Tags: relationships

Rules part II

In thinking some more, I've decided I should post rules regarding poly stuff, as far as I know right now I need them to be...

1) Condoms will be used at all times, with all partners, even in primary relationship, unless abstinence (from other partners) can be maintained for 6 months so an "all clear" in disease testing can occur. (Condoms must specifically be used for any act of penetration, except for fingers/hands.)

2) Complete honesty about sex with each other at all times.

3) I will participate in group nudity. Not group sex. Partners, however, may participate in group sex, pending prior authorization.

4) Any physical contact beyond 2nd base (below the waist) you have to report.

5) Must inform partner *prior* to sexual intercourse (Penis/vaginal, penis/anal penetration) with another partner. (phonecalls preferred, even at 2am, no messages on machine, voicemail, or email allowed)

6) All (both) partners have veto power, as long as sufficient explanation (as to why the veto) is provided. If a dispute occurs, the veto will stand until dispute can be resolved through some means of arbitration or mediation. (rock paper scissors may be determining factor)

7) "Cheating" is defined as: failure to inform partner of sexual relations with a new partner, or failing to abide by the rules. Cheating does not include naked hottubbing or other nude recreations with members of opposite sex, as long as such activities meet all other rule criteria.

8) No sex with exes or roommates. (unless ex or roommate is poly, or has been approved at a prior time.) No sex with ex wives/husbands/fiancees permitted, under any circumstances.

9) "New" partners must be informed of poly status prior to acts passing 2nd base. If your clothes are off and your partner doesn't know you're poly yet, you've gone too far, even if you've followed the other rules.

10) Threats (ie "If you don't do X, then I'll just go find someone else...") will not be tolerated.

11) BDSM activities must always have approval prior to activities taking place (even if no intercourse is planned). ALL BDSM activities must include a "safe" word.

That's what I have for now. Definitely, suggestions are good. I'm sure I'm missing something essential.

The Rules:

Ok, so I said I have rules. Apparently, I need to make those rules public for those people out there who are too stupid to understand if I say it will be this way, it will be that way . In other words, (duh) No Means No . (jadawin don't even start, cuz you and I have had that discussion before. I know that you know what No means, and thank god for that! Unfortunately, not everyone does, apparently!)

The Rules Are:

1) (The infallible rule) - I will always meet a stranger (ie, never having met before in real life) in a public place. I will not meet them at my home. I will not meet them at their home. I do not like to be pressured into otherwise, for public meets are safety-wise. (aah, Dr. Seuss visits Kai's LJ).

2) (The second infallible rule) - I do not have unprotected sex. I will not have it in a boat, I will not have it with a goat. I will always come prepared, diseases are not meant to be shared. I have no wish for procreation, the alternative is no penetration!

***end of rhyming section***

3) I choose my partners at my discretion.

4) I do not cheat. I will not cheat. I will not willingly participate in cheating. I don't care if you have a wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/lover, as long as they know you're out with someone else. To verify this, I want her/his e-mail address, telephone number, or a written statement of permission.

5) There will be time spent in public, around my friends, in my town. Whether or not you want it to be casual or in a dog-collar on a chain is up to you. I don't care. But it will happen. There's a difference between being discreet and secretive. I can be discreet. I will not be secretive. This rule is an extension of rule #1 and rule #4.

6) The when and how of sexual activities are also at my discretion. In fact, the when and how of any activities are at my discretion.

7) I'm not a whore. I do not expect to be treated as such. If there is not an existing context of friendship, or if one is not going to occur, then I will not be a participant in sex/dating activities. I'm not a swinger, I'm "sexually liberal" meaning that this may/may not include polyamorous relationships. However, for me, poly-amory is exactly that, "many-loves". Not "many fucks". I have no desire to have a purely carnal relationship with anyone. It's not in keeping with who I am as a person, nor does it fit with my professional identity.

8) I expect honesty. Those caught being deliberately dishonest will be punished. And I promise, you won't enjoy it. As Shakespeare wrote, "There is no fury like a woman scorned." Just don't do it. I'm an understanding woman, and you might be surprised at what I can put up with. Just as long as it's the truth.

Ok, so for now, that's it. Don't like my rules? Fine. You don't have to play by them. Have your own rules. But you won't be doing that with me. And that's fine by me, because I don't need to waste any more time on bullshit.

Oh, yeah: Only Serious Applicants Should Apply.

That's all for now.

Manifesto on sex/dating/love

Ok, for all of you MEN who read this and don't know me in person, I am going to make ONE thing VERY clear.

I am not promiscuous. I am not a slut. I will not sleep with just any man who knocks on my door, or decides to chat with me on Yahoo or ICQ or any other place. I actually bother to discriminate who I'm going to sleep with. There are rules. If you don't like the rules, too fucking bad. They're my rules, and I don't break them.

Yes, I like to have sex. Again, that does not mean that it's a free-for-all. Right now, there is ONE person I am sleeping with, and that is my new lover. He and I have an understanding. That understanding is between him and me.

Yes, I list polyamory as being one of my interests. I have not yet defined what that means. That's for me to figure out on my own, with the help of my very close poly friends. My new lover and I have an understanding. Again, that's between us.

And finally, yes, I am looking for a potential LTR. But I'm picky. Very picky. In short, I want it all. I know what that means, and I've written about it quite a lot. So unless you are a genetic hybrid of Pooch, John Cusack, and Scott Harding, you're going to have to do a good job of selling what you've got. Until then, I will have my new lover, and will date whoever else seems to be an interesting prospect.

I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world. Dare I say, I'm not even in the top 1 Billion. However, what I do have is what I have, and I'm very proud of it. I've worked hard at having it. And I'm not about to let some MAN out there tell me who I need to be, or who I need to be with. I'm the only one in this entire world who is allowed to make those decisions. Unless/until I have a ring on my finger that says that I belong with someone. I had a ring for a while, and I loved the way it felt. But I sure as hell didn't like the way the person who put it there made me feel. I'm not about to walk into that a second time.

And finally, no matter what, I will love. That will be the one, constant, unchanging facet of my life. I will love people I "shouldn't" love, I will love them with sincerity and passion, I will love over and over again. I will find new people to love, throughout my life. Love is one thing I've gotten down good. However, I'll say this: for those who I do love, they are a special and privileged few. My love may not transcend all beauty and humanity, but for as long as I am there with it, it will be real. And you'll know it when I love you.

You'd better be prepared to love back.