Tags: what fresh hell is this?


(no subject)

Last night I saw the first half-hour or so of Daredevil, a film in which Ben Affleck pretends to be a blind superhero.

I'm not going to cut this, because if you're worried about being spoiled for Daredevil, then you need to re-evaluate your life.

Probably the funniest moment of this trash is at the beginning, where a young daredevil is surrounded by bullies in an alleyway (curiously, one of them is that kid from the Sopranos. I thought his career was better than that). They decide that it's really fun to beat up a blind kid, but he defends himself - using his cane! Because of his super-amazing Blind Person Abilities, he knows exactly where these bullies are, and does exciting things like puts his cane right next to their faces without actually touching them and stuff. Of course, in real life this is where he'd be accused of faking it, and have his cane and sunglasses taken away, but instead the bullies run scared, realising this is Not Someone To Mess with.

Other amazing Blind Person Abilities include the ability to hear literally every person in the city at once, which means he has to spend a great deal of time in an isolation chamber, or play sub-Evanescence style pseudo-goth music incredibly loud in an attempt to block out the voices.

Admittedly I missed the first five minutes, so I'm not sure if there's an explanation for this, and I'm not really sure that matters, but he seems to have some sort of Blind Person Radar. In particular, there's a moment where a crim runs down into an empty subway station, and Ben Affleck finds him by tapping his stick against the railings, and using the sound vibrations to create a radar-style mental map which not only shows the basic pillars and so on, which I can accept, but also the exact shape of the man, and his gun.

You should read that again, just to stress its stupidity. I'll wait.

Later his amazing Blind Person Radar becomes even more ridiculous when he stands outside in the rain with Jennifer Garner, because the first raindrops upon something allow him to see it clearly. Cue CGI shot of Jennifer Garner's face made out of rain. Shameful. Later, a similar effect occurs using cigarette smoke. It tested my patience to the max, and I switched off.

Oh, and when they have sex, the music sounds suspisciously like Enya.