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When I die ... [entries|friends|calendar]
... smile for me

don't shed a tear
... in my memory ...
and when it rains
. remember me .
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• kiss the rain •

[15 Dec 2006|12:00am]
[ mood | enraged ]


chicken shit
cock sucker
fuck head
ass fuck
shit face
duche bag

he thinks he's so perfect just because he doesn't know the fucking definition of CHEATING ... going out with another girl while you are dating = CHEATING dumb FUCK

I can't even be sad. I actually thought it was me but no he's just a DUMB ASS who fall in love with any pair of legs that is around at the moment. AND HE IS TOO STUPID TO REALISE WHAT FUCK ASS HE IS. That is the PATHETIC thing is he thinks he's PERFECT...



You will NOT make me feel guilty for being mad, you will NOT make me seem paranoid. YOU WILL NOT! I am NOT the one to blame. IT WAS YOUR COCK SUCKING FACE...

A large part of me is glad to be out of it. I was so fucking in love with him I didn't realize what a fucking selfish shit head he was. So day I will find someone who actually gives a SHIT how I feel ... not just how fucking CHICKEN he is. . . 

I can't wait to fucking get face to face with him. I swear I'm going to beat his fucking ass. The funny thing is so many people HATE him because of everything. FUCK HIM it's his stupid ass fault FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

now i can stay in california ... take photo classes and modern dance! go to europe with me roomie!!!! 

I'm going to reread all the harry potter books
I'm going to read the DiVinci code
I'm going to exercise my ASS off til I am fucking amazing!
I'm going to study spanish 
I'm going to practice/fix my flute
I'm going to try writing again : /
I'm going to get my hair CHOPPED!! HAHAHA perhaps dyed... that depends ... I'm afraid to damage it anymore than I already have
hmmm what else!! ... 
I could throw a campaign against cheating duchebag boyfriends
Hmm... burn some photos
Shovel snooooow
Make a snow man with Gail and Nick if he's around!!
knit another blanket!!!
And watch lots of boy bash movies!!

... I can't start flirting til I get back at Chapman... can't get into another long distance relationship ...
Not that I'll get into a relationship yet, first I need to just sleep with a few guys on rebound
Then go through a short solo phase
Then I can finally chase after the DAMN hot guys at Chapman.

Alison says I should found a guy who's thinking of turning gay and turn him straight with my amazingness! lmfao... there is this REALLY hot gay guy... but I think he's already pretty gay, damn. Guys always steal the good guys!! lmfao. Girl's get stuck with cheating pigs who don't know when they are even cheating ... 

I promise I will slap him next time I see him... he really needs it. 

and I wish the hoe who is Megan the best of love with that fuck head 


• kiss the rain •

[26 Sep 2006|11:11pm]
!!itchy!itchy!! effing itchy

gawd the government is screwed to all fuck!! ... the president enforces the law, and the courts interpret so wtf are they doing giving BUSH the leave to interpret!!! 

...quote of the year! If a man is beaten to a pulp in a sound proof room and he screams, does he make a sound???

What is torture? Is putting a leech on an eye torture?

Well yes I guess

WRONG ... It's a scene from Jackass 2 ...

ahh I love the Daily Show

• 1 xox • | • kiss the rain •

[02 Sep 2006|08:16pm]
I'm totally happy... yet fully pissed ... but still awesomely happy!!

Ate's flute WAS broken... I was playing it and I noticed all the B flats were off key ... and I still couldn't get out the damn F's ... so I looked again and finally realized one of the damn bars is actually broken at one of the breaks... like it's not connected so one of the keys doesn't always go down the whole way!

I don't suck at flute it was the flute!!!

Now I just got to go get it fixed which will cost money... 

if you read this Lyn... how much do you think it will cost??? any clue...

• kiss the rain •

[15 Aug 2006|10:07am]
FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK... okay yea bad mood obviously ... but I have to check something really quick I'll explain in a sec...

