some days you feel like this

tesselate

a difference a few years and recalling an old password can find. it's nice to see this white space still in existence, what with every other platform turning into one massive commercial.

i feel the need to ramble, not that anyone cares, for this journal really was for me. a place to vent. to imagine. to simply just be.

it was a lifetime ago that i frequented this site.
but it is still nice to come back from time to time and reminisce.

triangles are my favorite shape.
  • Current Mood
    nostalgic nostalgic
some days you feel like this

i mosey to and fro from this space of white.

i have to rant, not sure why i need to type it down at this moment.

Question.

perhaps i am the only one that deals with this. maybe it's a normal thing that is involved in the dynamic between parents and children.

i am not a child, nor do i appreciate being treated as such. even at 30 years old, i still am treated rudely and shushed by my parents when i have an opinion on something. why the hell is that? when do i get to be treated as though i'm not a nuisance or a bother?

the way she's treated me my entire life has affected my relationships even today. i worry about how perceive and think of me. i worry and stress about upsetting others, because i've had to traipse about on eggshells for so long. i'm not very good at walking carefully to suit others. but what the fuck.
i've allowed myself to be brought down by others. and she is the main culprit.

i'm the black sheep of this family. i'm damned if i do, damned if i don't. my brother and sister aren't treated the way i am. they never have been. some people say the baby of the family is spoiled and treated the best. i can say that's false.

will things change if i get married? or do i always hold the title of being the child? my mom had a brain tumor back in january, it was benign, but since she and my dad were staying with me during that time, nothing i did was good enough. i'd make dinner, she couldn't taste it. my brother and sister would provide dinner, it was the most amazing thing she ever ate. i left a foot print on MY floor. she went ape shit on the fact that i am a pig and can never clean well enough.

she took her anger out on me and because she had just had surgery, i took it. unfortunately, i like to believe i don't let a lot of things get to me, however when you say i'm not good enough, or i don't do enough, i take things like that to heart. i've got the schedule that allows me to take time off to help them with anything and everything they need. i don't do it to receive recognition, but it'd be nice to feel appreciated.

i've never been good enough for her. i never will be. i just wish she'd treat me with respect. not as though i'm a piece of shit underneath her shoe.

my dad isn't much different, but it's because he's required to follow her lead and take her side.

am i being a child for being annoyed?
some days you feel like this

Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN-the-Bottle

 
Behold... My Future
  I will marry Gong Yoo.  
  After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Hawaii in our fabulous House.  
  We will have 2 kid(s) together.  
  Our family will zoom around in a pink Ferrari.
  I will spend my days as a professional assassin, and live happily ever after.  
 
whats your future
 
some days you feel like this

oooooooooh

an lj strike this friday.... WOOP DE FUCKING DOO.

so i wonder what happens when someone purposely crosses that "picket line" hell i don't post much as it is, but i'd post and comment all the damn time just because i'm asked/wished not to.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
some days you feel like this

yay MEME which is MEEM and not ME ME. Because it's gay!

I borrowed this from Jay


Meme:

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll respond via comments. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on yaoi, favorite type of underwear, graphic techniques, etc. Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other!
some days you feel like this

funky career matchmaker.

1.
Conservator

2.
Archaeologist

3.
Agronomist

4.
Industrial Designer

5.
Historian

6.
Interior Designer

7.
Exhibit Designer

8.
ESL Teacher

9.
Foreign Language Instructor

10.
Animator

11.
Desktop Publisher

12.
Pharmacist

13.
Corporate Trainer

14.
Model Maker

15.
Potter

16.
Fashion Designer

17.
Craftsperson

18.
Computer Trainer

19.
Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator

20.
Sports Instructor

21.
Curator

22.
Director of Photography

23.
Diving Instructor

24.
Horse Trainer

25.
Fitness Instructor

26.
Coach

27.
Set Designer

28.
Costume Designer

29.
Anthropologist

30.
Personal Trainer

31.
Professor

32.
Driving Instructor

33.
Occupational Therapist

34.
Artist

35.
Graphic Designer

36.
Computer Animator

37.
Interior Decorator

38.
Art Director

39.
Medical Lab Tech

40.
Medical Illustrator
some days you feel like this

i probably.

man, so i probably should have gone to hang out rather than stay at home. I just, maybe I'm starting to pull away a bit from my friends. It's not something I mean to do, they've got their girlfriends now and I just don't want to be a 5th wheel.

even if i'm invited, and they want me to be with the group... i just don't wish to intrude.

is that bad of me?

and our lake powell trip sounds like it is actually going to happen.. i'm so excited to go, but i don't want to get my hopes up because ....i usually get FUCKED when that shit happens.

i don't think i have shown anyone but my parents how much i really want to go, because i don't want to be disappointed.

i'm being a girl, and i wish i would have gone out tonight. but part of me just wanted to stay home.

i just hope it doesn't reflect that i don't want to be around my friends... because it's not true.

it would have just been amanda, kody, chris and myself. but, i think chris should invite the girl he's dating rather than hanging out with me.

i'm odd. i know.
  • Current Mood
    gloomy gloomy