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amberrr.

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[Wednesday
October 18th, 2006
10:22pm
]
[ mood | annoyed ]

fuck.
i seriously want to leave this piece of shit town so bad.
i want to go bak to my real home
where people dont waste there time by talking shit behind my back.
its bullshit.
oh, my new nickname i guess, herpe face?
cause suposedly im a dyke and i eat girls out?
hmm okayyy!?
fuck, i wish the summer was sooner then 8 months.
i want to leave
i want to leave now
and never live here again.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Saturday
September 2nd, 2006
8:13pm
]
[ mood | crappy ]

suppp
i now live in kelowna.
i start school on tuesday,
im pretty nervous, seeing how this school is quite bigger then jp, and jp is huge.
theres 500 grade 10's at this school, i dont think ive ever gone to a school with 500 kids in one grade...
i like my classes though, minus one..
digital photoshop11
p.e girls10/english10
foods12
essentials math11
and second semester i have..
photography11
pe girls10/english10
science and technology11
social studies11
i met a boy, hes pretty cute, i swear were twins though, and hes 2 days older then me LOL.
oooohh
and im pretty exited for the next 2 months
alexisonfire and normajean concerts.
and my birthdayyy

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Sunday
July 9th, 2006
4:43am
]
[ mood | cranky ]

so i really dont know where im going in life
yay, im on vacation back in nanaimo, doing what i used to do but not so drunk like old times.
i miss old times.
when all the regular kids hung out in all one crowd, now everyones gone there seperate ways...
and now theres new kids hanging out with us,
and they all try to hard to fit in,
and they're just anoying now.
i wish they could all go away and die in a hole,
and all the regular kids came back.

so, i havnt seen my dad in a few days
its starting to feel like i live on my own
minus money for smokes and boose,
and food.
its quite lame
and im actually quite worried
he said he was going to be home at 4,
and he didnt come home at all today.
i really hope he comes home tomorrow cause i need moneyn for smokes
and i need to go grocery shopping again.
im begining to hate how my dads so busy with work and how he goes all over the island and is gone for a few days
especially sinc ei cqnt find my calling card to call him
so im pretty screwed
and im suposed to go to victoria monday
but i have no money for the bus.
soooo

i also have been wondering if boys are even worth my time
they all drive me crazy
and in the end i get nothing.


lalalalalala
i need a smoke.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Wednesday
June 7th, 2006
8:37pm
]
[ mood | content ]

SO, my mom told me that there is only ONE school in all of kelowna
that does have cosmetology, and its all the way in the west end,
but we're going to be living in the downtown area.
oh man, am i ever going to have fun living there,
not knowing my way around AT ALL. pshhht
lovely.
i love new cities/towns.
there just lovely to get to know around.
at least ive lived in edmotnon before, and know my way around the west end.
and how i still remember nanaimo like the back of my hand.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Tuesday
June 6th, 2006
8:48pm
]
[ mood | curious ]

so, im pretty sick of edmonton
and everyone in it.
well most of them.
moving here was a good and bad idea.
mainly cause im so used to small town, know everyone,
now its big city, know 1/4 of the teenage population,
learn that 1/2 of them arent the people you'd think to be your friend.
and for the other 1/2, well most of you, thanks for getting to know me
and giving me the best times in a big new city, and helping me with problems.

i think as you get older, you tend to learn more about how you
can tell you your real friends are, and who arent.
i sure as hell, have learned who they are.

as for school next year, HEY MATH 10/rollseyes.
i love how im so horrible at math
and how ive fucked up in school so bad and how im STILL going to be a years behind in most classes.
at least they have photography and foods in bc.
minus cosmetology, fuck you bc school system.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Tuesday
May 30th, 2006
6:15pm
]
[ mood | bouncy ]

SUP DAVEY HAVOK
im so going to die when i see you at warped tour.
yeah, thats right i got my warped tour tickets.
i called lenae
and im like so, guess what i have in my hand
and shes like WARPED TOUR TICKETS?!
haha yes, fo sho baibee

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Sunday
May 21st, 2006
2:36am
]
[ mood | tired ]

wow
its been 5 months,
alot of shits gone down since ive moved here..
first of all, my grade sky rocketed too 80's,
compaired too my 4o's to 50's last semester in nanaimo
both my parents were very proud of me, as well as my grandparents.
i just wish my grandpa was still here to know how well im doing in school.

