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last night ... [Jun. 20th, 2004|11:03 am]
[mood |gigglygiggly]
[music |Blood Brothers - Ambulance vs. Ambulance]

OH my goodness, last night was so great. So my mother dropped me off at ely's, and julian came and picked us up.:) the three of us walked over to what used to be ernie's liquor, what is now prescott liquor. after much trying and me walking to like 3 different places to try to get bills for our change, we saw this guy (who supposedly wanted to rape elizabeth.. ahhh...), and he bought us some love. then we heard manchester screaming from the other side of the street. and so then it was the four of us, and we had to get back to julian's so we could trip gracie out and say we didnt get any. but then, surprise surprise. hahaha, so, as dave chapelle says, "draaaank and be merray."... :) once again, we finished off a pack of cigarettes. and i got about 2 good resin hits off of me and ely's pipe. well, actually it's becoming more ely's.. but yeah. the whole time, as i'm getting drunker and drunker, i'm thinking... "rawr, julian." haha, you know what i mean? so then, and i was not expecting this, me and him shotgunned... i never had done that before but it made me happy because i was not expecting it. so then we all did body shots, except me and julian. haha, i mean, we did them but we didnt let people do them off our stomachs. but i still did one off ely, michael, and gracie. and then everyone's like... ohhh blah blah blah everyone we should all have an orgy and everyone has to make out... haha, by this time me and julian had already been making out quite a bit... several times.. and i was QUITE drunk, but so was he, you know? it was all good, i really like him. so then we decided to play a game all together. me and julian started it off.. making out (we were all sitting on one very small couch "watching" donnie darko. Then michael and ely were sitting side by side so they kissed... then gracie and ely kissed... (SO funny, they hit teeth, haha)... then me and michael kissed. hhahahah this sounds like a fucking high schoool movie to me now that i read it, but it was all very fun. and i REALLY like julian. I think he's really sweet. we kissed a lot once everyone like GRACIE stopped fucking bugging us about it. i wish i was still over there! we're all gonna hang out so much this summer, and i hope that more happens with me and julian. i really think he's cool. ely told me this morning that before me and her left, and i was out back pounding the dog shit off of my shoe (ewww), her and julian were talking and he said that he likes me "quite so", so.... we'll see what happens. if something doesnt happen, i will cry. no, haha, but it will be sad. i like him. he's sweet. we should be together.
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(no subject) [Jun. 13th, 2004|05:08 pm]
[mood |peacefulpeaceful]

So here's a picture of me and Ely. I'm with the blue eyes, Ely with the green. We took this in the back of WinCo over by the loading dock where we have so many awesome memories. ha. I'm sad you cant see the green in her hair here. But I will definitely post the rest of  the pictures later, especially the one of her in the wings. I need to find the memory card for my digital camera and charge it up so I can start carrying it with me because there are going to be way too many fun times this summer and i want to capture them all. :)  Anyways, need to start loading the rest of the pics. PEACE.

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(no subject) [Jun. 13th, 2004|12:30 pm]
[mood |blahblah]

Abortion?: wrong, but in some cases i think it can be better off.
Death Penalty?: NO.
Prostitution?: totally demeaning, but it's your choice, right?
Alcohol?: mmm.... yes, love
Marijuana?: more sweet love
Other drugs?:imust try everything before i die
Gay marriage?:should be treated like any other marriage
Illegal immigrants?: hmm.... whatever, just let it be
Smoking?: your choice, you pay the price
Drunk driving?: dont drink and drive, people.
Cloning?:disgusting and wrong
Racism?: the most ridiculous thing to exist on earth
Premarital sex?: yes, it sounds twisted, but i think that's an important thing
Religion?: i say fuck it, but whatever you want
The war in Iraq?: stupid
Bush?: dumbass
Downloading music?:great
The legal drinking age?:ha, do i care?
Porn?: sure, why not?
Suicide?: selfish
self-mutilation?: sad but such a beautiful thing.
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i need money, bitches. [Jun. 12th, 2004|08:30 am]
[mood |dirtylike i want to wash my hair..?]
[music |Simple Kind of Life- No Doubt]

