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This is just a rant. About how ridiculous I am. How I find the most inappropriate people to fall for. Like a 28 year old who is getting divorced tomorrow morning. Yeah. I don't get it. He's pretty much amazing, though.. Oh yeah he also has two kids (which isn't really a problem) the fact that he lives about 3 hrs away.. that could be challenging. Maybe just a bit. Lol he went home today and it was sad. I was more excited though because I totally scored his phone number. Maybe I should just stop being so damn sexy. Lol that's the problem, right there. Okay rants over with. Maybe.

Thanks for listening eljay. Ily.
Omgzzz an update.
What's new with me? Hmm.. nothing exciting

I finished my summer semester and I have to admit it was pretty fun.
I'll miss Shane.. especially looking at him.. but mostly making fun of him!
As for Mr. Bertongole ...thank goodness!
He was such a nerd but his class was of great help.
Now I get to go back in a month. How exciting.
I don't know hopefully everything works out, school is expensive!

We'll see.
I suppose.

So I've been thinking and wondering about stupid stuff lately

Like how I've been in love with this boy
for as long as I can remember
and we're just friends
but sometimes I just wonder if it is the right kind of love.
Sometimes it feels like it.

P.S. Michael Chad I'm not dead and I'm sorry it seems like it!
Just when I think everything is back to normal..
I won't say anything more since anything I EVER say

CAN and WILL be held against me.

It's the fucking government, man.
They've got everything tapped.

Now my new goal is to not tell anyone anything.

& people wonder why there are rumors of me quitting.
Maybe because I can't handle all of this two-faced bullshit.
Just maybe.

I honestly do not know what to do.

I'm so glad that work is 10x more stressful than my personal life.
Because apparently dealing with that wasn't enough on my plate.


The gossip doesn't stop at work. Then there's my love life.
Which according to everyone isn't a love life.. because they know everything there is to know about me, I guess, even things I don't even know about me.


I'm so tired of my life being a fucking soap opera for everyone's entertainment.

Starting over completely has a nice ring to it.

No one will know me better than I know myself in a different city.

This was suprisingly refreshing. I'm sure I'll get into even more trouble now, though because there are spies EVERYWHERE.
omgzz I haven't written in here for a long time.
I don't even know if I remember how to type, oh wait that's right it's burned into my brain.
So what's new.. Still at the DQ.
Believe me, no one could be more excited than me about that, too.
This week we're getting new product so the big guys are coming to town.
Which means we had to clean everything.
By we I mean just Mindy & me.. how lame.
I was scheduled 37 hours and I actually worked 45.
I was supposed to work today but that would've been 5 more hours of overtime.. haha dolla dolla bill ya'll.

I should be shot for saying that.

What else is new?
My mother and I never get along
but that's not so new.

Cassi & I started hanging out again. I missed her but she still parties way too much for me.
I don't really like hanging out in jail so I think I'll have to cut back on the parties. In a way I'm glad because I started hanging out with Ryan too. I don't know why but I'm pretty much in love with that boy. Too bad he is a slut and if we date I will get aids and die. haha

hmm I don't really know what else is new. I should be starting school in the fall.
Kinda scary.. I really have no idea what I want to do. Maybe I'll major in being a hooker.
That's my real passion in life!!!111
What's going on with my life:

My mom has been gone for almost two months now & she won't be back for one more.
Everyone is quitting at work. I think it's a good thing.. we need new people Supposidly I am being promoted within the next month. We'll see.
Adam and Jess broke up. Adam and Jess got back together. Broke up again and now they're back together, again haha. Now we hang out? Tonight he freaked out about this customer and she happend to hear him. That was way fun to deal with. Anyway. I signed up for Big Brothers and Sisters program. I'm way excited.. I love kids to death. I guess there is talk of us moving in January when our lease is up.. moving moving like away from methville. I have mixed feelings about that. Someone took my keys tonight. I lose things all the time but Mindy and I looked everywhere for them. I think it was Michael. Right now I need to go read "One Minute Manager" haha

thanks for listening eljay.
Grey's Anatomy always makes me cry if I watch it alone. Especially last Thursday's episode.

I think I want to get out of here.
I mean move away from Casper
it seems to suck the life out of everything.
I want to move to Seattle. I really love the rain.
Maybe I'll go to college there or something.