i got in trouble a few times aswell,
i got overly intoxicated a few times and got caught,
i had a party at my apartment when my mom and her boyfriend went to vancouver for easter,
i had some girl slap me around and threaten to beat me up cause i described her as a fat hardcore chick, and well, she simply is fat haha

ive met alot, not just alot, but ALOT of people,
and i really dont know who are my real friends anymore actually.

ive lost all inspiration in me, i cant seem to spark my imagination anymore.
i barely do anything in my scrap book anymore.
its actually quite sad.

i had a job. my first one actually.
it lasted 5 days.
they gave me the worst hours i could possibly get.
and well
i only have 2 months left and ive been jobless for about a month and a half.

im moving once again, to kelowna, and all this moving really is killing me,
because i make friends, friends who i think will be my good friends in the near future,
and then i end up moving away.
it actually really pisses me off too.
esspecially since i asked my mom that if i talked to my uncle doug,
and he was alright with it, that i could live with him,
but she said no,
because she' have to pay for me to live there,
when my sister lived there and she told me that she didnt have to pay rent, she just had to babysit dylan and pay for her own food
and i'd have a job so i wouldnt even be there half the time.
so yeah.

im attempting at quitting smoking..
im at 15 days with smoking only 1 or 2 a day, exept i lied,
lastnight me and chris chain smoked like a bitch.
but that wont change my goal of slowing down.

i dont know what else to really inform you with so yuh
im off to bed

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Saturday
December 31st, 2005
7:52pm
]
[ mood | bored ]

so..
3 weeks ive been here, edmonton..
its starting to feel like home,
not just another one of those 2 month visits in the summer,
or a week for christmas..
it actually feels like home.
it is home..

i miss everyone back in bc..
so so much.
but i'll see them soon again.

ive made a bunch of new friends since ive been here,
i also met a boy, and he asked me out, but i didnt say yes,
i dont want a boyfriend in this moment of my life right now..

uhm, and so im going to start school in febuary, and i'll be in my actual grade too!
haha
hmm well im done..

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Friday
November 25th, 2005
12:34pm
]
so er uh, this boy is amazinnnggg.
and i love love love him.
hesss too cute.
and one day, we are going to fall madly in love.
and and cuddle lots and lots.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Friday
November 18th, 2005
10:15pm
]
[ mood | crappy ]

The fact that after about 3 months, i still miss him.
Ive almost not thought about him at all in the past 3 months, the odd time i did.
But i know i should hate him and just forget about him for what he did, but i cant.
He told me that he loved me to my face, said he never wanted to let me go,
Its just the fact that i kind of believed him for so long. I even promised that i would love him,
yet he lied right to my face, he told me that he never loved me, and that he loved her all along.
I miss him, when i shouldn't. I still love him, when i shouldn't.
Its almost a year since i first started talking to you.
You said those three words for a whole year and never ment it, and it kills me.
Its fucking bullshit.


So, Morningstar by AFI is officially my favourite song now.
Will you believe in me tonight?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Thursday
November 10th, 2005
8:43am
]
[ mood | HAPPY ]

ack.
okay so its my birhday..
and i asked my dad again.
im officially getting my lip peirced on the left.
... i got 50 bucks from my grandma, i was so expecting this big box of stuff, ohwell.
and i have to go get my sisters present from greyhound..
i already have my dad's, an mp3 player..
and mom sent me a card.. so theres prob a gift certificate or money or somthing.
and krissy has 34 bucks to spend on me..
i dont know what else im getting.
well i gotta go though..
SCHOOL TIMEEE.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Tuesday
November 8th, 2005
5:54pm
]
[ mood | confused/exited ]

TWO MOTHER FUCKING
DAYS TILL MUH BIRFDAY BITCHES!

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Monday
October 31st, 2005
11:36pm
]
[ mood | drunk ]

so ive realized my stomach does not like alcahol...
everytime i drink, hi tummy ache.

so, the uhm trick or treating idea, it didnt work out.
and its very lame. no candy! or chocolate! or suckers!
die die die.
I WANT CANDYYY FUCKERS
ugh, i wisdh it wasnt late still,
cause now i have to wait another whole year,
and UGGHHH
PEOPLE ARE FUCKING STUUUUPIDDDDD!

so hi, i did exctasy for the first time on friday.
it was sweet, i tweeked so much, and i made a pretty painting,
and it was good.
but shush, certain people cannot know lmao.
or they might befriended me.
haha

well imn off to bed..

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Monday
October 24th, 2005
4:39pm
]
[ mood | cranky ]

Life is boring in Nanaimo.
I wanna leave, like.. right now.
and never come back too this welfare town.


