lloyd, i'm ready to be heartbroken (sapphirestar_) wrote,
lloyd, i'm ready to be heartbroken
sapphirestar_

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i ain't got the blues no more, i said.

HI. I'M NOT DEAD.

so. no updates in almost two months. oops? obviously i suck at posting about my life (mostly because there really isn't one, at the moment) and once a few weeks without updating pass by, the rest is just, well, laziness. WHAT CAN I SAY, I'VE BEEN BUSY MOONING OVER THE MIGHTY BOOSH.

because they've totes taken over my life. i mean that quite literally, too. i saw all three seasons twice inside a week, and that doesn't include the live shows and the extras and the interviews and stuff i've been watching. nor does it include the pocket book of boosh my sister bought (which i've yet to read, sadly) nor the radio show i've yet to listen to. it's taken over my computer. (see: new layout. even though it's all gone to shit since the comment-links don't show and stuff, but it's boosh. i can't not have a boosh layout.) i've had to remove icons from pretty much all other fandoms, because there are just so many boosh icons i want to use. it's literally ALL I SODDING THINK ABOUT, okay. i have boosh dreams, for fuck's sake. i don't dream fandom dreams. i don't do anything boosh-related in a day and i'm already missing it like mad the day after that.

not to mention noel fielding, whom i've totally fallen in love with. WHY, BOOSH. WHY?

um, of course, that's not all that's been happening. i haven't really talked about it, because i guess i never felt comfortable doing it, but i suppose i should. so, the short version.


i've been having these weird violent shake-attacks since last summer, yeah, always when i spent the night somewhere not home, and i didn't really do anything about it, but a few months back it got a bit worse when i had what could basically be called a panic attack. i went to the doctor's, and i got some anxiety pills, but far as i know, they're not really working for me. i still get anxious and stuff (downplaying it here, it really does feel awful when it's happening, even though i feel silly about it afterwards) when there's a situation that means going out with friends or going to work and things like that, and it's really just messing with my life. it's frustrating, because i can't do anything - i can't spend the night at a friend's place, i can't go to work (and i actually like working where i work) and it's just gotten to the point where i associate the anxiety attacks with anything involving my friends and work, which means it's only gotten worse.

it's just ... i don't know. i hate that it's happening, of course, but what i mostly really hate about it is that i can't live my life like this. i'd love to go to work. i'd love to be with my friends. but i can't. sometimes it feels like there's no point in me applying to universities next year, because if this continues, i certainly won't be able to go to school without getting all weird about it. but hopefully i'll get some pills better suited for me soon, 'cause i'd rather just have this over and done with. i know it's not that easy, but it doesn't stop me from wishing it would be.


ANYWAY. moving on, now, because i don't like whining about myself and my problems.

i won't be online next week, and a few days into the week after that. we (the family) will be going on a sort of summer road trip thing, and i most likely won't get any chances to be online. except on monday, since we'll probably leave on tuesday. it sucks, because oh god, so many fics to catch up on once we get back. THEY'LL NEVER END. but i'm quite looking forward to it, though. i'll miss our cats (because aw, this'll pretty much be the longest i've ever been separated from them) but one of my aunts will be here to look after them and the house, so that's alright. it'll be fun to get out of the house, spend time (properly) with my family, see finland a bit more. so yay for that! :D

and this post is just ridiculously long right now, so i'll go back to pining after the mighty boosh and the it crowd (yes, i'm getting into that as well. obviously, since there's richard ayoade and noel fielding) and wondering how the hell i'm supposed to survive an entire week without the boosh to lol at.

ta-ta, for now. ♥
Tags: tv: the it crowd, tv: the mighty boosh
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