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Ryan Merriman

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[01 Apr 2003|07:59am]
(( Just so you all know...Im not leaving. I'm gonna stick by my journal and the characters I worked so hard to build a relationship with..like Stace and Erin. I am sorry that I've had two deaths and three births in my family and was on the verge of a breakdown..Im sorry that I had a life and couldn't get on the computer like all of you, while I was about to kill myself. So to everyone against me, bite me. This Ryan's sticking around ))
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[13 Mar 2003|08:49pm]
At approximitely 8:23 PM on March 13,2003, I became the proud father of Ryan Earl Merriman JR. *smiles proudly* I have never experienced something more beautiful in my life. He is so perfect..a little bit of me and a little bit of her in one human being. Oh man...Im so proud of Stacie...I really am. I hate to go but I really need to go hold him again...
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[13 Mar 2003|06:52pm]
Where has everyone been lately? I have to admit that I shouldn't be saying a word...but I remember when I used to sit around at home and I'd have hundreds of people calling or visiting me, now there's no one. *shrugs* I don't know. Well, I got up for just that so I guess I will return to my bed.
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[11 Mar 2003|05:24pm]
Now don't have a heart attack *laughs*. Im back and better than ever. I figured it was about time that I update seeing as the last time I did was in September of last year. Well Im here so bring on the comments. I'll write soon. Love you Stace
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[06 Sep 2002|05:32am]
Hello. Im alive. Stacie was in an accident the other day so thats why I havent update for a while. Thank god the baby was okay or Im not sure what wouldve happened. Ive been trying to take care of Stace as much as possible...not really letting her out of bed so shes basicallyon bed rest. Shes feeling better thats really good. Im makig dinner so I better go...just thought Id drop in.

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[19 Aug 2002|12:03pm]
Your Pregnancy Profile
Baby's latest stats*
Estimated due date: March 22, 2003
Likely conceived on: June 15, 2002
Estimated age: Your baby is 65 days old.
Estimated weight: Approximately 0.14 ounces.
Estimated length: 0.9 to 1.2 inches long.

More information about your stage of pregnancy: You are in Week 9 of your pregnancy.
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[19 Aug 2002|11:56am]
First off...I want to say Im sorry to two girls that know who they are...one of you for bringing you into this mess...the other...my only...for doing this to you.

As most of you know...yes...I kissed a girl. Mischa kissed me and Im not proud of it...Im so sorry that Stace had to walk in and see it. It didnt go like it looked though. She kissed me...just kissed me. Nothing else. Misch knows that it cant be that way...I belong with Stacie and my new family. Im just really grateful that Stace is willing to take me back...or try to take me back. Her and the baby mean the world to me and Id die without them here.

GO ahead and hate me..and for those of you out to kill me...kill me if you'd like...I guess I deserve that
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[16 Aug 2002|07:27am]
Hi.. *grins*
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one last word before I go... [09 Aug 2002|08:58am]
OOC POST (( Im going away this week on a last vacation before summer is over...I will be back next monday so expect twice as many updates to make up for this week...try not to miss me too much...see you then ))
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[08 Aug 2002|06:42am]
You know the feeling of guilt in the pit of your stomach that bothers you until you feel like you just might curl over and die...thats about how I feel now. I guess this is one of those posts where you sorta say what happened but you beat around the bush...never really coming out and saying what happened. I was gonna tell you what happened..expecting to hear hell for it, expecting for you all to hate me for even thinking about it. The more I think about it though, the more I dont wanna hear crap from people...because I know theyd most likely jump to conclusions without even being there at the moment. Not that I was really there either...it was more like the guy who got drunk and wrecked his car, came back to haunt me once again. I guess I'll admit that I have a problem...and I need help. I know Stacie is willing to help me get through it all, but will that be enough? Im so afraid that Im driving her farther away each time I hurt her, and even though she sayd she forgives me...I know that pain is still there and she'll always remember those days I hurt her. Im just at the stage of rambling now...not that anyone but Stacie reads this anyway..if Stacie reads it.

And Stacie..I know Ive already said Im sorry so many times...but I'll continue to say it for the rest of my life, knowing you can never realy forgive me for the things I do. That wasn't me the other day...it wasnt me that drove that car away...and Im sorry for both of us...

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[05 Aug 2002|06:41am]
We're home. Im bored.
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[02 Aug 2002|06:59am]
I haven't updated because of the fact that I am really trying to enjoy my vacation...and I am, don't worry. We're leaving in a few hours so Im trying to pack our stuff...secretly trying to pack hers before she gets up, knowing shed kill me if she would see me throwing her stuff in suitcases. I know shed never be ready to go by the time shed get up and take a year and a half to take a shower, hang out in the bathroom forever, and then change. She'll just have to deal *laughs*.