• kiss the rain •

[22 Jun 2006|10:06am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

2 years... and all I can do is nothing

• kiss the rain •

[02 Jun 2006|05:20pm]
[ mood | pissy as all fuck ]

this would all be a hell of a lot easier if everything wasn't happening right before graduation. I can now look back at this month of my life when i'm thirty and say wow that was the worst fucking few weeks of my life...

• kiss the rain •

[06 Feb 2006|09:35pm]
omg ... so yea ghost encounter in wes's car ... we had gotten home from the tim after ToDaY and we stopped the car and he finally turned on the ipod and instead of music it started like zapping and beeping and creepy breathing/slurping noises and craziness!! it was freaking creepy. like seriously wish i could have recorded it cause it was insane sounding ... it sounded like aliens but wes thinks ghosts ... creeeeeepy!!! lol i think we picked up a freaking ghost from the collingwood art center.

• kiss the rain •

[29 Jan 2006|10:42pm]
first X is me, second is Wes lol

Have you ever...

(xx) played Spin the Bottle
(xx)Toilet Papered someone's house
(--)Played Strip Poker
(--) fell in pool drunk
(-x) Skinny-dipped
(xx) Been tickled so hard you couldn't talk
(xx) Liked someone but never told them
(xx) Went camping
(xx)Had a crush on your brother's/sister's friend
(xx) Had a crush on your friend's brother/sister.
(xx) Walk in the rain without an umbrella (You mean like at CP? YEAO!) … to Cagney’s
(xx) Been in a talent show
(xx)Worn something your mom or dad didn't approve of
(xx) Been to a beach
(--) Drank jack Daniels
(xx) Cursed in a church/temple/mosque....etc.
(xx)Burnt yourself with a curling iron/straightener
(xx) Wanted to be a police officer (believe it or not, there was a time)
(--) bought lottery tickets
(xx) cried during a movie
(xx) Wanted something you couldn't have
(-x) Seen someone shoplift
(x-) Hung up on someone
(xx) Yelled at your pet
(x-) Yelled at your TV
(xx) Gotten seasick
(xx) Had a stalker
(xx) Been embarrassed by one of your family members
(xx) Been to an island
(xx) Screamed at the top of your lungs just to scream
(xx) Wished a part of you was different.
(xx) Asked a guy/girl to dance.
(xx) Laughed so hard you cried
(x-) laughed so hard you almost peed...
(xx) Went up to a complete stranger and started talking
(-x) Been sun burnt
(-x) Threw up in school
(-x) received an anonymous love letter
(xx) Had to wear something you didn’t want to
(-x) Been in a commercial on TV
(xx) Been out of the country
(xx) Been honked at by some guy/girl when you were walking down the sidewalk
(-x) Won at pool (many a time)
(--) Cheated on your bf/gf
(-~) been cheated on
(x~) Tanned
(x-) Been searched in an airport
(xx) been on a plane (I've been on many, I like old war planes, but I've never flown)
(xx) Thrown a shoe at someone
(xx) Sung in the shower
(xx) done something really stupid, about which you still laugh
(xx) Been walked in on when you were dressing...and undressing
(--) ran out of a movie theater because you were to0 scared to finish the movie
(xx) been mean to someone then instantly wanted to take it back
(--)Been given a detention on the worst day that you could get one
(--) Done something stupid when you were drinking
(--) fell off your roof
(--) had a deer jump in front of your car
(xx) Played an instrument
(~x) been in a band
(xx) Sang in front of over 250 people

Now for some questions asking what you can do...

Can you...
(-x)unwrap a starburst with your tongue
(xx) Open your eyes underwater
(-x) Ice skate
(xx) Sing in front of a crowd
(xx) be a meanie at times
(-x) Do thirty pull ups
(--) Eat super spicy foods
(-x) Touch your nose with your tongue
(xx) Fall asleep easily in the car
(--) Surf
(~~) fit in your locker

Now here's just some random questions!...

