I’m so glad you asked! Right now I feel happier than I’ve felt in months. Partly because I smashed a window, which felt a lot better than I ever could have imagined, but mainly because my wonderful boss Alan has rescued me from the totally f**ked up credit card people and gotten my financial life back on track. Without these enormous monthly payments, I’ll actually be able to start shopping again, which is a relief because I needed a new pair of shoes to match my hair binder thingy.
That really was the lowest depths I’ve ever sunk to. I would seriously rather die than go to a jail cell again. That was the most disgusting degrading thing I’ve ever been subjected to. How could they have put me in there with those horrible women? Couldn’t they see I different from them? They should have special cells for people like me, who are being arrested for reasons which aren’t even their fault. Thank God Alan came, although I didn’t really appreciate his “I’ll take the blonde” comment, or his disturbingly familiar rapport with that other slut-chick he’s apparently friends with. What was that about?
Oh well, the point is, it’s over. And the other point is I love how Alan defended me in the meeting with the white-toothed Texas jerk. He did look sexy doing it. And I told him so. Watching him take that guy down kind of makes me wish I was still on Night Terror Duty. Maybe it was hypocritical for me to tell him I thought he was sexy, after I made up that elaborate contract preventing Alan from making any kind of comment about my appearance. Hmm. I didn’t think of that. Oh well, I say what I say. Now, where’s my Pottery Barrel catalog . . .