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[I can't throw it away. I wanna keep it forever.]

External Services:
  • sammy___@livejournal.com
the girl;
Sam. british. lesbian. recovering from anorexia nervosa. needy. pro-recovery but sometimes slips. works with children. vegetarian. enjoys studying. loves learning. extremely private. dreamer. fangirl. lover of all things magical, hates revealing things about herself. has trust issues. NOT pro "ana" or "mia"; I DESPISE those ugly names.
the loves;
Dianna Agron holds my heart.

LOVES; seriously in love with elizabeth mitchell, kadee strickland, gillian anderson, jodie foster, lea michele, dianna agron, naya rivera, idina menzel, leslie bibb, angelina jolie, kate walsh, london, glee, lana del rey, natasha richardson, jessica capshaw, angie harmon, sasha alexander, emily deschanel, portia de rossi & the broadway musical RENT, leggings, tights. giraffes, dolphins, zebras, ellen degeneres, george clooney, treat williams, america's next top model, elizabeth wurtzel, skinny, ballet, vegetarianism, veganism, running, feminism, autumn, winter, eating disordered books & memoirs, recovery, working with children, psychology, alaska, wicked, chely wright, marya hornbacher, reading- fanfiction, fiction, non-fiction, broadway musicals & theatre. long hair, faith hill, body lotion & creams, brittany murphy, hoodies, bangles & bracelets, activism, thin, warm sweaters, LGBT rights & pride, fairy lights, tea & coffee, oregon, abercrombie & fitch, billabong, pottery barn teen, fashion, hollister, new york, los angeles, wicca, jack wills, staying up late, piercings, tattoos, american eagle outfitters, california, candles, dreadlocks, road trips, music, starbucks, human rights campaign, the colours pink & olive green, volcom, liveJournal, rachel/quinn, rizzoli & isles, callie/arizona, portia & ellen, booth/brennan, mulder/scully, etc etc.

amy adams, anne hathaway, angelina jolie, apple macbooks, art, ashley olsen, astrology, autumn, ballet, books, booth & brennan, bones, candles, carly pope, chenzel, chely wright, daisy chains, deers, depression, dianna agron, dreadlocks, dreamcatchers, education, elizabeth mitchell, eating disorders, emily deschanel, evan rachel wood, everwood, felicity, feminism, gillian anderson, gilmore girls, girly, gossip girl, glee, grey's anatomy, glitter, halloween, hipbones, hilarie burton, idina menzel, jessie & katie, keri russell, kristen bell, lea michele, leggings, leslie bibb, lilies, literature, loving annabelle, long hair, mandy moore, mary-kate olsen, melissa george, nora zehetner, pacey & joey, piercings, portia de rossi, popular, prozac nation, pink, psychology, queer, rent, road trips, selma blair, sex & the city, sienna miller, snow, skinny, sophia bush, starbucks, stars, tattoos, the x files, thin, twilight series, vogue, white oleander, wicca, winter, willow and tara, working with children, zooey deschanel.
the quotes;
"I just think that sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Evan Rachel Wood [Jessie Sammler in "Once & Again"]

“..but it’s not the weight gain from the six ounces of yogurt that worries me. It’s the loss of self control. It’s the fear that maybe I’ve lost it for good. I start sobbing now as I lunge my way across the floor and I wonder how many calories I’m burning by sobbing. Sobbing and lunges-it’s got to be at least 30 calories. It crosses my mind to vocalize my thoughts of self-loathing, because speaking the thoughts that fuel the sobs would HAVE to burn more calories than just thinking the thoughts and so I say, ‘You’re nothing. You’re average. You’re an ordinary, average, fat piece of shit. You have no self-control. You’re a stupid, fat, disgusting dyke. You ugly stupid bitch!’
As I reach the bathroom and wipe away the last of my tears, I’m alarmed by the silence; the voice has stopped. When it’s quiet like this, that’s when the voice doesn’t have to tell me how pathetic I am. I know it in the deepest part of me. When it’s quiet like this, that’s when I truly hate myself…”
- Portia De Rossi ["Unbearable Lightness: a story of loss and gain."]

"Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school, athletics, artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school, drop out, quit jobs, leave lovers, move, lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather, we tire of having to seem impressive. As a rule, most of us never really believed we were any good in the first place." - Marya Hornbacher ["Wasted"]

"I fixate on things. And one of the things I fixate on is food. I suppose it had to happen sometime. Recovery from an eating disorder is usually provisional—most of us who do recover still have it lurking somewhere in the back of our minds. It lives there quietly for years. But if the pressure is enough, it comes out. We fall back on it. It is as old and familiar as a longtime lover. We aren’t afraid of it. It stills our thoughts. We know it. When we are at points in our lives where we know little else, the eating disorder is our long-lost oldest friend."- Marya Hornbacher ["Madness: A Bipolar Life"].

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