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raining_eyes_

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[24 Aug 2006|11:25am]
i havent started my a.p summer reading... im screwed.
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[09 Jul 2006|11:05am]
back from camp for the weekend.
and i got zero letters.
well i basically sent zero letters.
sorry all  but u can write me toooo =]


sarah hausman
camp michikamau
k-5 bear mountain, ny
                               10911



u could also cough cough send candy and magazines cough cough <333sarah




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[14 Jun 2006|08:09pm]
tomorrows my last day home.
sadness. no really idky but tonight i feel depressed for no reason.
hmm. idk.

well im all packed up and basically ready to go except for the things i know ill remember when im running out the door on friday ahha.

leave me wonderful comments when im gone so i can come home and be happy =]
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[16 Jan 2006|12:26am]
new layout. i dont really like it but i needed a change of scenery.
things have been bleh but ya know, its winter.
midterms week, grandpas in the hospital=stress like whoa.
im devoting all day tomorrow to studying, something ive never done before.
i hope it helps.

today i made a private livejournal for just me and i wrote SOOOO much shit in there, tomorrow i dont think ill have anything to write about. but thats how ill always be.
spill my heart out and then have nothing left to say.

well jackie and em couldnt go to the movies so i went with my mom.
we saw the chronicles of narnia, it was really good. cant beat the old one :-D
i had work today, stressfull, but i got to work with jackie so that was a fun time like always.
singing labrynth songs, u know how it is.
or u dont.
hah.


well g2g2 bed so i dont fall asleep studying tomorrow.

<3
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[05 Jan 2006|08:03pm]
sprained middle fingers suck for various reasons
1.it happend on my fucking birthday
2.i cant type with it
3.it looks like a fucking purple sausage
4.it hurst like a bitch
5.my coach is determind that i can make the game saturday.
6.i cant give anyone the finger on my right hand.


schools been school.
theres no practice tomorrow!!!
but theres early practice before the game on saturday.
i hope my finger gets worse so i can maybe get out of it.
at least i went to fucking practice today even if all i could do was dribble horribly, most of the other girls whose back hurt and stomach hurt and finger hurt didnt even go, at least i put in some fucking effort cause i already suck.

those girls prolly wont even go to the fucking game on saturday.


i hate basketball cause of this fucking bullshit


.endrant.
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[04 Jan 2006|09:53pm]

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

become a whore.



Get your resolution here





oh and get my driver's license :-D

thanks to everyone who left me comments today for my birthday, it meant a lot to me, even if myspace did help some of u out a little :-P


we won our game but ms.sherril was being a bitch and told me i have to go to the game on saturday which i had been trying to get out of. cuntrag.
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[03 Jan 2006|10:52pm]
birthday tomorrow.
school maybe?
this has been the longest winter break of my life..
and i found out that i have another one in february.
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[18 Dec 2005|10:24am]
nothing really has been going on.
candlelight service thursday, found out we had a snow day friday so that was cool.
worked saturday for a little bit then went to my grandmas house to make cookies, that was fun.
my bro's home we are going christmas shopping later cause i havent even started yet. procastinating much?
haha.
i got to see devin this weekend twice! god i love that girl shes so funny.
i slept over jackies moms house after we went out to dinner with everyone cause raynaldo left for mexico.
it was emotional.
at the restaurant they gave us beer and then when we got back to jackies, jackie like crawled behind her couch and pulled out like 3 beers and i think mine was just alcohol cause when we mixed it with soda it kinda looked weird, so i got reallly reallly drunk.
but i didnt get a hangover at work so thats good.
now i just finished watching sin city with my brother, what an awsome movie, i think ill ask bobby for that for christmas since i cant think of anything else.
ugh i have a basketball game in rockland on my birthday but coach says we have a good chance of winning so i guess thats cool.
well g2g

<3
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random public post [25 Nov 2005|02:26pm]

a little inside peek, okay not so littleCollapse )

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[02 Nov 2005|08:58pm]
for real.
im going to make my el jay friends only,
so if u secretly read my journal.
just ask and ill prolly add u back.
maybe not.



last public entry:
i just drank arizona peach tea.. and i havent drank it since i was little.
and it brought back memories of when my dad's ex partner, my best friend shannon's dad, and i drank it like every day and no one else liked it.
and thats my story,
today was a good day.
i hung out with the ghetto black kids after school cause they are fucking amazing
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[01 Nov 2005|06:49am]
i just bought nsync's greatest hits.
its going to be a good day.
besides my HUGE test in history today.
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[30 Oct 2005|07:08pm]

as lazy as i am right now, i have decided to update.

lets see..

friday night i went with jackie, gerard, jackie's brother's girlfriend, and jackie's brother's girlfriend's mom.. whew.. haha to the headless horseman thing near woodstock.

