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think i'll go smoke a cigarette and write more shitty poetry [entries|friends|calendar]
quick!!! get to the chopper!!! do it!!!

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[16 Feb 2004|01:25am]
Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

[19 Jan 2004|12:05pm]
I got to see my Ashley on Saturday night so I am happy. Yay Ashley.
Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

would you want to see, if seeing ment you had to believe? [03 Jan 2004|04:53pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Scottish Andy just offered to give me £25 for sex.


Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

I never, I'm alone, and I never, ever oh... had noone ever [02 Jan 2004|11:56am]
[ mood | confused ]

Alex was at the New Years party I went to, it was awkward but then I dragged him into a bedroom, made him kneel on the floor with me and talked to him for a bit.

It didn't really explain anything, but he has stupid hair and I think that I can say I am over him now. I was really gutted that I've wasted a year and a half over this shit but I've done it now. I've sorted things out for 2004.

Oh yeah, and my first kiss of the year was Anthony, talk about blasts from the pasts. It was really nice, and he is pretty hot. It was REALLY nice, but it was when he was going home, so I kissed Max and Rob too :O

I was standing on the balcony with Mellissa and suddenly realised this girl who was also sitting on the Balcony was Amy G, with short hair. So I asked her if it was her and she said that I looked really different from last time she saw me and then went "Martin! It's Jules" And Martin was shocked too and hugged me and stuff. Then he told Anthony who knew who I was anyway, and went "Noo! Alex, guess what, it's Jules!".

I can't be bothered to write about the rest of the night, it was good, I had to get a taxi home because I'd stupidly gone into the Sauna when I can't even have a hot bath without getting a headache and fainting. My taxi driver was like "I didn't drink that much tonight so I can drive" *goes up a one way street*

Anyway I didn't do that well, make a good impression, but I'm glad I talked to him, because it was something that I had to do. It's always fear that I regret not things that I have done.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

Once I had a love, and it was a gas, soon turned out, I had a heart of glass [31 Dec 2003|03:47pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I was supposed to be spending my New Year with Stee but I didn't manage to get coach tickets, so am either;

Going to Tony's houseparty. Everyone will be wasted. turns out, only three people are going.
Going to a houseparty with some boys from college. Will get my very own punk rock name badge.
or... going to the benches. Huge gathering of stoned people in Scarborough woods.
OR Adam's party he might be having.

I don't know which one yet. My Steeeeeee came out to his parents yesterday, and all is good :)Oh yeah... I was messing about ages ago and said that Phil was gay, and Stee believed me and asked him if he'd come out to his parents yet. Harharhar!

I worked out, I have kissed 16 people this year, which isn't that much but then I was in a relationship for seven months... so.

Happy New Year. I hope you all get the midnight kiss you are hoping for.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

You never knew, well I never told you, everything I know about breaking hearts, I learned from you [30 Dec 2003|03:28pm]
Me and Amy went to France yesterday, we were taking pictures of french people underneath a sing that said "alcool" but I had no film.

Anyway, I got up at eight, I;d had four hours sleep after spending the previous evening playing articulate with Jack and various other people at Jonny's sisters party, which Jonny and Amy got up to something else. Harharhar. Articulate rules. I got a bit carried away and ended up acting out everything and making everyone else guess.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself though, I'd got bored when I was getting dressed and ended up thinking that it would be funny to show Jonny up by just turning up really overdone. So I wore my Grease skirt, with a black jacket with pink swirls and a top that I found in my mum's draw, with roses on it.

The top, a style I haven't worn before made my boobies look huge, but wasn't to big so didn't make me look that fat either. So was happy. Told Jack something along the lines of "You could be Austrailian, if you had an Austrailian accent." and then started adjusting my bra. {I really should not be allowed to get bored, ever}.

So we went to France, I started singing to a woman in the gift shop, but when she didn't sing back I realised that I didn't know her, apologised and went off. So if a randomite came up to you yesterday and sung the indestructable song - I apologise. On the boat Amy wanted food, and I asked this french bloke how much potatos were on their own and he said "for you, free" so we just ate loads of them for lunch. Nice froggy France people, froogggy! France! I accidently spent £8 worth of credit because I didn't realise I was being charged £1 a text as roaming charges. Plus in the car before we went to France, I text about 20 of my friends to show off about being in France and only Kris text back. But have since found out that Drew text my sisters phone as a reply and Matt and Adam have no credit and Wes isn't getting his messages, so it's only MOST of my friends that I now hate.

