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4/24/08 12:06 pm - Hello old friend : )

It’s has been an amazingly long time since I’ve put an entry in here. It has probably been assumed that I have forgotten about this journal all together. It’s not that as much as I have rekindled my love for handwriting in journals. There is something very soothing about being able to have your thoughts and feelings tangible in your hands. I also like to attach pictures, post cards, notes, etc to my journal to help capture what’s going on in my life.

It would be a huge task to attempt to update this journal from the time I last wrote to this day. So I am not going to do that. I am just going to pick up as if I was never away. Who knows.. this might get old again in a week or two and I stop writing.

I never thought a year ago that I would be in DC today. DC is exciting… fast paced, center of the world, powerful and beautiful people everywhere. Its just,not home yet. The people are so much more standoffish than anywhere else I have lived. I have become a habitual dater, partly because of my fear of serious relationships, and partly because everyone here has some sort of major issue that makes a relationship complicated/impossible/sure to end in heart ache. I have been to cool restaurants and bars, but there are so many that it has become impossible to find that one "favorite" hang out that you feel comfortable in. I have made friends, but they are all going to be leaving within the next year. One was involuntarily recalled to the marines, one is going to move to LA or London to try to become big in the acting-world, another is going to move back to North Carolina as soon as her lease is up. The city seems very transient and never restful. How am I to become settled in a city that never settles?

I love my job, and every day I realize how fantastically lucky I am to have it. As time goes on I learn more and more how coveted my position is. They never hire new people, and those that they do consider must have at least 10 years experience in the real world. It seems as if my career has gone backwards in a way. I have started at the top, and I missed all those things along the way that most lawyers get to experience. When I decide I want to become a trial lawyer and get into the court room, I will be swapping places with the trial lawyers who are sick of the court room and who would die to have my cushy 9-5 position. Sometimes I feel like my title, “Honor Attorney”, is misleading. Everyone here knows that I beat out thousands of applicants, and everyone here knows that I was chosen over ivy league law students. So with that knowledge comes expectations. I think they expect me to be some sort of Olympian employment law attorney. While I think I am performing well and I have received great feedback, I can’t help but wonder if I deserve the “Honor” in the “Honor Attorney” title.

12/12/06 01:03 pm - and the funnyness continues....

Dictator Slays Millions In Last-Minute Push To Be Time's Man Of The Year

Than Shwe has racked up an impressive list of horrors:

Executed 2,000 soldiers for failing to execute child laborers properly
Placed entire country under house arrest and rape
Nearly beat activist Aung San Suu Kyi to death with her Nobel Peace Prize

Read more...Collapse )

12/10/06 10:54 am

I had a great weekend :)

I suggest everyone have a great weekend every now and then....

12/8/06 10:12 pm

Bush Admin condenses Bill of Rights down to six...

Read more...Collapse )

12/8/06 10:58 am

12/7/06 10:48 pm

I passed my MPRE (Multi-state Professional Responsibility Exam)

I mean... I REALLY REALLY passed :-D

In all 50 states :)

OK so its a hell of a lot easier than the Bar exam, and 75% of everyone who takes it passes in at least some states... but it still feels good to have it done and behind me.

12/5/06 11:49 am - yeah so I posted alot tonight :)

"Nobody wants to see your baby factory"

12/5/06 11:21 am - I thought it was gonna say 40 or something...

You Are 28 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
What Age Do You Act?

12/5/06 10:55 am

I did this survey last night comparing where you are now to ten years ago. You can see the survey on my Myspace Blog at http://www.myspace.com/melissabrand but you gotta friend me because my profile is set to private.

Anyway, at the end of the survey it asked if I was where I imagined I would be ten years ago. I thought about this question alot today. The odd thing is, I am not exactly sure how my 1996 self imagined my 2006 self.

At that time, I was dating boys like crazy. There was the drama with Ryan Koenig and George Struble. I think I probably held onto some childhood fantasy notion that I'd end up marrying George. He was my first everything, and I loved him in that immature way that you can only look back and laugh at. Teenage love is so dramatic and emotional... one minute you are on top of the world, and the next it feels like the world is ending. It was such a rickety roller coaster, and yet so exciting at the same time. Kinda like that wooden roller coaster at Six Flags that you just KNOW is going to break and fall one day, yet you keep finding yourself waiting on the line to ride it.

I'm not quite sure of what I wanted to be in 2006 career wise. This has always been an insecurity for me. All my life my father said "you want to be a doctor or a lawyer when you grown up." I remember coming home from high school after an excellent day of being a peer leader and saying that I'd love to be a teacher and help children who really need help because I thought I had an excellent ability to connect with them. He responded, "That's nice. But you really want to be a doctor or a lawyer." It, in a way, was kind of like reverse feminism. Back in the day, women had no choice but to be a stay at home mom, maybe a nurse. For me, I felt like I had no choice but to be a doctor or a lawyer. This always really bothered my mom, because she really honestly wanted me to be whatever I wanted to be. My father, on the other hand, always wanted me to be what he wanted me to be. Any arguments otherwise would certainly result in that "I am so dissapointed in you" look.

So this is why I thought about that question so much today. Ten years ago, did I imagine myself following my fathers goals, or following my own? If it was the latter, what were my goals? Did I have dreams of being a teacher, or a kayak instructor, or a deep sea fisherman? What would my life be like now had I had defied my fathers dreams and created my own? Would I be as happy with life as I am now? Could it be possible that I'd be even happier? Why didn't I stand up for my dreams? Was it just easier for me to submit to my father?

At some point, my goals and my fathers meshed into one, and that is where I am in 2006. Yes, he may have pushed me into law and made me feel as if I wouldn't be good enough unless I went into the legal profession, but I totally chose what to do with it from there. He had no control over what type of law I enjoyed, or what type of law I focused on. That was all me. I chose a type of law where I will be helping an insurmountable amount of people. I will be doing good things, and standing up for things I truely believe in. Those are my goals. Those are my dreams. Not my fathers. And I am already doing great things and helping people.. more than I thought was possible for a law student. And those are my accomplishments, not my fathers.

So even if ten years ago I imagined my life in 2006 as being married with children, owning a two story house with a white picket fence, and me spending my days as a history school teacher.... I don't think things turned out so bad for me. I'm happy and I'm doing wonderful things to help people who really need it. And that should be enough to make my 1996 self proud.

12/5/06 09:47 am - Lying

Thinking back to a time when you lied to someone, what was your main motivation for doing so? In the long run, who did it hurt most: the person being told the lie or yourself, the person who was telling the lie?
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