it was pretty good. pretty scarey.

gerard felt like he was going to die but i think he was over exagerating :-P

he was like "i wasnt scared" meanwhile in the last house he was pulling my hair out of my head cause he was so scared. whatev.

then saturday we just hung around till a little after 2 and then went to the store to redo her little movie thing. but bobby made closing last forever and has seperation anxiety with his flippin key so he wouldnt leave it with us, dickhead.

anyways we finished that up. and we picked up my clothes from my house and went to blockbuster to rent the village and amityville horror. i fell asleep during the village cause it was horrible. i stayed awake for some of amityville horror but i had seen it already.

today we had work. it was EXTREMELY busy.

but i guess thats a good thing.

then me and my mom went to national wholesale liquidators to get my costume. im going to be a witch cause thats like really easy.

and then i came home. moved into my brothers room. haha. found my charger. thank god. and did my homework.

my mid-semester exams are coming up and im really nervous.

i dont think im prepared and i have to fit all my teachers in in a certain amount of time. it sucks but il figure it out.

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[24 Oct 2005|04:37pm]
i keep forgetting i made a new password.
so i keep thinking someone hacked into my journal.

anyways,
yesterday i worked. it was fun cause i love the people i work with and im so glad i met them, they mean so much to me.
we decorated the store halloween style.

then i went to my grandparents house.
that was fun.

today i went with them to the mall.
me and my grandma walked around together and we had a really good talk. it helped a lot.
i was thinking about eighth grade before and how awesome it was..

that whole year gave me so many memories i will never forget.
those were some of the best people in my life even if they arent in it anymore. they changed me.
i miss being so innocent and having fun just hanging out.
i miss hanging out with scheelsies.
i miss cleaning up the attic
i miss guarding the flannerys house haha
i miss bruce springsteen concerts
i miss loving good charlotte. not them. but that time. hah
i miss the stupid fights.
i miss the crushes.
i miss the notes
i miss the natural highs of life
i miss not worrying about anything besides report cards.
i miss our teachers letting us go outside like every period of every day just to hang out
i miss middle school.

but on with the future. i just wish i could do it all again.

"he" called me yesterday.
cause i looked at my fone and had a missing call. it was from him
so i called him back. and he said he never called.
i wish he would say he did.
i want to talk to him like before.
and have someone that would listen to me when something was wrong.
i miss the other guy to. as wrong as that sounds.
my first true love. he was an asshole but he loved me and i loved him.
he will always mean something to me.
we will always have that connection even if we might never be together again.
that still hurts to say.


i need a boyfriend.
someone to be there for me.
someone who cares.
someone who isnt afraid to say he loves me.
someone maybe not so far away.
but if he is far away,
il do what it takes to keep him with me.



i hope no one reads this.
im stupid.
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[22 Oct 2005|07:05pm]
im so upset my parents didnt let me go to janes last night.
they need to go on vacation like now so i can have them all over to drink.

blancas car broke down so now me and jackie are prolly just going to forest of fear.
maybe we can steal some from my parentals like last time when they didnt notice that anything was missing cause they have so god damn much.

well jackies sleeping over and we are watching rock-a-doodle. tomorrow we have work.
today was a good day.
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[21 Oct 2005|10:08pm]
today we had a half day for parent teacher conferences.
i was so nervous cause i didnt do my history homework today.
but apparently all my teachers like me and i did all of my hw. yah right. haha
anyways.

then my madre picked me up and blanca got me and i went to work until like 5.

then the gparents came over and we went to parents night.

ate.

then the show came. it was a lot of fun. its a relief for that to be done. next thing is the play.

it sucks. i wanted to go to janes tonite after the flipping show but no my parents have me on like lockdown and i couldnt even call her ugh.

tomorrow i dont have to work :-D

then blancas getting shit for me n jackie. and we are getting bombed. and going to forest of fear. hopefully we can meet up with some of my friends from sks.


we'll see how that goes.

i got to see dylan tonite!
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[19 Oct 2005|09:26pm]

Note: I've been demanded to update.

so the reason for me not updating is simply that i really have nothing to say.

 so i guess ill just tell you about my day.

The bus driver gave us a speech this morning about how we have to stick together or something. it was a stupid speech only to tell us to tell her if we are going to take the bus or not. wow. way to take away 5 minutes of my life.

well school was okay and then when i thought we could leave i found out we had this school clean up thing where we plant stuff and so forth but at least we had our wednesday half day so that was cool. but then they had this carnival thing that u had to stay for. so i just talked to like people. and then my mom came and i realized that tonite was jew school!!! it was an exciting moment cause i realized that i would get to see mollye and wyatt..the loves of my life.. or at least 2 of the loves. hehe

jew school was a fun time like always. we had a fire drill. we took a weird picture with my fone. it was fun. and then we played with these kid toy blocks which was pretty cool.

um tomorrow i have like no real classes except for geometry which is pretty sweet but i have to go back at like 7 for a dress rehearsal for friday.

