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Jul. 28th, 2006 | 02:37 am

i'm fucking freaking out about it right now.

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Happy birthday Rob.

Mar. 14th, 2006 | 11:55 pm

Subject says it all.


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Jan. 22nd, 2006 | 06:45 pm
This Is How I Feel Today: chipperchipper

It's the little things in life that make me love the people I love.

Like Rice milk.

Bestfriends are where its at yo.

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Jan. 8th, 2006 | 12:21 pm
This Is How I Feel Today: calmcalm

This is the last goodbye.

No regrets.


You know I was never very good at goodbyes, so here goes nothing...

I had this reoccurring dream that I was a flower, bright and beautiful, and always at the end of the dream I was picked from the grass and torn apart by you. Not out of hatred, but out of love. You had the same strong, distant but loving gaze in your eyes as you always have. Not sad, not happy, but with out a doubt full of emotion.

I always knew it would end this way, I could feel it as a child deep within my bones. However, I never knew I would love, and then there was you. I found you, soft and gentle, and in love with the world even though you knew just how cruel it could be and has been. No matter what you did, you did it with every ounce of love that you had. I miss that.

Girls have come and gone, I wont lie, there has been too many for me to count. Although, none ever have looked at me like you once did. None of them ever saw me for what I could become, nor did they understand me. None of them pushed me, at all, in any direction. It was always you who made me want to be a better person. You made me want.

I pray that my sister can find you and give you this letter. I pray that you'll read it. I pray that you'll except the package I want to send you. It's full of all the memories of the past, and I want you to have them. I know you'll keep them safe and cherish them.

Now, I want you to know that I really wish I could have seen you one more time. However, I wanted to keep the memory of you that I had alive. I have no idea if you are the same person today that you were a few years ago, so, I didn't try to see you. I don't know if you'll be hurt by this, but I also didn't want you to see the person I have become. I would explain this person to you, but I want you to keep the memory you have of me alive as well. I know in my heart it was a wonderful one.

Fuck, my thoughts are getting all mixed up. Almost moving too fast for myself. I mean, they are right in front of me but just out of grasp. My lord, there is so much I would like to write but we both know it wont make it in this shitty letter.

I'm sorry.

I have spent most of my time painting pictures. Mostly like the one we painted together. I can't get it right though, I don't know why I have waisted so much time trying to do it. I know in my heart it wont turn out right because you're not there.

Remember the day we took a bunch of acid and went into the woods? Remember seeing colors no one could even imagine? Remember feeling things no one could even comprehend feeling? I'm going to send you the painting we did of all that. It was more yours then it ever was mine anyhow.

Also, I'm sure you know where I'm going with this... You're the only person EVER that I said I love you to. I want to you know that I meant it. I also want you to know that I understand why, and have excepted that you did not say it back. I'll always love you, always. Only, I love you in the way that you made me see life in-between the lines.

I loved feeling like we were outside of the box. Like we knew the future and because of that we simply existed in the moment with everything we had. Everything we did, said, wrote, painted, just everything, we did it like we might never be able to do it again. That is the most amazing gift anyone could ever give anyone. For that, I thank you.

I never got this life quite right. However I promise you that the next time around, I'll make a difference. Even if it's only in one person's life. I'll make a difference like you made a difference in mine. In my next life I might not ever know you, but I promise, if it's possible, I'll try and keep you alive in me. You are the most brilliant thing that's ever happened. Please keep what faith you have left, you have a very long life to live full of amazing things you WILL accomplish.

This letter is too long.

" Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop."

-Lewis Carrol

Think of me with a smile.


No regrets.

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Jan. 6th, 2006 | 05:16 pm

I checked my old email 20 minutes ago.
About a week ago Sam Oded.
I'm shocked numb.

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