(xx) Slept for more than 12 hours
(--) missed a week of school or more
(x-) Put chap stick on more than 5 times in an hour
(--) Created a myspace survey
(--) Eaten a worm
(xx) Jumped on a trampoline
(--) Ridden a unicycle
(xx) Done something special for someone else....
(--) Paid more than $50 for food at a fast food restaurant
(--)got caught for cheating on a test
(xx) have you cheated on a test
(xx)Talked on the phone while going to the bathroom
(xx) Brushed your teeth while on the phone
(xx) Written a poem
(-x)randomly called people out of a phone book
(x-) Been on a yacht
(xx) Lied to a friend to make them feel better
(--) had your pants rip while out in public BIIG time
(xx) Killed an animal
(--) Been prescribed to 3 or more medications by a doctor
(x-)Used your friends razor without them knowing
(xx) Been ashamed of a decision you made
(x-)worked for a family member
(xx) Been to a rock concert
(xx) Gotten away with a lie to your parents
(--) Been dumped the night of a dance and left with out a date
(xx) had to admit you are wrong
(xx) Ridden on a shopping cart
(xx)danced in a Mini Mart
(xx) Worn a tiara
(xx) Been in a play
(xx)gone to church or temple more than 2 times in a week
(-x) copied more than 30 CD's in a day
(-x) Made a movie
(xx) Dressed "gothic"
(xx) Worn 2 or more layers of clothing
(xx) Been to California
(--) Lived on a house boat
(xx) Sat in a doctors office with a friend
(xx) Run across 5 lanes of traffic
(xx) Made fish lips
(xx) Taken pictures of a stranger
(-x) Been to Busch Gardens
(-x) made a public speech
(xx) Been on television
(~~) Choreographed a dance
(xx) Had fun at work/school
(xx) Watched a movie/TV Show so often you could quote almost every word
(xx) Kept something from a past relationship
(xx) Given someone else flowers
(xx) Taken a foreign language
(x-) Gotten to school at 6:30 in the morning
(xx) Laughed for no apparent reason

^ Second x is WES cause he has SEX with TEACHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• kiss the rain •

[13 Jan 2006|03:32pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

bah ha! hahahaha bwahahahaha bwahaha muwahahahaha ha ha...

• kiss the rain •

[19 Dec 2005|09:57pm]
:shoots self:

• kiss the rain •

[18 Dec 2005|11:19pm]
all i want is a way out...

• 1 xox • | • kiss the rain •

[11 Dec 2005|02:05am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

tell me what you think ... btw it is like 2am so they probably are horrible crappy with a million typos so deal with it i'll edit them in the ...later morning... they were for senior comp we are supposed to write short short stories which tell a lot ... so do they lmfao?

The Pianist

It was sitting there, silent and sturdy. Its polished white surface gleamed in the sunlight which came through the open den window. Her father’s booming voice drifted in on the breeze. Perhaps he was talking to a passing neighbor or one of the many visitors who had come by the house to pay their regards. For a few seconds she stood there just staring at the great legged box, completely ignoring her father. In that small amount of time she seemed to come to a resolution and her eyes snapped to attention.

It only took a few of her small strides for Mary to cross the room, the young girl’s saddle shoes padding across the well worn carpet. She stopped in front of the wooden structure, gazing down at it in awe. Slowly she reached her hands down and ran a finger tip across the surface, and catching her slim finger beneath the lip of the wood, she lifted the lid which kept the magic within the box hidden.

Her lips twisted in a smile and she peered down at the glowing black and white keys. Hungrily her fingers flew across the keys, barely grazing the cool surface of every one, before her hands came to rest in front of her.

Slowly she let the weight of her hands press the down the keys—nothing. She pushed hard, her fingers angrily tapping the white surface. The silence pressed in around her. Frustrated she slammed her small hands down onto the keys. Over and over they crashed down onto the magic box, the one her mother had sat at almost every night, enraptured by some sort of spell, hands moving gracefully and body swaying. Yet, here she was, but the magic was gone as if it had fled from a stranger’s touch.