All I really know is this isn't what I want the rest of my life to be like. I wouldn't mind living by myself. I seem to always involve myself in things that consume my life so coming home to an empty house is fine by me. The thing that bothers me though is when you are supposed to come home to someone and now they're gone. I don't know how that's supposed to work out.
Maybe I'm kind of selfish. Then again if I'm home at night to sleep at a normal hour why wouldn't they be there too?

I'm pretty sure Cody broke me so I think I should break him now.
Hello old friend. I am sorry I've been neglecting you for so long. I really haven't been that busy. So there's no excuse. Anyway nothing that exciting has happened. School, work, sleep and repeat. We actually have been on break for a while, which has been nice. Then back to the old routine starting Monday. I started a new job and now I work on Friday nights at DQ but the rest of my time is spent at Sears. I am a MCA which means Merchandise Customer Assist. Basically I am in charge of keeping all the clothes organized and color coordinated.. then arranging displays. It doesn't sound that difficult but it really is a lot of work. We're a big store and going through every rack in every clothing department, home fashions, and small appliances and putting back what the customers screw up gets old extremely fast. The thing is, everyone told me I would hate it and I would quit before 6 months. So I kinda just want to prove them all wrong. This update is depressing but I'm not very happy so what can you do. I thought changing everything would make my life better. I'm not so sure I didn't just make it worse.
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

Will you get far in life?
Dean Martin - When You're Smiling
I guess I should smile a lot?

How do your friends see you?
As I Lay Dying - Confined
...they suck, why do I have their music?

What song describes your parents
Third Eye Blind - Closing Time
hahah. good song.

Will you get married?
Jimmy Eat World - Kill
I think that's a yes...

What is your best friend's theme song?
Frou Frou - The Dumbing Down of Love

What is the story of your life?
Matt Pond PA - So Much Trouble
that's pretty cool

What was high school like?
Tegan and Sara - Where Does The Good Go
perfect :)

How can you get ahead in life?
Iron & Wine - The Trapeze Swinger
Wow. This is my favorite song.

What is the best thing about your friends?
Kelis - I'm Bossy
Hahah, I'm embarassed..&

What is today going to be like?
The Beatles - While My Guitar Gently Weeps

What is in store this weekend?
Jamison Parker - Alcohol and Bandages
that's a good weekend song.
I don't think that'll be me though.

What song describes you?
Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang
haha sweeet.

What song describes your grandparents?
Bright Eyes - Neely O'hara

How is your life going now?
Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
Pretty close. I love this song.

What song would they play at your funeral?
Brand New - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
pretty interesting since it's about death.

How does the world see you?
Pink Floyd - We Don't Need No Education
Maybe that's why no one listens to me.

Will you have a happy life?
Led Zepplin - Goin to California

What do your friends really think of you?
Ryan Adams - Strawberry Wine

Do people secretly lust after you?
My Bloody Valentine - Sometimes
I guess not. Pfft

How can I make myself happy?
Led Zepplin - I Can't Quit You Baby
I don't think it could be more obvious unless the song was called "Get over Cody"

What should I do with my life?
The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony
...work & don't change. weird

Will you ever have children?
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
I don't think that makes sense.

What is your sex life like?
Rob Thomas's cover of Time After Time
Pretty accurate.

What song would they play at your wedding?
Mike Doughty - Looking At The World From The Bottom of A Well
haha okay?

What song describes your significant other?
Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet

What is your signature dancing song?
Damien Rice - Lonelily
sweet it's pretty catchy

What is your theme song?
Frank Sinatra - The Way You Look Tonight
;) I get that a lot haha

What does everyone else think your theme song is?
The Fray - Cable Car (In Over My Head)
That's probably pretty true
Sometimes I really wish my life was normal.
The everyday things I deal with aren't normal.
I wish I could just be a teenager in High School
not sick all the time and not depressed.

I wish I could be with my Dad, Mom and brother
& we could all be happy and normal.

I hate that I've never had a normal life.
There's always something...


I hate that when you read this it will upset you
that's why I never say anything.
It just makes it worse.
I'm happy today. I'm getting close to the growing up point in life, everything is kinda just comming together now. Not too much longer with school, I'm almost 17...weird.. and I really can't wait to have kids. I'm so excited, even if it's going to be 5 more years. My mom picked me up the Vanity Fair magazine with the photo shoot with Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes' new daughter, Suri. She is the most adorable baby I've ever seen. I hope my kids aren't ugly haha. Well that's all I really want to write about today. Don't worry I'm not pregnant, nor will I have the possibilities of being pregnant anytime in the near future.

have a good day =)