Tags: lists

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Morbid, but you would be too if you lived in my mind.

K, so this morning I woke up with a quarter stuck to my ass. I flipped out b/c OMG SOMETHING WAS TOUCHING ME. Then, when I realized I had merely slept on spare change, it occurred to me that if I were to donate my body to science, there should probably be somewhere on the form where I could indicate whether I would be comfortable with its use on a body farm.

Mah Thought Process, let me show it to you.

See, one of my favorite Patricia Cornwell novels is "The Body Farm" which is where the serial killer Gault is introduced. Or maybe its the one right after...? I dunno, all I remember is that he's not the perpetrator but he's somehow pulling the strings.

THE POINT IS, in this particular story, they find a body... no idea who killed this young woman, or where or how or anything, but she has this strange mark on her hip, like a bruise or something. Annnnd it was made postmortem duhn duhn duhn. SO they use scientific experimentation at a body farm to figure out what could have made that mark, presumably to lead them to a location or other clue.

Now, a body farm is a tract of land where they set up conditions like whatever crime scene, and place body parts from donated humans in certain ways to see if they can recreate the result, thereby figuring out how it happened. Like, in this case they set the bodies on things to see if something made a similar mark. Now I know this all sounds terribly grotesque, and it is, but also it's AWESOME. Turns out the mark was made from a quarter, b/c when the woman was stored in a bathtub there was a quarter at the bottom which caused her to bruise after she died! Mystery solved! Mother arrested! Gault is creepy!

And now we're back to the beginning. Isnt' my mind fun?

TOP 3 REASONS KTK IS NOT CURRENTLY CONSIDERING DONATING HER BODY TO SCIENCE*

3. I wouldn't want them to sneak my parts into a body farm without my explicit permission. Because in the little shed they use, there could be tiny snakes. Plus, do I really wanna be dismembered after I die? It seems uncomfortable.

2. I abuse my body so much now, I think it deserves a bit of a rest. Seriously, my liver and ankles and all sorts of things... if they've stuck by me through life, they totally deserve it.

and *drum roll, please*

1. I don't want med students to give me a silly nickname. Most of the one's I know are complete douches and would use come up with something uncreative and lame. And no one deserves that.







*I am, however, an organ donor, 'Cause the kid that gets my awesome kidney will not name it, and if he/she does, I'll forgive them 'cause they're sick. Plus, I'll get to do all sorts of sweet beyond-the-grave stuff.