She opened her mouth in frustration, but the screams she tried to convey fell silent. It penetrated even her mind. She didn’t hear her father in the doorway, his breath uneven from the run inside. She didn’t turned to see him, looking down at her in a weird glaring sort of way before turned back and walking away to talk with the man waiting impatiently outside. And he did not see his daughter slump defeated onto the piano in silent sobs.


The books were all lined up, just as they had been two year before and just as they would probably be two years from today. He knew it, but he did not want to change it. So much had changed around the shelves, but they seemed content frozen in time like a memorial. Perhaps the only thing that had been added to the oak bookshelves was her picture, set haphazardly in the corner without even a frame. It didn’t need a frame; such an item would only take away from the beauty of the photograph which he had come to love in the last year of staring at it from his piled work desk.

Today he sat, papers scattered around him, but his attention was not on the computer screen in front of him, but instead on her picture. Arms flung wide with a red rose in her hand, she stood proudly in her black robes and flat hat, the yellow tassel tucked to the right. The thing that struck him the most was her smile, radiant and proud, like nothing in the world could have stopped her. Studied and graduated, she was ready to take on the world with him beside her and she would be the best therapist ever; she would save the world. She became so wrapped up in being superwoman for everyone else, she forgot about saving herself. It would take a year for the disease to completely take over, and he watched it every step of the way, waiting for something to change. They tried hard to be the family they wanted; they bought a house, got a dog, pretended things were fine.

A tear fell onto his hand and he quickly turned away from the picture, roughly brushing off his hand. In the other room he heard Rudy growl and he let out of small huff trying to ignore the dog which was now prancing around in circles around the room. Frustrated he turned back to the screen. With a few clicks he highlighted the entirety of the typing on the screen and deleted it. Smiling he stood up from the computer and stooped down to receive a wet lick from his best friend and only companion.

© 2005 kayee

they were both previously written kinda and i just edited them a bunch cause i can't think of anything else to write ... i'm gonna try to write a completely new one tomorrow... but it's horrible because the one we read had the mother dead in it and likewise so do mine for obvious reasons and i can't think of ideas where the mother isn't dead because HELLO lol ... i'm think of doing one with my brother and me ... i feel like being nostalgic lol

::happy:: ... not about the stories ... other stuff but i'm not going to say cause i doubt ya'll care lol just feel like being HAPPY and i dunno... optimistic ... i guess ... okay not very but more than usual... ah well it's crazy ...

dont worry wes none of that has anything to do with you ...

• kiss the rain •

[22 Nov 2005|12:31am]
things before i die:

Go a day completely silent
Go to my mom’s hometown
Go a day without being sarcastic
Learn to be nice again … and do it
Learn to fail
Learn to let go of addictions
Find ten things that make me happy
Find what I want to do with my life
Find someone I’m willing to trust
Get to 99 pounds
Get to all fifty states
Get a life

• kiss the rain •

[08 Nov 2005|11:51pm]
[ mood | happy ]

:heart: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I am in LOVE with Wicked... I had heard some songs from it, so I finally downloaded them all and OMG I LOVE IT!!!! I can't wait til senior skip day!!!!!!!! <3

• kiss the rain •

[07 Nov 2005|12:12am]
8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. 12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

• kiss the rain •

[30 Oct 2005|01:28pm]
i pray that people find peace with themselves someday so they don't have to find it in the misery of others...

• kiss the rain •

[16 Oct 2005|02:06pm]
[ mood | tired ]

ugh i feel like crap... i'm like beyond tired, but Cross Country is over so yay

guh i have to right the gothic horror and rewrite my college essay and redo the format for my activities resume but i have the worst headache and i'm so freaking tired ... ahhh

• kiss the rain •

[13 Oct 2005|06:56pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

there's something healing in the sound of your own laughter...

• kiss the rain •

[10 Oct 2005|11:37pm]
omg i cant take this anymore ... i hate this i just wanna die in my sleep fuck them FUCK THEM i hope they're proud of themselves

• kiss the rain •

[09 Oct 2005|05:10pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Oct. 24-30 ... 39 movies ... TCM's Tribute to Alfred Hitchcock ... don't miss it!

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