Wow, last night was beautiful and strange. I think I wrote last night when i got home, but whoa, i feel like i barely have knowledge that last night even existed, but i remember it so well, too. It was just weird, you know that weird disconnected feeling you get with *hendrix* where you feel like you are the only one who understands the world for what it is and every body part is disconnected at the joint. you're just this floating mass of body parts, walking faster than your head can keep up with. And the music, you understand it so well. You know every word for what it meant to the artist, and you see the beauty of what it means to you. I believe I had sort of a blackout period for awhile because last i remember my mom was saying she was going to take the dog for a walk, and then all of a sudden with no in between it was dark in the house and everything was quiet and asleep. Sleep was wonderful, with the *hendrix* it's always like you are so tired and you think you are sleeping but you're really not. Because I'm able to open my eyes and see the red numbers of my clock glowing through the darkness, but still contain that feeling of being in deep sleep. It was so strange. The whole thing, (yesterday at ely's, getting home, sleeping, dreaming), feels like a dream now.
I need some money. We totally blew it all yesterday on food and *hendrix*... but we took pictures yesterday, maybe once i get them developed i will scan some to put on here.
So i think i'm gonna wash mother's car today, see if i can get some cash. Me and ely need to come up with some way to make some money. hmm... i hope she can spend the night tonight. fun fun. later.
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best friends are great [Jun. 11th, 2004|09:22 pm]
[mood |mellowi feel drugged]
[music |echoes of no doubt "simple kind of life"replaying in my head]

Just got back from ely's. I have red makeup all over my eyes and dark lipstick, i look like a fucking crackwhore. but it's cool. it was great getting to hang out at ely's FINALLY. We had food madness, and bought *hendrix*... and i'm so mellow right now. We had a really cool time just kicking it and talking... listening to music and eating. I hope she can spend the night tomorrow. i'm not all here, and i feel like a four year old for some reason. so i'm gonna go. bye.
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YEAH! i'm lazy... i dont feel like writing a full entry [Jun. 10th, 2004|05:49 pm]
[mood |jubilantjubilant]
[music |Deftones - Pins and Needles]

1. school is out
2. i'm gonna party like mad
3. let the drinking begin
4. the world is currently a beautiful, dangerous, exciting place
5. having the spirit of a small careless child is terribly enlightening
6. i'm out of cigarettes
7. today i was a tie-die, glitter saturated, wing-wearing faerie... it was wonderful
8. tomorrow is going to be fun madness
9. my boy-searching continues
10. some final words... ELIZABETH AND JERRED SITTING IN A TREE...K I S S I N G (just kidding ely, you guys would be great together. not to mention crazy drinking binges... maybe things would get back to like before :) )
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thrift shopping = happy rush, ha. [Jun. 5th, 2004|11:14 am]
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |All Along the Watchtower - Hendrix]

Yesterday after school I got my hair cut, and then i was complaining to mother about how i need to buy some new clothes. Because she will never give me any money anymore because now that Asshole has moved out, we dont have very much. But I told her I wanted to go to The Goodwill, The Hope Chest, and Salvation Army... I always end up finding so many more cute things there than at a shitty mall or something. So anyways, thrift shopping is like... a drug to me. haha. (almost)... But yeah, I got some really cute skirts and tops... a PINK beanbag chair, and a really pretty multicolored crocheted blanket that i had to have. At the Hope Chest, I saw Josh. I pretended not to notice him and sort of looked down and walked in the opposite direction. I dont know why i got so nervous. I'm just all sad that i allowed myself to get led on like that... i'm just confused. Why would he have asked David all that and then.. just the way he was, come to find out apparently he has a girlfriend? I really thought he was cool, too. We could have been cool together. anyways, i think that i will call elizabeth in awhile, see if she wants to do something...

