Honestly, why on Earth am I still awake?

I've had this idea for a tattoo for a few months now, and I still want it.

I know I'll never get it....
  • Current Mood
    groggy groggy


My 21st birthday was amazing. James surprised me with a trip into the city for dinner. After making me walk around for 9 years pretending not to know where it is, we go and I am surprised by all of my favorite people! They gave me some nice things and we ate, went to Magnolia's and got some cupcakes and went back to James' dorm where we partied our little hearts away. Woke up this morning and ate more cupcakes, ate a big breakfast, and then played flipcup randomly at 2 in the afternoon. Then we all got on the train together to come back home.

I feel like an idiot for forgetting how loved I am sometimes. It was the first birthday of my whole life that I can remember being happy on...usually I wind up sad at some point of it, but not this one! And every one of my friends is a sneaky trickster...I WAS SO DECEIVED.

I am very tired and lonely now, though....
  • Current Music
    random tunes


It is such an unbelievable relief to be home. I love it. I don't, however, love seeing my boyfriend just as much as I do at school (meaning, not a lot). Meh.

I need to learn to handle my procrastination, because it is Christmas Eve and I still have a few things to do. =\

Pretty much I am just being bored waiting for James (again) and trying to busy myself in the meantime.

Merry Christmas, kids. Hope Santa brings you nice things =]
  • Current Music
    christmas tunes!


I don't know if I can make it til Thursday. My roommate is driving me up a fucking wall to the point where I feel like I am going to snap at any moment (c'mon guys, everyone knows I'm the most tolerant person of annoyingness EVER, pretty you know it's bad). I finished my 10 page lab report in 2.5 hours...though I thought it was going to take me twice as long so I'm really happy about that. I still have a 9 page paper to write for Wednesday and a final on THursday AND THEN I AM GOING HOME.

I cannot wait at all at all at all. I just want to go home and be able to see my boyfriend and give people Christmas presents and party on New Years and enjoy my birthday!

As of right now, I am surprisingly not as stressed as I usually am. I think because I was able to knock out my paper so quickly and hopefully I can do it again tomorrow.

  • Current Music
    Mute Math


So, I smashed my head on my bed post taking off my shoes.
Don't ask how this happened.

I now have a HUGE bruise/lump on my forehead.....Apparently I'm actually part unicorn.
It used to be small (but still insanely noticeable) with a nice red scratch in the center.
Now it is twice the size and goes from my eyebrow to the middle of my head and is seriously the size of an egg.
It still has the scratch in the middle and it becoming more of a purple hue.

Well, tomorrow should be embarrassing.....

I can't believe myself sometimes.
  • Current Music
    Coffee Shop x Landon Pigg


My roommate has been talking on the phone for 5 hours. FIVE. I maybe could tolerate this if "talking" did not equate YELLING with intermittent maniacal (annoying-as-hell) laughter. In addition, the television has also been blasting a random mix of Tila Tequila, MTVU, BET, and Comedy Central.

Also, I was doing a paper but does she care about this? No. Of course not. Things only quiet down when SHE has shit to do, it doesn't matter what I'm doing.

Usually her boyfriend does not call until midnight. I go to bed somewhere between 12:30-1:30, so obviously this is not convenient for me. She doesn't even attempt to be quiet while I'm trying to sleep. Nor does she lower the television or shut off any lights. Meanwhile, I pretty much get dressed in the dark in the morning so I don't wake her up.

Honestly, why do I get shitty roommates. She's a really nice girl so I feel bad saying that. I like her but she's pretty inconsiderate and kind of annoying.
  • Current Music
    The Shins


I am currently very stressed because I have something due every day for the next week. And by "something due" I mean something that requires a fair amount of time and is pretty important. This sucks.

To graduate, I only need 21.5 more credits, all of which will be fulfilled by my leftover requirements. However, I have to be here for the next 3 semesters and will wind up with a minor I don't particularly want and an internship that I really, really do. Smooth sailing for me for the next year and a half! =]

I can feel things beginning to slip and it is highly unnerving.

I have a lab report to be getting back to...
  • Current Music
    The Weakerthans


I bought a new journal yesterday, I am happy to have that outlet back. It is pretty and kind of thin so I'm hoping that I will be able to finish this one (I never finished my old was a monster!). I was thinking about how the unfinished-ness of my old journal kind of bothers me...but then I realized that the person that wrote in it isn't the same person I am now. I've passed that chapter so I guess, in that way, the journal is finished. I couldn't write in it anymore, it wouldn't feel right.

I've realized that, during the week, "missing" James is...there but in a mild watered-down kind of way. We talk everyday and I know that, come Friday, I will be able to see him. It's the weeks where I have to stay the weekends (like this one) that it really starts getting at me. Especially if he is at home (where I want to be, too!).

I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving and, even more, for this semester to be over. Despite the fact that this semester has been way better than any other in my college career (ie: I don't hate it so much) it's still wearing on me and I'm slowly getting sick of it.

I was reading my journals from 2003 and 2004's so weird how much I have changed. Most of the change I feel occurred within the past year or so, it's really weird. It was also weird to see all the people that have come in and out of my life.

  • Current Music
    Hello Helicopter x Motion City Soundtrack


I've been feeling really weird the past few days. Sometimes I can feel my insides take the fetal position and crawl so far into themselves they turn inside out. I feel disconnected from everything, and I'm not sad, really, just...distant. I'm laughing and smiling and happy, but in the same breath I can say that there is something wrong that I can't quite put my finger on. I want to call it fear, but I can't be sure. In any case, I don't know why it's there or where it came from. So I just keep laughing, keeping it all at bay, but I can feel it pressing on my ribs. Uncomfortable pressure. I wait and beg for some time to just spend alone, and when I get it I become extraordinarily lonely.

I'm hoping it's just the season.
  • Current Music
    John Mayer


So, my wonderful and insanely cute boyfriend made a mix cd. It is probably the best ever. It is all jazz tunes and songs from the 60s and is seriously the most amazing thing ever. It makes me smile so much that I sometimes start giggling for no good reason when I listen to it.

I am a lucky girl, no lie.
  • Current Music
    currently Do You Want To Know A Secret x The Beatles but really the whole cd....