Besides how i hate this town...
halloween is a week from today,
ive got half my costume, i just need to goto walmart
to get crinelin to make my skirt.
i did some math for how much i need to ask my dad for,
and im pretty sure ill need around 20 bucks to get it all,
crinelin is 1.77 a meter, and i want 2 meters of blue black and one other color,
im thinking either white or light blue or green.
but yea, 2 meters of 3 colors comes out to 10.62,
and then i need to get ribbon and elastic, so its prob going to come out too 15ish dollars...
and i'll prob find other stuff to put on its, so another 5 bucks.
haha
yuhh.

err, damn school is back from the strike.
i wanted to goto edmonton so bad.
ohwell, sisters coming out still i hope,
and lindsays coming in 2 weeks.
wooohooo

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Saturday
October 8th, 2005
5:46pm
]
[ mood | content ]

kay so.
i suck at this live journal thing.



So uhm.
i dont know who i like anymore,
like im trying to not like josh,
cause i just know he wont, or will never like me?
AND almso, lenae is starting to like him.
Brad Park, i dont even know.
and Shawn, hes lenaes property i guess?
there not even going out, but suposedly he likes her and what not.
and he claims he likes me. but i dont know.


I suck with being healthy and going to school.
i havnt been to school for a month,
exept the odd days to get homework.
so im like a month behind, plus the days the teachers are on strike.

My life is getting so boring.
no one ever wants tyo hang out with me,
exept krissy, but shes all teh wya down in vic.
And the only times i ever hang out with people is on fridays downtown.
im always home on weekends, like today,
and its lame and boring.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Thursday
September 15th, 2005
1:01am
]
[ mood | sick ]

So, uhm, Devin lied to me about everything, and blah blah blah.
I do not want to get into it.
Im still quite not over it, and it was like when school started last week.

Speaking of school, I met this new kid Josh in my math class...
oh and theres some of the math class kids from last year in my class again.=]
Its pretty sweeet.
BUT ANYWAY.. Josh, hes from Calgaryyy..
and ahaha its quite funnay, hes pretty much EXACTLY like Alex,
stoner, plays guitar, and i just cannnot explain how much he reminds me of Alex haha.

err and i have 2 grade 8 classes =[
it is tres gey.
So err, uhmm, im going to try and getbinto correspondance fr those 2 classes.

OH AND, i have my fucking counsellor from beginning of last year..
[but then she had to leave for awhile cause she got breast cancer]
for my english teacherr, and she always talks to me, and i feel like the teachers pet ahaha
but im not even close to being a teachers pet.

Errr, so im sick too, I have a cold, and my eye is all infected again like it was a couple weeks ago.
Oh well, the swelling is going down though, so hopefully it'll be better by friday,
so then i can goto school.
cause staying at home during the day blows mini goats.

Ooooh and uhm, i got in a fight with my dad on sunday night,
and uhm my sister called and uhm i made plans to go move to edmonton in a couple weeks..
But uhm, i dont really think i want to now..
i dont get it.
Mabye its cause i made plans to goto a concert in november,
but then again, i could go all the time when i live in edmonton..
i really dont know, im acctually confused about it all..
mabye i'll just stay till the summer like planned...

well uhm, im off to bed caus ei obviously
dont have anything elkse to talk about that i can think of.
so... Toodle♥

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Tuesday
August 16th, 2005
1:24am
]
[ mood | crushed ]

kay so.
i think devin read that thing i wrote, and thinks im going to break our promise.
cause when he signed on his username was 'I Think You Made A False Promise To Me That Will Never Happen'
and i was like oh god, what have i done.
and when i asked him what it ment, he said 'nothing',
then said a few mins later his mom was kicking him off the computer.
my stomach started turning, and i felt my heart pounding so fast, i swear, im not even bluffing.
/sigh.
this is no fun at all.


I misses him.
And i want to be in his arms right now.
And i want to kiss him alot, i like it when we do.
And i dont even want to leave cause of him.
Mabye it can change next summer when i move out here,
mabye it will, i hope it will.
ughh.
this shits dumb.


p.s.
so ive also noticed no one has been replying to my post now that im active once again.
sheesh, oh how i feel loved.

