and ill take a step away and see if you come back because theres no more trying to make this alright

I made a deal with Amy that if she comes out and gets stoned with me and Drew and Brendan tonight I will go to Midnight Mass with her. Hahaha.
Look out church... here we come. Larry Light Weight and Harry Hash Head.
I LOVE ANDY AND ADAM AND AMY. Adam and Andy = funniest people to get stoned with.

Sorry to jimsicle for not letting you "play Romeo" last night. I couldn't face the nightbus ride home. There will be other nights though. *giggles like a schoolgirl*

Recently I have met and gotten to know the mooost perfect guy, he's funny and attractive and lovely and interesting has great taste in music and is STRAIGHT. But he lives in Austrailia :( My luck = meeting someone that I really like that I think likes me but happens to live in the land of wallabies and Dame Edna. I know SOO many male people and yet end up wanting to be with the most inconvient one.

I think I'm being sentimental as is Christmas. I actually do not like relationships, {or christmas} maybe that's just something todo with my track record. I miss the closeness though, the hugging and curling up together. I have been smoking to much weed I look like a advertisement for clearisil and feel like a twelve year old.
  • Current Music
    The Early November - Sunday Drive {Thanks Fiona :)}

Santa's got a mullet, he's bringing beers for you and me.

Can you feel the Christmas spirit around here? You can see it in my playlist.

I babysat last night, beat the fuckers at Monopoly may I add, and then went to Louie's friend Dan's flat and got highly mashed. You know when you say a word and then suddenly it sounds really stupid, funny, embaressing and made up, and you can't remember if it's the right word anymore and think that if it is the right word then it's the most stupid word you've ever heard?

Last night I got that, with EVERY word. Every time I thought it about a new word I thought "Okay that really is a stupid word but I'm not going to think that about the next one" "hahaha stupid what a dumb word" and so on. And then came philosophical debate headed Jules. I remembered when I was in primary school I used to imagine the week as a weird circle made out of 7 lines and all I ever used to do was imagine myself getting closer to the weekend. And I started wondering if that was all life was, a great battle to get to the weekend, the same journey over and over again.

So anyway I came home this morning at about 12, had a bath and then went into Bromley to get my families Christmas presents. I got;

Shaun; The Smiths - The Queen is dead.
Natasha; Matthew Jay's albumn.
Mum; Tony Hawk's "One Hit Wonderland"
Dad; Iain Banks "Dead Air"
Faye; Phillip Pullman "A Subtle Knife".
Stee; fuck off I'm not going to tell everyone where you can read it you sket.

It was so hard buying those two albumns and knowing that I can't listen to them. Am getting stoned with my good friends Andy and Adam in a bit so must leave. We were going to go to Feet First but I am kinda tired after last night. It would have been cool to go though a band 4 Foot Fingers that my ex boyfriends old band used to gig with are playing tonight. They're pretty good.

Someone called hardcoredion or similar in indiefucks knows the cutty sark massive! Don't know which time period of Cutty Sark legend they were linked to though.
  • Current Music
    Nerf Herder - Santa's Got a Mullet

sometimes planes they smash up in the sky, and sometimes lonely hearts they just get lonelier

At the moment I'm feeling melanchony because I just got an invitation to Fionnuala's memorial on January 9th. I'm feeling strange and cold. I feel sort of nice that they want me to go but also sad because I haven't linked everything together in my head yet and everyone at her memorial will be talking about how she was and how she used to be. Like she is seperated from herself now, all she is a memory, barely more than a fictional character.

I'm feeling annoyed and self pitiful because I lost my two day old phone last night.

But in myself I'm okay, I'm good. I need to buy presents. At times like these I really wish I had someone but I know that I can't deal with that and I'd need someone to want me anyway har har.

I want to download some nostalgic and melanchony songs so please give me some music to wallow in.

And bring on 2004.
  • Current Music
    Riley Kiley - Wires and Waves

What if they end up stabbing me in the back, would I consider myself a failure or would I fight back

Stolen from finchee and various other people that I don't know.

Unsung Zeros.
Ian Dury & The Blockheads.

Voodoo Glow Skulls.
I hate myself.
{i have far too many "i"s in my name}

Less Than Jake.
Not By Choice.
Nine Days.

Deatch Cab For Cutie.
After School Night Fight.

When everyone was stoned today and I went into philosophical overload. I was thinking about how people say that when you die everything goes into slow motion and your life replays itself.

Then I was thinking that if that's true then how do we know that as we do stuff now, we are not just part of a life inwhich everything is predetermined because we are just flashing by before death?

Maybe the second time you live through your life, the time it relives itself before your death you have the helplessness of not being able to stop things happening that you know are wrong. But then again don't we get enough warning in this life. We can't stop ourselves from making the obvious mistakes so what's to say that we have any control over our lives? How would we know?

