Desert Rose

Reposting the annual Christmas story

I am slowly trying to put my fanfic into what is one of the best-known multi-fandom archives -- Archive of our Own, often styled as Ao3.

This is "Magi," which I envisioned more than 20 years ago, wrote the draft for 19 3/4 years ago, and which has had two significant revisions since then.

The seed of the plot — both the inciting incident and its aftermath — is loosely based on a real-life crime that occurred locally some 30 years ago. It's written in the form of a script for the show Angel but is only half as long as it would need to be, were it an actual script for that hourlong show.

Desert Rose

Posting this today as it's twice timely

First, today is Labor Day currently in the United States, and that national holiday figures directly into my concept for a suitable ending to my current favorite television show, Supernatural. It is also timely because, as of this posting, SPN's cast/crew are up in Canada wrapping up the shooting of the last episode ever.

So, here is my personal vision for concluding SPN, presented a month before the last episodes of Season 15 start airing Oct. 8 and obviously before the finale, “Carry On,” set for Nov. 19.

This is what I think could happen, based on my own understanding of the show plus my literal reading of the show's unofficial theme song referred to in the title of that episode. 

“Carry On” is obviously a nod to "Carry On Wayward Son," the well-known tune from the rock group Kansas. (SPN's protagonists, brothers Sam and Dean Winchester, were born in Kansas and have lived there nearly continuously for the second half of the series.)

The song’s chorus is as follows: "Carry on, my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more."

So . . .  here is my idea . . . 

Sam and Dean, with assistance from whichever allies are still alive and in Earth dimension at that point, vanquish all (or at least most) of all paranormal evil on Earth. (This makes sense in my head – after all, ask yourself . . . when was the last time you personally saw a wendigo, kitsune, gorgon, djinn, or even a vampire, werewolf, ghoul or ghost?)

In the process, however, Sam and Dean make the ultimate sacrifice – and this time it finally sticks. Billie/Death herself comes for them, assuring them that this is not a punishment but a reward. As they ascend with her to Heaven, their last view is that of the wooden table in their bunker home, which now has the initials JW carved into it, presumably for their father John Winchester, alongside the extant MW (their mother Mary Winchester), SW and DW. 

(We already are aware, from an episode in Season 14, that John and Mary are together and happy in Heaven.)

Meanwhile, back on Earth, because bodies no longer need to be salted-and burned to keep them dead, the surviving hunters give a traditional Western-style burial to Sam and Dean (complete with headstones giving their birth dates and death dates), next to John and Mary in the cemetery. The friends vow to meet there annually to keep all four Winchester grave sites tidy.


PAN IN on a pleasant backyard outside a typical suburban Midwestern home. We see two BOYS, one aged about 5, the other apparently around 9. They are playfully wrestling together on the lawn. In the distance we can see a man and a woman in their 30s setting a picnic table on a patio near the house itself.

A newspaper section blows into the yard near the children. The YOUNGER BOY lets go of the older one, picks it up and reads aloud the banner headline at the top.


Happy Labor Day 1988 from the Kansas City Star!


Hey, that's good reading! I'm proud of you!


And it will be even better as soon as I start kindergarten tomorrow.


You WOULD be excited for school!


I think I hear Mom and Dad calling us to the patio for dinner.


Yay! Mom promised us meatloaf AND pie! I'll race you there!



Desert Rose

Two gen fanfic recs . . . yes, I said gen . . .

Yes, I DO read gen (and I have even written it on occasion). Just saying.

I spent a few enjoyable hours yesterday reading these two longish gen stories in two different fandoms. Here you will find  interesting storylines, good writing, some plot-necessary descriptions of injuries with various causes, no sex whatsoever, and only G-rated platonic affection between males as appropriate.

The Sentinel fandom, Jim PoV: What if Blair had been in NYC on 9/11?


Supernatural fandom, Sam PoV: What if Sam and Dean had met later in life?

Desert Rose

Some things cannot be fixed

I just came across this, a quote from Megan Devine, author of It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

“Some things cannot be fixed; they can only be carried. Grief like yours, love like yours, can only be carried.

"Survival in grief, even eventually building a new life alongside grief, comes with the willingness to bear witness, both to yourself and to the others who find themselves inside this life they didn’t see coming. Together, we create real hope for ourselves, and for one another. We need each other to survive.

"I wish this for you: to find the people you belong with, the ones who will see your pain, companion you, hold you close, even as the heavy lifting of grief is yours alone. As hard as they may seem to find at times, your community is out there. Look
for them. Collect them. Knit them into a vast flotilla of light that can hold you.”

Desert Rose

knowing when to quit (temporarily)

So, today I am tired. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. 

In the past few days, there has been way too much drama, too many family/friends sick/injured, too many telephone calls, too many details, too much responsibility.

And, really, generally speaking, I rock responsibility like a rocking thing.

