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(no subject) [Jan. 12th, 2007|03:18 am]
every time - and I mean EVERY FUCKING TIME I get focused on doing this essay SOME FUCKING CUNT DISTRACTS ME!!! i'm gonna turn psycho in a minute and destroy everybody else who lives here.
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(no subject) [Dec. 26th, 2006|11:21 pm]
[Current Mood |crazycrazy]
[Current Music |Pink FLoyd - Welcome to the Machine]

ahh yes, take that Dave you hairy jew

[Nate] says:
do an acapella vocal track
-=AEMAETH=-=Looking For Help On Screen/Silk Screening....Can Anyone Help Me Out?=- says:
eat shit and die
[Nate] says:
suck me off you swan fucker
-=AEMAETH=-=Looking For Help On Screen/Silk Screening....Can Anyone Help Me Out?=- says:
dick splash
[Nate] says:
silence you malcontentious vaginal swab

to which he still hasn't replied and it's been a good 15 minutes ^_^
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(no subject) [Dec. 25th, 2006|12:57 am]
[Current Mood |jubilantjubilant]
[Current Music |fuk off i;m drunk]

Happy pissedmas, i'm uber-pissed,also happy splifmas, love and hugs to all, I LOVE EVERYONE
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(no subject) [Dec. 24th, 2006|03:24 am]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[Current Music |Silhouette - Tony Levin band]


Finally the next piece of that song happened. Not that i've previously mentioned that I was writing anything special, but I have been, and I reached a block but now the next part of it has finally arrived. I say arrived because I have no idea where ideas come from. It's almost like the creative consciousness receives them from somewhere else. When things go right they just go right without me engaging on a conscious level. Kinda like how you might get up and instinctively yawn and go make breakfast. It just kinda happens on autopilot if you get what I mean.

I know this sounds weird and i'll forgive you for reading this and thinking to yourself "oh fuck off you damn hippy". I'm a firm believer that the subconscious is far more powerful, certainly in terms of creativity than the waking conscious mind. I think dreams are evidence enough of this. So i think perhaps the reason I feel like my ideas come from somewhere external is that they are subconscious thoughts manifesting themselves in daily life. Strangely though, the more i think of creative ideas as being received, the more of them I seem to receive. Which is almost certainly the result of the ego drama of believing that they're being beamed into my brain from somewhere else. So despite the fact that I know it's impossible, "believing" that ideas are transmitted from some greater conscious has actually upped my creativity a fair amount.

And I swear i wasn't drunk or drugged up when I wrote this, just tired.

...and no, i'm not going to re-arrange any of this so that it makes any sense.
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(no subject) [Dec. 20th, 2006|05:38 pm]
The water in my house (back in London now) makes my hair go frizzy :(
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(no subject) [Dec. 20th, 2006|01:38 am]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |Awakening '96 - Jazz & Bass sessions 1]

There are parts of me that I'm starting to doubt exist. Parts of me that only ever seem to come out when they're evoked by some great art or music. Some deep dark inspirations that I just can't seem to hold on to, feels kinda like my heart is getting buried under the bullshit apathy of modern life. If I could, (and I may very well one day) I'd like to go live in a cave somewhere for a while or something, society as it is today is like a bleach washing out all hint of creativity in my soul, i'm not sure how much longer I can fight the tide, but i refuse to be a boring tosser with 2.4 children an SUV and 30k job, yet that's what every pressure and voice screams at me to do. this is fucking bullshit
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(no subject) [Dec. 7th, 2006|04:03 pm]
For some reason I've started playing guitar and keyboard a lot more recently. I think listening to nothing but Radiohead for weeks has had something of an effect.

I tend to do this a lot, I obsess, listen to a band's whole discography for ages and then burn out and find something else. Not that I dislike bands after i;m done obsessing, and dammit the obsessive part is really fun, but i just tend to move very progressively with my tastes, hence I've given up trying to define myself by what music I like. I could write pages on the beauty and subtle humor interwoven into what a lot of people just see as depressing music, but I won't bore anyone unfortunate enough to be reading this, by actually doing that.

it's weird how life just seems to have slipped by, I think perhaps i might be a different person than I was before i moved out, but i'm legendarily dreadful at any kind of self-evaluation, so I can't really say.

looking forward to seeing everyone over christmas :)
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(no subject) [Nov. 25th, 2006|09:54 pm]
oh dear god there's vomit up the fucking walls

it's everywhere

I wish I could eep shit toigethrer
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(no subject) [Nov. 24th, 2006|07:00 pm]
My Goddamn eyes hurt like mad. I think I somehow strained the muscles that actually move the eyeball, because anything other than looking straight forward hurts.

Also, going to see Pendulum tonight. Muthafuckin breakbeat kaos. It's gonna be fantastic, i'm going to get horribly pissed and rave live an idiot.
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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2006|04:08 pm]
[Current Mood |melancholymelancholy]
[Current Music |william burroughs - dead city radio]

Today has been an awful day. I slept through my alarm and missed lecture [i]again[/i]. I've only been to lecture on a friday once since uni started, and i'm fucked off with myself because i really love the course i'm doing and I don;t want attendance to affect my marks or anything. People keep saying to me how the first year doesn't really matter, but it matters to me. I want to squeeze every last bit of information I can get out of this course, and not turning up is probably the easiest way to do exactly the opposite of that. Also i have very little money, and I can't ask my parents for money. My mum doesn't have any, and I daren't ask my dad because he seems to get funny about things like that. I remember once he asked me what I wanted for christmas and I jokingly said £1000. Next thing i hear, my mum is having a go at me cuz my dad phoned my nan and my nan phoned my mum all complaining about how I don;t know the value of money and i'm an ungreatful little shit and blah blah blah.

So no lecture, no money, erm, what else, oh yeah, no internet. This is going to be a back-dated entry because something is fucked with the internet here and I need it for research and talking to people over the weekend when practically everyone else who lives in my halls goes home. So i'm a sad panda about that.

I spent most of the day tidying my room and washing my clothes and stuff. I actually have no preference for the room being tidy or messy, as far as i'm concerned that's mostly useless aesthetics. As long as there isn't mold growing on stuff then i'm cool. So my room now looks 'conventionally arranged'

I miss my friends and family a lot now. I didn't at first, but today I just woke up feeling homesick, and quite surprisingly I also miss my old job. I don;t miss 4 hours on a bus 5 days a week, but I miss the atmosphere. I think because it was boring shitty work, everyone seemed to have a sense of being in it together which I like. Fuck, the power of the mind to romanticize the past is pretty awesome. You ever get that thing where the good bits of the last few years all run together like some beautiful golden dream in a place so far away as to be unreachable ever again? Nostalgia, meet Depression. Depression, this is Nostalgia, i'm sure you guys'll get on fine...
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