Considering the amount of time I spend thinking about shit like this, it's ironic how the smartest thing to come out of my mouth tends to be along the line of. "Hello, huh huh huh"

I also think I should stop being so quick to judge people, I met my friend Pris friend Jake today and assumed that he was an idiot but he's read a lot of the same books as me. Also the blokes in the chip shop said that they were worried as to whether I would ever keep a husband and when I said that I wanted to do Journalism or Criminal Psychology [they were very inquisitive] at Uni they were really aghast and kept telling me that I couldn't because I have a sweet smile now and that I would lose it because I would see the darker side of life.

Should we all really be protected from seeing what goes on in the world?

I didn't go to Christingle, because another year making the same old wishes is another year that they haven't come true. lighting a candle for "someone we love who really needs it" doesn't make any difference to anyone. i wouldn't know who to have lit mine for, natasha? fionnualla? uncle frank? harry and abbey? uncle john? maggie? grandpa?

I guess I could have lit it for all of them but noone would benefit and the only difference between making wishes in my room when there's nothing to take my mind of it and making wishes at church between Father Gavin's bad jokes and the carol singing in is the oranges with sticks in that the Brownies make.
  • Current Music
    Plain White T's - What If?

pictures in the mirror, pictures she never knew, pictures in the mirror always reflecting you

I remembered someone in survivedsuicide mentioning the Good Charlotte video a while back.
Well it happened to come on today and I'm not a fan but I went over and watched it and I wrote down these two quotes.

i know what it's like to be a survivor, i know what it's like to be left behind.

and the woman who went away for the weekend who's son told her that he would see her the following monday.

i'll be waiting for monday for the rest of my life

another quote that I saw in the community abusedgrls. it was used in reference to abuse but I think that it's also fitting for this community.

Half of the time I don't even believe it happened, and the other half I'm sure it was my fault."

When I watched this video I didn't think of Fionnualla I thought of another old friend. not every story is a story of heartbreak and lossCollapse )

You can't save other people, or expect them to save you. But occasionally you get the chance to help, if just for a second.
  • Current Music
    The Living End - Pictures in The Mirror

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

Matt gave me proof of hobbit love that has been going on whilst our backs were turned, luckily Merry was not involved.

I went into Bromley with Leon today and bought Stee's present and a 3410. At the moment I have the same number I need to get a Genie sim. Someone gave Leon an LA Fitness leaflet, they are actually proper leaflets rather than shitty photocopies :O.

Wes: You're not very Christmasy Jules, I'm starting to think you're a lesbian
  • Current Music
    REM - It's the end of the world as we know it

When I'm with you baby I go out of my head, I just can't get enough

I'm sick of people assuming that I can't go out with or be friends with men on a purely platonic bases without wanting to jump there bones.

I have lots of male friends that I don't fancy, Matt, Daniel, David, Davis etc.

I've been reading my shitty poetry that I wrote on my Deadjournal a couple of years back.

I'll steal your name when you go, and you'll go, the way you always have done, always was one of those things that crumbled and died, the way i did inside, the forever that didnt last so long, the always ended a long time ago.

I liked to pick purple daisys, the ones that bled, the ones that died, the way i would have died for you, withered and cracked, faded and crinkled. I put the daisys in a jar, poured in lead, bound them forever, they drowned that day. My perfect daisy chain.
  • Current Music
    Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough

your heart may be broken but your soul carries on beating


stee: juliet is a cannibal
wes: Is that where Emma went?
wes: I knew no-one could ever hate you Jules

okay I love Stee too.
OMG what is it with me and the poof/hobbit loving. I also love Austrailians. Or one of. And an old man hahaha. < not that old.

Stee: and juliet my darling faghag with beautiful crimson hair where is my expensive and rare xmas present?

I am making nice posts before my hugely unnice post that I shall be writing tomorrow about how Amy stood me up. Oh well, I can buy her a crap present now. And spend more on Stees present. [I am buying him Jamie from One True Voice, £29.99 BARGAIN]
  • Current Music
    Fried Green Tomatos (yawn)

do you think you'll be the guy to make the queen of the angels sigh

fill it in or fuck off. if you don't fill this in you will SO not get put on my new secret friends only livejournal. if you haven't met me in real life then replace [1] with a statement about how much you love me.

[1] when and how did we meet:
[2] what did you first notice about me:
[3] what do you like most about me:
[4] If you could buy me anything what would you buy me:
[5] when you think of me, you also think of:
[6] have you ever seen me cry, if so when?:
[7] describe me in four adjectives:
[8] if we could spend a day together what would we do:
[9] have we ever gotten in a fight:
[10] if you could kill me would you and how?:
[11] would you hug me:
[12] what are your feelings about fat gothic people:
[13] what is my best physical feature:
[14] wanna have my first born?
[15] wanna makeout:
[16] name one thing you dont like about me:
[17] What would you put in my coffin:
[18] what reminds you of me:
[19] what do you think my life will be like in 10 years?
  • Current Music
    The Doors - Hello, I love you