I foam at the mouth.

No, seriously--where have you been? I've told you where I've been.

I think. Unless this seems to be an amazing appearance from after a year--or nearly a year, whenever my last post on this journal took place.

I'm tired at the moment and thinking about learning a few things.

Oh yes, I have a car.

And my mighty PC is busted.

And so many things have happened, you would not believe it to be true.


Hahaha. You're going to shoot me for this...but...

...You remember the HyperDimension?

Well, after a year of doing squat with it, and playing on a shiny little forum for a while, I'm thinking about refurbishing it. Except I'll need to change the name due to some video game that's out now--but that's alright. New name, new setup, new players (sort of) should be good.

Don't shoot me, please.

Rachel..put that gun down.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

This is for you.

I've been thinking about writing an essay regarding the current state of humanity--or at least our North American society. It's going to take some time, but the idea has been tumbling around my mind, collecting lint as it goes. In this essay we're going to talk about materialism, corruption, over-consumption, greed, lack of empathy, and anything else that I can think of.

I've been seeing it lately, all over the place in our current society and while I prefer to remain oblivious to it and wander along as just another consumer without a care, I can't. I listen to my music and ignore the people around me just to stay safe and secure in my own world, but the fear and the loathing is always there. I'm sure we all know it, but if that's really the case then why do we constantly ignore it?

Society is dirty and the people with enough power to actually do something...well, they won't.

It's all quite sad, really, and everyday I'm losing faith in the 'advanced' society.

But the question is, once I complete this essay, what am I going to do with it? Should I send it everywhere and see if I can stir up a few things or just let it sit in the bottom of my desk drawer?

This requires more thinking, and yes, maybe even some help.

I could scream.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now. I don't watch much TV these days.  (Cartoons only.) I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (I should.) I love to play video games. I've tried marijuana.  (Worst year of my life.)
I've watched porn movies. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.  (Cocky little bastard, yo. We cuss.) × I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
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Other than that, today wasn't bad...I went to my class and hung out for a while, completing most of the module that was given to me two days ago. I only have a few pages left which I'll probably complete tomorrow morning and leave with the second module. I had a pleasant moment of panic when she approached me saying, "oh, and instead of only three modules there's eight. I found the others this morning--is that okay?" I just stared at her with a mumbled affirmation and a slight nod.

Eight modules that have to be done in the span of...what? Four weeks? Oh yeah. That's wonderful. That's amazing. Two modules a week...how utterly pleasant. This is where I bash my head against the wall and wonder why I didn't do it last November when I first signed up for Science 20. Why? Whywhywhy...?!

Excuse me while I tear out my hair.

In all honesty though, life couldn't be better when it comes to the academics; I have a possible ticket to Japan, or another one to Pyromania. How can I not love it? Mind you, I'd have to move away to Calgary and be seperated from my...all of two real friends here in Edmonton, buut I'll get over it. There's still internet café's over there, right? Yeah. And my laptop. I can keep in touch digitally or something.

Work wasn't bad today either. I flitted around the greenhouse for four hours, waiting to go home since it was incredibly slow. When I first arrived I discovered that I didn't have a work shirt to wear so I had to snag Cody to get a new one from upstairs.

As for the party on Friday, everyone's going to the Union and Cody's hooking up with their crew. Whatever though, right? We're all friends, so of course you'd expect him to join them.

I still wonder if I should go or not...I've been going on an alcohol binge, it seems.

Eh, fuck it all. That's what I want to say to everything and everyone--minus a few special people that are thankfully safe from my ANNNNGRRRYYY spray. Like this online shit isn't so fun anymore, you make friends and you lose them just as easily. I miss so many people right now...but yeah, I'll never see them again. I think I'm boring and after a while they just forget I exist or something...something happens and we stop talking. I hate that.

I'm starting to hate all of it. I think I'll cling to what lasting friendships I have and take my leave from it. You'll all be better off anyway.


New accounts have been put into effect.
Consider this my goodbye.
  • Current Mood
    disappointed disappointed


Okay, so today started out being dull. I woke up at 1:30 and eyed the time before crawling out of bed and hopping onto the computer for a few hours.

