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meeee [Sep. 23rd, 2004|06:19 pm]
[feelin' |curiouscurious]
[listening to |blackalicious - alphabet aerobics]

Here is a picture of my new hair color! A note: I'm not sad, it's just me face.

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grrrrrreee! [Sep. 23rd, 2004|02:04 pm]
[feelin' |creativeinspired]
[listening to |sneaker pimps - six underground]

Wow, what a night, what a morning.. Billy continues to knock my socks off. Got some purple ganj that FUCKED ME UP. Everybody wanted some. Smoked some with our brother Jay, who coughed his lungs up. Listened to some great music I've been downloading, gave me chills. I've stumbled across a slough of bands that you never knew existed... for example... Godspeed, You Black Emporer! Yeah, that's the name of one. Also, Le Tigre, Sneaker Pimps, DJ Krush to name a few others. Discovering new music is so much funnn.

Trying to find a better cell phone plan than Verizon. Went to Nas' friend Matt's house (he was house-sitting) and when he suggested AT&T Wireless, I said, "Oh, I hear they rape you with charges." and he's like, "Oh, really?" tickled that I'd said 'raped.' Hehe. Anyway. So being the smooth gadget finder that I am, I am going to find a new phone and plan for Billy.

Hey check these out, I'm wanting them for Xmas and my birthday:

1. American McGee's Alice
2. Creative Labs Nomad Jukebox
3. Sony Cybershot Digi Cam
4. Sony Notebook PC

Of course I know I'll never get them all. But I have a fighting chance of at least getting one or two. And I actually plan to buy the Notebook (the most expensive) myself. For those of you whose jaw hit the floor, RELAX! I'm only this high-maintenence twice a year. :D Nah, not even that. I just happen to want a lot of stuff this year.

Hey, anyone who loves their cellphone and their plan, please comment! I might buy yours.

Coffee time!
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Ooh and ahh [Sep. 21st, 2004|11:43 am]
[feelin' |creativecreative]
[listening to |mad tv - a redhead femenist comedian]

Kayla just took the same disturbinq quiz I took and this was her result...

take the "what's your dark secret?" quiz
| courtesy of mewing.net. where darkness and secrecy abound.
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THIS WAS WRITTEN YESTERDAY [Sep. 21st, 2004|11:10 am]
[feelin' |pleasedpleasant]
[listening to |frou frou & the sounds of lightning outside my window]

I made some Folgers dark roast, even though it's six in the evening. I was thinking about making waffles, too, because my boyfriend bought me a waffle iron and syrup. But though I love waffles, I've never made them myself. And anyway, this coffee is so good I'm almost distracted.

We ate at The Chinese Smorgi last night. Really good, but today Billy was throwing up all day. I was in bed all day (hence why I just made coffee) because I felt unusually weak and tired. Billy kept calling me, but I was too comatose to hear the phone. Finally... FINALLY... I hear the answering machine beeping so I jump up, groggy as all hell. Nine messages. Billy whining, "I'm sick, Aubrey, I've been throwing up. Could you please give me a call?" Aww!

WOW this lightining is loud!!

Anyway, he didn't realize until I mentioned it that it could have been last night's dinner. Silly. Sometimes I'm really glad I'm in his life, for his sake. Haha! But I'd be equally powerless without him, and he knows it.

I hear the rain. My cats are watching it from the window. I feel cozy.

Yesterday, aside from eating at the E. Coli Smorgusboard, we also:

*bought a cute (and beautifully colored) iguana. Still haven't named him/her. He's got sky blue and lime green around his face. And what an ATTITUDE! Hehe, still scared from the pet shop, I guess. What a punk. We brought him home in a cardboard box and when Billy cracked the lid, the sound of the iguana's toenails scrabbling against the cardboard almost made us drop the box. "Jesus!" I said, "Devil lizard!!" but I've never had one before, and they are hilariously cute in spite of themselves. Billy says they learn to love you in time.

*I dyed my hair dark chocolate, almost black in contrast with my pale skin. It's absolutely beautiful. My boyfriend was stunned. My blue eyes pop out even more now. Makes me look more sophistocated and gothesque. I blabbed, "I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for you!" and then the realization of what I'd said hit me.

*We were stoned all the live-long day. Man, it felt good.

Some dude is in his car in the driveway, and he's got his bass up so loud it sounds like chronic flatulance. Turn it down, Dude, turn it down! Spare us.

Man. I adore my Billy boy. Whenever I flirt with him, blow him kisses and stuff, the biggest, sappiest grin spreads across his face, and he can't stop chuckling like Bashful the dwarf. "Oh, gorsh..." is all he needs to say. AAAAGGGHHH! I wanna pounce on him now.
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Oh mya?! [Sep. 19th, 2004|12:59 am]
[feelin' |drunkblaa bla bla blaaaa blaa]
[listening to |hanson! thank you.]

