September 17th, 2004

Kaya-san -mirage-

Well, i went to meet with Kaya-san as promised yesterday evening, and it was good to be back in Shinjuku, you know, its good to be back in Japan!
I got a little lost in the station, but i soon found him.
then we went off to the tea shop, talking about pretty general stuff i think, about what we did and what we could or couldnt do, we didnt touch really on our respective bands until we were inside.

I think i was more nervous then i led myself to believe, because i said some pretty goofy sounding stuff, but i was trying hard to be as nice and normal as i could to Kaya-san, afterall i didnt want him running off on me!

I did tell him though..all about the hospital, and how everyone thought i was going to die, i suppose everyone really did believe that to..even my band mates, which is why now no one really recognises who i am..

i want so badly to get in touch with Mana, or Gackt, or Kozi and Yu~ki! it dosent matter, hell i could even talk to their last singer right now.. i really need to let them know im not dead, i heard it was bad..when i left Malice Mizer..

but yes, we shared some stories, just things we liked, and didnt like. He was very sweet, very pretty to, and i know that you can have a male kind of pretty, but he was on the border of both..im not saying i found him sexually attractive, i dont think id be ready to take such a bold step yet, but nevertheless he is pretty.

Well..i hope soon il see him again, and meanwhile i want to meet with many other people to..
  • Current Music
    however - glay

Honey Vanity.. - mirage-

Well, I decided to look around online (something im not to good at) for anything by Kozi, i heard he had gone solo after Malice Mizer and i wanted to check out his work.

He sounds pretty good..its nice that he was able to keep making music, Gackt, Mana..everyone was able to carry on making Music, what i didnt realise was that there are so many songs for me..so many after i "died" were made for me..

I couldnt help but cry when i found this out, why hadnt those dammed doctors told them i wasnt dead! Why didnt they find out? so many songs, so much sadness..and for nothing..and yet they still think of me as dead...

"Saikai no chi to bara" is one by my former band, no?
and some even say Gackt-san wrote "U+K" for me...

i cant imagine what will happen when they find me..find me alive, will they kiss me and hug me, cry in joy that they still have me? or hate me for not finding them sooner..for putting them through pain.

believe me though..i am so grateful for that music..for those songs, i just hate to imagine their tears..
  • Current Mood
    sad sad