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the poet you never were.

sometime soon - make it june..

1/6/06 07:11 pm - obviously doctor, you've never been a thirteen year old girl..

is it better to throw away your dream if you can be sure of it never becoming true?

or is a
dream in general and in any way  worth being kept alive, if only for that tiny glimpse of hope so small that it can only be seen with the kaleidoscope eyes of a thirteen year old girl? and even if  keeping it alive is a slow kind of suicide?

8/26/05 07:04 pm - now that i miss him

ich bin so verwirrt und du verstehst mich einfach nicht.

vielleicht wollen wir eigentlich beide das gleiche, nur können wir es uns nicht eingestehen.

wir erinnern mich an lisa und jürgen. na wenn das nichts heißt. :/

8/11/05 03:54 pm - c'est clack le clack. ^^

i have rethought the marty felix thing. felix is out. i could change my mind again soon, but for now he's out. ;) fuck emoboys. blaahhahaha.

tuesday i went shopping with henning and he bought pretty awesome expensive shoes. :) and we ate an arabic together. he went on saying that it must be meat bc it tastes and looks like meat. heheh. how cute.

yesterday the girls were here. kristina was pretty tired. she said she had been up since 14 long hours.. woooaahah. how long. hahah.. i doubt i even get tired after less than 15-16 hours.. loserinha kristinha.

haldern was great, but very muddy. i am yet undecided if i shall post a longer entry on haldern with pictures and stuff. for now, let's just say the polyphonic spree rocked my rubber boots and marty made my heart beat faster and my mind spin around in loops.

today i have a date with someone i met kind of through felix. she's super nice. we'll exchange mixtapes and drink something at the centro promenade with a guy who is together with felix in a kissing pose my current desktop background. :) and then hit it off to the blade. a place i never wanted to visit again. but i assume sometimes life leads you into directions you wouldn't expect.

if all goes well henning and i will go shopping again on friday cause we didn't have enough time for everything on tuesday. and after that i have a date with a guy from rawkzone. take him to maike's party and then rock the cosmotopia for a last time. how will i miss my cosmo. tears will be shed. *cries*

saturday henning and i are set to make stencils and shirts. :D and after or before that i gotta get packing cause i am flying to turkey with my dad and stepbrother in the night from saturday to sunday. it's yet undecided if i will visit tim's birthday party on saturday. if so my dad will hate me cause he wants me to stay at his place from saturday evening on and sleep there, so we won't have a chance to miss our flight.

6/24/05 01:16 am - i want you to stay.

i loved loved loved today.



..even if i had to get up before 6, if simon was annoying as ever, and if we didn't get any more tickets for haldern (i have one anyway.. :P just none to sell now and simon doesn't have one) and if my mum freaked me out with the train connections back from moers.. things were very cool with my dad today though. i told him the school stuff and he said whatever comes, he will be there for me and give support.

the play was so adorable and funny and henning was so hot as a bride and sex monster. waah.. :)

i can't decide what was better, seeing him in the play or looking at him smiling at me several times in a certain way later on or the bike ride back to the station.. :D it's been so long since the last time someone rode with me sitting on the porter. i love that. especially when it's so hot out and the wind comes into my face then. yaaahh. aaaahh.. i just remembered he has a vespa... ahhh...! and his new haircut is hot damn, too. waah. reminded mo and i of j. moers itself was overly adorable, too.



daaaaamn. fuck age. grrr.. <3



it's still hot outside.. waah.. summer yeah. i wonder what he had done if my connection hadn't worked out. maybe his dad would have picked me up then and i would have slept at their place.. :o more likely he would have given me a ride home, okay. but.. waah.. i wish we would have slept in their garden tonight watching the stars and enjoying the hot summer air.

damnit, 7 hours of school tomorrow. 7..! after that dying eyelashes and brows and maybe swimming with morgain. then seeing kreidler at a free festival at the landscape park north in duisburg and after that pop missile where i will see him again. :D



...

5/13/05 01:43 am - wirf einen schatten in meine richtung

my driving teacher told me i'd better get a medical certificate for tomorrow if i don't wanna do the practital exam a third time. ahh. fuckker. last night helmut and i saw hot hot heat. florian and his gang were there, not even hadil greeted me. today i met the other simon at uni. he was in time today. woot. he told me i am nerdy while we walked towards the hzo after our lecture with the small man who is o so bright, but who had not been able to find a certain circumcision video which we - of course - longed to see. :P too bad the botanical garden closed at 6. tomorrow i have an english exam for which i need to know aristotelian drama theory and macbeth by heart. yay. i have not read macbeth. and after that my second and last chance for the drivers's license. if i fail again i will stop trying for good. yesterday i had the urge to drink coffee. i drank some the day before at driving school and somehow that got me addicted. maybe it was the dried milk and not the coffee. or it was the huge amount of sugar? who knows. let's get addicted. cause you can never have too many addictions, right? oh and i just found out that there is a forum search function at emopunk. i loved reading what i read. i expected worse. oh and *besides* that i have a new crush:
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we have a date on the 25th of june. i hope someone can take me. he's so cute. <3 somehow this picture is like the male version of last dance's picture; it could be anyone with a sense in hair. hehe. anyways. i hope my mom and i make up tomorrow. or at least that she will built my new bed and help me find a new mattress. egomania says "hello". "hello back!" :P but at least i drink coffee now. what an improvement. i should be honoured for that. yes, i should.
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