In France we were foreigners and laughing at crazy French people who wear braces and hats and call Carphone Warehouse "The Phone Warehouse" and wear roller skates in the supermarket. We met a Giraffe called Geoffrey and tried to remember the Toys Are Us song. But we forget one of the words. On the boat on the way back I brought cheap cigerettes for my friend Andy and then we went out with him and Adam when we got home and it was fun because they my friends and they are cool. And we smoked the rest of Andy's weed. I should stop, but I don't want to. Because it makes me feel nice. The night before last I just felt ugly and horrible, ugly and horrible and a laughing stock. Feeling nice for me is a good thing. And I was the odd one out because I am a "J" and they are all "A" but for a bit David was there. But he is a really, really scary pervert.
Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

lose yourself in the music [29 Dec 2003|11:17am]
[ mood | shocked ]

BOB MONKHOUSE. is dead :O :( :'(
this somewhat saddens me. i assumed the cheekiness levels in his blood kept him immortal.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

I feel just like a Local God when I'm with the boys, we do what we want, yeah we do what we want. [28 Dec 2003|03:19pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

me with my two best friends and my oldest childhood friend lara.

at one point these photos weren't just tokens of memories. they were happening. these photos at one point were reality. they were now. they were how i was feeling and what i was up to.

sometimes i look at pictures and get so drawn into them that i think that i could just step into the picture and be back at that time. but photos are just pictures and memories are just memories.

Coincidentally, the second picture was taken a few minutes before {or after?} I met my friend Adam. He is cooool.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

it's a green christmas in this town, green 'cause of everything I miss, all this mistletoe no kiss [26 Dec 2003|05:37pm]
[ mood | tired ]

what I got for christmasCollapse )

Drew wouldn't come out last night as is lazy but he is coming to pick me up after work tonight so *forgives*.

Me getting older. 1995 - 2001 - 2003.

faye and me

claire, me, faye, sarah, shaun, mum. aunty jane, natasha, uncle david. me with harry.

As a conclusion, I recieved two mirrors. Which leads to the equation that people feel I should wear more make up.
However, like fuck am I ever looking in a mirror that makes me look 5 xs bigger.
It did make 5 seconds of my family Christmas funner though. I made my sister look in it and then said "Honey, with those pores the only thing that I can suggest is sur-ger-y."
I also do not photograph well. Even when I am trying particually hard to photograph well .
According to Stee I look like a mother, however all my other pictures from the wedding had my bra in view.

+ fading + like the stars + we wish to be + says:
youre going to have the cutest children
i know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic says:
i am not having children.! ewwwww
+ fading + like the stars + we wish to be + says:
you sooooo are
+ fading + like the stars + we wish to be + says:
like, a million and two
+ fading + like the stars + we wish to be + says:
and they can be all ginger and pixyish and cute

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

you made me cry again, when you said, little girl, don't wait for me, wait patiently for love [25 Dec 2003|03:52am]
Questionnaire filled in using titles of songs by "The Smiths"

pretty girls make graves.

this joke isn't funny anymore.

there is a light that never goes out.


stop me if you think you've heard this one before...



still ill.

i started something i couldn't finish.

please please please let me get what i want.

never had noone ever.

death of a disco dancer.

you haven't earned it yet, baby.

a rush and a push and the land is ours.

what do you see in him?

last night i dreamt that somebody loved me.

these things take time.

unhappy birthday.

i don't owe you anything.

you've got everything now.

well i wonder

meat is murder.
Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

and ill take a step away and see if you come back because theres no more trying to make this alright [24 Dec 2003|07:22pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I made a deal with Amy that if she comes out and gets stoned with me and Drew and Brendan tonight I will go to Midnight Mass with her. Hahaha.
Look out church... here we come. Larry Light Weight and Harry Hash Head.
I LOVE ANDY AND ADAM AND AMY. Adam and Andy = funniest people to get stoned with.

Sorry to jimsicle for not letting you "play Romeo" last night. I couldn't face the nightbus ride home. There will be other nights though. *giggles like a schoolgirl*

Recently I have met and gotten to know the mooost perfect guy, he's funny and attractive and lovely and interesting has great taste in music and is STRAIGHT. But he lives in Austrailia :( My luck = meeting someone that I really like that I think likes me but happens to live in the land of wallabies and Dame Edna. I know SOO many male people and yet end up wanting to be with the most inconvient one.