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Saturday
August 13th, 2005
12:22am
]
Aug 9th o5'
Best night ive had ina long time,
but i somewhat reget ever having that night with you,
as it made my love for you stronger,
and it hurts, cause i feel as if it didnt mean anything to you.
You kept telling me that you loved me,
and i did too, of course, but you made me promise,
and i did, my first promise in years, but i did anyway.
A part of me regrets that promise, and the other doesnt.
I wont forget when you said,
'you should never leave, and can be together forever',
and then put your arms around me so tight,
and whispered 'i love you'.
I wish that someway i knew you ment everything.
I love you.
SHOOT ITDEAD

[Friday
August 12th, 2005
9:46pm
]
[ mood | crappy ]

Five different places you'd like to live:
1.) Edmonton again.
2.) Vancouver again.
3.) somewhere nice in eaurope.
4.) Las Angelas.
5.) Hollyywoood.

Five amazing things:
1.) Devin.♥
2.) Krissy.♥♥
3.) Good food.
4.) music.
5.) Laying next to him and cuddling.

Five things you don't like:
1.) when people bitch all the time.
2.) When you like someone alot, and you dont even know if they do back. or you feel like there just leading you on.
3.) uhm. bad music?
4.) when the spikes/balls for my lip rings crack in half.
5.) when its too damn hot to go outside.

Five things you miss about your childhood:
1.) living in edmonton
2.) how my whole family got along.
3.) my parents being together, but hey, i was too young to even remember them not fighting.
4.) elementary school friends.
5.) my baby blanket, it got lost in a move.

Five movies you like:
1.) The Notebook. Seen it 3 times since i did with you. ♥
2.) The Lion King
3.) Bambi♥
4.) Wedding Crashers.
5.) A walk to Remember.


Five things you are:
1.) Random
2.) Weird
3.) retarded, meaning crazy, not handicapped.
4.) funny.
5.) cute?

Five tv shows you like:
1.) Veronic Mars
2.) General Hospital
3.) Young and the restless
4.) The Ashlee Simpson Show ♥
5.) The OC

Five favorite musical people/groups (at the moment):
1.) The Academy is...
2.) Atreyu
3.) Bleed the dream
4.) hopesfall
5.) Saosin

Five favorite random things that have a special place in your heart:
1.) that special boy, who always makes me the hapiest ive ever been, and somehow jut makes everything right.
2.) my best friends.
3.) my family
4.) my dog
5.) something else.


Five things you want to do before you die:
1.) get the tatto i want, and all the peircings
2.) meet a boy who will show me how much he loves me, not tell me. but telling at the same time is good too.
3.) grow my hair out to like it was a few months ago.
4.) go to disney land
5.) do somthing?

Five jobs you'd like to have:
1.) guitar player
2.) hair dresser
3.) model, suicide girl to be exact, or maxim. haa
4.) make up artist
5.) errrhm..

Five things you might not know about me:
1.) im a natural born red head, and i have nasty super curly hair.
2.) i like porn?
3.) i wont grow much after i acheive at least 5'3/4
4.) when i was a baby, my grandma or mom wuld give me a banana, and i would just keep shoving it in my mouth. Grosse hey?
5.) hmm

Five foods i really, really like:
1.) chicken wraps
2.) fries
3.) sushi
4.) chicken
5.) eerhmm


Five biggest fears:
1.) Being Alone
2.) spiderss
3.) never finding a boy who will actually love me, and doesnt lead me on.
4.) being alone
5.) and being alone


Five things to describe the perfect boy/girl:
1.) Dark harrrr
2.) Green/hazel/blue eyes, pretty much bright.
3.) will actually love me.
4.) taller than me.
5.) nicest smile ever, or cute smile.


Five things someone must do to get you in bed:
1. get me drunk i guess? causee i woudlnt know whats going on haha
2. being in a realationship
3. being in a realationship
4. being in a realationship
5. being in a realationship

Five things you look forward to:
1. moving to edmonton again next summer.
2. my 15th birthday, drinking 2 days in a row :)
3. seeing my dog soon again.
4. being in his arms forever.
5. something good for once?

Five things that make you laugh
1. krissy beign a retard
2. when hes being a dork
3. hmmmm...
4. when my mom is laughing at somthing thats stupid haha
5. hmm...

SHOOT ITDEAD

[Friday
August 12th, 2005
7:27pm
]
[ mood | crappy ]

» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:



WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:



[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Are we close?
[13] Emotionally, what stands out?
[14] Do you wish I was cooler?
[15] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[16] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[17] Am I loveable?
[18] How long have you known me?
[19] Describe me in one word.
[20] What was your first impression?
[21] Do you still think that way about me now?
[22] What do you think my weakness is?
[23] Do you think I'll get married?
[24] What about me makes you happy?
[25] What about me makes you sad?
[26] What reminds you of me?
[27] What's something you would change about me?
[28] How well do you know me?
[29] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[30] Do you think I would kill someone?

SHOOT ITDEAD

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