Lee (mr_saturn_) wrote,
Lee
mr_saturn_


I'm totally against public breastfeeding and I'll tell you why.
This one time I was in Burger King, and this girl with enormous boobs--they were like 56-FFF, I know my tits--yanks one out of her blouse, then mashes her kid against it. But the kid didn't want that much, and when he pulled away, her boob wouldn't shut off. It kept spraying like a fire hose, and I got milk splashed on my hamburger, and in my Coke, and all over my pants because the thing was squirting uncontrollably all over and my kids starting screaming and hugging my leg and then the manager ran up with a handful of napkins to try to staunch the flow but he slipped in a puddle of milk and cracked his head on the end of the table and I heard that dude's like in a coma or something now and my pants smelled bad the rest of the day 'cause that stuff stinks when it gets hot. So no, I don't particularly support public breastfeeding. Thanks for listening.

---

Yeah, I don't get why people are so uptight about breastfeeding.
Even though I am a guy, I totally feel your pain ladies. The other day I was in a Starbucks and the barista was pretty hot, and I'm getting exciting looking at her so pretty soon I just whip it out and start spanking it. Now, I know what you're thinking--but it was cool. I totally covered up with a towel, so no one could see my junk. Anyway, I'm pounding away, really going to town on it, and all of a sudden this broad looks over at me and starts screaming. "OH MY GOD, HE's JERKING OFF!!!!" and then everyone's looking at me, and the barista looks over and her mouth drops open and let me tell you that was pretty hot 'cause she had on really red lipstick and I lost control and shot it off right then and there. But my tool was still covered by the towel so it's not like it went spraying all over the place. Maybe a tablespoon dribbled onto the floor, but I kind of scraped it around with my shoe. No big deal.

Anyway, they made a big deal about me carrying out a natural body function (basically the same as breastfeeding: squeeze it till something white comes out), but I was all covered up and shiat, you couldn't see nothing but my fist jackhammering away under the towel.

So I know how youse all feel with the breastfeeding and what not. Stay strong, sisters.
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