I expect that you knew this already, but I'm going on an hiatus of undefined length. I just have no desire to write down my own thoughts... I'm too concerned with how I represent myself, what I say, all of those contradictions... it overwhelms me soon after I begin to write an entry. I delete it, and really feel very pointless about keeping this journal up. I also deleted my Facebook, for other reasons.
Know, though, that I care about all of my dear friends met through this journal. I have very happy thoughts regarding all of you, and will miss the communication, but I don't want to be dead weight anymore.
I am very happy being married. I think that perhaps the reason I was online all of those years before I met Mike was because I was never really happy before I met him.
something to prepare you for Easter, my favorite holiday.
be in awe as you remember that the Creator of everything, the all-sufficient God of the heavens and the earth, endured this... for you. for us. everything else in my life pales in comparison to this. I can't stop reminding myself of this sacrifice, and of the love that must be behind it.
Not much to say. The anger thing seems to be dissipating, I hope. Now that I'm more intent on stopping it, I think I see it coming sooner, or at least see that it's worth the consequences of holding my tongue and not giving in.
I wrote a story today. Named it after Brooke Fraser's song, "Hosea's Wife." Ironically (or not...), I finished the last few pages while listening to another song of hers, called "Shadowfeet." I'm really... impressed. She's got a wonderful voice, and her lyrics are pure poetry that I can relate to. It's good to keep me focused on God (oh, how often I need reminding), but the music is also wonderful and catchy, and I can't seem to get these choruses out of my head.
The video is a bit blah. I adore her style, though, and really want to make a concerted effort to start wearing scarves all the time, and do the light layering thing. It's amazing, really, how much money I want to spend on clothes now. I never used to. I think I'll try to hit up the Salvation Army as a present to myself, a bit of time off... maybe on Monday (that's the next time I have off! although, I'll admit, I love my hectic, full schedule). I want to buy some necklaces, and a sweater or two. Vests, too, jackets. I don't really know where this desire is coming from. I should set a cap, though. I've made $150 this past week at work, and I can't afford to go and blow it in one day's shopping.
I have Ukraine to look forward to in a few months. And I've got a meeting in New Castle, Pennsylvania next Saturday for the trip. I'm so excited. I love these things... I can get together with fellow Ukraine lovers and talk about how BLOODY AWESOME Ukraine is. I also added Sasha, my interpreter, hero and for all intents and purposes, my brother, to Skype last night. We'll see. I miss him and his wife something terrible, so I'd love to talk to them. I'd even be willing to overlook the COMPLETE AWKWARDNESS of talking to them on Skype. Yeeps.
I'm so very happy. I can't imagine a better life, an existence more full of possibilities, more ripe with decisions and more nestled in God's will. I'm afraid of leaving home again, but I feel more sturdy, like a girl who went out on a day cruise and now has stronger sea legs to withstand a year on a freighter.
Mostly, though, I'm excited to see what God has to teach me, and how He'll lead me, and the things He'll do in my life that will allow me to give Him all of the glory.
I'm so in love. Now, to tell people about it...
Would you rather live with extremely intense highs and lows (amazing highs, paralyzing lows) that fluctuate randomly, or a steady life in which you were just mildly happy and mildly sad... and never had those amazing highs?