What High School Stereotype are You?
Name / Username
You are the band geek
People think you are moronic
You will end up starring in over 500 porn flicks
This QuickKwiz by Panderbear - Taken 349 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

My boyfriend makes me laugh.
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ahh my head [Sep. 18th, 2004|06:51 am]
[feelin' |ditzyhung over]
[listening to |hot hot heat - oh goddamnit]

Had fun yesterday. Mainly because I got stuff done. I cashed a check, went to the DMV to FINALLY get my California ID, bought slippers and mascara, Del Taco, guitar strings, pizza, laundry detergent, and booze. Still had twenty bucks to spare, too! So I bought my boyfriend a milkshake from In-N-Out at 1 in the morning.

Hung out at Jen's and drank a lot. Good conversation, lots of laughter. Bessy is so cute. And Mike is funny. The two of them are great cooks. Bessy makes the best twice-baked potatoes, and Mike does a good steak. He made the glaze with (I think) barbecue sauce, soy sauce, cracked pepper, and rosemary. Oh it was divine.

Billy and I are stuck in love. It's great.

And now my cats are zooming through the house like bullet trains, knocking things over, meowing and spazzing out. Why do they do that? They're INSANE! Especially ever-pissed off Romulus. He's bouncing around.

Edit - 2:17 PM. Looks like I get to go out somewhere with Billy and BJ tonight. I'm so excited! I hope I actually talk this time... I think I will, because now BJ has known about me for a little while, it'll be just like going out with friends. Hopefully!

I'll just be charming and polite.
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I MET BJ, BIOTCH! ...& BRYAN! [Sep. 14th, 2004|03:24 pm]
[feelin' |curiousreflective]
[listening to |kids playing basketball outside]

Yes, indeed! Yesterday in this very room BJ came up and finally saw me... in the flesh, and shook my hand. He was polite, and kind of shy. Softspoken. OH MY GOSH, I MET BJ! Billy's oldest son. Wowowowowowowowowow. Wow.

Beforehand, Billy and I were sitting in here, not saying a word, fidgeting, trying to ease the paralyzing feeling of dread/anticipation/excitement rolled up in a ball of exhiliration. It was the moment of truth. I'd held back for months, and it had been nothing shy of AGONY. Hearing about them, the triumphs, the sad parts, the words they said to Billy on the phone, seeing pictures of them from ages baby to graduation, hearing stories... passing Bryan's car outside the pizza parlor, Bryan unaware of me in the corner of the parlor... BJ unaware of me just upstairs. I'd always been so close... I grabbed a paper and pen and started to draw.

Then BJ's voice down the hall. "BJ! Come up!" Billy said. My heart skipped a beat. I remember holding my breath for the longest time, my mind reeling. Footsteps...

...And then BJ emerged in the doorway. Just... BJ. I relaxed, and smiled as I gazed at him. In my mind I was telling him, Hello, boy who has no clue what he already means to me... But not a sound passed my lips, and I stifled the fear that was attempting to fill my eyes. And, by golly, I pulled it off.

I don't think it hit him at first, just who I was, but as the time passed, it became more apparent. I was Billy's girl.

That's when BJ got a bit... fidgety. He kept his cool, but he started to whistle when we got outside. Billy would later tell me, BJ doesn't whistle like that.

So anyway, I looked at him as long as I dared and then stole inside. Waited a few minutes. Couldn't bare it. Peeked back out. Still there. Saw me! Ack. But I did what I'd set out to do (in all honesty): make these boys aware of me, aware that I'm alive. My only hopes hindge soley on that.

BJ drove off, Billy came in with triumph on his face. "That's BJ," he said gently, looking into my eyes. He put his arm around me. On our way upstairs, I started crying. "Aw, what's the matter, babe?" All I could do was sniffle and smile at him. "I know, baby, you're happy. You're just happy." Big hug.


Back in the bedroom, he widened his eyes as if he'd just realized something. "You can be BJ's stepmom." I fell against him and held on for dear life. "Do you mean that? Oh, Billy, I only wish you knew a woman's heart, what that means to me. Do you mean that?"

"Yes!" he said.

I held him longer. "Billy, do you think BJ will think I'm funny?"

He laughed, eyes aglow. "Yes, I do."

BJ was probably wondering about me on the drive up to Berkeley, Billy said. And something else...

Billy was talking in his sleep last night, whispering, after all the excitement had passed. So I whispered back to him, wondering if maybe he'd talk to me like they do in movies. I was right. With his head still turned away, he murmured, "Always fun. You're fun."

"What?" I whispered in the same fashion (a few times).

"All for love. We did good with BJ today. All for love, Aubrey. Just give it your best shot. Promise me."

"Ok," I whispered, "I promise. I love you."


