fire @ will MIKEY!

back - but not quite better.

I'll try to pick up this story where I left off.

I didn't actually start, did I?

Oh well, here goes nothing.

We'll start with my sophomore year of High School.  Really, we're just going to breaze over it.  Honestly, it didn't even get interesting until October 31st.

Why October 31st, you ask?

Well one- it was Halloween.  My second-favorite holiday.  We had a rehearsal for Urinetown (I was in the band) and, of course, I wore my costume to rehearsal.  I was Cinderella, and damn I looked good.

One of my best friends, Eric, was in the band as well.  He played bass (I seem to have a thing for bass players) and we'd been flirting back and forth since, well, September.  A lot of people were pushing our relationship, namely his best friend Andy and his girlfriend Ella, whom I danced with.

So two, Eric asked me out on Halloween night.  Of course I said yes, it would have been rude not to, because so many people wanted us together.  I wasn't sure if I really liked him yet, but I figured, "what could go wrong?"

Turns out, plenty.

Jordan and I had been growing a lot closer.  We originally met in eighth grade and I hated him.  I never really had a reason, other than the fact that he was a smart-ass know-it-all, but who wasn't in eighth grade?  I was.

We were in the same english class first semester, and sat right near each other.  We flirted shamelessly.  It was my favorite class, and Jordan and I soon became really tight friends.  We talked on the phone every night, even though I knew it made Eric jealous.  The truth was, I really liked Jordan.  It sounds bad, but I'd be with Eric and wish I was with Jordan.  With Eric I felt like I was only going through the motions just to make him and everyone else happy, not because I actually loved him.

Saturday, February 24th.  My band, Stroke of Genius, was supposed to have a show, but it got cancelled due to an awful ice storm.  Since Jordan and I live so close together, I was taking him home.  We pulled out of one of our band members' driveways, and he said to me,

"This is the worst day of my life."

I asked why.

"Turns out, I'm definitely moving."

The threat had been looming for a while of a job transfer for Jordan's stepfather - to Denmark.  I'd dreaded it and cried over it, but I didn't think it would actually happen.  I cried on the way home, which was probably a really bad idea in hindsight, the roads were really dangerous and the ice impared my vision enough.  But I cried anyway.  We got to his house and pulled in the driveway.  I turned off the car and took off my seatbelt, and stared out of the windshield.  Finally, Jordan reached over and gave me a hug, and I cried into his coat for over 20 minutes.

That was the first time he held my hand.

We hugged each other and cried for a long time, and it would have been longer had my mom not gotten worried about me driving in the bad weather.  As he got out of the car, he said four words that still ring in my ears.  His voice is still so clear, choked and quiet, trying to fight through the tears and stay strong.

"I love you, Lyz."

"I love you too, Jordan."

A lot hit me right then.  I'd always loved Jordan.  I always had, and I knew I always would.  It wasn't Eric that I wanted to be with.  I never called Eric when I was upset, Eric was never my preferred crying shoulder, it was always Jordan.  I knew I was going through the motions to make everyone else happy.

So I decided to make a decision for me.

I got home and Jordan and I talked on the phone for eight hours.  I don't remember what we talked about.  Most of it was silence on both ends of the phone, but I didn't care.  I knew he was there.

So on February 26, two days later, I broke up with Eric.  Over the phone, mind you, so I felt really really shallow.  But I did.  I tried to explain things in the nicest way possible, but nothing like that can sound nice.  I felt cold and hearless... it was awful.

But February 27, Jordan asked me out.  I knew that we wouldn't have much time to be together, but I didn't care.  I loved him and I wanted to make the most of the time we had.

We got a lot of dirty looks and hate mail, but neither of us cared.  We were finally together, and that was what we both wanted in the first place.

  • Current Music
    nobody's innocent - redcar

oh my god.

so i haven't been on lj in a long fucking time.

a lot has changed since the beginning of sophomore year - the last time I posted here.  a whole lot.

i've been having a rough time lately - like i'm drowning.  something's pulling me under the water and i can see the surface, i can see the sun glimmering and shining off the surface of the water, but no matter how hard i try, i can't get my head above the water.  every once in a while, my hand will get above and i'll think i've made it, but then i get pulled in farther and have to try twice as hard to get up the top.

but i've needed to write for a while.  probably just for my own sanity's sake, but i need to put events in order.  to get things straight in my head.  to actually figure out how i feel about everything that's been going on.  my regular journal wasn't doing it for me.  i guess, well, because i want to think that someone's listening.  or think that someone cares.  i don't care if nobody reads it, but it's nice to think that someone, somewhere, might actually care about what i'm saying.

this is a true story.

this is my story.

so i'll try to tell it right.