4:00 I went out into the blistering heat to jump on a bus and make my way to Whyte. Whyte Ave is the most happenin' place in our city...apart from West Edmonton Mall. Or something like that. So I visited Karey at work because I said I would and we made some arrangements, and such things. I made a shirt at her work. X3

Shirt: Black t-shirt with white sleeves, imprinted with the Flammable sign in red. Ahaaah. It's cute.

After that she got off work and we wandered around for a bit until stopping in at some...place. Chinese restraunt. That part was funny. We had a great meal with interesting conversation, but when it came time to pay she couldn't seem to find her wallet. Me being all glorious with my credit card smiled and volunteered to pay for dinner...

...Until we got up to the cash register where I discovered my card was missing. "o______o; ohshiz" was basically what was going through my mind then. So Karey left to run to work, leaving me to chill out and kick back at a random table for a bit, wanting to eat my fortune cookie but deciding to hold off on that because it'd be even better if my fortune turned out to match the situation. Turns out it didn't. Karey got back and paid, then we left. I was grinning and giggling over it.

"Dude, I bet if I were a normal person, I'd be pissed off right now."

Was I? No. I'm strangely equipped with humour. In fact, the only thing going through my mind was an idea for a one-shot comic strip just to illustrate the happenings.

Uhm. After that we went to the Organic Food store where I picked up two small bottles of water...one being 'mintwater' (Listerine flavoured!--actually it was Peppermint, but still.) I wanted to go to the asian food market but that was closed. Agh. So we waddled back to the strip and...found ourselves at the Princess Theatre.

The movie sucked. I did like the music though. I think I liked the idea of sitting in an antique theatre better.

Since the movie was only an hour and a half long, we got out an hour before the time we told our fathers to pick us up at, leaving us to wander and check out the nightlife. It wasn't bad. A little muggy, but that was it. We stopped at the Purple Onion and danced to one song before downing a Bottle Cap each.

Sat around. Waited. Finally hooked up with our fathers, went home.

Karey, my dad kinda got into your green onion cakes. XD; Sorry. You mention Chinese food and he's all over it.

And now it's time for bed.

  • Current Music
    My stomach growling...


Maybe I'm a wuss. I think I'm a wuss.

MY EARS ITCH LIKE THE DICKENS and I've been squirming, writhing around trying not to scritch them. So far my fingernail's only invaded the area surrounding it...but...that's...not...good...enough. I don't care if itchyness is a sign of healing, I'm going to whine about it. I whine a lot, you see.

Jackyl, were your ears this itchy when they were healing? T_T Did you have the resistence not to scratch? Can I whimper and pout or No, because it's my own damn doing in the first place?

I feel giddy at the moment, probably due to being tired and caffeine afflicted. Not to forget the ears. Ohhh, you can never forget the ears now...can you...

NNYYYEERRRGG. MUST. SCRATCH. *Huff. Pant. Wheeze. Squirm.*

Also, my Edo's coming back. Along with Dante...

I'm in for some fun.
  • Current Music
    Wtf. NONE?!


I had nothing to lose in the first place, if you hadn't noticed.


In Other News

Today I started my Science 20 summer correspondence course, so I had to wake up at 6 am this morning and run around getting ready before disappearing out the door. After grabbing my books and sitting in class for an hour, listening to the teacher lecture the Biology 20 students, I found it far too distracting and just left. Went home.

When I got home I sat at the table and had a talk with my mother about my future goals and such things, like going to Japan. Well, she found this thingy on some newsletter about how you can learn how to teach English overseas, and she already talked to one of the people and they told her that Japan would be easy. Japan is always hiring English teachers, so I have a shot hopping on that train and leaving the country for six months. Fucking rights, that sounds like a good time.

Also, about my interest in Pyrotechnics, that's also in my reach because a branch of my family is already involved in that industry. My mom called my cousin today and found out a few things from him, and made arrangements for me to shadow him on a job....but when that will be is uncertain, because he doesn't have anything booked. But still. Holy shit, I have two pathways I can fall down and disappear into if I want to.

