i'm supposed to be writing on this.
so in reference to my last post- every offer my parents have had on the house has fallen through. we're kinda fucked.
other than that festering in the back of my mind (because hey, they could always come and live in my apartment if they needed to!) things have been pretty good recently.
if you dont count the few mental breakdowns that have happened since i got back from winter break. this semester has just been wild. i cant believe all of the things i have done so to make it more tangible i shall list them now (also, making complete sentences is too much work) this is a meager attempt at chronology, bear with me:
-kat came down with me, it was cold, we ate burgers i love burgers, she ripped the spoiler off my car
-boys who say they dont have time for a relationship but then fuck you anyway suck
-held auditions for the play i hadn't finished
-intermittent days of beautiful borderline summer weather but everything else was cold and rainy and shit
-was really sick and miserable for about a week, cried to my mom on the phone, discovered the magic of day/nyquil
-alissa visited valentine's weekend, i pretended like i went to a real college and partied
-walking home from a party i saw an acquaintance who was aptly named "condom chris" after having a condom put on his head during freshman orientation last year
-finished the last scene of my play at 3am one morning while slightly buzzed from the night's now forgotten escapades, still no title
-hosted MICAppella fest with 3 other a cappella groups including an adorable jewish one from johns hopkins that couldnt get to our performance till after sundown since it was shabbat
-"condom chris" cooks me dinner, we kiss
-during all this having rehearsals for my play three times a week and rehearsals for HAIR fives days a week, three hours each
-somehow still getting homework done
-finally title my play
-mom and alissa stay the night before going to college park for an interview, i cry to my mom about being overwhelmed, she leaves brownies, hummus and irish soda bread
-wasabi peas are gods newest gift
-chris likes eating green peppers with ranch dressing, i do too
-sean came to visit during spring break, we ate thai food and he was awkward at a party
-worked in the darkroom and slept during the rest of spring break
-officially started dating chris
-cried in front of my cast when everything went wrong four days before my play went up
-mom dad and justin came to see my play, it was fantastic, we sold out and made $500+ in ticket sales
-dad found out i get naked for HAIR and asked to be warned so he could close his eyes
-accidentally told chris i love him, he accidentally told me back, we've resolved the issue
so thats about it.
so of course im watching tv today at work instead of getting things accomplished. im watching csi because... it's great, whatever. and one of the csi guys gets really overwhelmed with "the job" at the end of the show. backstory: a girl dies for no fault of her own blah blah blah, it was taylor swift who i think was on american idol? so this guy is crying at the end because of how unfair it is and lawrence fishburn is trying to comfort him by saying some comforting things with tears in his own eyes. and then he walks away. i dont know if this is just a guy thing or a professional thing but it just seems so ridiculous to me to walk away at that point. it really made me think about just how self-contained we are as humans. biologically not as self-sufficient as plants, for example, but still- excluding the need to procreate for the survival of the species we dont necessarily need to depend on anyone else. our bodies function on their own fairly well. for me it just solidified the concept of dying alone. that could be a pretty extreme jump but my mind just went there. if we were meant to be dependent on other people- not in a needy way but just in a symbiotic way- there would be something physiologically within out systems that made that happen.
i needed to write this down so i wouldnt forget the thought.
in other news my parents might finally be selling our house! yayay!
in other news things are still hectic at school, spring break in one week, though! my play is performed one week after that!
so i made a resolution to post more but i've been so entirely busy i haven't had a chance to.
some things are slowly but surely being crossed off the resolution list but more about that soon, i promise!
i think about home and the good times we had this winter break often.
spent new year's eve at the reinstein residence. :)
highlight of the night was easily screaming the entire born ruffians album with kat and lauren. lowlight would have to be getting locked in matt's room when the door knob broke while in the closed position and i freaked out for about a half hour. sara, lauren, phil and sara's cousin rescued me.
other than that the new year has been a bit of a drag so far. ive been lazyy and havent even started the play i need to finish by the 26th. fuck fuck fuck. i wish i hadnt volunteered to do this because i think it will suck :(
kenny is leaving tomorrow to go back to albany so we went to huntington and saw doubt and ate crepes. our crepe did not have nearly enough nutella in it but it was still good.
so it's that time again. time for some new year's promises that will most likely be broken but hey- why not try anyway. so before i left school i made a list and here it is, give or take, edited for content...
