mrs. hotch (quixotic___) wrote,
mrs. hotch
quixotic___

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0584 [let's play catch-up]



Okay, so I'm going to try to do a few of these posts a night, because I've missed so many. To be honest, I rarely get on my computer any more. I use my iPhone to check Facebooken and my Twitter (I update the Twitter more regularly... mrshotch is my handle).


Day 04 - Your views on religion.

I believe that my life is nothing without my religion, my faith, what have you. In my dictionary, religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God. I dislike it when Christians try to distance themselves from the idea of "religion," and instead make Christianity a "relationship with Jesus." Fuck, it's not a relationship. Well, you are relating to Him as your intercessor to God, as the vehicle of your justification and holiness and salvation. But it's not simply having a BFF4EVAR. He is Lord. God is wholly unlike us, and yet He desires our worship and our love and our existence, which is baffling. And He expects nothing from us, but freely supplies us our faith and through grace gives us means to desire Him as we ought, and not to be submerged in the sin of our own stupid selfishness. My religion, my worship of that superhuman power who is God and Jesus and, yes, even the Holy Spirit in a united but distinct Trinity is my life. Apart from that I am nothing, and I am proud beyond words to find all of my hope and worth in this great love. A few verses that illustrate my hope in paradise, in an eternal life of worshiping God, and of the essence of faith as a gift of grace from God:

If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. (1st Corinthians 15:19).

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God... (Ephesians 2:8)


Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.

I think about this often. I say this not to worry anyone, but simply to be honest. I am plagued by doubt, especially when I struggle in my marriage to be a good wife and to have grace for a flawed husband who's just confused and imperfect as I am. I think, in my own desperation, that it would be peaceful to call it quits and simply offer my hands up to God in paradise, saying, "I couldn't hack it. I just want to worship You." But I know that this isn't possible. As often as I think about suicide, I have never come anywhere close to harming myself physically. I credit it to God, that not one hair can fall from my head unless He ordains it.


(I am planning to answer the questions you've left in comments... and will do so in a short while. I'm formulating my answers. ;))
Tags: 30 days, faith, grace, jesus, marriage, religion, sickness, suicide
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