 

well thats enough boring stuff for you.

 

enjoi

 

 

<3

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[17 Oct 2005|05:18pm]
i have no homework.
its a miracle.
well at least i have homework.
but its not due till thursday and friday cause of the weird schedule.
so its cool.

something funny: i made the play
something funnier: im a guy in the play
ahaha <3 it.

so this weekend is parent's weekend.
it kinda sucks cause they want to have dinner there so im like.. wow way to fucking embarass me.
but good thing is that i get to do a fight someone and put them in a leg sleeper.
pretty fucking cool.

i really hope me and jackie can hang out this weekend and get crunk

haha

<3
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[14 Oct 2005|04:57pm]
only negative to an outside type school: um the rain!

haha it sucks.

but something cool:
for parents weekend i get to do afight scene with my acting class. i get to slap someone, head slam them, choke them, and sleeper hold them with my legs. its going to be a fun time.


tonite im going to the movies with em jackie and bobby!
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[13 Oct 2005|05:08pm]
im talking to livey.
that makes me EXTREMELY happy because i havent talked to her in forever.
she got my mood up a lot.
cause we are talking about the good times in middle school when we were so innocent and had so much fun.
now like none of us talk to each other anymore or hang out which is kind of depressing. i think i wouldve been a better person had we all stayed close.
but time changes people i guess.

well im faking that i have 2 and a half hours of homework so i can try and get out of dinner with the grandparents. but i really do have a lot of homework so im kinda pissed they didnt take that into consideration when choosing between eating in or going out. damnit. i hate eating out.


oh well.


schools been pretty fun i have to say. except for the rain. that sucks
i need a rain jacket.
and an umbrella.
and to see coley.

oh my god im so excited for saturday night. jackie is sleeping over, my love. and we are watching rock-a-doodle.. WITH MY DAD.
he was like. i wanna watch with u guys. and we were like. SCORE! so hes watching that and ferngully with us. its going to be a fun time. u wish u could come.
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[10 Oct 2005|09:17pm]
so when i begin to get happy
SHIT HAS TO FUCKING HAPPEN
THIS IS GOING TO BE AN ANGRY RANT SO DONT READ IF UR GOING TO LAUGH AT ME OR CRITICISE CAUSE WHAT U THINK IS PROBABLY THE LAST THING I CARE ABOUT.
SO THINGS ARE ACTUALLY BEGINNING TO SHOW SIGNS OF HAPPINESS AND COLOR AND I REALIZE I CAN MEET PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE LIKE ME THAT MAKE ME HAPPY AND MAKE ME FEEL HAPPY TO LIVE. BUT OF COURSE U CANT JUST LEAVE THE PAST ESP WHEN ITS 5 MINUTES AWAY. ALL THE OLD THINGS THAT HAUNTED ME ONCE BEFORE ARE OF COURSE COMING BACK TO HIT ME IN THE ASS JUST LIKE THEY HAD. I KNEW I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO LEAVE THINGS COMPLETELY BUT I AT LEAST DIDNT THINK THINGS WOULD COME BACK FULL FLING. I DID WANT TO TALK TO HER WHEN SHE CALLED BUT IM NOT READY TO TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR SHIT UNTIL I GET MINE ALL STRAIGHTENED OUT. PLUS WHAT DO I SAY TO HER? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO HER ABOUT? WHAT DO WE ASK EACH OTHER? DO I ACT LIKE SHES NUMBER ONE ON MY LIST? WHAT DO WE ASK EACH OTHER? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND, HAPPY OR REAL? WHAT DO I DO IF I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY OWN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. I CANT HELP OTHERS IF I CANT EVEN HELP MYSELF. I NEED TO TALK TO MY PSYCOLOGIST LIKE RIGHT NOW. I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE RIGHT NOW BUT NO ONE TRULY KNOWS WHAT IM GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW AS MUCH AS THEY MAY THINK THEY DO. AND IF THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME FEELINGS THEY TOO WONT WANT TO HELP ANYONE ELSE OUT UNTIL THEY GET THEIR SHIT STRAIGHT. I CANT HANDLE THIS PRESSURE.

"TODAY IS THE TOMORROW WE WORRIED ABOUT YESTERDAY"

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I SHOULDVE TALKED TO HER.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.
I CANT MAKE ANYONE HAPPY WITHOUT MYSELF GETTING UPSET.
I CANT MAKE MYSELF HAPPY WITHOUT MAKING OTHER ANYONE UPSET.
ITS AN ONGOING OBSTACLE I WISH I COULD SKIP IN LIFE.


I NEED HELP
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