Regarding the boy, things are going pretty well. I didn't get a chance to talk to him at all yesterday because our shifts weren't as coordinated as the day before, but I think we're going to meet up again on Thursday to make plans for Friday. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him to the Union again on Friday, and I've been thinking about it even though I tripped over myself to make excuses not to (1. Wake up at six in the morning, 2. Need to save money for Anaheim, 3. Wake up at SIX IN THE MORNING) but...but...but...agh.

If he's still interested, I think I'll take him up on that. I can always have a nap after getting home from my course--or I could just not go since it's correspondence...And as for Anaheim, even though I still want to go, the Japan thing and the Pyrotechnics thing could possibly get in the way. I can't go to AX'07 if I'm in Japan, and I can't go if I'm living with my cousin in Calgary to study Pyrotechnics.

Either way, the future looks uncertain.

. . .

Everything at this moment looks uncertain.

P.S. Bryon, your girlfriend's causing problems.


10:10 PM

I had some amazing ribs~

I actually drew something at work~

I feel like shooting myself in the stomach~

...Or maybe shooting someone else in the stomach. Fuckers.

10:49 PM

Talking to Bryon and Rachel about various problems, trying to figure out how to bring the smack down on someone I don't even know. Texting Karey's phone through MSN...and getting emailed responses in return. XD; That's totally...dumb. I have a day off of work tomorrow, and I'm thinking about stopping in to pester Cody before running around the city.

I should give him a picture.
  • Current Music
    Something scraping upstairs.

I feel like vomit.

Danielle: XD If I buy you chain of memories will you pay muh back ?


Axel is happy, though Roxas is nowhere to be found (at least we found out he was alive last week. XD; )

And I feel like vomit.

Also, my sleep was shitty to the point of useless. You shouldn't expect to sleep well when you're trying to balance your head (trying not to let piercings touch anything) on your pillow anyways.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed

Nightmares and Dreamscapes.

Hoo. From 5 AM this morning until 8 AM, I was wrapped in the clutches of a nightmare so moving that when I woke up I actually sought comfort from my father upstairs and cried in his arms. I wish I hadn't so I could remember it more clearly (the man is excellent in the ways of making a kid forget what was so horrible in the first place) to report on it.

Collapse )

After I sat and talked with my father for a while, trying to cling to the last of my nightmares, he left somewhere and I shuffled my way downstairs only to be greeted with a message from Jackyl.

Exactly like her other one, where she viciously attacked me in my sleep.

Jackyl (6:23:40 AM): Fufufu. . .
Jackyl (6:23:59 AM): *hauls out the markers*
Jackyl (6:47:36 AM): *draws a Hitler mustache*
Jackyl (7:28:12 AM): *shaves off the other eyebrow*
Jackyl (7:35:28 AM): *glues a rainbow afro wig to your head*
Jackyl (7:52:28 AM): *shoves a spoon in your mouth*
Me (8:17:04 AM): -Snarls. Dumps a can of paint over her and scoots off to report on some horrific events.-
Jackyl (8:17:17 AM): >.>
Jackyl (8:17:26 AM): Mmm, you can taste the lead.
Me (8:17:32 AM): ...XD
Jackyl (8:18:24 AM): There's two, quite possibly drunk, Japanese boys outside my apartment practicing Kendo.
Me (8:20:02 AM): Rofl. Drunken kendo.
Jackyl (8:20:10 AM): If you need some happy, hit up my last post, German Reggae.
Jackyl (8:20:12 AM): Indeed.
Jackyl (8:20:19 AM): People honk at them as they go by too
Me (8:20:22 AM): Maybe I do.
Me (8:20:33 AM): I actually cried from a nightmare this morning. Wtf.
Jackyl (8:20:37 AM): O_o
Jackyl (8:20:38 AM): Wow
Me (8:20:48 AM): Something's really out of place in my life, I guess?
Jackyl (8:20:55 AM): Boys will do that.
Me (8:21:00 AM): Damn boys.

And so, even though I'm running on three hours of sleep, I think I'll start my day. I have to run around a bit--I wanted to put red streaks in my hair today and get my ears pierced and ready for GAUGE EARRINGS (dundundunnn).