I think I'm being sentimental as is Christmas. I actually do not like relationships, {or christmas} maybe that's just something todo with my track record. I miss the closeness though, the hugging and curling up together. I have been smoking to much weed I look like a advertisement for clearisil and feel like a twelve year old.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

Santa's got a mullet, he's bringing beers for you and me. [23 Dec 2003|08:42pm]
[ mood | high ]

Can you feel the Christmas spirit around here? You can see it in my playlist.

I babysat last night, beat the fuckers at Monopoly may I add, and then went to Louie's friend Dan's flat and got highly mashed. You know when you say a word and then suddenly it sounds really stupid, funny, embaressing and made up, and you can't remember if it's the right word anymore and think that if it is the right word then it's the most stupid word you've ever heard?

Last night I got that, with EVERY word. Every time I thought it about a new word I thought "Okay that really is a stupid word but I'm not going to think that about the next one" "hahaha stupid what a dumb word" and so on. And then came philosophical debate headed Jules. I remembered when I was in primary school I used to imagine the week as a weird circle made out of 7 lines and all I ever used to do was imagine myself getting closer to the weekend. And I started wondering if that was all life was, a great battle to get to the weekend, the same journey over and over again.

So anyway I came home this morning at about 12, had a bath and then went into Bromley to get my families Christmas presents. I got;

Shaun; The Smiths - The Queen is dead.
Natasha; Matthew Jay's albumn.
Mum; Tony Hawk's "One Hit Wonderland"
Dad; Iain Banks "Dead Air"
Faye; Phillip Pullman "A Subtle Knife".
Stee; fuck off I'm not going to tell everyone where you can read it you sket.

It was so hard buying those two albumns and knowing that I can't listen to them. Am getting stoned with my good friends Andy and Adam in a bit so must leave. We were going to go to Feet First but I am kinda tired after last night. It would have been cool to go though a band 4 Foot Fingers that my ex boyfriends old band used to gig with are playing tonight. They're pretty good.

Someone called hardcoredion or similar in indiefucks knows the cutty sark massive! Don't know which time period of Cutty Sark legend they were linked to though.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

sometimes planes they smash up in the sky, and sometimes lonely hearts they just get lonelier [22 Dec 2003|02:29pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

At the moment I'm feeling melanchony because I just got an invitation to Fionnuala's memorial on January 9th. I'm feeling strange and cold. I feel sort of nice that they want me to go but also sad because I haven't linked everything together in my head yet and everyone at her memorial will be talking about how she was and how she used to be. Like she is seperated from herself now, all she is a memory, barely more than a fictional character.

I'm feeling annoyed and self pitiful because I lost my two day old phone last night.

But in myself I'm okay, I'm good. I need to buy presents. At times like these I really wish I had someone but I know that I can't deal with that and I'd need someone to want me anyway har har.

I want to download some nostalgic and melanchony songs so please give me some music to wallow in.

And bring on 2004.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

What if they end up stabbing me in the back, would I consider myself a failure or would I fight back [22 Dec 2003|04:11am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Stolen from finchee and various other people that I don't know.

Unsung Zeros.
Ian Dury & The Blockheads.

Voodoo Glow Skulls.
I hate myself.
{i have far too many "i"s in my name}

Less Than Jake.
Not By Choice.
Nine Days.

Deatch Cab For Cutie.
After School Night Fight.

When everyone was stoned today and I went into philosophical overload. I was thinking about how people say that when you die everything goes into slow motion and your life replays itself.

Then I was thinking that if that's true then how do we know that as we do stuff now, we are not just part of a life inwhich everything is predetermined because we are just flashing by before death?

Maybe the second time you live through your life, the time it relives itself before your death you have the helplessness of not being able to stop things happening that you know are wrong. But then again don't we get enough warning in this life. We can't stop ourselves from making the obvious mistakes so what's to say that we have any control over our lives? How would we know?

Considering the amount of time I spend thinking about shit like this, it's ironic how the smartest thing to come out of my mouth tends to be along the line of. "Hello, huh huh huh"

I also think I should stop being so quick to judge people, I met my friend Pris friend Jake today and assumed that he was an idiot but he's read a lot of the same books as me. Also the blokes in the chip shop said that they were worried as to whether I would ever keep a husband and when I said that I wanted to do Journalism or Criminal Psychology [they were very inquisitive] at Uni they were really aghast and kept telling me that I couldn't because I have a sweet smile now and that I would lose it because I would see the darker side of life.

Should we all really be protected from seeing what goes on in the world?

I didn't go to Christingle, because another year making the same old wishes is another year that they haven't come true. lighting a candle for "someone we love who really needs it" doesn't make any difference to anyone. i wouldn't know who to have lit mine for, natasha? fionnualla? uncle frank? harry and abbey? uncle john? maggie? grandpa?

