Tags: being married

{go} this wasn't entirely unexpected

0583 [back, late, excuses...]

First thing's first.

damnshesfeisty, when I saw this movie poster, I thought of you (because the chick has red hair!). I love anti-weed propaganda. It makes me chuckle.

Second...

I am going to be brief about why I haven't been posting. Mike and I were having really rough times, arguing about everything, and throwing the "d" word around at our most intense moments. It was terrifying. It was heartbreaking. I think I lost ten pounds from sheer stress. But because everything came to a head, we sought counsel from our pastor, who is wise and a true godly leader. It was the best thing that we could have done. After two sessions, and some serious straight talk from Pastor B. and the Bible (mostly Pastor B. telling us what the Bible says and how to apply it to our situation), our marriage is no longer a source of pain and arguments. We are both doing so much better; Mike is understanding his role as the leader of our family and the protector of my emotions (two things he was not doing), and I am understanding my role as helper and encourager (two things I was not doing). My pride and critical spirit were huge issues that caused an untold number of fights between us. His frustration at a lack of direction regarding his role as a husband and his lack of initiative made our first six months of marriage difficult. We both were immature and confused and extremely selfish. Now we know better what marriage means (being a team) and what it does not (living a single life with a roommate).


I am so happy now. Those things that I said about marriage previously are exactly what selfish, immature people make a marriage. But I sincerely believe that with good counseling and both partners devoted to creating a marriage that glorifies God, marriage can be really amazing. It's the best thing I've ever done. So, loves, don't be afraid. Just be prepared. And sign up for counseling from someone you trust as soon as you get married. Pre-marriage counseling does very nearly nothing. You've got to live in the reality before the theory can be adequately understood and applied.

(I cannot recommend enough this book on marriage by John Piper called This Momentary Marriage (it's free in .pdf on Piper's website!!) It is incredibly easy to read aloud, as Mike and I have done, and great for sparking discussion and, most importantly, illuminating the principles behind biblical marriage. Mostly, Piper quotes his wife, who told him that "you cannot say too often that marriage is an image of Christ and the church." To be honest, I know some of you dear friends aren't Christians. That's okay. I cannot downplay how helpful this book, the Bible, and my Christian family were in helping my marriage. That's all.)


Third...



(my parents are the best, and my in-laws are the best. how did I get all of the awesome in my one, tiny life? I don't know. but they are all my favorites.)

Fourth...

Day 4 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Honestly, I believe that everything is permissible. Everything can be beneficial in moderation. I don't pass any judgment on people who snort coke and I pass no judgment on those who abstain from even drinking coffee. I don't set rules for anyone but myself. I know what I can't handle, and really have no desire to ever be drunk or high. I do think that marijuana would make a huge difference in my husband's health and quality of life, and I'm frankly very pissed that it's illegal in New York. That's one reason why we're moving to California in March. Also, I like drinking craft beer. I am Reformed. I think it's cool. ;)