EDIT (3:04 PM) : Wow. After being taken to Canadian Tire by my father, I looked around for the suitcase set that I wanted but I couldn't find it. Damnit--but he's going out to Sherwood Park to pick one up from there. IT'S A GOOD DEAL, MAN. o_o 60% off. Anyways, he drove me to the Town Centre Bus By The Zoom and from there I hoped on the 8 straight to Kingsway.

The procedure for getting my ears pierced was a piece of cake...though an expensive one. Hoshit. More munnies to pay off. And they didn't have the 12 gauge in a pair, so I had to go with 10 gauge. x_x Oh well, I bet it would have felt the same anyway. Same needle being shoved through your ear in a second, yep. It wasn't bad overall; no worse than getting a shot. BETTER THAN THE FUCKING EAR-GUN.

And already I can't feel them...not a good sign, since it'll make it easier for me to forget about them in there. XD; REMIND ME TO CLEAN/SPRAY MY EARS PLZ.

Oh yeah, I picked up my notebook from work, the one with Cody's number in it, and I'm gonna call.

I'm debating on taking a nap before getting the final verdict from the boy regarding us going out tonight. I'm thinking he'll turn me down, so...no nap? Eh. Probably not. Oh well.

Yeah, I'm a pessimist. Shut up.


EDIT #2 (9:30PM) : A two-hour nap and another nightmare later, he doesn't even pick up his phone. Oh well, the nightmare made me lose any sense of happy I could possibly use for hope.
  • Current Music
    Prozzak - Saturday People


Infatuation - Prozzak

(slow motion infatuation)


I've got this little problem that I cannot control
You put my heart in jail but now it's on parole

You thought that you had left me alone in the rain
But I saw you and my dead heart started up again

I do not wa wa wa wa want you
want you
I do not ne ne ne ne need you
I just like the way you walk
The way you move
The way you talk oh ya

And I can't let go
Infatuation's got a hold on me
Wa oh wa oh
A midnight flight to insecurity
And I can't let go
And she's making me lose my grip on reality
In fa fa fa tuation

You said that you loved me
But that was long ago
And if I asked you out again
Would you still say no

Is your heart filled up with ice
Is your glare still cold or have you changed your mind since then filled it up with gold

I do not wa wa wa wa want you
want you
I do not ne ne ne ne need you
I just like the way you walk
The way you move
The way you talk oh ya


Because you do not love me
Doesn't mean I cannot
Don't cast my heart away
'Cause it's all that I've got

I've got this little problem that I cannot control
You put my heart in jail but now it's on parole

I do not wa wa wa wa want you
I do not ne ne ne ne need you
I just like the way you walk
The way you move
The way you talk oh ya

Chorus X 2

Today was alright, even though it's not over yet. I only woke up at 3 in the afternoon, come on! I'm gonna stay awake all night and see if that balances out my sleep schedule. Uh. Other than being pissed at myself for sleeping that late, nothing eventful really happened. I talked to Gnomey for an hour (wtf, wow, longest we've talked in a while) and SWORE TO GOD THAT EMOTIONS ARE BASTARDS. I hate emotions. Ugh. Get it away from me. Nasty ass shit, that.

At work I talked to Cody about going out tomorrow night, hoping for a repeat of last Friday (that...was so amazing...) but he sounds doubtful about it. Hey, I got his number! OH FUCK I JUST REMEMBERED I FORGOT IT IN MY LOCKER AT WORK. AAHHHHHH.

Oh well, I have to go in to work anyway to pick up a 3-piece-suitcase set for travelling. Amazing. It's going to be awesome, me having my own suitcase to cherish and cart around with me.

Tonight when we stood there talking, a few feet across from David, getting interrupted by the kids that work out in the GC with me, he seemed a little...zoned. He wasn't there. Bah. Probably tired or something. Is it just me or are we both starting to act a little funny these days? =/ Shit.

When he left, I mulled around my little till and dodged the cards whipped at me by David. XD Eh, at least he taught me how to throw them all cool.

Anyways, yeah. Not much to report other than I feel like going outside and running around for a bit.
  • Current Music
    Prozzak - Infatuation