-keep in touch with friends from home/update lj- not just stalking theirs
-find a new roommate
-resolve issues with: old roommate/boys/friends
-write a play!
-learn sibelius (music arrangement program) and arrange songs for MICAppella
-continue writing/journaling/making lists/filling notebooks
-work on ongoing art pieces/continue thinking about new ones
-learn something new knitting-wise- not just rectangles!
-figure out plans for the summer: israel/france/bmore/li a job?
-have an adventure over break/road trip/some semblance of fun
anyone else have resolutions?
reply with yours!
i wish i had time to stop and think and reflect about all that has happened this summer
but i have to finish packing
i dont want to leave things unresolved but it will end up that way since i insist on putting things off until they are forgotten or build up to something so tremendous that it explodes and i cry and cry and stress myself into a salt water stupor
i feel so empty
i dont have much time any more for live journal entries.
i usually just use this site to find out how my friends are doing. i dont see them that often anymore so it feels good to catch up- even though it's kinda one sided.
if i didnt have to do eleven more sketches for ap art... i would be very ready to go back to school. i miss the normalcy and the structure and having something to do. for the past two weeks i've been sitting around waiting till nightfall to find someone to see and then we proceed to think and think and think if there is anything to do on long island that might be slightly entertaining that doesnt cost much and is nearby but then we realize, night after night, that there is nothing special to do so we end up going over someone's house and b.s.ing until it's time to go home where i then sit in front of the computer for a couple of hours staring at the screen or playing solitaire which is usually the highlight of the night.
although it was crappy out the whole day, it only just started to really rain.
planned on going to the city today but my mom wouldnt let me because of the weather.
friday was the last day of camp. it always seems that it takes approximately the first six weeks of camp for everyone to feel comfortable with eachother. by that time, however, there are only two more weeks of camp before the majority of the people leave for college and you dont see them till the next summer- if they go back at all. so that really sucks. i made some good friends this summer, in the last few weeks. i'll miss them.
after camp i went to my aunt's house in great neck because my cousin was leaving for duke and we had to say goodbye. i'm really happy for him, he seems really excited to be going. before we left my mom cried with my aunt and then she cried on the way home. she said it was a combination of a bunch of things- knowing the oldest cousin/grandchild is leaving, how my grandma isnt here to see it and that i'll be leaving next year. :(
i went to my final park shore party after we got home and it was a good way to say goodbye to everyone, although i doubt many of them remembered much the next morning.
saturday was the boy scout garage sale. my mom and i went to sean's house and sold some crap. i baked cookies and ate the majority of them. lauren came and bought everything in sight :P. the weather was really nice and sean made a good amount of money for his project. sara came right when i was leaving, i havent seen her in a while- i like her geek squad shirt. i stayed home saturday night but didnt pack.
sunday morning my mom and i drove to rhode island to look at RISD. i drove for 2.5 hours in traffic and rain and it was tough. we got there and went out to dinner and walked around. there's this one main street right where brown and risd are where all of the college kids hang out. so we had dinner there, bought some stuff and saw little miss sunshine- the only movie playing in the one theatre movie theatre. my mom and i really liked the movie. after that we went to the creperie and share a crepe. it was very yummy.
the next morning we went back to thayer street and got breakfast. then went to our info meeting and tour of RISD. it was really informative and i really liked the school. they have lots of resources and i wouldnt mind going there at all. after that we drove home. i only drove for about an hour because then i started to freak out and couldnt concentrate anymore.
still trying to get through my summer assignments... fuck.
i've been people watching lately.
i went to two park shore parties (open house parties for park shore staff) this week and i looked around at everyone there and realized some things. one- even if youre not friends with someone during the day at camp, you can be their best friend that night. two- girls dont have to bring alcohol, anywhere. three- being drunk is the perfect excuse. let me elaborate on point number three. i know some park shore people who did some things (most of which they cant remember) while drunk at one of these parties. by the next morning at camp the majority of the staff knows what happened but it's all okay because they were drunk and didnt know what they were doing, or just didnt care. maybe it's okay because they have to be professional and pretend that nothing has happened in front of the kids. but i think it's more that everyone knows that it could happen to them and they want their indiscretions to be treated in the same manner.
it's just great to watch people get silly and loud and then play off their stupidity the next morning. it made me realize that everyone makes mistakes and has regrets.