I dont really want to go home to tell you the truth..I really dont miss the states much, I would stay here forever if I could. Stacies so excited to go back home so its pretty funny. Home...Ive been thinking about a few things I have to do when I get home and one is to start looking for a house...with this new baby we'll need another room or more so this apartment we have wont cut it. Im not thrilled about having to move since I have so many memories in that house from just a few months ago...but its got to be done I guess...my family comes first.

I better go finish packing...catch you all later
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[29 Jul 2002|10:03am]
*sings* nobody posts to me no more...no body posts to me...
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extremely bored... [29 Jul 2002|09:07am]

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Italy [29 Jul 2002|06:28am]
I'm in love with Italy...its incredibly beautiful here. Im not sure how Im gonna leave this...maybe we should extend our honeymoon even more *laughs*.
Im the last one to post about our dinner with Joy and Nosh so I'll just say that we need to do it again sometime. I had a really great time...gained a million pounds doing it also *laughs*...I dont think Ive ever been so bloated. I really wish I wasnt so tired all the time so I could go sight seeing around all night. I'm not sure whats on the agenda for today but Im sure we'll have a great time either way. I'm so in love with Stacie...shes truly amazing. I think this early honeymoon was a good idea.
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woomp [27 Jul 2002|09:10pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Well look who it is..me. Bah. im a little out of it for some reason...no clue why. Stacie and I decided to leave for Italy last night and here we are, so I'm currently sitting in my hotel room trying to do this while Stace changes and runs downstairs to get ice. I talked to Joy a few moments ago and we all decided to go out to dinner tonight since her and Noah are on their honeymoon in Venice also. Well...I guess I will write more later since Ive got to go get ready for dinner and find some kind of convenient store around here to get soda and something to eat later.


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my baby [26 Jul 2002|07:14am]
I feel like such a dork *laughs* I guess I should be proud of myself though. I called the doctors before I left yesterday for Colorado and talked to him about a few things going on with this baby of mine. He said he'd help me try and adjust to it all so I think its all starting to sink in a little better. He told me when her due date is...how to help her...what the baby looks like now...old myths about how to guess gender...it was really interesting.

Baby's latest stats*
Estimated due date: March 22, 2003
Likely conceived on: June 15, 2002
Estimated age: Your baby is 41 days old.
Estimated weight: Approximately 0 ounces.
Estimated length: 0.08 to 0.16 inches long.

Our baby is due in 239 days.

I'll be checking in with him every once in a while so I'll keep everybody updated if they care.
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venting [25 Jul 2002|07:14am]
This is gonna be a ranting entry so you can choose to skip it if you'd like.

This isn't how everything was supposed to happen first of all! We haven't fought like this at all in the time we knew each other and now we are starting for some reason. The whole thing is just a bunch of shit if you ask me. I don't mean what I say and I shouldn't say it...I think that is why Im so mad. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut because that's what has always gotten me in trouble before. I also am mad that I have this habbit of fleeing...I need to stop running the fuck away from everything. It was wrong to leave and truthfully Im not sure why I did it. Instead of talking to her about it...I call a friend and talk about it to them. I've been such an insensitive ass lately with this baby. I should have been strong when we found out about it but instead I fall down and cry...while she hold me. I wouldn't even call it a baby or even recognize that she was indeed pregnant for days while she sat alone. Nothing I can say could match how horrible I feel about it all. Nothing I say could make it alright. But Im so sorry...I promised things to other people before I could promise them to me. And now that I can promise to stand strong...I will promise to be here. Im gonna make it alright...everything's gonna be all right.
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Greatest mysteries in life... [23 Jul 2002|07:16am]
*yawns* Here I am...7:00 in the morning, awake, after not falling asleep until 5 this morning. I'm completely
content here...just watching my wife sleep. It's funny how, when I wrote that word I got chills up my spine...and Im not saying its a bad thing...I love it actually. She's so beautiful if you haven't noticed...and at the same time so young, yet she has the mature level and responsibilities that a 30 year old would have. I'm not sure why she would want it, and I am still not sure why'd she want it all with me. I still wonder what made me worthy of all this...why she chose me when she could have anyone she wanted.

Her eyes are beginning to open so I'm gonna go attend to my wife *smiles*. I'll update more later then...
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happy day! [22 Jul 2002|08:43pm]
Happy Mrs. and Mr. Ryan Earl Merriman day!!!
thank you to everyone who attended the wedding. The reception is still kicking so come on down.

Im off to do the irish jig for my wedding party..I feel drunk and I haven't touched any alcohol *grins*
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