I can't believe it. I'm looking at BJ and Bryan's pictures. Do you know how much your daddy loves me? Do you know how we hold you so close?

He woke up this morning, I said something, and we laughed. I laughed again. I did the same. He laughed again. I did, too. Back and forth.


Edit!... 4:45 PM. I just got out of BRYAN'S car! He gave me a ride home! He's talkative and very friendly... and cute just like his Daddy (very into 50's cars, awww). Now they both know me. BJ and Bryan. Happy day! <3 Corumbahhh!

I'm listening to Thru The Eyes Of Ruby. Forevermore, this song will remind me of Bryan! Oh my gosh. Billy sprung this one on me!
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lookit! [Sep. 14th, 2004|10:29 am]
[feelin' |crappytummy ache]
[listening to |garbage - queer]

My boyfriend bought this for me... it's my new PURSE!

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yaba daba doooo [Sep. 13th, 2004|10:41 pm]
[feelin' |highlit]
[listening to |guns n' roses - paradise city]

I'm fucked up. Everything is hilarious. Billy just pantsed Craig (whom I went to school with) and he turned as red as a beat. Craig put on some funny glasses and chased Faith around goin "booga booga!" Billy was coughing and he looked like Donald Duck. Merlene's ears are so close to her head that she looks like a pit bull when she pulls back her hair (Billy said it, not me!) AHAHA!

Ok I promised Ben I would post a couple cam pics of me in my journal, so here I am:

I'm the apple of my mama's eye!
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God, I love this song! [Sep. 13th, 2004|12:56 pm]
[feelin' |cheerfulmorbid pleasant]
[listening to |the smashing pumpkins - we only come out at night]

"I walk alone, I walk alone to find the way... home..." God, the Pumpkins are the queerest form of genius ever. I love Billy Corgan's sweet voice. Hee hee. Me and Breebers were gonna do an act for the talent show using this sing, but we chickened out. But it would have been brilliant, I tell you.

Moving on. I have never known a companionship such as this. Last night was beautiful, and then this morning... no sooner had we awoke, we were kissing and holding each other and laughing... and then Billy said, "I want to give you something..." I closed my eyes and bit my lip in anticipation, and then, "Ohh," he sighed so affectionately, "...you feel so good. This is good. I love you, Aubrey..." he trailed off in a whisper.

Would you believe I'm crying? Is this what lay waiting for me at the end of this timulchuous road? Never in my life was I expecting something as sweet as this. "Too late to turn back now, I'm running out of sound, and I am changing, changing... and if we died right now, this fool you love somehow... is here with you..."

My heart is spilling over. I feel as though there is enough love to supply the electricity in my apartment for a month- just in this moment alone. And these moments are passing, more and more. It feels so good.

'Stand Inside Your Love' is my favorite song by the Pumpkins. It's playing now, and the hair on my arms is standing on end.

Last night we met up with Kayla and a BUNCH of old friends and smoked some peach and watermelon 'shish in a hookah cafe down my street! Saw EVERYONE I knew there... uh... Mark, Spence, Kait, Nick Voyer, Amber, Nick Langston (!!), Mel. Met Scott and Stephanie, and also chatted with a bunch of people I didn't know. A pretty girl was sitting on her boyfriend's lap, and she had on fairy wings, which I loved. When I announced, "I like your wings!" the biggest smile broke out on her face, and she shouted, "Thank you!!" back to me.

Billy was with me, and for once he was having a really good time. We were talking about bringing Craig down, because Kayla and me went to school with him (Billy's nephew- think about it, hah) and maybe hook 'em up. Hee hee. Then I said, "Billy? These (hookahs) are fuckin' beautiful. We need one."

His face lit up. "Yeah!" And Scott started telling us about the different sizes and shapes, but I liked the size of the hookah we had then. And would you believe this: inside the cafe, there was a painting of Alice & The Caterpillar! I was in hog heaven. "Look, that's going to be my tattoo!" I said. And it is. The man behind the counter was actually kind enough to show me over to the brother of the girl who painted the picture, sitting outside, and he gave me a number and told me a little bit about her. "She paints crazy things," he said. I said, "Perfect!"

Then Scott, ever so stuck on himself, pulled out his lights and started doing all these fancy-shmancy rave moves. "It took me four years to get this good," he said, and I smiled. Though he couldn't see me roll my eyes in the dark, hah.

So then I hugged everyone goodbye, which is when I saw Nick Langston. Wow. It was the sweetest rejoice.

We got in the car, and I told Billy, "We should bring your sons here." and it was another, "Wow! Yeah! BJ would love this kind of thing. I should call him." I am so excited. I can see us now. Yaaaahhh!

I GET TO MEET BJ TODAY, AT LONG LAST!!! Ai ai ai. What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do?!
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