live.

That's not to say I don't enjoy other aspects of our relationship but I basically don't have time for one right now and most things I used to enjoy doing feel like a chore now. So we still talk and stuff at work and I'll sit next to him when I do my homework and we share a bed but that's practically it. I'm only in a functional relationship two days a week. But I guess it still beats other options. An alternative route is me working night shift so I can do my homework in my downtime and schedule my classes more freely. But that would result in perhaps never seeing Justin unless he also decided to work a night job. Or I could never work and go to school full-time while Justin works on the slope and I cry for hating myself. This is certainly the least burdening idea. While other plans require sacrifice or contribution from other people, working and going to school only results in MY frustration.

Plus I guess I like paying for my tuition with my debit card. It makes me feel like I didn't fuck up that much since high school. Really all I did was procrastinate with the intent of being well-prepared. And I suppose that worked for the most part but now I'm three years behond and only taking classes at a third of the rate I should be to finish in a timely manner. As a result this will probably take me a long-fucking-time, so I should think of something less-stressful or get used to it. I don't want to waste my twenties doing nothing but school and work. That sounds a little sad.

I had a Slumber Party. It was such a marvelous idea I'm so sad I only thought of it recently. But it always seems I never have enough time to talk to the girls at work. Mostly the girls my age. There are 5 of us and one is really weird so I invited 4 over. We all pretty much know eachother well and get along so I knew I wouldn't have to worry about that. Chantalle and I work and go to school together so we see eachother a lot but Jamie works two nights shifts, does evenings on Chantalle's days off and is taking classes on my weekends. Sarah just got married and she likes working on call so she has some free time when Matt isn't on the slope. She works at the Purple Moose too and I probably see her there more than ever anymore. She doesn't usually get to work with me.

Well Sarah didn't make it because Matt's dog went crazy with seperation anxiety, destroyed the house and cut up his face trying to get out of the kennel. Chantalle (hereby known as Tilly) works as much as I do but has double the classes so she pulled an all-nighter the day of the slumber party. She was pretty tired during the last half but we stayed up long enough to eat a bunch of food (though not nearly enough compared to what we bought), watched Blades of Glory (which was awesome) and played Life with the boys.

I was trying to keep the evening as free from boys as possible. They were really good and played Counterstrike a lot at first but the whole point of wanting to do a slumber party was to have some kind of social gathering without alcohol. The boys totally contradicted my plans by getting wasted and Justin even managed to BREAK the coffeetable. I was pretty pissed off by that point so they left and the girls and I put on another movie and fell asleep. Jamie - who also had the next day off - stayed over to watch Grandma's Boy and then we went to Hacienda's later. So the good thing is, even with all this nonsense going on, I still have weekends to myself. Unfortunately that means getting everything done during the week.

Jamie, Tilly, Mark, Justin and whoever else I recruit this week are going on a cleanse with me. Back when I did that silly fad diet to build character Robert was telling me about the diet he was on. From what I understood he had no solid food for 30 days. Well I've decided to give it a shot.

The recipe for 'Lemonade' calls for distilled water, freshly squeezed lemon juice, Grade B organic maple syrup and cayenne pepper. You can drink 60 to 120 ounces a day with laxitive tea every morning and night. It is advisable to do occasional saline washes as needed and necessary to wean yourself on and off the 'Diet'. You may stay on it for at least 10 and not exceeding 40 days.

I saw an infomercial version of the diet for $60 one time. Robert bought me the book for $5. I'm starting it sometime this weekend and I'll make frequent updates. If all goes well, I'll probably encourage everyone I know to try it at least once. If it's everything it claims to be, it's practically neccessary.

And....it's work time.
  • Current Music
    Another Perfect Day ~ American Hi-Fi