I guess I could have lit it for all of them but noone would benefit and the only difference between making wishes in my room when there's nothing to take my mind of it and making wishes at church between Father Gavin's bad jokes and the carol singing in is the oranges with sticks in that the Brownies make.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

pictures in the mirror, pictures she never knew, pictures in the mirror always reflecting you [21 Dec 2003|03:49am]
[ mood | complacent ]

I remembered someone in survivedsuicide mentioning the Good Charlotte video a while back.
Well it happened to come on today and I'm not a fan but I went over and watched it and I wrote down these two quotes.

i know what it's like to be a survivor, i know what it's like to be left behind.

and the woman who went away for the weekend who's son told her that he would see her the following monday.

i'll be waiting for monday for the rest of my life

another quote that I saw in the community abusedgrls. it was used in reference to abuse but I think that it's also fitting for this community.

Half of the time I don't even believe it happened, and the other half I'm sure it was my fault."

When I watched this video I didn't think of Fionnualla I thought of another old friend. not every story is a story of heartbreak and lossCollapse )

You can't save other people, or expect them to save you. But occasionally you get the chance to help, if just for a second.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine [19 Dec 2003|07:20pm]
Matt gave me proof of hobbit love that has been going on whilst our backs were turned, luckily Merry was not involved.

I went into Bromley with Leon today and bought Stee's present and a 3410. At the moment I have the same number I need to get a Genie sim. Someone gave Leon an LA Fitness leaflet, they are actually proper leaflets rather than shitty photocopies :O.

Wes: You're not very Christmasy Jules, I'm starting to think you're a lesbian
Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

When I'm with you baby I go out of my head, I just can't get enough [19 Dec 2003|01:38pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I'm sick of people assuming that I can't go out with or be friends with men on a purely platonic bases without wanting to jump there bones.

I have lots of male friends that I don't fancy, Matt, Daniel, David, Davis etc.

I've been reading my shitty poetry that I wrote on my Deadjournal a couple of years back.

I'll steal your name when you go, and you'll go, the way you always have done, always was one of those things that crumbled and died, the way i did inside, the forever that didnt last so long, the always ended a long time ago.

I liked to pick purple daisys, the ones that bled, the ones that died, the way i would have died for you, withered and cracked, faded and crinkled. I put the daisys in a jar, poured in lead, bound them forever, they drowned that day. My perfect daisy chain.
Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

your heart may be broken but your soul carries on beating [19 Dec 2003|12:52am]
[ mood | cheerful ]


stee: juliet is a cannibal
wes: Is that where Emma went?
wes: I knew no-one could ever hate you Jules

okay I love Stee too.
OMG what is it with me and the poof/hobbit loving. I also love Austrailians. Or one of. And an old man hahaha. < not that old.

Stee: and juliet my darling faghag with beautiful crimson hair where is my expensive and rare xmas present?

I am making nice posts before my hugely unnice post that I shall be writing tomorrow about how Amy stood me up. Oh well, I can buy her a crap present now. And spend more on Stees present. [I am buying him Jamie from One True Voice, £29.99 BARGAIN]

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

I guess back then we just thought she was getting some [18 Dec 2003|10:20pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Because I wanna cross post BECAUSE I WANNA.

So, I saw LOTR 3 yesterday which has it's moments. But here is my question...

If you had to pick one of the Hobbits, which one would you shag? I'm going to go with Merry.

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

do you think you'll be the guy to make the queen of the angels sigh [18 Dec 2003|05:40pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

fill it in or fuck off. if you don't fill this in you will SO not get put on my new secret friends only livejournal. if you haven't met me in real life then replace [1] with a statement about how much you love me.

[1] when and how did we meet:
[2] what did you first notice about me:
[3] what do you like most about me:
[4] If you could buy me anything what would you buy me:
[5] when you think of me, you also think of:
[6] have you ever seen me cry, if so when?:
[7] describe me in four adjectives:
[8] if we could spend a day together what would we do:
[9] have we ever gotten in a fight:
[10] if you could kill me would you and how?:
[11] would you hug me:
[12] what are your feelings about fat gothic people:
[13] what is my best physical feature:
[14] wanna have my first born?
[15] wanna makeout:
[16] name one thing you dont like about me:
[17] What would you put in my coffin:
[18] what reminds you of me:
[19] what do you think my life will be like in 10 years?

Anything but the blatant proof was| your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

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