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I used to always wish I could read minds. Can you imagine how fun that would be? You'd like, know, but the other person wouldn't know that you know. And they'd be so freaked out because you'd be able to, well whatever. Back to the topic. I'm sure everyone reading this knows who I'm going to talk about, so I'm not even going to say his name.
For a long time I wanted to know everything he was thinking, wondered how he felt about me, wondered if he knew how I felt about him. At first I assumed that if he did think about me, it was just some sicko pervy thought that I'd rather not know. But then . . . There are still a lot of things I wish I knew, but I don't think he always knows or understands what he's thinking. It's like, even if I could read his mind I'd probably still be completely confused. (You know, he probably thinks in that word salad language, which would explain why he started talking that way. Hmm. Hopefully Denny is taking good care of him)
But anyway, the other day after my trial I stopped wondering. It was like I suddenly just knew. When I looked at him and asked him to celebrate with me, I knew he wouldn't, that he couldn't. And the weird thing is I completely completely understood why he wouldn't or couldn't, and I'm not hurt by it at all - for some reason I actually feel complimented - but it does make me sad for him, in ways I can't explain. I guess the reason a lot of people don't say what they are thinking is because sometimes it is impossible to verbalize. I couldn't explain what exactly happened after the trial to an outsider, but I just know that when he asked me to stop, but then didn't stop me everything suddenly made sense. There are certain things and certain feelings which aren't meant to be put into words. They can't be. I guess that's why I kissed him. I knew he would totally get it, and then neither of us would have to explain anything or discuss it further. Plus, I knew a kiss was all I was going to get.
My grandfather would've liked him.