But today I just can't. I'm so tired that I feel like crying, just like any of the toddlers I used to care for. So I have decided that the rational, mature thing to do is to ignore the pile of work just for the rest of the afternoon/evening.

I'm sending myself to nap time, or, at least, quiet time.

There will be more than enough work/stress starting tomorrow morning.

Desert Rose

Re-posting in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month

This is an updated/edited version of what was one of the first entries I ever made when I joined LJ some 15 years ago. For the sake of all who struggle and all who love them, I feel that it is worth posting again. I see you all, and I care about you.

Buffy and Angel Can Save Your Life

The worldwide pandemic and its attendant social isolation has some in the English-speaking world so concerned about the often-resulting anxiety, depression, and overall mental illness – and its worst consequence, suicide – that in Great Britain, half-a-million people have undergone suicide awareness training.

That hasn’t happened yet in the United States of America, but perhaps it should.

The youth suicide rate in the United States — 14.6 per 100,000 — is the highest since tracking began in 1960. The rate at which young Americans killed themselves reached a peak in 2017, the most recent year for which solid data is available, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association.

In that year alone, suicide claimed the lives of 5,016 males and 1,225 females between the ages of 15 and 25.

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Desert Rose

Sam and Dean are orphans; now I am, too

And it's a really tough place to be.

I just watched the re-run of the Supernatural episode "Game Night" — Season 14 Episode 17 -- which originally aired exactly one year before I became an orphan. I had never before seen it, because I did not even start watching SPN until a few weeks ago. At the very end, the brothers' previously resurrected mother died for the second and final time due to a quasi-celestial accident.

As a veteran of the "family business" of "saving people and hunting things," Mary Winchester got a traditional hunter funeral (cremation on a pyre) and, later on, a proper wake with dozens of friends back in "the bunker," the family home.

However, here in the real world, because of the pandemic, we were unable to have much of a funeral, and certainly not a wake. The best I will be able to do is maybe an unveiling next year, if the pandemic is over by then and my personal circumstances permit.

Moreover, due to greedy ex-in-laws who live to file lawsuits, I cannot be completely public about my loss . . . which is why I am writing this "news" only vaguely, in blog form, under a pseudonym, and still with some trepidation. 

Especially given all of the above, watching the show gives me great comfort.

According to the subsequent episodes, the Winchester parents are happy together in Heaven.

I want to believe that mine are, as well.

In fact, in order not to go completely crazy, I HAVE to.

Desert Rose

This is my first SPN fanfic . . .

. . . and it IS guy-guy romance, so you HAVE been warned . . . 

Educational by Mazal HaMidbar

Fandom:  Supernatural

Genre: M/M

Pairing: Castiel/Dean

Rating: R

Category: First Times

Story: Addiction, love, pophumor, music, promises, seduction, sexual healing — what’s not to like?

Note: You may wish to look up the lyrics of the four songs mentioned . . . in order, “A Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action,” “We’ve Got Tonight,” “Addicted to Love,” and “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, and no money made. This is for entertainment only.

Word Count: 1,631

Another Saturday evening at home, another night of passing out drunk for Dean. Castiel’s favorite human claimed to have consumed his first beer at age 9 and apparently had never stopped imbibing in the ensuing three decades. Dean had once estimated his typical weekly intake “in the mid-50s,” or an average of eight doses per day — habituation to a toxicity rate twice that considered alarming for anybody. 

From the vantage point of Heaven, Castiel had had millennia to observe that alcohol was historically civilization’s imperfect antidote to emotional, physical and spiritual anguish . . . and Dean had been on intimate terms with those all his life; Castiel knew that he bore some responsibility for that damage but tried not to let that guilt deter him from one day becoming a guardian truly worthy of his charge.

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Desert Rose

My personal vision for the end of "SPN"

OK, this is NOT a spoiler, as I have no contacts whatsoever with the television show "Supernatural" ending this year after 15 seasons nor with anyone who works there nor with any other fen (other than over these interwebz).

This came to me all at once in the middle of the night last night.

It is simply what I think the ending could be/should be, based on my understanding of canon and my literal reading of the show's unofficial theme song, referenced in the apparent title of the final episode" "Carry On."

"There'll be peace when you are done. 

Lay your weary head to rest.

 Don't you cry no more."

On the other hand . . .  I essentially called the ending of "Game of Thrones" years before it happened — and, unlike most other fen, I was thrilled with it.

So, in the last few episodes of SPN, "Team Free Will" (Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack) with assistance from Crowley, Rowena and other frequent allies, vanquish all paranormal evil on Earth — and also put an end to human-based baddies in the shape of the British Men of Letters.

Sam and Dean make the ultimate sacrifice. Billie the Reaper comes for them, reminding them that she had previously told them that their next deaths would be their final ones, and that it is her responsibility to ensure that they stay dead.

She tells them that this is not in any way a punishment — rather, it is a reward.

As they ascend to Heaven, their last Earthly view is that the table in the bunker now has the initials JW carved into it, alongside the extant MW, DW and SW.

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