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one week until NO MORE school [Jun. 3rd, 2004|10:12 pm]
[mood |soresore]
[music |south park on comedy central]

Today was just another average day, I suppose. School was terrible, as usual. I had to restrain myself from presenting David with a lovely puncture wound through his head. Actually, I just wanted to have a huge breakdown the entire day, but people kept me sane. I just cannot wait until "summer" begins. It's going to be great, the perfect start to summer break. elizabeth is spending the night on the last day of school, and my mother is going to be at a board meeting until ten or eleven. fun... :)... Elizabeth showed me the fairy wings i want to borrow... they're not fairy wings, they are butterfly wings but they're really pretty. they're blue and feathery and tie with lace. i think i will wear them one of these days. maybe on the last day of school. sort of symbolic if you think about it. Today I went with elizabeth to her old science teacher's daughter's graduation. It was nice. It only lasted like an hour or so and then the sun was setting and we wandered off into the orchards. (This school was in the middle of nowhere, the prettiest little place). We shared a cigarrete and sat at the base of this lonely tree that was crippled and had no leaves. It was nice. We talked about how a few months ago, we got inebriated everyday... what happened? It's like whatever was watching over us went away. Maybe we just dont need it right now. After school is done, maybe things will improve. I have to go, but I will have to elaborate on this later... about my beliefs of substances not being evil or terrible... but beautiful. And it's not one of those stupid teenager, "fuck the world, i do drugs" things either. because i want to hurt people like that. anyways, write later .. bye.
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yet another beginning [Jun. 2nd, 2004|08:15 pm]
[mood |ditzygonna make some fairy wings]
[music |Lucky You - Deftones]

okay. so i created another journal. this is my fourth. but this time, i'm going to keep this journal seperate from my school people and the modesto kids. i could fix that by just making live_love_peace friends only, but i really dont like the whole friends only thing. Today i didnt go to school. Maybe i feared that today was just going to be worse than yesterday. Or maybe i didnt want to even catch a glimpse of David's face. I hate all this fucking high school shit, it's so stupid. I wish so much that everyone could just be at peace with themselves and especially with eachother. The world would be so much more beautiful to so many more people. It makes me feel happy to see ely wear the peace necklace i gave her for her mom's birthday in May, everyday. (Her mom died when she was eight.)Today really made me appreciate elizabeth's friendship. She knew that i was really upset about what happened with David last night. I didnt show up at school, and she knew exactly why. She showed up at my house right after school was out and let herself in... i looked like real shit... breaking out, big ass baggy boxer shorts and a HUGE t-shirt, hair everywhere, running on about 2 hours of sleep. Of course she took one look at my wrists (i knew she would, i know she hates it, i just wish so much i could hide it from her because i always feel like one of those dumbass people who dont have purpose and wave shit like that in peoples' faces.. but trust me, i dont..) Anyways, it made me feel so much better because she gave me a million hugs and assured me that she was going plot David's demise. It made me feel so much better just to talk to her after being alone and sad the whole day, so happy that she had cared so much. And she said she wanted to get me out, and take me to this barbeque... just to make me relax and think about other shit. i knew my mother would not allow it, but elizabeth went and talked to her.. about everything. i mean, everything. She still didnt let me go, but she was more understanding and stuff. We all stood there "having a talk" and it was extremely awkward. Not only that, but the entire time i felt like at any minute i might just burst into tears. But I guess I felt loved... it was comforting. I just wanted to stay in my bed under the covers, completely enveloped and cry... but elizabeth laid next to me and talked to me, made me feel much better. The girl has no idea how much i love her. okay so she does, but the point is that i appreciate this friendship so much. i dont feel like wasting time, energy, and space on David. All I can say is that he will be missed. But nevermind that. I'm talking to Brie right now. That girl can make anyone feel better. I miss her. :)
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