I want you to have a good picture of everything, so i'll try to describe everything as well as i can.

i'll start with me.

i'm five foot three inches, not fat and not terribly skinny either.  naturally, i'm blonde.  but i've dyed my hair purple [in an attempt to dye it black for halloween, which didn't exactly work out.  it ended up going grey before it finally washed back to blonde], red [like carrot top red, it was awesome.], and i've dyed the under-layers pink, but it faded really quickly.  I'm thinking of doing turquoise next.  i have angled bangs and my hair barely touches my shoulders.
my eyes change color.  that's my favorite thing about me, that no two days in a row have my eyes been the same color.  i have long fingers - piano fingers.  that's basically what i do with my time.  i take piano lessons and i play all the time.  i'm the accompanist for our mixed show choir at school [well, not anymore.  the school year's over], and i take lessons.  when i'm not playing, i sing or dance.  i sing everywhere, in the shower, in choir, in school... everywhere.  and when i'm not playing piano or singing, i dance.  it really is my passion, it's how i express myself.. i love it.
otherwise, i'm a perfectionist.  i care waaay too much about my grades, even though i hate school.  i'm ocd, if my binders aren't in order i have a panic attack.  stuff like that.  i stress out way too easily.

that's me in a nutshell.

then there's jordan.

jordan is six foot three inches - a full foot taller than me.  he has dirty blonde hair that's only about an inch or two shorter than mine, and he straightens it.  he has brown eyes and big hands.  he plays bass in our band, and he's incredible, no matter what he says.  he's clinically depressed and hurts himself, no matter how many times he promises me that he won't.  his thought process usually makes no sense, which is why we're almost polar opposites.  emphasis on almost.  we're really more alike than people think.
anyway, jordan's parents are divorced and his dad lives in georgia.  he lives with his mom, stepdad, and two sisters in a gigantic house five minutes away from mine.  they're rich.  they live on the lake [well, resevoir.   it's too small to be a lake], they have a really nice boat, an incredible house, and he wears designer sunglasses.  he doesn't get along with his mom, she's kind of a bitch.  no, she's really a bitch.  even my mom doesn't like her, and my mom likes everyone.  i love jordan.  with all of my heart and my soul and all of my being.  that kind of love.

as for other people, i'll try to describe them as i go along.  but jordan and i are the main characters in this story.  so hopefully you've got a good picture of us.

if anyone's even reading this, thanks.  you don't have to comment.  you don't have to say anything to me.  but thanks for reading.

  • Current Music
    don't cry out - shiny toy guns.


and out of my emo-phase, thankfully.

I'm still trying to get a grasp on how intense the next school year is going to be.  I'm pretty much going to turn into an obsessive-compulsive, control-freak clone of what used to be Lyz.  Honsetly, I'm so busy.  My life already depends on a planner, and school hasn't even started yet.

So my schedule as it stands now:

School Classes:
Singers & New Dimension = the only break I get
Algebra 2 = way too much homework
Chemistry = ditto
Honors English = A fair amount of homework, lots of reading and paper-writing
AP World History = Most likely, lots of homework.

After School:
Starting in like, November maybe? through May - Singers Mondays and ND Thursdays
Also on Mondays: Piano Lessons and Company rehearsal
Tuesday: Dance 4:30 - 7:45
Wednesday: Dance 4:30 - 8:30
Thursday: Dance 6:30-9:00
Saturday: Dance 9:30-3

As well as the fall musical, which I'm not so sure I'm going to be able to do [cries]

So hopefully, I'll be able to let it out here.  [crosses fingers]  Even if I'm writing at 3 in the morning after I finish an English paper, it'll be worth it.

Wish me luck.

  • Current Music
    Are You Nervous? - Rock Kills Kid
fire @ will MIKEY!

So an actual entry now...


Yes, tomorrow I shall be halfway to thirty.  (On the downside, Brandon will be halfway to thirty fifteen hours before me.)  As of right now I don't think that my parents have gotten me any actual presents to unwrap on the morning of my birthday, which is rather depressing, but I AM GOING TO GREEN DAY AND I WILL NOT COMPLAIN!

however it might be the last concert i ever go to because according to molly billie joe humps the floor during king for a day.

oh well.  i'll be 18 soon enough.


School's been all right so far, I guess.  Haven't been bookchecked, haven't been late to class, I still have a hundred percent in French.  I still need a boyfriend, and we haven't gone to church in a while so I can't see my beloved Alex. ;)  I suppose I'll have to admire from afar.

Well, I'm of to find something to do.  Maybe I'll make some icons.

fire @ will MIKEY!

(no subject)

So I just got back from auditioning for the Nutcracker. 'Twas very interesting. I've never really taken modern before, but I followed along ok. We get a call within the week, wish me luck guys!
fire @ will MIKEY!

(no subject)


Please only add me if you actually want to get to know me, not because of my graphics or you've seen me around somewhere. I'll try to comment on all your journals too, but considering I'm very busy, I may not all the time. So if you don't mind all that, feel free to add me, then comment here and I'll most likely add you back.