I told a story to dogs today. It went something like this:
Once upon a time there was a little bebe unicorn. He loved his mom, which was you know, very good and disney of him, but I'm telling you, this little guy was kind of a bitch. He seemed to think since he was a unicorn and he had this sweet horn on his head, he was better than everybody. You know, "Mr Rabbit, you certainly don't seem to have a shiny horn on your head, and Kangaroo look at your dull brown fur. God, I'm pretty, I should be the king of this jungle. I am much better than you." So, he went galloping and frolicking about as bebe unicorns are wont to do, but with a really self-satisfied air. Now, during his frolics he wandered a bit to far from his mom, and lost his way. In his panic to get back to Mama Unicorn, he tripped over a conveniently placed root, and tumbled into a deep gorge. "Help!" he cried, "Someone help me get out of here! I'm stuck! I'm cold and wet and dirty!" From below he saw all the animals he had belittled pass by the gorge, but none would stop to help him. He didn't understand since he just figured everyone loved him as much as he did. Finally the night came and bebe unicorn shivered in the dark. But he heard a voice. A raspy, kind voice. Like a grandpa that smoked cowboy killers his whole life. The voice croaked, "Hold on, I'll help you. I'll have you out by morning." The bebe was still scared, but every time he whimpered the voice would say again. "Hold on, I've got you." So the night was quiet except for the the wheezing breaths of the voice in the dark. Finally, dawn arrived. As the light filtered into the gorge the bebe unicorn made out a big red balloon tied to a rock at the bottom. Beside it he saw a frog. The ugliest bullfrog ever imagined by the sickest third grade boy. As he watched, the frog sucked in a huge breath and pushed it out into the balloon, letting it inflate a bit more. Silently the frog collapsed. He'd used his last breath. The bebe grabbed hold of the balloon, freed it, and it floated him to the top of the gorge and freedom. As he thought of the frog he shuddered, not because he was ugly, but because he was more beautiful than the bebe could ever be.
See I was trying to explain to two doogs that just because the Bischon was prettier than the Pug, doesn't mean she just gets to beat him up. So I put them both in my lap and had story time... which started out as me being an idiot and then turned into this sad little allegory. So then all three of us mourned the kind frog together. Then, they started fighting again so it didn't really work....but the peace was lovely while it lasted.
Of course, CoworkerJames just happened to overhear the whole story and was laughing uncontrollably at my dog whispering abilities when I left the suites. I stuck my tongue out 'cuz I'm mature.